Hi all! So happy I found this sub; seems like exactly the kind of place for folks like me.
I’ve been married for 10+ years, and while I love my wife to bits, we have had our ups & downs in the bedroom, that’s life. I’ve always had a libido that makes zero sense, and tend to be frustrated & upset by where my head goes. I know it’s normal for sex in marriages to fizzle out, life changes, body chemistry changes, etc. For years I thought I was doing something wrong or I’d blame the wife internally; it took way too long for me to learn how wrong all that is. Thanks to therapy, I’ve learned to have a more realistic view on my own sexuality and not to put my desires and lack of intimacy on others, especially s/o.
We’ve also had great open dialogue over the past year about sex; she’s been secure enough to finally say “No, I don’t think about sex hardly ever, and no I don’t feel sexy and the idea of sex is tiring.” She was super apologetic, so I know she’s being honest and I couldn’t thank her enough for being open. She’s a total introvert compared to my complete and utter extrovert personality, so I know that sort of stuff is impossible for her to discuss.
So, I do what men do best. Bottle it up, and once the daily grind is done, late night after getting home from the gym and everyone’s asleep, I take care of myself with some alone time & porn. Here’s the important part: PORN ISNT REAL. I can’t stress this enough about the wildly inaccurate falsehoods it gives men from a woman’s perspective, how women just jump right to sex.
So, I’ve got a fairly good grip on my life. Wife and I will still be intimate occasionally. Nowhere remotely enough for me to feel satisfied, but also her feeling safe and happy without pressure also makes me feel happy. Plus, porn. lol.
So after a weekend of house projects, errands, and just getting shit done, by Sunday evening [yesterday] she was ready for bed early. I hadn’t hit the gym in like 4 days which is a crisis for me, so I packed my stuff and headed out. Got a good hour workout in. Hit the gym showers, and started my way home. But I was wide awake, and honestly hadn’t had 5 minutes to myself in the past week it felt to just unwind, so I hit my local bar for a nightcap to chill out some.
I love my local place, it’s a rarity of a dive bar in the area. It was quite obviously being a rainy Florida Sunday evening. Besides myself, the only other patrons were two dudes and a woman, sitting together at the end of the bar. They were all locals and friends, as the bartender was hanging out with them loudly bullshitting when I walked in. That bartender, she was something else, and why I felt compelled to write a novel.
She had everything going for her that’s an automatic “I’m sold.” She was loud, a complete extrovert. Physically, perfection for me. I’m a lean/athletic build, and while all women are beautiful, I personally find a woman who has a bit bigger build and more curves to be irresistibly sexy. Thicker women are just “it” for me, I like melt, idk why.
So she had the looks for sure. She had the attitude. Every few minutes she’d come by to chat & check up on me, and each time she did, she just had that look where it felt like she was staring into my soul, like to the point it made me a little uneasy but it was addicting. And to make it just more intense, she had “that” freaking accent. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I find women with that New Jersey accent automatically become a 10 on the hot scale for me, regardless of looks. It just gets under my skin somehow, like a feel like how a moth must feel to a flame lol.
ANYWAY. NOTHING HAPPENED. Clearly, that’s why it’s fantasy. But she has had my mind racing since. And then, she just had to top it off with saying just the wildest shit. She served me another round, and I went quietly back to watching an NHL game while being unable to ignore the very unnessecarily loud conversation she went back to having with the other chick and two dudes.
The chick was going on about some guy inappropriately touching her a few weeks ago at this bar, a situation they were all there for apparently. Wrong. Then she goes “I wasn’t even in the mood, like ew.” I giggled, because she’s right and men are disgusting pigs. Again, porn is fake. I’ve always felt men really need to let this lesson sink in, and always keep your hands to yourself. They kept conversing for another minute or so.
Then I almost fell the fuck out of my chair when this banging hot bartender just announces “Well don’t ask me. I’m just a woman in her mid 40’s who’s got sex on the brain 24/7.”
Like, did I just hear that right? Is she that comfortable around these folks [and me apparently] to just announce that? Must have, because she doubled down with “It’s the hormones bro, it’s the hormones. I’m constantly horny.” She said that, as she’s walking over to me and just goes “Another one sweetheart?” Like, it takes all the effort in the world as a man to get the blood to rush back to your brain to engage in conversation after hearing that lol.
I got my last round and tabbed out. We chatted for a few minutes about local news before she went back to her friends. The conversation didn’t really get spicy again, dulled down for sure, probably a really good thing lol. She did also say “Yeah, after 15 years my husband still says he doesn’t know what’s going on in my head.” My gut reaction was your husband better be keeping you happy, because goddamn if he doesn’t realize what he has a home, he’s an idiot.
lol.