r/SexPositive

How do you stay safe when using dating apps to meet guys for sex? I posted this in r/sex first but my account is still kinda new so it got held for mod approval and hasn't shown up. I'm 23f, still a virgin and honestly getting impatient about it. I've been thinking about just meeting someone through Tinder or Bumble for a one time thing, probably at their place since I can't host. But I live with my mom in a pretty sketchy city where stuff happens and I'm nervous about going to a stranger's house alone. I have the basics down like condoms and telling a friend my location, but my friend is across the country right now so that doesn't help much. I also have to hide everything from my mom because she's super strict and would flip if she found out. I can't get my own place for at least a couple more years either. Is there a safer way to do this without waiting forever or paying for something I'm not comfortable with? Relationships aren't really what I'm looking for right now. Mini vent: it's exhausting having to keep lube and stuff buried in my bag all the time and worrying she'll go through my phone or packages. Any tips would help.

I posted this in r/sex but my account is very new so the post got autodeleted awaiting moderator approval which after several hours hasn't come... I post it here because of that and also to get extra answers.

Greetings

I am 22, virgin, transfeminine but pre-everything, and planning to lose my virginity within a few weeks to a month by having receptive anal.

But I am afraid, because this country I live in is a dangerous one, everyone could steal from you, or maybe worse, and I do not want to happen to me, plus if it happened (and I survived if it isn't a hate crime) I would be in trouble with my protective and somewhat homophobic mother (who called men having anal sex abhorrent).

I of course have the practical basics set (condom use, lube, douche for cleaning), and I do plan on sending my location to a bisexual friend who knows what I'm going for (but not to my mother for obvious reasons, and this is a problem because my friend lives in another town, though he can warn my mother)...

I, obviously, have to go to the guy's house as I can't host (which would be safer) and don't have money for a motel.

I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I should wait, but the problem is because of personal reasons I cannot get my own place or a job for several years. Is there any safer way to obtain sex? Relationships are out of the question as I'm aromantic (and my bi friend is in one), and I do not want to pay for sex work because there's no guarantee the person is there because of their own desires.

So that is my question, thanks.

Mini rant now: I hate how I feel in a surveillance state having to hide condoms, lube and the douche from my mother as I live in a small apartment with almost nowhere to hide these but my bag, I also wanted butt plugs to train myself but too risky. I also had asked my mother to not open a package that came, to which she reacted suspiciously about and later in the day she even suspected things about a dildo in a very judgemental way. God I'm so tired.

I want to sext with my long distance gf but I don't know how, I need some kind of training or smth

I just saw a tweet that said something along the lines of "I heard this from the hood but pregnant pussy is NUCLEAR"

It was replying to another tweet of a pregnant woman on tinder LOL

Is it actually better / different from normal pussy? Needless to say I wont find out the real way for a few years

Hey so im 20m and I havent ever dated or had sex with anyone. I want to have fun sex and find love but I feel like its really hard. Ive been trying for the past 2 months to get out my shell more socially. Joined a political activist group and have been a bit more active that way. Went to a club once and found it awesome! Danced and had fun with friends. Most of my friends are women so its not like im incapable of talking to women as people or anything.

But clearly im doing something wrong. I in these 2 months have only tried to get one girls number and that went no where.

I think the problem is that im not confident and outgoing enough. One reason Im not is because i dont really think im "hot". I can on good days believe I look nice or "handsome" I guess, but I cant really imagine a woman wanting to have sex with me. Its a little alien concept to my brain that statiscally some women on earth will think im attractive. Some part of me kinda believes that until I slim down a bit itll be impossible. Though my rational brain shuts that down most times. Im only like 210 so it could be worse and I dont think women even care super hard about it more of a me thing I think.

I don't know how to express sexual or romantic intrest at all. Im a little scared I guess. Like one time recently at a political meeting there was a social thing at the end and this one girl gave a really good talk and I thought she was hot but I just couldnt say anything to her. Or at the club I didnt really flirt with any women. I just defaulted to like normal things to say like compliments on dancing or "looking nice" and had very short conversations on the dance floor.

I want to have sex but im messing up due to lack of belief in my looks. How do I get over this?

To me, i‘m 33 male, still virgin, never got a chance with a woman most likely because of me not being attractive and a bit of autistic. For 15 years now i use porn for my sexual needs but especially in the last 3 years i struggle with a really bad mental health caused by more rejections.

I‘m usually a pretty likeable guy around women i believe, i have good relationships with co workers and female friends. But when it comes to romance or sexual interest, the answer is always „it will never happen.“ or what have been most soulcrushing to me „you’re one of the best guys i know and you deserve the best. But it won’t be me.“ I‘m not blaming any of them, only me, my self esteem reached rock bottom at that point and i‘m now at the point to decide if should just accept porn as my only income for sexual needs or trying to force myself becoming asexual.

I‘m currently in the nofap community and trying to get to 90 days but i don’t know if thats the right thing for me. I know i enjoy porn because i love sex, i enjoy watching people giving that affection to each other and i‘m really frustrated about missing that out.

I found some communities where people accept porn as their sex life without feeling shamed or depressed about it (at least in their words). Maybe thats the right thing for me?

Also i wanna point out, regardless of all that, i‘m still working out and do my best to improve myself and my looks. This is not about giving up on real intimacy.

Like there is a double standard guys can be hairy and don't judged yet a woman with hairy pits and public hair and people lose their minds. I'm in my mid 30s and have never had a problem with it. I think it's more attractive that way.

i'm 23f and honestly starting to wonder if sex positivity is actually helping women or just adding more pressure. i've tried to be open to casual stuff and hookups because that's what everyone says is normal and empowering now but it always leaves me feeling kinda empty after. my friends act like if you want something more emotional or just aren't that into it you're somehow behind or shaming yourself. i watch porn sometimes when i'm lonely but it doesn't really fix anything and i still feel behind compared to everyone else. not trying to judge anyone else's choices just feels like the movement makes it hard to admit when it's not working for you without getting called repressed or whatever. anyone else feel this way or am i overthinking it?

