Alright yall. I tried (and failed) tapering this last little bit, but the universe kind of did it for me.
I was down to my last 6 oxonol tabs today and took them, the last half at 8pm - 5.5 hours ago. I usually start to get early WD symptoms (anxiety primarily) about 8 hours after dosing.
I’ve been taking smoke shop tabs (7Stax, hyroxi, and oxonol) since February. Before that I had a massive 7oh habit for nearly two years, but got 2 weeks totally sober from Kratom alkaloids with the help of suboxone. I decided to taper off, but when my doses got under 4mg, I started getting major cravings. I also work a demanding job, physically and mentally, and felt I couldn’t let my performance slip, so I justified taking some what I thought was just mitragynine from 7Stax. If I’m honest, I knew it was something else the first time I used it, but I’m an opiate addict to the core - it scratched that itch and I was off to the races.
Now I’ve fucked myself financially to the point that I’ve got to quit or I’ll be homeless.
I’ve got 500mg pseudo, and 1500 actual mitragynine extract without any MGM. I’ve got a lb of plain leaf, and probably 100 sub tablets. Also have magnesium glycinate, DLPA, NAC, and liquid liposomal vitamin c.
I’m off work until Tuesday, and if work trends continue, I could possibly call out up until Wednesday or Thursday as needed.
I’d appreciate any tips, advice, encouragement, etc.
I need to come clean to my partner, and I plan on doing so soon. I’d love to get through acutes first, but we will see. I know it would help with accountability on one hand, but with the damage another relapse would have on our relationship, it makes me scared to come clean entirely.
I’m plugged in to a great online recovery community (there is a way out/kratom quitters) and plan on finding some good local NA groups, as I feel that fellowship may be more welcoming and have folks that can relate more than in AA, although I do love the literature and previously was involved in AA when I was in recovery, even though alcohol has never been a problem substance for me - I just don’t like it.
Thanks yall. I can’t wait to meet the real me again. I’m tired of this miserable existence. I can’t wait to start to truly live again.