u/Still-Attempt859

this is a follow up to my post from yesterday about porn positivity and thanks to your comments and some deeper research i came to the conclusion that i wanna learn to embrace my love for porn without feeling shame or guilt for it. I no longer wanna use incognito mode when the urge hits, i wanna feel good about consuming it, trying to be more open with it.

porn became a important part of me and i wanna include it in my daily life, even in my future relationships.

To me, i‘m 33 male, still virgin, never got a chance with a woman most likely because of me not being attractive and a bit of autistic. For 15 years now i use porn for my sexual needs but especially in the last 3 years i struggle with a really bad mental health caused by more rejections.

I‘m usually a pretty likeable guy around women i believe, i have good relationships with co workers and female friends. But when it comes to romance or sexual interest, the answer is always „it will never happen.“ or what have been most soulcrushing to me „you’re one of the best guys i know and you deserve the best. But it won’t be me.“ I‘m not blaming any of them, only me, my self esteem reached rock bottom at that point and i‘m now at the point to decide if should just accept porn as my only income for sexual needs or trying to force myself becoming asexual.

I‘m currently in the nofap community and trying to get to 90 days but i don’t know if thats the right thing for me. I know i enjoy porn because i love sex, i enjoy watching people giving that affection to each other and i‘m really frustrated about missing that out.

I found some communities where people accept porn as their sex life without feeling shamed or depressed about it (at least in their words). Maybe thats the right thing for me?

Also i wanna point out, regardless of all that, i‘m still working out and do my best to improve myself and my looks. This is not about giving up on real intimacy.

i love watching porn but i feel bad after nutting, thats why i love edging as many days as possible. I i try to quit porn but i'm getting also depressed because i miss porn. When i relapse i feel happy but disappointed for not having the discipline to quit. But what can i even win from quitting porn? What do i win by continuing gooning? I wanna be happy longterm and find a GF who loves me and i believe porn is whats holding me back. But what if i don't need a GF and except porn as my only income for sex and pleasure? Can this be a way?

i'm curious to learn more about prefering porn over real sex. Is it something you can life happy with?