u/SweetCoconut2757

I’ve had about 3 (mostly online) dynamics now and in all of them, my dom will try to set me tasks. Often these are sexual in nature but not always - it might be ‘send a nude while hitting a submissive pose’ or just a ‘ask permission before doing x’.

Either way, I find that I really don’t enjoy these. It’s fine with in-person play, but in a 24/7 online dynamic it’s like… I have a busy life! I have a job to work, friends to see, hobbies to do and errands to run, so having to add another thing to the list often feels like a chore. Or I’ll be cosy in bed reading a book, and my dom will ask me to get up and take a picture, and it’s like… ughhhh.

I know you can always safeword, but I find that in practice doms will get frustrated if you constantly safeword to get out of tasks. I’ve had doms suggest that I’m not really a sub because I don’t like tasks, or that I’m a disobedient sub.

Does anyone else relate or have any tips on how to navigate this? TIA!

Hey subby friends, I’d appreciate some advice. Up until now I’ve always dated vanilla and the natural progression has always been ‘date and get to know each other —> sexual stuff’ which works well for me.

However, I’m now dating doms and it’s totally different. Because you naturally talk about kinks quite early on, I feel like the order is more ‘sexual stuff —> get to know each other’. This is fine but only to an extent. Like, I’m happy to discuss kinks to make sure we’re compatible, but a lot of guys will then talk about sex excessively or want to jump into a dynamic right away.

Similarly, it’s hard to know how to set boundaries early on. Like if I was dating vanilla, and a guy attempted to hook up or was talking excessively about sex, I’d playfully be like, ‘Nice try, but you’ll have to work harder than that buddy’. But when I’m speaking to a dom and I’m in a more subby role, it isn’t natural for me to act that way, because I naturally want to follow their commands etc

Does anyone have any advice? It’s hard because I want to make sure I’m not being taken advantage of by guys just looking for casual, but equally kink does mean that the conversation is often naturally going to start with sex and it’s hard to dial that back once the jack is out of the box. I feel like I’m trying to avoid sex with something that is inherently sexual in nature. I hope this makes sense, not sure if anyone else relates!

EDIT: Not interested in receiving DMs from doms. I know what you’re doing and I’m not interested.