u/elymas-magus1

I’ve been in a long distance d/s relationship with a switch, u/Resident_Holiday1795 for about 6 months. I’ve mostly been the sub but recently have started dipping my toes more in being a domme. He found out that he will have 4 days to himself at home and we want to make the most of that time. We’ve been compiling a list of ideas and I wanted to know which ideas others could share (preference towards South Asian culture, and no anal and body modifications like shaving etc.).

This is the list so far:

1. Have him wear a saree
2. Have him do chores around the house in only a bra and panties or naked
3. Have him ask for permission to touch himself
4. Have him crawl towards me while maintaining eye contact
5. Have him taste and swallow his cum
6. Chastity
7. Have him write my name on his body
8. Have him sleep in a bra and panties
9. Spanking him for mistakes he makes
10. Have him do his makeup everyday and do touch ups throughout the day
11. Have him gagged and blindfolded
12. Play a bit with bondage (tying thighs under skirt so he can't take big steps, ankles so he has to take baby steps, bounding his wrists so his arms stay close together in front of him pushing his boobs together)
13. Have him wear anklets with small bells
14. Watch him shower
15. Stuff up his bra to the exact size I desire
16. Have him be a puppy (eat from a bowl, follow training commands, pee like a puppy)
17. Do something kinky in his car as a woman
18. Changing all his wallpapers for the 4 days (Laptop, Phone, I pad)
19. Having a photoshoot with him all dolled up
20. Have him do a strip tease for me
21. Me watching him through the camera when he isn’t aware/him teasing me while he does chores
22. Having him on his knees, ankles tied, face down, ass up, getting himself off. I want an angle of his back and his eyes looking up.
23. Have him go outside with panties on with who owns him written on his chest
24. Have him hump something in a bra and panties and play with his boobs while he does
25. Have him send me a voice note of him getting off, moaning, telling me what he’s imagining/what he wants me to do to him, saying my name, etc

I’m not very experienced sexually and so my online dom had been training me, practicing how to give blow jobs on a dildo etc. We had a session where what I had learn was being evaluated and at some point it led to me pleasuring myself and he said “you have to work on facial expressions.” After that I would slightly keep my head turned so he saw my face less during sessions bc it hurt me.

I brought it up to him, how it affected me, and he was devastated. He felt incredibly guilty and regretted saying it. He said that in his head he was still giving pointers and he shouldn’t have. He almost left but I talked him into calming down and we’re still together. Since then, he’s always told me to go to him if I start overthinking and need reassurance and he’s kept his word. I also said I don’t feel comfortable being sexual for the time being and he has respected that boundary and we’ve put a stop to all play, so we’re essentially affectionate friends as of now.

I’m just now realizing how bad that comment affected me. I overthink whether he compares me with his ex/porn, wants something better, or wishes I was different. I’ve brought it up to him and he continues to say that he doesn’t wish I was different and loves me as I am. Although I’ve forgiven him, it’s affected me way more than I thought it would. Even when I masturbate I find myself evaluating my facial expressions and it just makes me sad and angry that I have to deal with this now. I know he never intended it to have this big effect, but it did and I don’t know how to heal. He’s kept saying that he’s there for me and listens when I share how it’s affected my own relationship with my sexuality but I don’t know what else to do. I just find myself crying throughout the day and I feel so broken.

I was talking to a vanilla friend of mine about my dynamic. My dom and I both developed feelings for each other but we’ve decided to not further our relationship in that way. He also struggles with vulnerability and has told me that he will work on being more vulnerable with me. My friend said if he doesn’t want anything more why be vulnerable at all.

It makes her confused on what he wants relationship wise and it just makes me wonder whether I should be? It just frustrates me because I feel like what we have should be enough but also societal expectations make me feel like our dynamic is reduced to a “situationship” or invalid and it’s obviously not that. Just because we aren’t dating doesn’t mean we can’t have a deep emotional connection, and it shouldn’t feel like we’re less than people who are romantically together, but I sound like I’m trying to justify our lack of traditional commitment or like I’m settling for less when I explain it to others.