u/SignificantStatus877

At it again after a long-term SR. Wondering if this is a shared experience.

A few weeks ago I posted about a situation where I drove from my Southwest MI lakehouse to Chicago, where I usually reside, just to be stood up. Lesson learned - I have been careful since. This time around I am hoping for some feedback and/or coaching on communicating with the younger generation. Only 20 or so years separate us, but it feels like the gap in communication norms is vast.

First, an important caveat that likely has a direct impact on my experience - I filter for SBs in their early to mid-20s, slim, fit or average. I know, I know - some would say that that is THE problem, and I should expand my horizons to 30s and beyond, but the heart wants what it wants 😄

A bit of background - I get fantastic response rates, however, almost every conversation abruptly ends after just a few exchanges.

Here is how things typically unfold - I open by complementing her on something she wears, or her looks, and typically would say something about what she wrote on her profile. I mention that I am looking for someone to help and that I have a provider mindset. This is exactly the case, as I had a college-aged (but mature for her age) SB in the past, and I absolutely took great pleasure in making a difference in her life! Of course, I would expect for someone to match my energy, but that is to be expected. I always read the profile first for compatibility clues before messaging. 9 times out of 10 I would get a response that reads something like "You are so handsome. Yes, I am very interested!" Then we move to learning about each-other - I would ask her if she works, or goes to school, her schedule and so on. I rarely, if ever get any questions back, just shorter and more spaced out responses, until they stop entirely. Way before we have discussed wants or needs. I am always kind, just like I am in real life and I never say anything offensive. I do try to move to text as soon as I can and I have wondered if even that is the issue, but most conversations don't even make it that far.

I can't imagine just stopping to respond mid-conversation like that (call it digital ghosting) without at least saying that I am busy, or something about us wouldn't work out. Is this just a generational thing, or am I moving too fast, or maybe slow? It's hard to tell without getting a response.

SDs, has this been your experience as well? Do most conversations just fizzle out and stop abruptly?

SBs, what has been your experience? Are you just completely overwhelmed with messages? Or do you prefer to immediately get to the point and skipping aligning on schedules, and other basics first. Do you try to learn more about the person you're talking to before you meet, or would you consider a meet-and-greet as the appropriate place and time.

Bracing myself for the roast, but hoping for a productive discussion

This is not a venting post. Not looking for sympathy either - just a story about the state of the bowl.

TL;DR at the end if you want to skip all the juicy details.

I will start by saying that I had a fantastic arrangement with a SB for over 2 years. We both lived in Chicago, however due to some family issues, that I will not get into details about to protect her privacy, she had to move out of state at the end of last year. After she left, I quickly jumped back on SA. After a few incredibly slow-moving conversations, I got discouraged rather quickly. I don't expect immediate responses, but one text message every 4-5 hours really makes things drag.

Fast forward a couple of months and I thought I'd give SB a try. After all, I am in my early 40s, take good care of my appearance and I make a good living - how hard can it be, right?

I signed up and within a couple of days I came across a mid 20s, attractive and physically fit girl. She didn't respond right away, but we really hit it off when she did. Her replies came within minutes and in complete sentences, and her attention span expanded beyond more than a day. I am sure most of you know how difficult it can be to keep a conversation going the following day, yet alone beyond that. I am not referring to constant, exhausting texting here - just a continuation of an earlier conversation

She said she is very busy and in all fairness I can be as well, so we had to plan our M&G almost 2 weeks in advance. She mentioned that she can be flexible with her schedule, but needs to make changes a couple of days prior - in return she said she can be very punctual and reliable.

We used the time to get to know each other and what we are looking for in great detail. Besides, we felt more comfortable discussing the arrangement details over text, rather than starting with a M&G. She was exactly what I am looking for - someone who is very open-minded and receptive to all kinds of fun - both in bed and otherwise. I offered a PPM arrangement similar to my last one and she seemed very enthusiastic about everything.

Once we agreed on a time and date, we just did a quick check-in the day before to make sure we are still set.

Just as I was getting out of the shower an hour or so before our meet, she texted me that she had a pet emergency, apologized and asked to reschedule. Life happens of course, she communicated proactively and I accepted meeting the following week (today).

Normally that would not be a big deal, but this week, I had plans to spend working remotely from my lake house about 2 hours away from the city. She acknowledged and we agreed on potentially starting something right after the M&G, provided we both like each-other (I know, I know... this goes against the conventional wisdom, but she was very receptive to it and I told her that I had no hard expectations and will be perfectly happy with just a M&G).

This morning, just before I left, she texted me asking if we are all set - again in a very enthusiastic tone. I was at Target, buying her a gift that she wasn't expecting, but still responded and confirmed within 2 minutes. I texted her again 15 min before I got there and I sent another message once I arrived 5 minutes before our scheduled time.

Then the anxious wait began - 5 minutes passed, then 10 and 15. I sent her another text. I kept looking through the window and the door the whole time, but never saw her. 30 minutes later I sent her another message, this time on SB, and then tried calling her too.

Accepting that she will never come, went back to my car and drove 2 hours back. At least it's Sunday and traffic was light 😄

C'est la vie...

How about you? Have you ever been ghosted? Did he/she ever message you after?

TL;DR: Found a great SB, planned for weeks and she ghosted me 2 hours after she texted to confirm our M&G.