My tolerance is huge
Hey guys so the other day I took 40mg of Klonopins, did some breathwork and felt anxious instead lol.
I am addicted to Xanax, I take it daily, around 4-12mg, it dependa on the day, but a lot of people have recommended I switch to Klonopin, when I take it I feel a lot more, awake.
Xanax creates intense mindless for me, but at the same time my body is used to huge ammounts of both so I don't know how to start a protocol or something to just go on with my life.
Today was another sad day, took 14mg Xanax, 6mg Klonopin, and I still feel anxious, not really, but I still feel the BINDS, so the only thing I feel is emptiness and guilt, funnily my coordination, writing, and pretty much every bodily function I seem to have improves when I take somewhat high doses.
I just want help, but cannot get a doctor, am I doomed to die because of this addiction? I cold turkeyed 3 years ago of 420mg daily Xanax and 240mg Klonopin (seriously, not kidding, not pressies, i'm not from first world), and I endured three months of hell, got back onto Xanax, realized I had BINDS, got into a taper plan on my own with Valium, succeded, sobered up for 6 months, relapsed last year on november, and ever since, I am just fucking lost.
What the fuck do I do? I am truly getting sicker and sicker everyday, I cannot do anything by myself and honestly sometimes it feels as if I've already died and this is my purgatory.
I know I won't die if I just quit but, my brain hurts, I used to be such a smart boy. How I wish things didn't get this far.
I suffer tremendously both on and off the pills, what do I do?
Do I go the route of addiction, or do I go the route of slow recovery whilst being humilliated in a city that's basically New Yorks 90s, unable to speak, unable to fuck, shaking all the time, DPDR, stomach ache.
Fuck, I'm just tired, hopefully this Klonopin does some shit.
I just want the pain to stop and be at peace for once in my life