Where do you stand? I am a single mom of two teens and been pondering. I've heard some nos, but overwhelmingly I have been hearing yes, this is a modern sex positive parenting approach. I'd say the argument against it is having the importance and ability to learn your body through your own pysical touch, etc. But is quality and intensity of orgasm more important? Personally, I have a Hitachi and can't live without it. Where do we stand on this?

TW: depression, suicidal ideation, possibility of SA

I need some advice (and I also need to get this off my chest). I have been severely depressed for 9 months now. Of which the last 6 months I have had absolutely no libido at all. I am on a ton of meds that also suppress my libido even further. My husband is hypersexual with the specific brand of sleep walking where he'll try to have sex while sleeping.* This has never been a problem before because I was quite into it. It has become a problem now because now, I am NOT into it.

*To be clear: this has been medically diagnosed, he is not being a fraud or covering his ass for bad behaviour. He is really, actually asleep when this happens.

Obviously my husband cannot control what he does while sleeping. So if he feels he's too horny to not touch me during the night, he'll stay up out of fear of assaulting me. This is costing him his sleep and his health. So on his request, I laid the "no libido" problem on my psychiatrist's table... And I am sort of regretting it.

Why? Because I have no libido, I don't miss it a THING, I have better things to work on than getting my husband off (like literally not k*lling myself, yes I'm that depressed). It was VERY awkward to talk to this man about my lack of sex (I'm a woman), and I really feel like I'm only doing this for my husband. He is working SO HARD to keep me safe at night, and I feel very very selfish that that means I don't want to work at this for his (and my own) sake.

I haven't told him, but I really don't want to go to our next week's appointment where we're gonna talk more about it. I only brought it up because my husband asked and I thought the doctor would just say "there's nothing we can do, you're just depressed, take your meds and go to therapy and it'll get better in time". But he didn't, he's taking it very seriously and wants to spend an entire 45 minutes to talk about it. My husband feels validated because of that, both by me and by my doctor. But ofc that isn't worth anything if I don't follow through with the appointment.

I just feel like every day is a battle to survive and sex is very, very, VERY low on my priority list, and now I got myself into a whole appointment about it, that's probably going to be suggesting things like naked cuddling and doing massages and maybe doing alternative things like outercourse or handwork or opening our relationship (we already have that though, our relationship has been open for over a decade). But honestly I feel almost repulsed by the idea of even talking about sex right now.

What can I do so I can honor myself and not get myself into things I don't want to do? While simultaneously making sure my husband doesn't lose his sanity over this, too? (Through lack of sleep or anything else?) I don't *want* to work on "getting my libido back". I don't even want to live, tbh. So how do I tackle this issue without hurting my husband even further? I love him, but right now I can NOT handle his sexuality :( And I see him hurting more over it every day.

How do you do something like that well? It's hard to find equality in it so it doesnt happen to us. For me as a man it's easy even though i prefer foreplay, but for my partner as a woman she needs about 1 hour or more of foreplay. It makes it a bit hard to be spontane, a morning where i want to just eat her out, no piv, just make her feel good. But it takes a while to get there, so i touch her and kiss her all over. Then it leads to piv even though i just wanted to pleasure her, i cant say no because she'd get disappointed. Even in that it doesnt guarantee she'll come.

Similarily i just wish she'd grab my cock if she ever wanted to play with it or just make me feel good. It doesnt happen because there is little equality in that, i get aroused quickly and cum easily because it feels good. She doesnt, no guarantee she'll cum, that she'll feel good.

I have trouble bringing this up because i dont want to seem entitled or a sex pest, but sometimes it'd be nice to be touched and pleasured just for the sake of it for 5 minutes. Similarily i just want to get her to relax, touch her and make her feel good while holding her so she feels safe. No expectations

How did you all solve this kind of problem? I feel ashamed as a man i can get aroused so quickly.... It's inequal.

Curious to hear about others opinions about people going nude or wearing sexual things to pride parades. It seems to be becoming more common. Wondering if anyone thinks it is going to far since others don't really consent to seeing it and there are children there.

I feel like Tho most if not all Female porn stars are Very Attractive But The Porn depends on the guy

if the guy knows how to fuck or have sex Then the porn is gonna be good That's why it's a bit hard To find Good porn stars Who know how to do it , I wanna know what's you preference with porn like Positions , Styles homo or hetro etc

I am looking for someone to have a conversation about sexual insecurities without judgement. I feel very vulnerable to share it out in the open.

I sub to my ex gfs OF, we dated for around 3 years. After we broke up she made an OF and posted it, I dm'd her and asked permission to sub. Now im literally like one of her top spenders, she shoots content with guys that I could never be like.

I posted this in a couple of different groups, someone told me I should post it here too. One group flamed me pretty badly for it however and said I should stop subbing to her

Guys i know it's weird but i am curious how do you Masturbate ? Like i Always masturbate watching porn But i rarely cum Or reach An orgasm

Like i reach a high level of arousal but never reach it , I am curious Is there any other senstive or sexual spots on the male body ? I wanna know your experiences

I remember back in my teen years a giant stuffed teddy bear my family had given me that was won at an amusement park. Long story short, I fucked that thing silly for years (I found ways to wash it, don't worry). As a girl, I would grind that thing like my life depended on it. Poor teddy bear... Anyone else grow up with a toy or something they had used? Do people still do this now or have we moved on from this as a society?