Hi! This is my first time posting in the subreddit so I'm unsure if this type of post is welcome here, but I'm unsure of where else to turn or who to talk to because I'm incredibly embarrassed.
I have a complex history, I won't detail it here, but having to grow up fast and experiencing certain traumas very early on led me to crave submission. I've always known I was a very submissive person, but it wasn't until my husband that I was truly in a relationship where I got to explore that.
Our relationship has always been great, and sex life always amazing. I truly never had complaints, however in the back of my mind there was always a craving for more. More submission, more intensity, but I could never say anything because I feel so much shame for that.
Recently during sex, he said something that sent me into the mindset of being Little. I've always known I had this side to me, but I limited exploring it to just making Pinterest boards to scratch the itch of the fantasy. However, he could immediately tell I was into it, it was like my body responded before my mind could. Sex has always been good, but now it's better than ever as we slowly explore this. Being little feels safe, and in a sexual setting it feels like the ultimate form of submission for myself. I feel like I'm free of anxiety during sex, I'm simply just being taken care of and it's freeing.
However, I feel myself feeling sick sometimes. I feel like I'm gross or weird for engaging in this type of play. Anytime I hear people talk about it they're bashing it, and it makes me feel so much shame.
I'm just curious if anyone has any tips on easing anxiety or navigating shame when exploring things like this.
Yours truly,
A BDSM noob