u/biguy21-burner

Hello guys,

This is my first post here, and this is about my first sexual experience. I had a hard time accepting my interest for men as a bisexual guy, mainly into men. I always thought you had to be into anal to be gay or bi, but the idea always grossed me out when I was growing up, and I was questioning my sexuality for many years, until I accepted what I was into.

I accepted that in my late teens-early twenties (I'm 21 now) because I couldn't deny my interest for men anymore, it was clear as day for me. I mainly had side fantasies (cuddling, hjs, bjs, etc.) and rarely thoughts about anal (I wouldn't mind being a top if I had the right partner and he was clean too, with some experience). Bottoming grossed me out.

I went on a few dates with a guy on hinge a few months ago, the chemistry was going well, but he wanted a short-term relationship, cuz his studies made him too busy for something long-term. Same for me. The only issue is he wanted me to be his bottom, and I said I'd rather be a side or top, but he told me that when he did bottom, he would bleed. I didn't want to hurt him, especially knowing my size is above average and he got intimidated when he saw it.

Because of that, I tried "bottoming" once with this guy and hated it. The reason why I put it in quotes is because it was only with a finger and some lube, and then I told him to stop, because the feeling was unpleasant. I didn't get to the dick part. I realized that you can't compromise sexual preferences if you don't like it.

Honestly, I know a lot of guys and girls are able to take it from behind, but the idea of complications potentially happening afterwards made me turn off. Making sure to deep clean and constant maintenance also was another reason, because it's so much effort.

He told me I gave off side vibes when I drove him back to his place, which made sense with the way I acted. Because I was acting kinky and was really focused on the sensual aspect of sex, rather than the penetrative aspect. I also need a connection to desire sex with someone and feel like I love them, even if it's short-term.

I decided to start experimenting with myself more, and I realized that I'm really focused on senses/muscle worship and taking it slow, no rush, relax, feel good. I enjoy the activity more by doing that and started to feel a sense of self-love.

I realized that I'm not the only bi guy who is also a side, talking to other bi friends, so I kinda have hope, but we'll see how it goes.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality for being a side?

My first sexual interaction made me confirm I was a side.