u/Relative-Ad829

I have been holding it for hours. Too long, really. My stomach feels tight and every little movement makes me cross my legs without thinking. But I am not allowed to use the bathroom. That is the rule I made for myself tonight.

I want someone to watch me break that rule.

Not in a bathroom. Not in a toilet. In my diaper. While you stare. While you tell me it is okay. While you maybe laugh a little at how desperate I look right before I let go.

I am shy about this. Embarrassed even. That is part of why I want to do it. I want to feel my face get red while my body does something I cannot take back. I want to hear your voice in my ear saying "good girl" while I feel warmth spreading between my legs.

I am twenty four. New to this. Nervous. But sure about what I want.

If you are soft and encouraging and a little bit teasing, message me. Tell me how you would talk to me while I wait. While I squirm. While I finally let go.

I want to feel small and watched and completely out of my comfort zone. And I want you to enjoy every second of it.

I've read about people doing this for years and always thought it was one of those things that only happened in porn or fanfiction. Like no one actually wears a toy out to dinner and keeps a straight face, right?

Wrong.

I bought a little remote controlled egg last week on a whim. It wasn't expensive. It wasn't fancy. Just a small silicone thing with a wireless remote that said it was "whisper quiet." I figured I'd test it at home alone and probably never use it again.

Then Friday happened.

I had dinner plans with some friends. Nothing fancy, just tacos and margaritas at a noisy place downtown. I was getting ready and the egg was just sitting there in my drawer. I don't know what came over me but I put it in before I left the apartment. Just wearing jeans and a normal top. No one would know.

The walk to the restaurant was fine. I couldn't really feel it unless I thought about it. Then I sat down at the table.

Oh my god.

The shift in pressure. The way my body suddenly remembered what was inside me. I ordered a margarita just to have something to do with my hands. My friends were talking about work and I couldn't focus on a single word.

After my first drink, I turned it on.

Lowest setting. Just a gentle hum. My breath caught and I had to pretend I was coughing. One of my friends asked if I was okay. I said "just spicy salsa" which was a lie because I hadn't even taken a bite yet.

I kept it on low through appetizers. Then medium through my tacos. By the time we ordered dessert, I had worked up the courage to try the pattern setting the one that pulses on and off in waves. I dropped my fork. Blamed it on the margaritas.

The walk home was the hardest part. Every step sent little vibrations through me. I was holding my breath half the time. I passed a couple walking their dog and I swear the woman looked at me like she knew.

I got back to my apartment, locked the door, leaned against it, and turned the setting to high.

I came in under a minute. Standing up. Fully dressed. Just from walking home and thinking about how no one at that table had any idea what was inside me.

I've used it twice more since then. Grocery store. Coffee shop.

I don't think I can go back to normal life anymore.