u/VeritasAgape

Premarital sex is not a sin in and of itself. This misconception is causing a lot of harm to peoples' lives and needlessly chasing people away from God. There are times that it can be sin, and some need more moderation with it in light of the modern problems with hookup culture. At other times it can be a blessing to others, a wonderful gift to enjoy and share, and foster closeness. But for now, let's look at the main argument in this debate.

-"Fornication Argument": Much of this debate centers around 1 word: "fornication," often translated as "sexual immorality" from the Greek word porneia. Those who insist that premarital sex is always a sin base such on this word. The problem is they use circular reasoning. When pressed on the matter, they say, "premarital sex is sexual immorality because sexual immorality is premarital sex." That's circular. Others think that the word "porneia" itself means mere "premarital sex." Almost no published Greek lexicon says such. Neither usage of this word in the New Testament, nor in the LXX (Greek Old Testament), nor in extrabiblical usage supports such a definition of it. For premarital sex to be a sin, there has to be a vice attached to it such as: rape, cheating, violation of dowry code, etc. or anything that is unloving towards another.

It usually referred to a low form of prostitution that often involved trafficking women for sex slavery and at times idolatry. It would be wrong for a Christian to take part in this abuse. Sometimes it more broadly referred to "whoring oneself out to any sort of wicked lust," idolatry for example is a common usage. Whether idolatry, adultery, or sex trafficking, fornication could encompass these things and Christian's weren't to take part in this.

-"1 Corinthians 7:2": When one mentions the above, this verse is brought up at times. It reads, "But, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." It's assumed that this implies premarital sex is a sin since marriage is portrayed as mitigating sin here. Note however that it is in the plural ("immoralities"). It's not just one type of sin that is the issue but a variety of different types of sin. But what types of immorality? While it could encompass any sin that the word porneia indicates, the context points to a more specific answers.

Just a few verses earlier in the near context of 1 Corinthians 6 the word porneia is used there and refers to prostitution. Christians are warned to stay away from this form of abusive practice (which often involved sex trafficking and idolatry).

There is also the historic context. Most women were not free to have sex (unless consent by whoever was in charge of her care and dowry was situated). If a young man wanted to be with a young woman (or vice versa a young woman wanted to be with a man) this was not permitted unless the man in charge of her care (often her father) gave consent for such. To violate this was considered a form of porneia (immorality) that was a serious offense to the family. This is actually called moicheia (adultery) in Classical culture. If the woman was married, she would often be off limits too since again the male in charge of her care (her husband) did not always consent to another being with his wife.

Thus, an unmarried man would be tempted with different "immoralities" as few options would be available to him. He could be tempted to: 1. be with a woman without a father's consent (culturally insulting to the family and the woman and considered theft), 2. commit adultery with a married woman, 3. be with a woman trafficked into sex slavery and/ or a temple prostitute tied to idolatry. Few women were free to be with a man and those who were free legally were often not free financially but worked as hetairas (sort of like modern very high priced sugar babes, an often upscale companion who wasn't normally a slave but a free woman charging for sex). Thus, for many marriage would lessen this temptation of burning with no readily available way of having sex. Women too were often left tempted since often they weren't permitted to be with a man unless married (unless their father or husband consented or they were an independent woman which wasn't overly common). For more on this subject or to see citations and original sources that support the points in this post, see my book 40 Christian Myths about Sex.

Masturbation is not a sin in itself. It can be at times. Anything that becomes an addiction that causes you to harm others or yourself (violating Christ's law of love) is sin. There can be ways that masturbation is harmful, but also ways it can be beneficial. Before looking at some of these practical issues, let's first look at some biblical misconceptions regarding masturbation.

-Lust:

Many when referring to the subject of masturbation (and pornography) bring up the subject of lust. They say "lust is lust and lust is a sin." Yet few have taken the time to study this word "lust" in the Bible. It simply means "desire," whether good or bad. The word is even used for when Jesus desired to eat the Last Supper (Luke 22:15) which is obviously not sinful desire. It's for good desire such as in 1 Timothy 3:1 where it says if a man aspires to be a church leader he "desires a good thing." Part of the understandable confusion is that English Bibles translate the Greek word with different English words. Both lust and desire are the same in the Greek. You can see this here: https://biblehub.com/greek/strongs_1937.htm . Mere sexual desire and looking at sexual arousing images isn't sinful in itself.

