r/BecomingOrgasmic

I don't know what to do. I've read a lot of similar posts, but I still haven't found a solution.

I'm in my 20s, and I've never had an orgasm, either on my own or with a partner. My clitoris becomes overly sensitive very quickly, and I get a feeling of "overheating" or numbness if I ignore it and continue to use a vibrator. I feel like I'm getting close, my body shudders and responds to the sensations, but then everything either disappears and the arousal fades, or it becomes too much. Also, with intense stimulation, I release fluid, something similar to a squirt, but it's just nice to release it in the moment. Finger masturbation is unpleasant; I feel like I'm not feeling the pleasurable sensations in my vagina, but rather the sensations on my fingers, which is strange. I enjoy penetration and finger stimulation of a specific spot inside, if someone else is doing it. The fact that I can't cum has never really bothered me, but now I want to do it for the guy I like. It would be nice for both of us, and I'm trying to figure out the reason or at least calm myself down and believe that one day I'll be able to cum. I guess I just want to hear stories like this and make sure I'm not alone.
I still enjoy the process, and foreplay and everything else, but I'm very interested in what it means to cum lol

Ive been maatrubating with clitoral stimulation, as im scared to insert, (i dont know if that matters but i feel like i should mention it) and 2 days in a row now ive gotten extremely close to orgasaming, but my whole body just stiffens up and im no longer close to orgasaming. Im wondering how to get over this? I havd no sexual trauma or anything of the sort, but i do have anxiety and autism.. so i have bas sensory issues and anxiety about them.. im wondering if that has something to do with it? Im just confused and frustrated. Ive worked hard to get comfortable enough to mastrubate, but its hard and im just left unsatisfied and frustrated with myself... i know this is a bit of a ramble, id just love some advice.

I have a high “physical” libidio lately and I nd up masturbating around two or three times a day, which is a lot for me. But I have some difficulties arousing my mind. I don’t want to watch porn and I have some difficulties reading smut while masturbating, not because of focus but because it’s usually things that will later make me kind of uncomfortable? I’m not sure if this makes sense. I’m very much into kink and most works on Reddit, ao3, or dark romance books, have very toxic smut that sometimes involves kinks that turn me off or make me later on uncomfortable.
I know I can always just imagine, but that’s not always so easy, and something about audio files of men “talking you through it” always makes me physically cringe because I then imagine them in an empty studio doing so and it kind of makes me laugh (no offense, it’s just a funny situation to imagine while masturbating).

So.. I’m out of ideas.

Thanks for everyone reading this :)

I (20f) don’t think i’ve ever orgasmed. I’ve had a couple sexual partners who have been very experienced and even they are shocked i haven’t came. I’ve tried masterbating many times with a vibrator and i just can’t seem to get past the build up. When it starts feeling really good and like im almost there i can’t do it anymore. It’s like my body won’t allow me to fully reach the climax. My friends have been mentioning a mental block but im not 100% sure. I have a super high libido and enjoy having sex and it feels amazing i just can’t get to a climax. When i’ve tried with vibrators i begin to tense up and it builds a bunch but it never peaks more than that and i just end up stopping. I’m feeling super frustrated and upset over it and i just have no idea what to do :(. any tips or advice?

So, I’m 19 years old and I would say I’m fairly sure from books and videos etc. (supposedly) what brings a woman to an orgasm. I started masturbating early in my life and I have always just stopped when my opening kind of squeezes? And I feel somewhat of a “relief” but not nearly as much as when people describe it as this mind shattering sensation. I ran with the theory that when I’m sexually active with other people it would come naturally but it still hasn’t (if anything i get more pleasure by doing it myself haha), but I think it’s time for me to ask if I might be doing it wrong. I have tried vibrators, dildos of various size, stimulating my gspot, stimulating my clitoris, etc. but i have never really felt like what i thought i was supposed to feel, for example no liquid ever comes out, the feeling of relief is quite.. blurred? And one thing i have noticed about myself is that stimulation directly on my clitoris feels too overstimulating for me, so when i masturbate i always put my hand just beside it so i still feel somewhat stimulation but not directly.

My question is, is this “overstimulating” sensation what I’m looking for to reach an orgasm? Has anybody had this experience? Is there a way to reach this type of “mind shattering” orgasm everybody describes it as? Am I doing it wrong? Can I even orgasm?

