My boyfriend has been subconsciously clicker training me in my sleep. Are my boundaries being crossed?
My boyfriend has been unknowingly clicker training me in my sleep, are my boundaries being crossed?
A throwaway because my friends know my Reddit account. Some background; My boyfriend and I both enjoy 'kinky' sex, and up until now it's been enjoyable for both sides.
Our sleeping schedules are also pretty unaligned but they work weirdly well.
We will both be in bed by 10pm and he will cuddle with me until I fall asleep, but will often not be able to sleep himself, so after I pass out he will get up, do some chores, finish some uni work, etc. and go to bed at like 3am.
Then I'll wake up at 7ish to a clean house and get some morning me-time to make breakfast, chill out, go grocery shopping, etc. I'm also a pretty deep sleeper, who talks in her sleep and even when I'm woken up at night it's basically like I'm only half awake and I won't remember things in the morning. All my family know that If you ask me to do anything when I'm half awake or just woke up don't expect me to remember to do it.
Anyway the other day I'm studying and I hear this clicking behind me and for some reason it's a really familiar sound and I get this reaction in my body, and I turn around to see my boyfriend holding this clicker you use to train dogs with a shit eating grin on his face. And I'm like "what was that?" And he says that he knew it would work, and explains that for a couple of weeks (I think two or three) when I've been fast asleep at like midnight or 1 am he's been coming back into bed and cuddling with me, and asking me things like "xxx, xxx, who's my good girl?", "who wants to make me happy?" Etc. and when I respond positively in my sleep (or maybe half asleep) he will praise me and click that clicker. So at night he's been touching me and cuddling me and dirty talking me, and getting me subconsciously horny and then clicking the clicker when I give the right response. We haven't done anything like that in this relationship before, and the relationship itself is relatively new. We've been together for a year. He said I've been enjoying it, and I mean I must have been because the sound of that clicker thing turned me on, but is this even consensual?
What is problematic to me here is that if he had talked to me before I would have probably agreed to try it. And there have been some hypothetical day-dreams or things I've shared with him that have made him think that I'd be okay with this, but nothing was set out, no boundaries were put in place. No, apart from the pre-setting of boundaries as a boundary he hasn't crossed any lines for me personally though, which is where I'm very thoroughly confused as to if this is okay or not. I know everyone has their own relationships and other people aren't into this at all, so it would be assault, but there's a basis in our relationship that I can see where he's worked off of. I genuinely don't know if he's slowly pushing past boundaries to do something worse in the future, or if he's made a simple mistake.
Is this just a young couple experimenting with BDSM and he's made a mistake or is this a warning sign.
I don't have anyone in my life who I feel comfortable talking about this in any way with. I'm a pretty private person when it comes to my sex life and just don't talk about it past the bare minimum with friends and family. So I don't know who to get advice from