r/sugarlifestyleforum

Hey there,

for context: im 21/blr/looking for something long term.. which may feel like speed dating at times haha... Anyway, here's a valuable lesson I've learnt while seeking..

[no idea why this post was previously deleted by a mod]

Resume the story;

I entered the space thinking the hardest part would be finding someone wealthy.

Turns out the hardest part is filtering personalities.

In the last few weeks, I've spoken to businessmen, divorcees, party guys, younger guys, older guys, sweethearts, and men who clearly just wanted sex (🙏)

What surprised me was how quickly money stopped being the main factor!

The questions became:

• Do I feel safe?

• Does this person actually listen?

• Can they respect boundaries?

😳

I also learned something silly about myself.

I like being ~needed

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to

RESCUE people, be their refuge, or help them through heartbreak. But I've realized that's a dangerous place to make decisions from.

Just like the good ol' Vanilla dating rule: "the people I was most attracted to weren't necessarily the people who were best for me"

😉

I'm still figuring things out, but I think I've developed a backbone I didn't have before.

I've become better at saying:

"No."

"That doesn't work for me."

"Thanks for your opinion"

"I don't have to explain my standards."

🤭

Whether I continue sugar dating or not, THIS is the most valuable thing I've gained.

Lets stir it up: Am i TOO much or just right 👉🏼

I’m (23f) still a virgin (due to vaginismus but i'm cured now), and honestly I’d rather have my first time with a sugar daddy than through regular dating. It’s just a personal preference. I don’t really see myself being intimate “for free,” and I like the idea of a mutually beneficial relationship instead.

About a year ago, I actually met a really nice SD. When I told him I was a virgin, he seemed kind of pissed off. We still had a great date, and he wanted to see me again, but I got really insecure about it and ended up not seeing him again.

Now it’s been a year, and I feel a lot more ready and confident.

So I’m wondering… is being a virgin usually seen as a red flag in the sugar world, or does it not really matter? I’d love to hear from people who’ve been on either side of this.

Hi all,

Just wondering what general etiquette/expectations are.

I’ve not mentioned anything on my profile but an older man has messaged me on grindr asking how he can spoil me. I wouldn’t mind being spoilt! How can I take this further? What kind of expectations exist on both sides?

I’ve never been with a man so that’s an added degree of nervousness.

Thanks

As someone who hates the smell and taste of cigarettes if you are going to put yourself as a non smoker then it might not be wise to post pics of yourself smoking or vaping (and yes the flavor profile of your vape still tastes like shit to a non smoker and makes your mouth as dry as the Sahara)

TLDR: This is a shit post.

Researchers recently conducted an extensive review of a sugar dating forum in an attempt to better understand one of its most enduring mysteries.

Despite the existence of an FAQ, searchable archives, and several houndred previous discussions, a curious phenomenon continued to emerge with remarkable consistency.

At regular intervals, a new participant would appear and ask:

"How do I find an SD?"

Researchers initially believed this to be an isolated event. It was not.

Further observation revealed that the question appeared so frequently that veteran members were often able to answer it before finishing their morning coffee. Intrigued, researchers turned their attention to the responses.

Not so surprisingly, despite hundreds of contributors over many years, the advice displayed an extraordinary level of consistency.

The findings were as follows:

• Create a profile that actually says something about you, what you're looking for, and what you bring to the table.

• Use clear, recent photographs that shows you, your body type, and ideally out and about.

• Read the FAQ before spending money on courses, coaching, or "exclusive" websites.

• Learn the common scams before speaking to strangers.

• Be patient.

• Accept that there is no secret website, hidden filter, premium keyword, or ancient ritual capable of summoning a generous SD on demand.

Researchers searched extensively for evidence of such a shortcut. None was found.

One research team briefly considered whether success might instead be determined through advanced divination techniques.

After consulting tarot cards, tea leaves, and several hundred Reddit comments, the results remained inconclusive. But the findings were remarkably consistent.

Success appeared to depend largely on the same factors found in conventional dating: presenting yourself honestly, recognising incompatibility early, exercising good judgement, and having enough patience to wait for the right match. Researchers found no evidence of a shortcut.

Despite extensive investigation, no statistically significant relationship was observed between posting "How do I find an SD?" and immediately finding one.

Researchers therefore recommend the same intervention proposed in every previous query: build a thoughtful profile, educate yourself, protect yourself from scams, and accept that compatibility is key and move on from the people who display non compatibility.

Having concluded this study, researchers are now reviewing the forum's next most frequently recurring question. Preliminary findings suggest it may involve Seeking.

TLDR: Read the FAQ. Build a thoughtful profile. Learn the common scams and remember that compatibility can't be forced.

I am seeing an SB I get along with really well. We kind of maintain a fair amount of distance, but exchange text messages now and then, and always have a nice time together. She has mentioned that she thinks I am handsome and enjoys our time and connection. But she has always been PPM, and that seems to be her comfort level. I have given her an old computer and laptop and helped her set that up, and on that particular date I didn't bring cash and she seemed very happy, and has thanked me several times for helping her and upgrading her computers. Is this normal or ok? I mean, it works for me, but I see a lot of SBs talking about an allowance. I am inclined to just be happy with my situation, but I am curious about other peoples experiences and opinions.

I need advice or something. But I’ve been stuffing this a bottle for almost three weeks and I’m losing i. Almost three weeks I got a sugar mommy but I already want to leave she said that I would have an allowance which would really help with college and Ive been struggling finding a job recently. But now my bank account is in the and she won’t send me the money until I sent her money back, money that I don't have. It’s on if you pay on credit card there’s a fee but she won’t herself. I’ve been so depressed recently and I don’t know what to do. I’m 18 by the turning 19 on the 30th and I know this is such a stupid thing and I’m probably gonna get made fun of a little bit help or or anything, please.

