I got my libido back but I’m still not using it
So I was put on Zyprexa four years ago, which was a very necessary thing and you can pry that medication out of my cold, dead hands, but I did have the unfortunate side effect of completely losing my sex drive. To make matters worse, I didn’t even realize what happened, I was probably on it for a solid two years before I saw enough memes about losing your libido on psych meds that it clicked.
Once I understood my problem, I spoke to my psychiatrist about it and she put me on Wellbutrin, informing me that in some people that will reignite the sex drive another medication took away. And good news, it worked! Bad news, however, is that I now get so anxious about initiating that I still don’t have that much sex. I want it now, and I can come again, but for some reason I cannot for the life of me manage to tell my husband when I want him to rail me like a freight train, which happens often. And because of the fact that I spent literal years not being in the mood, he doesn’t want to overstep and wants me to take this at a pace that’s comfortable for me. Which I appreciate immensely, but it does leave the ball in my court.
I wasn’t this anxious about making the first move before Zyprexa, so it’s definitely a lot to do with seeing myself as a sexual being and being out of the habit, but I have now been on Wellbutrin and happily horny again for long enough that I cannot figure out what’s holding me back or how to get past it. It is a very weird feeling to wish you were having more sex while simultaneously being the reason you’re not having more sex. It is a little harder in general for me to be sexually assertive because I am very, very submissive, but it still shouldn’t be to the point of never being able to act on it. I want to act on it. So very much. So if anyone else has been through this or just has any idea what to do, any advice on how to move forward would be appreciated.