I‘m 17 and I’ve literally never cum and or had an orgasm. I’ve never really been successful with self pleasure, and like I put my hands down there and I literally feel nothing and I’ve tried to explore to see what feels good but literally nothing does. I get horny quite often but I can never sustain the feeling if that makes sense. porn doesn’t do much for me. reading and listening to erotica is slightly better but not very effective. I got a vibrator wand as a gift recently, and I’m really hoping it’ll be effective. I played around with it a bit and it felt a bit good for like 3 seconds and then nothing. any advice would be appreciated

I was staying in a hotel for work and after a long day and dinner, I just wanted to switch my brain off. The room had a hot tub I filled it with warm water, got myWhisperRabbit too, I decided to make a whole selfcare night out of it. Sliding into the tub felt amazing, the heat, the quiet, the way everything just melted off me. Put my Rabbit on, I let the external part do its thing while I relaxed. The combination of the water and the gentle pressure already had me drifting. After a while I started using both parts, the arm of the rabbit on my clit and the other part internally.

The sensation built up slowly but intensely, the warmth, the movement, the rhythm… my legs started shaking from how strong it felt. I could feel the pressure pulsing and couldn’t tell if I was about to cum or pee but I stopped then started again. I loved edging myself like that till I came like I never came before. I think I experienced something new about my body that I can’t unthink now

I'm in tears

We're probably divorcing, we haven't had sex in over a month. I got him to agree to at least a BJ hoping that would be enough for me and our teenager started "feeling funny" and was calling us after I got him off and I got somewhat closer with 2 toys jammed in me and no help from him. I know I'm lucky I could orgasm at all in - I spent years without. But I'm so sad to not have it anymore

I got extremely turned on and orgasmed to the thought of giving my bf a blowjob while getting railed by him from the back at the same time. Like a threeesome with 2 of the same person duplicated.

I obviously enjoyed it but also made me curious to know why I thought this stuff while me and him have been in a rough patch for months now

It made me wonder if this is actually a common fantasy or if my brain is just being weird. 😅

So i just started having sex with this new partner. He's been like amazing and tbh I never actually came to vaginal sex before him.

But I have been getting this sudden urge to pee when we're having sex and i think its bout be squirt but i stop myself because i dont know man 😭. that and i never really fully relax during sex bc of other reasons.

i just want to know like for those who has squirted, are those moments me about to squirt?

It would be like I'm really aroused, i would feel this immediate need to pee and my clit would be throbbing and like i would feel the need to release but it would be too much for me so i would make him stop 😭 or id try to hold it in really bad then i go to the bathroom right after and try to push it out but it would be hard to pee. when i do it's like clear. and then my clit would lowkey start hurting if i hold back yk? idk man. idk all i know is that this feeling is EXTREMELY new to me and I'm scared 😭

Idk he's pretty new and im already insecure so i dont want to end up accidently peeing on him 😭. i pee before sex too so idk man.

I (34F) have been dating my boyfriend (37M) for 1.5 years.

I was late into dating so this is my first serious relationship. Everything outside of sex is fine, with the exception of communication.

Sex wise foreplay was at first there was none, and sex was rough so I would have micotearing and bleeding after, sometimes for a couple of days. I would talk to him about needing more foreplay and that I never orgasmed and need more foreplay like fingering and oral. After 6 months improvement was made, only a little bit at a time. Example foreplay was only 30 seconds, eventually 1.5 years later it might be around 10 minutes. I have told him that I read online it should be at least 25 minutes to have a chance at a orgasm.

At around 9 months I developed feelings during sex where I am very afraid and very sad. I would usually cry after. I developed these feelings because if my body is not aroused and he's really rough during sex afterwards my body is sore, in pain or micro bleeding. I would tell them all this and that I feel sad and scared. That I need more foreplay.

I did my best to communicate this with him. Including not to go so hard if I'm not aroused, that I hurt after, that I feel scared, that I feel sad. At 12 months for 1 month only there was enough improvement and I felt safe him completely. However some things outside of sex happen, I feel like our thinking and values are different. I felt like my heart broke. I cried for a whole month and was so deeply sad. Partly I think I was so sad because of the whole year, I don't know. The emotional thing that happened outside of sex that broke my heart was small, a few off handed comments but it broke my heart.

After this I tried hard to communicate. I thought things would be okay, but after this sex changed again I felt deeply afraid and sad. My arousal was killed. He tried, hes been trying with foreplay I think hes been trying more than he's ever had before. But month 13 to month 19 there have been more moments where more bad moments happened during sex where I've felt very afraid. Sometimes if I'm not aroused during sex and he's super rough with me, for almost 4 days after sex sometimes I wish to die. Not really, but the pain is so intense I just don't want to feel that pain. So I feel I can understand why I fear sex if afterwards I sometimes bleed and feel in pain.

