*knowing that i already have a moderate tolerance for benzos (i take 4-6mg xan daily)
i've tried xanax (love it) and valium (dislike it), and i'm interested in trying klonpin/clonazepam as i've heard that it's strong but also long-lasting.
so would you recommend 2mg as a reasonable starting dose? is it too much? too little?
i forgot what it's called but yknow, it's that term that designates when you feel a lot more sober than you actually are?
anyway, i think i'm currently experiencing the opposite of that. i've only had one glass of wine and and 3mg of xanax 3-5 hours ago (it was spaced out in 2 doses), and i feel high/drunk asf. BUT i've talked to two people since then and they've both said i don't seem drunk or high at all lmaoo.
idk what's going on but i'm living for it. yaaayy. everyone be happy for me :))
Lowkey tweaking right now because i was previously used to taking 4mg of xanax daily (on average) split across several doses throughout the day. i had a prescription for 2mg of xanax / 0.5mg x4 per day.
but the new psychiatrist i saw switched me to valium, which would be fine, except he DRASTICALLY lowered the dose i was taking. he has me taking 5mg of valium, twice a day. according to all the research i've done, 5mg of valium is equal to 0.25mg of xan. so that's the equivalent of 0.5mg of xanax per day when i'm used to taking 4mg. lol. what a joke.
I WANT TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
benzo withdrawals are the worst and i will die on this hill
reached the point where my mental illness and trauma and all the thoughts i was having about it just became too much. i could be posting in the mental health subreddit, but idk tbh i like this sub more, y'all are usually really chill and nice :)
anyway, i was having some >!suicidal thoughts,!< but i came to the conclusion that>! i don't want to die,!< i just need the thoughts to stop temporarily. thus, xanax to save the day.
i took a moderate-high amount and within the next 10 mins or so it should put me out & put me into a deep, dreamless sleep, hopefully for the rest of the day. and hopefully when i wake up the thoughts won't be as loud anymore.
wish me luck. thank you for reading this. i don't know why i'm posting this other than that i feel alone and ashamed and hopeless... and maybe writing it out, confessing, will make me feel a little less ashamed :/ idk.
(p.s. i've taken this amount before and it didn't kill me; i promise i have a tolerance and some knowledge when it comes to benzos, so i'm not being an idiot doing this and i know i'll be fine)