Thinking about relapsing, after 7 Years
Title. These past few weeks ive been seriously considering it. Ive been sober for 7 years, but since then i basically never even had a week where i didnt think about it. I still get rough cravings from time to time, sometimes weeks where i basically get no sleep because of it.
Ive been thinking to myself that i dont really want a life entirely without it, i just miss the feeling so much. I did so much a day back then (under 18), like 1 gram a day, snorting so much where id put little shards in my nose because breathing got hard from snorting so much i couldnt snort anymore. I dont want to get back to that state. Is it possible, if i relapse, to keep it a once a year thing? Will it even feel the same as it did so many years ago?
I dont even have a bad life right now, have a nice car, good job, an alright social life. But my life feels unfulfilled, like im wasting my time. And i dont know if that feeling will ever go away.
Im thinking of getting a really small bag, just putting away enough for one night, like 50mg or 100mg, and throwing the rest away (im scared ill do the whole bag lol) and then seeing if can handle the comedown etc. I mean, i handled the cravings for 7 years, and they cant be worse after that than they have been back then...