(He's made an attempt to be less rough with me because of this, I've told him that I view things that happened as him hurting me. He's told me he's never meant to hurt me, or that's not his intention he's just really attracted to me and wants me so sometimes he's rougher with me.) I haven't bled after sex in a really long time. But despite that my fear continues to grow.

My issue is during sex if im super afraid I don't ask him to stop. I might have him slow down but I don't ask him to stop. I also don't tell him during sex I'm afraid. After sex sometimes ill tell him im really scared. I tell him that when we have sex the entire time my whole body feels like im constantly falling down the stairs, it's a scared feeling and a very deep sadness.

Months 13 to months 19, I believe since I was hurt emotionally at month 12 - I wasnt able to get aroused anymore. I also had emotional safety with him, where I didnt have sexual safety so I was able to mostly consistently get aroused. When I was hurt emotionally, emotionally safety became shaky. My arousal disappeared.

Because of this sex became very scary. I tried to work on emotional repair and each time he'd say sorry, but end each conversation with a list of things he didn't like about me. This kinda ruined my emotional safety each time more and more, which in turned made sex worst.

I tried to tell him that my level of fear is increasing. That for it to be better I need us to work on emotional repair and my arousal is tied to my level of safety and that I am becoming more and more afraid.

He tells me that this sounds complicated. He's already said sorry and that he doesn't think there is anything he can do to help me. He wants me to get therapy and said he'd pay for it. In my opinion all my issues are to do with how I feel about him and I need emotional repair and I don't think a therapist would help.

It's month 18-19 that I've started to tell him I don't want to have sex with him at all anymore until I feel safe. It was bad timing as it was our anniversary and his birthday during this time, so I did have sex with him both times after that. Once I felt extremely depressed. Once it was actually good for the first time in forever. Then the third and last time, I started to cry during sex and I couldn't stop so I pushed him off.

I told him again I don't want to have sex anymore because I dont feel safe and I want repair. I've tried to talk to him about this, my feelings and he just doesnt seem like he wants to talk. He just answers with short words and makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk.

When I give up and say I want to go home. He will say how much I matter to him, that hes always here for me, how much he loves me and to tell him what I need.

He always says he wants me forever and can't imagine being with anyone else. Endlessly says tells me nice things that I matter.

I'm deeply attached to him and very confused. I tell him things that are really serious and he doesn't make me feel like he cares. I know he cares but I feel like he doesn't try repair.

He knows im deeply afraid and asked for some kind of emotional repair and to pause sex. But he always climbs on me and tells me how much he wants to fuck me, but that its up to me if we do.

When we have moments where we can talk about feelings I feel like he avoids it.

Partly I avoid it too because all the things I have to say to him now sound like a break up speech.

I dont want to break up with him. I want to figure how to regain safety but it feels so distant and impossible and I just want to know that I really tried to make things work.

im 23f and have never been able to finish with a guy, ive been with my partner for 3 years almost and we’ve just bought our first home, all i want to do it is to be able to cum for him but i’m worried this will never happen for me, i use porn when i orgasm so i worry this is the problem, i can finish on toys and use my fingers when i dont have access to a toy but it never feels as good.
am i past saving?

23F I have been having orgasms while masturbating for many years, but I can’t seem to feel pleasure in my own body when I’m with another person.

I recently started seeing a guy who has more sexual experience than me. He’s tried eating me out, touching my clit, fingering me and even letting me grind on his leg while making out. I ended up stopping him each time we tried something because it just didn’t feel good for me, even though I was aroused and turned on by what he was doing. The sensation ranges from being slightly uncomfortable to overstimulating or sometimes just feels like nothing.

I’m not sure if it’s a mental block or a physical problem where I’ve trained my body to only feel pleasure from the specific way I touch myself (which he can’t seem to replicate.) Even if I’m not having an orgasm, I would really like to be able to enjoy myself during intimacy.

Pretty much what the title says.

I can cum by touching my clit almost without any issues, but when there’s something inside me, I need to focus so hard or watch a lot of porn (to the point where I find it a bit unhealthy) to be able to do it. Even then, my toy can’t be moving in and out of me, but only rubbing the inside of that makes sense. Does anyone have the same issues? And if so do you have any tips to overcome this or make it easier? I know that it’s not the end of the world, but I’d love to be able to cum with my partner inside me.