-Matthew 5:28:

This verse is often the go to proof text for those who assume masturbation/ pornography are sinful. I challenge people to ask certain questions about the verse to encourage them to take a closer look at it. When these questions are asked, one realizes that this verse does not condemn mere masturbation. A list of these questions is here: https://www.reddit.com/user/VeritasAgape/comments/1197gp9/questions_about_matthew_528_and_masturbation/ Matthew 5:28 is teaching against coveting a woman that belongs to another man (typically a wife). It refers to planning to steal her sexually without the man's consent. Jesus cites the OT passage here that refers to the 10 Commandments and stealing that which belongs to another. Mere sexual desire for an "unspoken for" woman certainly is not the point here. How could it be adultery if she is single (or not with anyone else)? It also doesn't refer to sexual desire for some woman that you never could nor plan to ever have sex with.

-Practical Issues:

But if the Bible does not condemn masturbation or pornography in itself, what about the practical side of this? It's important to note that simply because the Bible doesn't directly condemn something that doesn't make it automatically ok. For some masturbation becomes a harmful addiction. They waste their lives with it. Some let it get out of hand (or in hand) too much. Some cause themselves to have ED from it. Some ignore their spouses needs from it. Some let it increase desire to a dangerous point where they do or look at things that they shouldn't. Yet for others it is the opposite of these things. For some it helps to decrease desire for people they shouldn't be with. For some it helps them to meet their spouses needs. For some it is beneficial to their health since they lack other means.

I don't like to use crude language but I've counseled with people who at times just really needed to "bust a nut." Their "lust" for women and sexual frustration was out of hand. Yet they felt guilty about masturbating. Others needed some "post nut clarity" via masturbation to not act on their desire for a woman that it was not wise for them to be with. Some Christian men, especially ones in their prime, that haven't orgasmed in months are literally walking around with an erection, feeling guilty about it, and tempted to act on it irrationally with the wrong person or wrong time with the person. Women at times find their release in this matter helpful as well to avoid various risks involved with sex.

These benefits of masturbation are part of the reason for writing this article. It's also important to understand this matter because of the guilt and judgment associated with it. So many Christians are burdened by unnecessary guilt in this matter. This guilt is quite harmful to their spiritual lives and lives in general. Feel free to share this article with others struggling with this subject. Or let them know of the book 40 Christian Myths about Sex on Amazon which goes into much more detail about masturbation and the subject of a more open yet biblical Christian view on sex in general.

In Luke 22:15 Jesus said, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you...." Few notice that the word "desire" here is the same word translated as "lust" in Matthew 5:28. Matthew 5:28 is the "go to" passage for those who teach that things such as sexually desiring another person or masturbation are always wrong. It says, "But I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." The word "lust" is also translated as "desire" in other places. It could be a good desire such as when it says, "Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a good thing" (1 Timothy 3:1). Obviously Jesus, Our Perfect Savior, was not sinning by "desiring" to eat the last supper.

But can desire be wrong at times too? Mere desire or lust isn't wrong in itself. The object of your desire along with what you're planning in your heart or what your desire leads you to do is what can make it wrong. In Matthew 5:28, the issue is coveting to steal (sexually speaking) another man's woman (or wife) without his consent (the word "woman" can just as easily be translated as wife). This same word is also used in the LXX (Greek Old Testament) when referring to "thou shall not covet" (Exodus 20:17). In that Old Testament passage it lists things not to covet: "anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Obviously you can desire to have some of the things that your neighbor has. In today's culture you could desire to have your neighbors lawn mower, desire to borrow it, or desire to buy it or own one like it for yourself. The problem is if your desire would lead you to steal it from him (or even if in your heart you would steal such from him if you could).
Desire or lust in itself is not wrong. Even sexually desiring another person can be completely fine and be a natural desire that is God given. Masturbating or looking at porn or finding another to be sexually beautiful can be fine. Of course, there can be abuse of such things and they can be inappropriate, sinful and harmful at times depending on the circumstances. But overall, this subject has been misunderstood and caused unnecessary guilt and unhealthy suppression that has harmed people!

Instead of feeling guilty just for having sexual desire and masturbating etc., we should be open with the Lord and in good conscious seeking His wisdom about moderation with these things. They can be used as a release of sexual tension and actually help one's Christian life and be God given gifts to enjoy. Or they can be harmful for others when done in a certain way. If you want to learn more about the myth that masturbation is always wrong or other Christian myths about sex, check out the book "40 Christian Myths about Sex" by Alex Williamson. Few other books have the balls to speak as boldly and biblically on this touchy subject and it has helped many people.