The aged old story of a SB that just wanted a free dinner.

We met on seeking and then moved on to telegram. She's a local so within 2 weeks we set up a M&G. I was out of the country for a couple of days so we couldn't meet earlier.

She walks in at the restaurant about 6 inches shorter than she said she is, about 25lbs heavier and about 5 years older. I'm in the Southeast USA so it's hard to find someone fit anyway.

Terrible attitude, started arguing with the waiter at one point. She traveled the world but very vague in the details of the countries she visited.

I'm a gentleman so I didn't cut it off and make any remarks, just sat there and made small talk as she downed 2 old fashioned and a steak.

Gave her a hug after dinner and I just walked away amused. Sometimes when a date goes so bad that you just have to laugh it off.

I'm striking out on finding a legit SB. It seems like the bots have taken over or is it just me? My asks are not over the top just want someone who takes care of themselves and we can carry on an intellectual conversation. I do require discretion due to my situation but that has never been an issue with other SB's I've had in the past...

So I guess the question is how do I find real, sweet/hard working humans who are genuine in a world run by bots hahaha :)

So out of sheer boredom last week or two I have been reading the Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and dating advice subs. I am mortified at the levels of low efforts across the board. Does not matter, gender, sex or whatever you identify as. All the same, low effort, ghosting, almost zero communication attempts made by all. Then they wonder why they cannot get a date and or keep a date? Pick up the goddamn phone and call each other!!!

Everyone freaks out over trying to define and label everything. Also seems like everyone lies and cheats on everyone. Also, everyone in vanilla seems so fragile with low self esteem to boot. Talk about thin skinned.

I know sugar has its moments. But we are not as invested emotionally in them before they actually start. And even then its arm's length for a while.

At the end of the day I would still pick sugar over vanilla.

Hi everyone

I recently committed to actually finding an SD after signing up to SA multiple times over the years.

I had my first ever M&G a few nights ago with a lovely man. He seems harmless, he is relatively attractive, quite young. We got along well and there wasn't much awkwardness at all. He brought me a huge bouquet of flowers also.

I am just a little sceptical. The amount he is offering for an allowance is huge. Especially for the area.

I am obviously a little concerned regarding safety etc as I have never gone through with this before. We discussed that we would like to go forward with the arrangement, we set up another time to see each other and he asked if I'd like to stay over. I haven't answered yet. I'm not uncomfortable with this sort of thing, but I just don't want to do anything that is 'uncommon' I guess?

After a M&G, what usually happens? How does the relationship progress? Is being asked to spend the night after only having had a M&G uncommon? I'm lowkey nervous that because he is offering such a large amount there is some sort of catch along the way... I dont want to be met with it suddenly.

Being apart of the sb community I have a personal list of green flags in sds, but what are green flags us sb can provide?🥰

The premium fees for SDs seem to have been hiked multifold. A 6 month plan which was previously around $150 is now quoted at $720!! Have other SDs noticed this?

The site has been pretty stable, good in terms of features and communications with SBs. But the volume is like 1/5th of secret benefits and I'm not on seeking. This kind of pricing doesn't make sense for such low traffic.

Sometimes I am worried how my texts will be perceived when I am texting with a POT. I try to keep it to minimum till M&G. But I still have this fear of being misunderstood.

Does anyone else have this fear?

I know people ask a lot about NYC freestyling, but it always skews towards Manhattan (which makes sense). I'm curious if anyone has tried freestyling in Brooklyn or any of the other boroughs? If you haven't tried explicitly, any spots you think would be good for experimenting? This will be for a niche crowd lol, but curious to hear your thoughts (:

View Poll

He was showing me something on his phone and the browser opened to his favourites in Seeking. I saw that he has favourited some profiles 3/4 weeks ago.

What hurt me is that it was never brought up in discussion. I would have been okay if he was being transparent about his search for another sb. We have been together for almost a year, I am seeing him exclusively. We had the exclusivity talk. He said there's no one else he is interested in.

I don't have the energy to bring this up to him yet.

In another instance, I saw him talking to another girl in Reddit. I could not read the full conversation, but I read only one line:

*Hit me up when you arrive in [country where we live], and let's see where you and I at.*

He said this already a few months into our relationship, which I have thought has grown beyond the confines of the SR. He tells me he loves me. I know I love him deeply.

The dishonesty and betrayal is crippling me.

i’ve had sugar relationships before that i didn’t go out of my way to look for, like with older men from normal dating apps who offered it, but now i’m trying to go out of the way to search for one. is there a market for someone like me? idk if i’m their target demographic. i’m alternative, have pink hair & piercings. i’m not looking to change that to appeal to anyone else but i just wanna know if you think there’s anyone out there who would like that!

Keen to see what others are experiencing around Australia and more specifically Sydney. I have spoken to a lot of potential SBs and a lot of the girls on seeking are actually sex workers, they aren't looking for a SR at all.

How is everyone navigating?

Hey r/slf community. I just wanted to post a PSA about the verification videos on Secret Benefits/Sugar Daddy .com site.

On most dating sites, we're used to doing the profile verification videos. On other sites this video is just going to AI or mods to review, but on secret benefits the SDs can unlock that video.

I only learned this when a SD told me he could see the video and I was mortified because I had taken it late at night mid skincare routine. He said I looked like a redhead (I use some self tanner to contour/bronze). I was able to use the help form to have it removed so I could re-record a more flattering video.

I just wanted to put this out there incase other SBs didn't realize that their verification video was out there! I've had much better success now that my video isn't dark and blurry mid bronzing!

Edit: to the SDs tempted to comment that this has been posted before, this post isn't for you!