Been exchanging music with my (F29) coworker (M42) for months. Not sure what to make of it.
Hi subreddit!
I feel a bit crazy and I'd like your opinions/advice.
I joined my workplace 8 months ago. There's a coworker (M42), who sits close to me (F29). Since I started he's been consistently initiating conversation with me (about a French book, my Tool tshirt (came back the following Monday to bring it up again), and a Genesis tshirt half hidden under an overshirt.
In April i told him i listened to one of his recommendations and he came back and handed me a note with two handwritten song names 5 minutes later.
In May I initiated for the first time. I heard him whistling and asked what his playlist was. He said it was totally random and showed me a Pink Floyd song playing on his phone. Ten minutes later he came to ask what I was listening to. I introduced him to Archive and he saved it immediately.
At the end of that day he sought me out to say he'd listened. When I said live shows are the best way to hear new music, he mentioned his kids (he's single) and how his life is different now. He proposed a formal weekly music exchange and immediately offered Phantogram as his first recommendation.
On a day my supervisor was away I ran into him smoking outside twice. The second time we talked for 6-7 minutes about food and restaurants. He kept moving to avoid his smoke reaching me. When I said I didn't mind he pretended to shake ash toward me playfully and said "Oh you don't mind?". Back inside he came to my desk unprompted. "Now I'm not so sure about something." It was about the spelling of my name. He ran back to his desk and sent me a restaurant recommendation.
On Monday, I gave him my recommendation (a full album). As I walked away after giving it to him he called after me to say he'd made the shared playlist I'd suggested weeks earlier over the weekend, which he'd seemed dismissive about at the time.
Wednesday morning he came to my desk, showed me his phone paused in the middle of an 18 minute song on the album, and said he'd started listening while his kids were eating breakfast, and that he was spaced out this morning so it fit the mood. Today when I asked him if he finished it, he came up to my desk desk to tell me he didn't want to finish it at work. "I listened and saw it was too good. I want to listen to it in front of a fire or something."
He consistently mentions being old in my presence. This started after I initiated and our interactions increased. He doesn't do this with other colleagues. He's usually warm and social, but I haven't seen him interract so much about non-work stuff. The closest would be a guy his age that he smokes with sometimes.
We've never asked each other personal questions. He barely knows anything about me from our conversations. He doesn't know that I know he's single. Interactions are more frequent when fewer people are around. And there's a work BBQ coming up that I'm looking forward to.
TL;DR: F29 and M42 coworker have been slowly building a music exchange over 8 months. He initiates consistently, extends every conversation at the point of closing, follows through on every recommendation, and addresses the age gap repeatedly. Neither of us has asked personal questions or disclosed our situations. Both readings — genuine musical friendship or attraction/chemistry/romantic interest — fit the evidence equally. Can't tell which it is and it's driving me a little crazy.