Advice on a potential relationship
18(F) I’ve been talking to someone for a little while now after two years of no contact, and the chemistry between us is honestly great. The sexual tension is definitely there, but I can also tell they’re starting to want something deeper emotionally. That’s where I’m conflicted.
Part of me genuinely only wants this to stay casual, but another part of me feels guilty because I do care about them as a person and enjoy talking to them outside of a sexual context too. I keep going back and forth in my head about whether I’m shutting down the possibility of something more or if I’m just being realistic about what I actually want.
The thing is, I know myself, this is a pretty common pattern for me. I start taking interest in someone, we talk, they want something deeper, but all I can focus on is the sexual aspect even when I do crave a genuine relationship. In the past, people have felt used, and I never want to make someone feel that way again.
I’ve had situations before where I tried forcing myself into deeper emotional commitment because I felt guilty or didn’t want to lose the person, and it ended up unhealthy for both of us. Either I felt trapped, or they ended up hurt because I couldn’t fully give them what they wanted emotionally. I really don’t want to repeat that pattern or lead someone on. At the same time, I’m scared being honest about only wanting something sexual will make me sound detached or like I’m reducing them to sex when that’s not how I see them at all.
Last night, this guy I've been talking to asked me if I wanted a relationship to come out of our current talking stage, and I genuinely didn’t know how to answer without bringing up my hypersexuality when I’m not ready to do that yet due to the causes being traumatic.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of internal conflict? How did you go about discussing this issue with your partner/ someone you're interested in?