Comfort in Control
Hiya. Introducing myself here feels oddly unnerving. I’m no stranger to posts like these in somewhat similar communities, but this just seems more vulnerable somehow. But here goes nothing.
I’ve spent a lot of time posting in DirtyPenPals over the years, on this account and others, using that sub as the main way to reach like-minded people. But if you’ve ever tried it, you know it can be difficult. It takes a lot of time to craft a post that gets a response, and most of the time those replies just aren’t quite it. Anyway, all that’s to say I’ve been around, and thought I don’t really have the time nor energy to roleplay like I used to, I miss the connection that could come from it if the stars aligned just right.
So who am I? I’m Dan. I’m male, damn near 40, live on the East Coast, and I always like to say I’m shockingly normal. I think most people assume anonymous Reddit users—especially men—are weird, creepy dudes posting from their parents’ basements. I’m pretty proud of who I am in real life, and you probably wouldn’t know I’ve got a bit of a deviant side to me. But then again, that presumes this isn’t normal, and I’m sure to this community it all feels perfectly natural. It does to me anyway. Besides all that, I like to stay in shape, I love movies, and I know my way around a bottle of bourbon.
But what does that have to do with being a Soft Dom, right? Ya know, I kinda find it hard to even describe myself that way, although I suppose it does fit. I’ve just always been chiefly concerned with my partner’s pleasure. And as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by rope. Restraints. Bondage. So those two things combined more or less make me what I am. It doesn’t always have to be bondage or rope, and I certainly enjoy *receiving* pleasure, but being in control and making my partner cum is about as good as it gets for me.
I think control is the operative word here. The other parts and the dirty details all stem from that desire to be in control. Earning that trust and delivering—be it pleasure, safety, compassion, whatever. And it’s control that leads me back here.
I’ve got a pretty demanding job. I’ve noticed my attempts at making connections, at exercising these urges, come when work stress mounts to the point that I need an escape. From a certain perspective, it’s all fairly simple: As a person, I need control, and when I feel like I’m losing it in other aspects of life, I seek it out like this. Maybe you know what I mean, or maybe this is all just me and my warped way of coping.
I’m loosely following the introduction template, so the next question I’m struggling to segue to artfully is “One thing I want more of.” An outlet I suppose. It’s been an especially rough couple weeks. New job, personal tragedies, et cetera, et cetera. I need an escape of some kind. A way to express feelings that are otherwise kept to myself. It just feels good to have someone—or plural—to talk to.
A hard boundary? I’ve never been able to be selfish. Some submissive women seem to want to serve. That’s never been my style. I can appreciate the occasional overture of affection, but I’m happiest when I’m in control of someone else’s pleasure. That’s my satisfaction. That’s real power. Knowing you can please someone so much that they need you. That you can affect someone permanently in that way. That you can make your mark on them and be remembered, even if it all just becomes a secret memory.
Does any of that make sense?
Regardless, the bottom line is, hey!