Hi! For those of you who are submissive and looking to meet a dom, I wanted to provide specific examples of what fake doms say and why these are huge red flags.

I'm sharing my experiences as a submissive actively in this lifestyle, with multiple lovely doms over the years. I've met quite a few fake and toxic doms, too, so I've seen both the excellent and the awful.

Let's get into it!

---

"I expect absolute submission. Safewords and limits don't exist with me. I don't have limits and neither should you."

❌️ No, no, and NO!!!! Everyone has limits!! There is NO such thing as absolute submission. Every single person out there has things they are deeply uncomfortable doing. Would you commit heinous crimes or severely injure yourself for a dom? No? Then you have limits!!

💡 Fake doms say these things to abuse you and cross your boundaries. Plain and simple. They want you to have NO concern for your own safety or theirs which allows them to manipulate you as a submissive. Fake doms ESPECIALLY prey upon inexperienced submissives by saying this. They're trying to tell you exactly what to think.

✅️ Real Doms know how absolutely dangerous it is to play with a submissive who has no limits, and would never say they have no limits of their own. They also understand that submission is earned, not demanded.

"I love training or mentoring new submissives."

❌️ Run for the hills if you hear this!! It sounds innocent enough, yes. But what it really means is that this fake dom wants to TAKE ADVANTAGE of your inexperience to manipulate you. Full stop.

💡 I know what you're thinking: but what if I am an inexperienced submissive? Wouldn't this dom be the right person for me? NO. Any dom who immediately tells you they like training new subs knows that you are more likely to not know RIGHT from WRONG and wants to cross your boundaries and consent. They think you are too NAIVE and GULLIBLE to know that their behaviors are ABUSIVE.

✅️ A real Dom doesn't go around advertising themselves as a new submissive trainer. Real Doms are confident in themselves and willing to put in the time and effort with ANY submissive, not just new submissives they know are more susceptible to being manipulated.

"I'm a dom because I have X years of experience."

❌️ No! That is NOT what makes someone a dom. Anyone leading with that when they meet you is a red flag, especially if they use that as the ONLY reason to explain why they're a dom.

💡 Fake doms use this as a lazy way to get you to trust them. They know that inexperienced submissives will feel more comfortable if THEY seem experienced. It's also a way for them to establish an UNSAFE power dynamic between you, because now you feel like you "owe" them your submission because they are more "experienced" than you. A fake dom can be an abuser for X years, too, and that sure as heck doesn't make them qualified. So their "years of experience" mean absolutely nothing about whether they'll be respectful and keep you safe.

✅️ A real Dom is confident that their ability to be a dom will be seen through conversations and their behavior. They know very well that only what they DO means anything, not how long they've been doing it. Of course, saying they've had experience with other submissives before is good to know, but should NEVER be their only qualification.

"I'm great at communication. You can trust me."

❌️ Why oh why is this a red flag?? Because this is a tactic fake doms use to try and make you submit to them quickly and without proper boundary conversations!! They say exactly what you want to hear so that you don't think too long about if they're a good person or not. "Consent matters to me." "Submission is a gift." "I'd never doxx you." The more they say these things immediately and without elaborating further, the bigger the smokescreen.

💡 Fake doms talk like this because they are trying to speed things up with you. They say kinky buzzwords to sound experienced. They hope that you're inexperienced and that they can SKIP PAST the vetting and very real conversations you need to have as Dom/sub. They want to take advantage of you by telling you exactly what you're supposed to think about them, without giving you the chance to form that opinion yourself!

✅️ A real Dom will never label their virtues like this because they know that their consistent actions will prove what a great dom they are. AND real Doms understand that the submissive needs time to decide if they trust the dom. Submission is EARNED through respect, not telling a submissive exactly what they should think.

🔔 Rapid-fire round! 🔔

"You will do exactly what I say, whenever I say it. That is how to be submissive.

❌️ Again, any person telling you exactly how to be or think is TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU!!!

"Come on, why won't you send me a nude already?! You're being a bad submissive."

❌️ No, they're being an asshole and very clearly someone who can't be trusted to respect boundaries. AND they're trying to tell you how to think, which is a classic manipulation tactic.

"I expect you to be available to me at all times to satisfy my needs."

❌️ Sure this sounds hot in theory, but submissives have REAL LIVES!!! Demanding this out of someone immediately is horribly inappropriate and shows that this person is a fake dom who doesn't understand that SUBMISSION IS EARNED and you need to discuss your expectations!

---

Thank you for reading! I hope these help you spot a fake dom 🚨❌️ Feel free to ask questions or share your own red flags for others to learn from!