accidental bdsm
My wife recently asked me to do some new kinky stuff in the bedroom. She likes it when we put on a porn video and I jack off onto her tits while she rubs herself to completion. I've enthusiastically obliged. We've done it maybe a handful of times when she's in a specific mood.
The last couple of times she's asked me for "aftercare". In her words, she wanted me to be extra affectionate and attentive as the act makes her feel dirty and disgusted with herself. I though I was doing enough by cuddling her extra, and being more affectionate but it apparently it's not enough. I was having a bad morning and was doing some chores and she asked me if I wanted to do stuff to her in turn. I was in such a bad mood I declined. Not indelicately but not with enough affection of explanation.
Later in the day she confronted me. She said she felt like I used her and she got nothing in return. I tried to explain that I just wasn't in the mood and she said that would have been fine. However, because (and this was news to me) the act of me cumming on her was so degrading, she needed me to be extra extra loving to her beyond just holding hands and cuddling. I told her I'm more than willing to explore this aftercare but I have no idea what to do beyond being more affectionate. She told me to google it but I'm not sure what to google. Can you folks give me some advice or point me in the right direction? This new kinky stuff is new to us. We've been married six years and I think she's been bored with our regular sex routine. The kinky stuff seems to have put a spark in our sex life but it seems at a huge cost.
Edit: (Hi, I’m the wife! Don’t have my own account)
Just wanted to thank you all for your genuine advice. I am somewhat less new to aftercare but failed to realize its importance until the morning-after rejection. I felt so deeply about it, which is very unusual because I have past trauma and consent is so important to me, I would never want him to feel guilty for not being in the mood. After a lot of self-reflection today I realized the rejection was only salt on the wound from me not healing completely over last night’s scene. We’ve discussed in detail the aftercare that I need. From the comments I’ve read, ya’ll are an incredibly supportive group and I thank you so much.