r/GaySides

Personally I’ve had very bad success at dating or hookups, and I start wondering if being a side makes it harder. How is it for you guys?

Side note: I (26M) just find it funny and want to share. This is not normal to me. I’ve been blessed that most people I met on Grindr are fucking nice to me.

I was in Chicago for Lolla and this guy (48?) hit me up on Grindr. He’s a good looking guy. We were chatting about what we’re into. My profile always mentioned that I’m a side and I’d always make sure to point it out again before we talk further. (I ALWAYS DO THIS) Due to our age difference, I fell into the sub role when we were role playing. (I’m a switch btw between dom/sub)

Told him I have this fantasy about being a servant to a dom. (I’m masc, workout, dominant personality in real life) so the contrast turns me on so bad.

Out of no where, He was saying something along the line of that’s hot that he would love to put me in a “jock” and “slide it in” whenever he wants. I was like “slide in” as in penetration(?) and reminded him that I’m not into anal nor penetration. I told him that it hurts me and I don’t enjoy it. Then he was like what if he told me that dick is off the limit? I said then we just don’t match and it’s really that simple.

He then went off about how I’m selfish and only care about what I want blah blah blah then I just blocked him.

Bro is 48 and doesn’t have a concept of boundary or limits or no is no. I could care less about that type of hookup.

But I was just thinking like how common does this happen to our community? Most of the time if it’s a deal breaker for people, they would just politely declined and I’d be totally cool with that and just go on our day.

Every guy on the apps lie to me. (Hinge, bumble) I'm talking about things like where a guy says oh I'm not like most guys, I would never ghost or do this or that, I'd let you know if I'm interested or not, but continues to be like most guys. A few recent examples, I had been talking to a guy whose thin (my type), he said bigger guys is what he likes. I then see his now dating a guy thinner than him. Mind you I have heard this before & they always end up with a thin guy. (I'm very blunt and upfront with what I like and dislike, I don't want my time wasted). Another guy said he was a switch sub/dom wise and okay with my kinks. We spoke for a week consistently about everything else & were planning to meet. He waits until last night to tell me his not into doing kinks and is only sub. We had talked so much about how we despise the things I'd mentioned above & how different this is, and then decides to pull this crap. I guess selective hearing, I'll pretend I never saw/heard things, is how modern dating is these days 🙄.

--- I see 50% down vote for telling the truth. Crazy.

I mean I could top, but there are so many better things to do with a man's body ughhh

As a side, it was a matter of time before I started calling myself a gooner or a bator to the apps in order to make people understand my sexuality better.

The problem is... I think I never agreed with much of the gooner community? I'm not addicted to porn - I like it and I watch it but I'm okay with bating to a guy's selfies too. I'm not pornosexual, hell I'm not even solosexual by choice (I just have no one to date so of course my hand is my best friend), I HAAAAATE the smell of poppers, I hate calling myself a loser goontard pig with no social life... And don't get me started on the satanism aspect of it. I understand religious people are not the kindest to us but you being edgy and praising Satan is not the solution.

I am a side strictly because I like penises and masculinity but that doesn't mean I have to humiliate myself for it. Mutual appreciation is so rare even in the bator community and a lot of guys on BateWorld have started posting ass pics and saying they fuck.

I long for true positive gay community, bros. Feels like an utopia :(

We’ve talked and after a year or dating he has only bottomed a handful of times. He is essentially a side. He just seems to be holding onto the bottom title to describe himself. I get that. I do not get to describe that for him.

Im a verse top. I am very frustrated. He proposed an open relationship but he does not like when I have sex with guys without him and honestly I’m finding that it’s too much work to find a consistent guy who would like to play with us or stick around long enough.

He says he wants to bottom more in couples therapy but like many sides say here “he’s worried about hygiene, etc etc or its painful”

Do you think it’s time for us to go our seperate ways? We just started couples therapy and he agreed to start using toys more to practice but I think the writing is on the wall, he’s just not a bottom and that’s ok. I guess I’m just looking for opinions on this.

I seek good Side Porns whith Gay Actors but there is nothing...

Basorexia is an informal, descriptive term that means an intense, sudden, or overwhelming craving and urge to kiss someone. It is not a recognized medical or psychological diagnosis, but rather a neologism built from Latin and Greek roots meaning "hunger for kissing".

For years, I thought I was weird. Always had this feeling ever since I was a kid. I get turned on just from kissing alone: whether it be me doing the action or watching others do it.

I could kiss for hours and not even care to have sex (though I’ll never turn down sex), and I used to think I was weird for that. After doing some research, it seems like basorexia is a common thing, and nothing to be ashamed about. It’s basically kissing fetish

Just wondering if there’s anyone else out there?

I guess trigger warning; descriptive but it’s spoilered. Wish this sub had some flairs to use like “venting”.

It’s interesting to me how some anal fixated people don’t seem to understand compromise and limits. I was chatting with a woman who has an anal kink. She was up front about it so I compromised when we chatted about the details. I was willing to describe and talk about most anal things - things that I wasn’t interested in but knew she’d really like - but she abruptly got upset when I wasn’t interested in >!rimming her asshole while she farted and making me sniff it!<. I’m not even kidding. Like I understand kink but there has to be some kind of compromise for each persons comfort level. She dropped the chat moments later because I said that’s not something I’d be interested in doing.

So as a gay guy I guess it’s assumed we are all tops or bottoms. Neither one has ever fit me that well. A big part of it for me is that I have always worked in the medical field, and aside from aesthetics, ass play just never did it for me. Rimming, fucking, messy bottoms, Ug no! It’s just disgusting for me.

Just wondering if anyone has ever met people like this? I was thinking earlier about how you could logically assume that if there are gay men who don't enjoy penetration, it's safe to assume that there are straight men in the same boat.

I started looking this up online but only really found people asking for guidance in asexual support groups. I only found one post of someone suggesting the term "side" for straight people as well.

Random Friday thoughts while bored at work lol

I can’t tell you how many posts I copy and paste this comment into; “Hey man, lots of great advice in the comments here but friendly reminder; sometimes anal just isn’t right for a person. There are many, many sexually fulfilling activities that have nothing to do with anal. “Side” is a valid sexual interest and it’s worth looking into!”

While it can definitely be true I’m just so annoyed at seeing “keep trying, you’ll like it eventually” being hammered at people who are first exploring. All options should be on the table, not just that one.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Just had to get it off my chest.

I’m a side and even as a side I guess this is something rare. I’m honestly only turned out by mutual upper body fun like making out, sucking each other nips and pleasuring the chest and stuff. Below the belt private parts do nothing for me. Not aroused by either dicks or asses. Anyone in a similar situation?

So; I've been extremely unsure about what to describe myself as, in terms of the whole position who's-who. I've been using the label "side" because that is effectively it, but I'm unsure.

I am reluctant to "top" during anal intercourse, because I, frankly, find the idea of giving anal intercourse a bit repulsive, be it penetrative or rimming. Nothing wrong with people who do enjoy it (!), just ain't my cup of tea.

Point is: I am not feeling said repulse at the idea of receiving anal intercourse (admittedly, receiving a rimjob still isn't for me). I say that I am effectively a side because that isn't an option for me because I despise the logistics that come with it, and I won't flush my intestines for two hours for ten minutes of fun.

I used to just don't do prep and go at it with a dildo and that felt amazing, but got very unappetizing once and I don't do it anymore ever since.

Now, the question is: What am I? Am I a side? Am I a bottom who doesn't do anal? You tell me, oh wise people of the internet.