getting dommed is the only way I can stop my overactive mind. I legit can't sleep or eat or anything if I've gone too long without going into subspace. Like right now, for instance. When I don't sub for a bit it makes my insomnia come back full force and its horrible. guess quitting is out of the question.
it passed midnight and I realised that that means today is my birthday. And im alone and I have no plans. Truly this is the sad life of a sub loser.
I love the idea of being denied like that, of not even being allowed sexual pleasure while serving. To me it seems like the logical point a fincuck should reach, where the pleasure of serving is feed by a desperation for a release that may never come, and there's not really any room for anyone to waste time thinking about the sub's penis.
sometimes you see a domme's posts and are like woowwww she knows what she's doing. Like the deft use of high heels to fucking obliterate a beta mind like mine. I know guys like me are relatively easy pickings but, even so, I recognise the talent some women have using these shoes against the male brain.
Women are one thing but to be honest submitting to an alpha male at the same time seems like the logical next step, to make my submission serious and not just about self gratification, I think its a must for me to serve a couple, overcome all my biological impulses to offer my life up to a man and a woman who are above me, knowing I'll never get to take part in any sex. I need to know where I belong, be below the both of them, be reminded he gets everything that I don't. It would help me internalise what I deserve and what I was made for, put in the contrast of what he's entitled to.
Women are one thing but to be honest submitting to an alpha male at the same time seems like the logical next step, to make my submission serious and not just about self gratification, I think its a must for me to serve a couple, overcome all my biological impulses to offer my life up to a man and a woman who are above me, knowing I'll never get to take part in any sex. I need to know where I belong, be below the both of them, be reminded he gets everything that I don't. It would help me internalise what I deserve and what I was made for, put in the contrast of what he's entitled to.
Back to the daily grind, with or without sleep. Substituting sleep for being on findom communities online is not the best idea lol. But now my mind is so full of all this exciting stuff. Three coffees has not been enough to bring me back so no I understand why dommes charge so much for coffee sends.
tried going to bed early, tossed and turned for ages. I was asleep for a few hours I think. I had this dream about some super hot vampire lady luring me in and sucking out all my blood and leaving me a husk. Then I woke up and im hard as hell and I can't get it to go away and I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not sure what the correlation is exactly but the thoughts of my own inferiority drown out my sleepless mind. The longer I stay up the more I yearn for it. I feel ill at ease on a bed, I feel like I don't belong there. A domme once made me sleep on the floor in my own home and honestly I felt that was where I belong, even though it meant starting the day sore. I feel like maybe its cause being a cuck is in my dna, so I feel the call of a cuck chair, or maybe that I should be locked into a cupboard all night. At late hours I think about how utterly alone I am and can't help but imagine that all around me in the world my superiors are fucking intensely or maybe gently snuggling together, but certainly that they have the warmth of another to get them through the night while I never will.
like you're just chatting all casual, getting along, things are normal, and then suddenly she reminds you of the power she has, puts you in your place. that sudden switch up from chatting to dominating is so fucking hot to me.
I'm kinda a conservative during the day time. Like I try and present as one anyway, to navigate society more easily, and all that, but it feels so fake, to present like some patriarchal guy and then be into, well, this... am I living a lie? The church going white man who loves to be on his knees and humiliated, who's obsessed with chastity and cuckolding and cfnm and the rest. It really bothers me to be honest, how at odds these parts of me are.
went for a late night stroll as I often do when I can't sleep and it got me wondering how much fun it would be to go out clubbing with a domme, getting cucked and softly humiliated all night while buying her drinks.
I’ve been incredibly stressed and anxious lately and honestly it’s times like this when the best thing for me is the release of feeling powerless, especially if it comes with a whole lot of degradation and denial to really make me weak. I’m not sure exactly why but it’s the most soothing balm I can imagine.
I just went on a stroll and everything is so quiet. Not sleeping can be so lonely. Anyone wanna be friends?
as my nights go on forever and my days are spent tired and dazed everything stops feeling real and all I want is to be slapped across the face to know I'm alive, if that makes sense. The pain, the discipline, the power dynamic is something real, something that I can use to anchor myself, or at least thats what I've always found. I always come back to this stuff when I have a period of sleeplessness like that one. The months where I sleep soundly I stop being kinky, but when I have no dreams for too long all I want is abuse.
I fit the type almost exactly, if not for one key difference, that being that I discovered fincuck and made peace with the fact that I'm an inferior beta. At a certain point I stopped thinking I deserved sex and I realised I would be better off devoting myself to serving alphas, both male and female, because they can satisfy each other in ways I never could. I am not the kind of man who inspires animal desire, and for that reason I am denied and can only contribute to society with my service and obedience, but that's ok, because everyone needs a purpose and I at least know what mine is.
hedonist, free spirited, lazy woman and a disciplined, ambitious, desperately devoted man who only lives with the bare essentials. perfect for vanilla relationship or findom dynamic, its why findom feels so natural.
like really really mad at me
I think it seems pretty cool but not sure how sharing and stuff works. I opened an atm on it. https://spindom.app/shared-atm/6d925dce-6b95-48d3-9141-c82dfc770790 . hit me up if you're interested or need the PIN code?