Terrified of losing the only thing in my life that keeps me going
I’m scared because I have Tourette’s syndrome which comes with severe anxiety disorder, insomnia and depression. I’m an ex heroin/Fentanyl addict and have been using Pseudoindoxyl Matragynine for about a little over a year. I take 1,200 mg a day and am absolutely terrified due to it being banned and labeled as a Schedule 1 narcotic. It’s been the only thing holding me together. And the only thing I look forward to for relief.. I recently bought SR17018 to combat withdrawals. But I’m still terrified that I have to cut it out of my life. Because it’s literally the only reason I look forward to getting up in the morning. And the only thing that gets me through work on a daily basis. I power through work solely because I know I have a dose waiting for me to help me relax, help my anxiety vanish and give me at least a few hours of calm, motivated normalcy feeling.. it’s honestly not the withdrawals I’m afraid of. It’s not having it in my life anymore to help give me something to work for or look forward to…. I’m honestly lost and terrified…. It’s going to be like losing a best friend, or even a brother…. Idk what I’m going to do…. 🤦🏻♂️ 😢 😭 😞 😔 😖 😖 😖