u/_fidgetspinner

(Could be applicable to partners of any gender but I asked about boyfriends because I am a guy.)

I’m a queer man in my 20s who is strictly submissive. I’ve been with my girlfriend who’s the same age as me for a year and she is a switch. We talked about this when we first started dating and she’s always said it’s not a problem. However, I can’t get it out of my head that maybe she wishes I would be dominant.

We’ve had some conversations about this and she’s never explicitly asked me to be dominant, and when I’ve asked her if that’s something she wants me to be, she says no. But we’ve had recent conversations where she has said something like “Hey would you ever want to try [insert dom-coded thing]?” And I have to answer honestly and say “No, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I would like to do that. Is that okay?” And she says it’s fine, that it’s not something she needs, just that she wanted to ask.

I just feel so guilty knowing that I do not want to be dominant but wondering if she might like if I were. I also feel bad for doubting that she’s telling me the truth when she says she doesn’t mind that I’m submissive. I don’t want her to be doing these things solely because she knows I like it.

I try to remind myself of all the times we’ve had sex and she’s dominated me enthusiastically and without me having to ask (but with consent of course), but the doubt still creeps in and I worry she’s unsatisfied. I try to pleasure her the best I can in a submissive role but what if it’s not enough? What if I am not enough? She’s VERY sexually experienced while I am not — she’s my first. And I’m her first queer partner. She’s queer herself but has only ever dated cis hetero men. And I know she’s been both dom and sub in the past.

I know I’m being really insecure :/ I just love her so much and want us both to be happy. And I want to believe her.

Anyways, my question for monogamous dommes who are switches: can you be satisfied with having a partner who’s only submissive, or is it unsatisfying for you?

Or subs who are partnered with switch dommes, does your partner ever express wishing they could be submissive?

Thanks for anything you’re willing to share <3

my gf (20s, F) has tried using a strap on me (20s, M) a couple times and has become disinterested because she feels like she's not good at it. i've reassured her that i think she's great and i really like it, but that we don't have to try again if it's uncomfortable for her. but she said she's willing to try again.

does anyone have advice for how i can help her become more comfortable? she said she feels disconnected when we use it together because the strap isn't "part of her," so she doesn't know what's going on because she can't, like, feel me, if that makes sense? part of me wonders if it's the equipment we have -- we bought a cheap harness (which she says feels awkward) with a regular dildo, and double-ended dildo (which is hard to use because she says she's always in her head about it falling out). we've tried different positions too. i think she's also put off by the fact that she's imagined fucking me with a dick for so long and that the experience didn't live up to her expectations :/

i don't want to do it if we can't find a way to make it work for us both. but if she wants to try again, i want to do what i can to help, so any advice or suggestions are appreciated.