If a good guy really likes a girl, how long will he wait to have s** with her?
My new boyfriend (28, turns 29 soon) is the loveliest guy I’ve ever known. I’m trying not to ask much at all as I (28f) don’t want to come across in constant need for validation as that’s not what this is, but it’s just that due to my past with unfortunate non-consensual intimate interaction (which I told him about early on as he makes me feel safe).
For context -
I have given him oral fo\*\*play etc (fo\*\*play is both of our favourite and preferred intimacy over pen\*\*\*\*tive s\*\* if we had to choose. He admitted that to me first before I was going to admit. His turn on is giving fo\*\*play).
Long story but with him knowing my unfortunate past, he understandably wants me to initiate when I’m ready for physical intimacy like him giving me fo\*\*play, as my preferred fo\*\*play is unique to him. After communicating my preference, he said he’s never experienced my preference of fo\*\*play i.e. when a female has very sensitive cl\*\* so fin\*\*\*ing or immediate direct cl\*\* work is uncomfortable/ initially painful. And so general pressure over our full ge\*\*tal area with whole hand surrounding these areas/ clothed gr\*\*ding to build full ar\*\*sal is much more pleasurable to get to the mutual desired end point to lead to pen\*\*\*\*tion.
We started talking on hinge about 4 months ago, moved to whatsapp just under two weeks after, then 3 weeks in (since meeting on hinge) we met in person and had our first date (he asked me on a date, we planned it but it was refreshingly all initiated by him asking me what I’d like to do). The first date was so lovely, no awkward silences, just super open and honest without being too much for the first time meeting in person. It’s been so nice ever since. He’s mature, confident, empathetic, funny, and very kind. He knows what he wants and was open from the first date i.e. ready to settle down, wants a family etc but doesn’t want to waste anyone’s or his own time. I am exactly the same.
He assures me he is not losing interest and that a relationship is much more than sex, that his priorities are having things in common, morals, family, and sex comes after those (we have both admitted we needed some balance with physical attraction obviously which we are both v attracted to each other physically as well as personality) and he promised me that he would always be honest in telling me if he was losing interest etc. so far I have 0 reason to doubt him as he has always stuck to his word.
Even though he can afford it, he still lives with him parents whilst actively house hunting with mortgage advisor (I am also actively looking, we both were when we met which is so refreshing as we are both independent and want to have property in own name initially for investment and financial stability and independence initially, not for long term forever home yet). So so far we have only have a couple opportunities of having over night in private, one time on a city break holiday and another on a night away. So that’s a huge reason as to why this is still happening I.e. me with this intimacy hurdle. I usually feel comfort in getting intimate with someone over time I’ve gotten used to staying close with someone e.g. my ex had his own place so I would stay over a lot and then a few months in it just naturally happened when it felt right. But obviously my bf and I don’t have the luxury of that yet.
So my main question is to men, if you really like her and see long term, how long would you wait? (Considering the above context of possible rather than just this one question in isolation).