Has BDSM broken me for vanilla sex?
Kinda hard to type this out but here we go
I've (39m) been with the boy (30m) for about 2 years, plus husband (42m) for about 7 years. Husband is ace, so sex is very rare and I never minded. Always had high libido and for years cruising and fwbs were more than enough to keep me satisfied
As I started to get deeper into BDSM, I eventually meet the boy and we spend the past 2 years basically experimenting about everything we could learn and imagine. We've read books together, learnt more about which archetypes were more gratifying for each other, and weekly scheduled sessions become the norm
I get to plan sessions, imagine scenes, execute them with precision or unintentional sloppiness, start to improvise and being a Dom has never been so awesome
But about 8 months ago things changed. I'm renovating a new apartment and the stress of it all starts to creep. We keep the weekly sessions, but we lose access to spaces to play. We can't be loud. We can't take long. Still the limitations were interesting since it bred more creativity in our routines.
While all of this is happening, the new year comes, and the boy is getting his life together. New job opportunities, planning for a post grad degree, and this breaks the routine completely. His hours become crazy and suddenly we're just finding windows where we're both free for lunch or a quickie in the car.
And it is still fine. We can still find these moments together and I can get a little bit of it off. Searching for isolated places and late night meeting in parks is fun, while sometimes an audience makes it a little unnerving.
But the past 2 weeks we haven't been able to meet. And I'm feeling horny like I'm 16. I try to park cruise, but the crowd seems different from what I'm used to. Instead of timid almost older guys, is shirtless hunks and twinks with really short shorts. I try the adult cinema, but I pick a weird day and there's practically nobody there. And yesterday I tried the sauna and I just couldn't get into the right mindset
There were a few guys that were just my number, but I didn't feel anything. It didn't turn me on at all.
Maybe I'm looking for a release that is not that simple, but for the first time in a long while I started questioning if this is what that shit from bdsm fiction talk about, getting so sucked in into the lust and pleasure that you need to be choked to cum (don't read Gengoroh Tagame Dissolve) but now it's the opposite, I need to be biting, slapping, choking, punishing, hurting to get off
That's fucked up