u/SexualLettuce3933

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

*Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with Sisqo's Thong Song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi! Ill be in Dayton middle of June and trying to get a feel of the area

I'll start this nasty like traffic during the 5 pm rush and tell you some of my kinks upfront, and hopefully they are what you are looking for.

* Creampies

* CNC.

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im the worst).

* Groping. (perhaps at a music festival or in public)

* MILFs. (I know you got snacks in the house)

* Cute handwriting. (I get questions on this, probably from HS days of note writing each other, but I love nasty handwritten notes)

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex. (Always wanted to fuck along the Bosque or on hiking trails)

* Eye contact.

* Sleep sex

* Cheating. (I love the taboo aspect)

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef, Papi Chulo. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Big Chief Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Sir Gut Rearanger. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll proudly hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your pornhub search history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

*Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate  traffic with Jock Jams Vol. 1 playing

* Free parking

* Extra fries in the bag

Dislikes:

* Losing the TV remote and you gotta freak the TV to find the buttons

* I love spooky season but I absolutely dislike ghosting, although i get it. It is Reddit

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the statement "9110024........?

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this nasty like traffic southbound on I25 during the 5 pm rush and tell you some of my kinks upfront, and hopefully they are what you are looking for.

* Creampies

* CNC.

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im the worst).

* Groping. (perhaps at a music festival or in public)

* MILFs. (I know you got snacks in the house)

* Cute handwriting. (I get questions on this, probably from HS days of note writing each other, but I love nasty handwritten notes)

* Freeuse.

* Race Play

* Sleep sex

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex. (Always wanted to fuck along the Bosque or on hiking trails)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating. (I love the taboo)

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef, Papi Chulo. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Big Chief Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Sir Gut Rearanger. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your pornhub search history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentally.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto I-40/25 with Jock Jams Vol. 1 playing

* Free parking

* Extra fries in the bag

Dislikes:

* Immediately asking for face pics and being pushy

* Losing the TV remote and you gotta freak the TV to find the buttons

* I love spooky season but I absolutely dislike ghosting, although i get it. It is Reddit

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the statement "9110024........?

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. if you enjoyed you can thank me with a nude, dirty poem or simply "Hi". Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with Will Smith's Men in Black song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with Will Smith's Men in Black song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with Will Smith's Men in Black song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

• Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.
• CNC
• Collar and leash
• Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.
• Hand-holding (I know, im sick).
• Groping.
• MILFs.
• Cute handwriting.
• Freeuse.
• Degradation that actually stings.
• Outdoor sex.
• Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)
• Eye contact.
• Cheating.
• Race play
• Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

• Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave
• Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over
• Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.
• Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.
• Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex
• Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping
• Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

• Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).
• Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out
• People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge
• Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos
• I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same
• Merging onto interstate traffic with Will Smith's Men in Black song playing
• Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism
• Free Parking

You:

• Kind-hearted with a filthy mind
• Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.
• Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.
• Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

• Were Ross and Rachel on a break?
• What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?
• What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"
• Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots.

Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with the Mortal Kombat theme song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots. Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with the Mortal Kombat theme song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots. Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with the Mortal Kombat theme song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.

Hi!

I'll start this dirty like interest in a bad loan, and tell you like kinks upfront:

* Creampies and breeding are lap-sitting passengers on the same wild boat.

* CNC

* Collar and leash

* Backseat sex that breaks the suspension.

* Hand-holding (I know, im sick).

* Groping.

* MILFs.

* Cute handwriting.

* Freeuse.

* Degradation that actually stings.

* Outdoor sex.

* Gangbangs where names get lost. (Actually, running trains is more civilized, imho.)

* Eye contact.

* Cheating.

* Race play

* Like the late great Billy Mays's "But wait, there's more", we can discuss the remaining kinks like a dad bod mechanic who is describing all the issues with your car, clipboard and all.

I love being called dominant names, Daddy, Sir, Your Grace, Chef. The classics work. However, Judge Thunderstroke. Buck Nasty III lives in my head rent-free, and once, regrettably, with a thicc girl whose legs went on for days, I ended up Stepdaddy Backshots. Call me The Clit Commander, Archbishop of Anal, or Emperor Nutslap the Merciless. Titles that mix authority with absurdity are the sweet spot. Call me something that makes you laugh and blush at the same time, and I’ll hold it like a trophy from the Slut Olympics.

A little about me because why not:

* Indigenous gentleman who uses his turn signal and lets people merge, although I fully expect a 'Thank You' wave

* Well-traveled, but still think the best view is someone bent over

* Will not judge your kinks, your situationship, or your browser history.

* Respects boundaries, ruins bedsheets.

* Thinks bringing in all the groceries in one trip is a flex

* Puts the shopping cart back when I'm done shopping

* Optimistic. A dead vibrator is still a dildo kinda mentality.

Likes:

* Pineapple on pizza (yes, we exist and we are legion).

* Filling my Amazon cart until it can bankrupt a small nation, then never plan to check out

* People who still believe in their 5th-grade D.A.R.E. pledge

* Sharp nails and even sharper wit, along with unsolicited sexual innuendos

* I like a woman who knows how to fold a fitted bed sheet and likes to be folded just the same

* Merging onto interstate traffic with the Mortal Kombat theme song playing

* Absolutely loves Christmas music. IDC. I take no criticism

* Free Parking

You:

* Kind-hearted with a filthy mind

* Able to dirty talk in full sentences, not just emojis.

* Can be discreet if your situation calls for it, I don’t judge the player; I just read the rulebook.

* Sends unhindged messages throughout the day

Icebreakers (because foreplay matters):

* Were Ross and Rachel on a break?

* What time did Usher pull up in a drop top?

* What would you say if I sent you the following: "dywmtcoaeyptycomf?"

* Finish the following: "9110024......"

If you’re still reading, chances are we’re already vibing and halfway to flirting. Slide in and send a "potentially offensive" message

Thanks for reading. Now go drink some water, you’ll need it.