Wife asked why I’m “obsessed” with the idea of another guy - now I’m not sure how to revisit the conversation
My wife (38F) and I (39M)have roleplayed the idea of another guy joining us for quite a while (years), but it’s always stayed as fantasy. We’ve never actually taken any steps toward making it real.
The other night she asked me, “Why are you so obsessed with seeing me with other guys?”
The thing is, I don’t actually think I’m obsessed with the idea of her being with another man. For me, it’s more about exploring fantasies together, pushing boundaries as a couple, and sharing something that’s exciting because we’re experiencing it together. I didn’t really know how to explain that in the moment, so I just kind of brushed the question aside.
Now I’m wondering if she asked because she’s genuinely curious, worried, testing the waters, or maybe trying to understand what it means to me.
I’d like to revisit the conversation, but I don’t want it to come across like I’m trying to convince her to do something she’s not comfortable with. I’d rather have an honest discussion about what the fantasy means to each of us and whether it’s something that should stay a fantasy or ever become reality.
Has anyone had a similar conversation with their partner? How did you explain the appeal without making it sound like it was all about wanting to see your partner with someone else? And if you’ve successfully moved from fantasy to reality (or decided not to), what helped you make that decision together? I’m not a “I’m a cuckold let’s find you a bull” sort of person, far from that but the thought of us introducing another person/stranger into our dynamic really turns me on.
I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences.