Trouble ejaculating. (Male) thinking about using a sex toy to help train to make it easier. Looking for input and advice from other with similar experiences
I’ve pretty much always had trouble reaching climax during sex. It’s not like it never happens, but I REALLY have to be comfortable with the person I’m sleeping with, and even then it rarely happens consistently. Meanwhile, when masturbating, I can orgasm much easier.
Even from the age I started masturbating, I’ve always lasted a long time, which is honestly kind of frustrating. I almost have to go into “okay, I’m gonna cum now” mode mentally. I have a theory that it could maybe be related to a medical issue I had with my penis when I was really young, but that’s just me guessing. I’ve never actually asked a doctor about it.
At first I thought it might be death grip, porn, etc., so here’s what I’ve tried so far:
- Not masturbating or cumming for a long time before sex. This kiiinda worked. The first few minutes I felt a bit more sensitive, but then it just went back to feeling normal again.
- Tried masturbating super gently and without porn. Didn’t really change much.
If I’m gonna orgasm during sex, it usually has to be in like 1-3 specific positions, some better than others, and I need to slow down a bit. I honestly feel basically nothing when fucking someone hard. It’s fun, especially if things get kinky, but physically I don’t feel that much.
Usually I need to slow down, get out of my own head, and focus really hard on something I find super sexy about them. Like with one ex, I’d always picture her bending over in a certain dress with it riding up a bit. Then I need to stay in that mental state for a while and slowly build it up. All of this only really works if I feel emotionally “close” during sex too.
It’s less “I’m about to cum” and more “oh wow, I might actually be able to cum today.”
The only real exception was one ex who was insanely good at riding me. Me just laying back and focusing on the feeling worked REALLY well with the way she did it.
At this point I think it’s probably a combination of thrusting, being stuck in my own head, performance anxiety, constantly wondering “can I cum today?”, etc.
So I’ve been thinking about buying one of those Fleshlight-type things that are shaped more realistically and only masturbating by actually “fucking” it instead of using my hand normally. My thought process is that maybe getting more used to the thrusting/rhythm/movement could help train my brain a bit and make that sensation feel more natural during actual sex.
I’m also hoping it might help my confidence and let me stay more in the moment, because then I’d already know I can orgasm from that kind of movement.
Anyway, thoughts? Ideas? Anyone else been in a similar situation and found workarounds? Has anyone tried those kinds of toys specifically for this?
TL;DR: I suck at ejaculating during sex. Could simulating the movement/rhythm/feeling of sex with a Fleshlight-type toy help me become a bit more consistent at it? Not “fix” me, just improve the chances a bit.