[NSFW TMI, BADLY, Talking abt my Sex Life] I'm 30 and I've never had an orgasm, even with just myself. What am I doing wrong? What does it feel like? Is there anything I can do to help myself?
I grew up in the south where the only sex education was "If you DO have sex you WILL get STDS and you WILL get pregs, so DON'T DO IT!"
I've had the same sexual partner since I was 12 years old. I've never really masturbated much, but I do more now than I used to. I do have autism, which messes with my sensory input, as well as sexual trauma, but I've done a pretty good job of processing and working through that (been in therapy since I was 18). I also started on SSRIs around my mid 20s, so I'm sure that didn't help.
The problem I'm having is that the main way people say to have an orgasm, clitoral stimulation, often becomes too overstimulating too quick, in a way where it doesn't even feel good and just hurts and makes my body convulse. Again, it does not feel good. SOMETIMES it can, and I don't understand what makes my body decide this because I swear we're doing the same things as before, my body just... decides if it'll feel good or not based on the flip of a coin. Idk.
Another problem I have is that, no matter how in the mood I am, I seem to not be able to produce my own lubricant. I don't know what to do about that or if that's even something I should bring up to my doctor or not. Would they even be able to do anything about that? Is it because I have PCOS and PMDD?
I've tried even on my own. I think the closest I ever got we had to stop because I felt like I was going to pee BAD. In fact, clitoral stimulation usually makes me feel like I have to pee more than anything.
It's not like I don't enjoy sex with my gf. I have a great time when we do it. It feels good. I'm into it. So I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. :( I communicate, give her direction, listen to my body, relax, etc. What gives? I was never able to even before SSRIs, so I don't think they're the cause, or at least, not the only cause.
Questions about what's wrong with me aside:
So, for those who are able to have an orgasm (including the trans women here), I'd like to know: What does it feel like right before, during, and after? How do you know you're close?