i’m (19f) have been with my partner (46m) for about 8 months. i didn’t know this going in, but he hasn’t had a job for as long as i’ve known him. i only found that out after we were already dating. he’s been pretty vague about his finances when i’ve asked, but from what i can tell he’s fully supported by his parents. he lives in a place owned by them, they do his shopping, etc.
i’ve asked him about his job search a few times and he always says he’s applying everywhere and that it’s just been hard because of the economy. i’m trying to be understanding, but it’s starting to feel a little off to me. i don’t know if it’s really that difficult to the point where he hasn’t been able to get anything at all in 8+ months (and possibly longer, since i don’t know exactly how long he’s been unemployed).
i do care about him and i don’t want to come off as judgmental or an asshole, so i’ve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. but i’ve started having doubts.
last week i got a little annoyed when he told me i’d have to pay for gas for his car when he drove me back to college (we live about 90 minutes away) because he couldn’t afford it and that i should’ve offered by now. i wasn’t even necessarily upset about contributing, it just bothered me that it was dropped on me with no warning and then framed like i was wrong for not already offering. my parents don’t send me money to spend on extras, so i only have what i make from my pretty shitty campus job, and that gas ended up taking a good chunk of it.
i’ve been disappointed a few times in this relationship too, like, we’ve only been on 3 dates the entire time we’ve been together, and stuff like that. i feel like i’m staring at a red flag but also like i’m already too committed to leave. i don’t really know what to think.