I can’t stop
Haiii guysss
I still remember being 70kg and thinking this whole thing was just going to be a small experiment. I told myself I’d gain a little weight, maybe reach 100kg, then stop and go back to normal. I never expected it to turn into this.
As a Muslim girl, my parents were completely against it from the beginning. At first they thought I was joking when I started eating more and talking about wanting to gain weight. But once the changes became noticeable, they got really upset. My mom kept telling me I was ruining myself and my dad constantly commented on how much I was eating.
For a while they even locked food and snacks away because they thought if they controlled what I ate, I’d stop gaining. But it only made me think about food more. I started sneaking snacks into my room, ordering food late at night and hiding wrappers so nobody would notice.
At first it honestly felt fun. Watching the number on the scale go up, noticing my clothes getting tighter, seeing my body become softer and heavier — it became addictive in a weird way. I kept telling myself I was still in control and that I’d stop once I hit 100kg.
But when I finally reached 100kg, nothing changed. I didn’t stop eating the way I had been. My portions kept getting bigger, the cravings got stronger and food became comfort for everything. Stress, boredom, emotions — eating always made me feel better for a moment.
Eventually my parents stopped trying. They stopped hiding food and stopped arguing about it because nothing seemed to work anymore. Now they mostly ignore it, even though I know they still hate seeing what I’ve become.
I’m 19 now and around 120kg, and sometimes it honestly scares me how fast it happened. Looking at old pictures feels strange because I barely recognize myself anymore. Part of me misses how I used to look, but another part of me has gotten attached to being bigger.
The craziest part is that my original goal was only 100kg. Even now I still tell myself I’ll lose the extra weight eventually, but every time I try, I end up falling back into the same habits again.