Also, to be able to cum with something inside me, I also need to start by stimulating my clit. It’s like if there are too many things going on, my body can’t focus.

basically what the title says. i can only reach orgasm or feel good when im grinding face down. it doesn’t feel good when i touch myself face up, it actually just kind of hurts when i touch my clit face up.

i feel so weird because i really want to be able to do it face up, any advice?

Hi, I have a question I can’t seem to find an answer to. When I’m aroused, is my clitoris supposed to swell / grow in size? I know it CAN, but should it always?
I ask because I have an inability to orgasm, and my clitoris does not swell / grow ever, and I wonder if that could be why I can’t finish. When I see videos of women orgasming, their clitoris is always much larger, more visible and swollen than mine has ever looked. It seems much easier to masturbate like that. I wonder if my body is not reacting how it should?
I am not on any medications, I am young, seemingly otherwise quite healthy, I don’t understand what is wrong with me. I think I have a fairly high libido, I enjoy sex yet not much reaction seems to happen in that area. I wonder if it could be a hormonal issue? Thanks for the help.

I’m in my mid 20s and have never been able to do this. Like at all. I’ve been able to squirt and I’m guessing I’ve probably gotten close to it at some point or another, but the whole “finishing” bit seems to be beyond my capability. My c*nt just doesn’t want to participate. I know it’s likely partially a psychological thing, as I do have trauma surrounding sex in general, however, even with partners that I’ve found the absolute most safety and trust with, and can squirt with ( this is something that is extremely hard for me to do. I’ve it maybe four times ever ), there seems to be a wall that I’m hitting both physically and / or mentally that won’t let me cords that finish line. I’ve tried all kinds of stuff, both by myself and with partners, and haven’t found a way to get there. Magic wands, other vibrators, butt stuff, oral, etc etc etc. you name it, I may have tried it. Anyways, help? 😅 I think double penetration is probably the most pleasure I’ve gotten so far, with a hitachi chillin at full speed, but I’m still hitting that wall

Further context: I do much better with a partner, so solo suggestions probably won’t help unfortunately. While not entirely ruled out, I don’t think this is a physical issue. I feel very comfortable and aroused with the person I’m currently with and ( to my knowledge ) gotten close fairly often, I just don’t know how to get over the edge so to speak

I don’t know how common this is but all my life (24F) I’ve only been able to orgasm while watching videos (especially focused on men pleasuring themselves or getting edged). I have had sex and my bf will eat me out sometimes for 15-20 min but I can never get there.
However it’ll take me less than 5 minutes by myself if I’m watching something that genuinely arouses me. A lot of people told me not to watch videos anymore but even when I go a long time without watching I can’t orgasm with my bf. :(

I (F21) used to be able to knock out about 15 orgasms in a row in about an hour when I was 18 and fresh to masterbation. Honestly 15 is a guess I would loose count. But now that I am 21 it takes me about an hour just to reach one orgasm and its so frustrating. What happened to me?

I grew up in the south where the only sex education was "If you DO have sex you WILL get STDS and you WILL get pregs, so DON'T DO IT!"

I've had the same sexual partner since I was 12 years old. I've never really masturbated much, but I do more now than I used to. I do have autism, which messes with my sensory input, as well as sexual trauma, but I've done a pretty good job of processing and working through that (been in therapy since I was 18). I also started on SSRIs around my mid 20s, so I'm sure that didn't help.

The problem I'm having is that the main way people say to have an orgasm, clitoral stimulation, often becomes too overstimulating too quick, in a way where it doesn't even feel good and just hurts and makes my body convulse. Again, it does not feel good. SOMETIMES it can, and I don't understand what makes my body decide this because I swear we're doing the same things as before, my body just... decides if it'll feel good or not based on the flip of a coin. Idk.

Another problem I have is that, no matter how in the mood I am, I seem to not be able to produce my own lubricant. I don't know what to do about that or if that's even something I should bring up to my doctor or not. Would they even be able to do anything about that? Is it because I have PCOS and PMDD?

I've tried even on my own. I think the closest I ever got we had to stop because I felt like I was going to pee BAD. In fact, clitoral stimulation usually makes me feel like I have to pee more than anything.

It's not like I don't enjoy sex with my gf. I have a great time when we do it. It feels good. I'm into it. So I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. :( I communicate, give her direction, listen to my body, relax, etc. What gives? I was never able to even before SSRIs, so I don't think they're the cause, or at least, not the only cause.

Questions about what's wrong with me aside:

So, for those who are able to have an orgasm (including the trans women here), I'd like to know: What does it feel like right before, during, and after? How do you know you're close?