u/ariesbites

basically he made the decision to study abroad without me, which really hurt but i wanted him to go

when he was there he was busy, claims that he was so busy he could barely talk to me

my parents left us for 3ish months to go to another country and left us with family friends to be watched where i got terribly horribly abused in every way

now i just feel abandoned all over again and all these feelings are comeing up. it’s unbearable tbh

i feel worthless and desperately fighting urges to freak out and reenact my trauma

For as long as i can rmeber i’ve had the deep sense that i am not even human. a changeling or a fairy or something. i knew deep down i wasn’t human.

i was abused in every way you could think of and i think thats why. i had to dissociate myself from humanity bc i couldn’t find safety

but part of me wonders if all those bad people have known what kind of a thing i am. Like they can see me better than i can see myself. What about me stands out so much that im always ending up around bad people who do bad things to me

but i guess its on me too. or else it wouldn’t keep happening and i wouldn’t keep doing things like this

for as long as i can remember i have had vivid fantasies about being forced and tired up, touched and fucked all over while they film and take pictures. I honestly don’t know where this notion came from.

recently i’ve just been spiraling nonstop in my life and i find my mind and desires returning to my earliest fantasy. I can’t stop going online and on apps trying to re enact sort of.