u/desimardddd

Since I was small, my father was the measure of what a man should be.i have a attraction towards him. Strong, steady, and unapologetically masculine, he moved through the world with a quiet confidence that I wanted to carry in my own body one day. I watched him the way boys watch their heroes — studying the breadth of his shoulders, the way hair covered his chest and arms, the solid, bear-like build that made him look like someone who could protect anything that mattered. I was lucky. His genes took root in me. The same dark hair, the same thick frame that would later make people stop and say, “You look just like your dad.” Those words still land like a soft hand on my shoulder. He was never distant. He treated me more like a friend than a child, laughing easily, answering questions without shame. One ordinary afternoon when I was kid , I saw him naked . Curious and innocent, I pointed out the difference between our dick and asked why mine didn’t look the same. He just laughed — that deep, warm laugh — and told me that when I grew up, it would. No awkwardness. No lecture. Just the easy honesty of a man who knew how to be close without making anything complicated. That closeness stayed. He was my role model in the purest sense: not perfect, but real, strong, and fully himself. It’s been a year since he left. The space he occupied is still loud with silence. Yet every time someone tells me I resemble him, every time I catch my own reflection and see the same heavy build and the same dark hair, I feel him again. Not gone. Just living a little further inside me. I still miss him.

And I am still trying to be the man he showed me how to become.

Anyone volunteer?

I used to get bullied a lot because of my weight. At my heaviest I was around 90 kg, and being only 5'5" (height) made me feel even more insecure. For years, I kept trying to fit into society's idea of what I should look like, but no matter what I did, it never felt enough.

Lately, though, I've stopped chasing other people's standards n validation. I've started accepting and loveing myself as I am. That doesn't mean I've given up on improving—I still want to become the best version of myself. The difference is, I'm doing it for me now, not to impress anyone or fit in.

It's honestly a much more peaceful way to live.