My partner accidentally ignored one of my hard limits
Okay, so the title is self-explanatory.
Long story short, my partner and I are monogamish in both a romantic and D/s relationship, and sometimes we play with other people with specific rules. One of these rules was ignored: no kissing on the lips. It has actually happened twice. The first time was about two months ago, just a few days after I set that rule, and the second time was last week.
It seems both times happened by accident, and in both cases it wasn’t something he initiated himself, but he didn’t stop the third party who broke the rule.
We talked about it for hours that evening, and the morning after.
He assured me it was accidental and that he didn’t even realize it had happened until I asked him why he did it. I want to believe him; he’s not the kind of person who would do something like that on purpose.
But it still happened, and even though we’ve talked it through, it still hurts me. Thinking about it makes me feel sick. Not just the ignored limit itself, but the whole situation. I feel betrayed, as if my needs or boundaries aren’t important, that they’re somehow forgettable, or that I’m not worth the effort of respecting them when the situation makes it difficult to do so.
He insists that he’s sorry and that my boundaries are valid. He explained that this specific rule is hard for him to follow because he’s used to associating sex with kissing. He says he’ll do his best because he knows it matters to me, but that I also need to compromise and be understanding if a mistake happens. He even said he didn’t realize it happened until I pointed it out.
Idk I feel like I trust him a little less now in this area, and he knows it. He’s also hurt that we might not be able to play with others the way we planned, not because of the play itself, but because I don’t trust him like before.
I don't know, is it really that hard of a rule to follow, not to kiss someone else on the lips during sex or bdsm play? Am I the weird one for giving so much meaning to a simple kiss? I don't really want to start the conversation about this with him again. What we could solve was solved, and we're good, but I just can't digest what happened. It chokes me from the inside and not in the fun way, more than I expected.
How do I get over this? Any emotional aftercare suggestion I can do with him that could be helpful in this specific case? We both care a whole lot about each other, breaking up over this is not an option. I know there's no malice in what he did, he's always been the most wonderful and caring partner I've ever had, I want to build the same trust with him again.