u/autodidacticasaurus

So, I've been going out alone to the bars, as someone who doesn't even drink alcohol, for about 6 months now. It was pretty hard at first, but I've gotten somewhat comfortable.

Someone on here around the time that I started gave two pieces of advice that really helped me. 1. Sit at the bar, not at a table. 2. Get to know your bartenders by becoming a regular.

I've made friends with one and I'm working on some others. This paid off extremely well today and it's going to pay off even more in the future. So I actually took a girl to this bar for kind of a casual dinner date (I needed to eat, but we really went there to play chess). Thing is, she wanted an alcohol free gin and tonic. I asked my dude and this guy loves me so much he asked the female bartender to go to the alcohol store and actually get the necessary stuff. I was like no no man it's cool, but he insisted and sent her. Turns out the store was closed and she would have had to go across town but we were like no please don't send her it's really cool but thank you so much.

Then he came out and hung out with us for a little bit, just talking about some opinions we all have in common and stuff like that. Turns out we really like each other.

Thing is though, do you have any idea how much this impresses the girl? Like think about it theoretically: you actually have social status in the place you're at, and also it makes her feel so safe that you're a cool guy... plus it's just downright fun.

Anyway, right now that girl is texting me that she wished our date wasn't over as I write this.

My advice applies to daytime as well. Get to know your baristas in cafes! I've been doing this too. Also, your bus drivers, security guards, etc. Create your own social status by just being a cool guy. Trust me on this, you won't regret it.

He's gonna introduce me to some other people as well, like I'm literally building a social network this way, exactly as I had planned. I'm so shocked that it's actually working.

I think one of the most successful strategies ever is just complete acceptance of who she is as a person.

Come to the date with an attitude of just observing her and letting her be. Try to get to know her without judging her. If you have any thoughts about changing her or controlling her, let them go completely.

Don't let her cross your boundaries, be honest about what you like and don't like if she asks and if you really don't like her, then politely move on to someone else. Be honest about what you want from her too. If she asks, have the balls to tell her the truth and accept it if she doesn't want you to give that to you or do that with you.

It's okay, there really are more people out there and when you start letting go of people who aren't right for you, you're going to be happier anyway, even being single.

If she does meet your needs though, then embrace her completely at every step. Give her a safe space to be herself. Think about her day, when can she just let go and feel safe being herself? You can provide that for her. That would make you valuable because that's not something she can get everywhere in the world. It's both kind to her and an honest seduction technique in one.

While you're doing all of this. Be honest about who you are. If she rejects you for that, then she's not the girl for you. Do you really want to put of a front and live as an actor? Nobody does, just move on and find someone who likes who you are.

So, I did something that I usually never do, but for me it's a big step in the right direction.

I've been texting with this beautiful and fascinating woman for a few days and last night we spoke on the phone for over two hours and it went amazing. We had a blast, I escalated quite far with the conversation (for example, joking about her teaching me Swedish in bed) and it was received really well to be honest. She even sent me a "thank you" text and told me how much she enjoyed herself.

Well, we had sketched out plans for a date, she even invited me over, but we hadn't worked out a time and details but said we'd text about it today. I sent her a proposal around 12 noon for lunch tomorrow (she said she prefers short notice/spontaneous stuff) and then maybe checking out her place if we're into each other. No response for 8 hours. She's an extremely busy girl, chaotic life, two jobs and multiple hobbies.

I've been wanting to see "Project Hail Mary" and was planning to do it tomorrow before she brought up the date idea, but held off on buying tickets to see what this girl said first. Well, it's evening now and still no reply, so I just went ahead and bought the ticket.

I was very tempted to send her a text checking in but as soon as a typed it, my intuition told me "No." It would come off as pressure and also probably needed. I asked Google what it thought and it said basically the same thing and that I should just book the ticket, so I did.

I'll just let her know I hadn't heard from her, so I made other plans and I'll suggest another day we can meet up. I think this will go over even better.