~~~~~~~~

FILLED here! by va_jessie

FILLED here! by Dirty_Angel22

Additional Tags: [MDom] [strangers to lovers] [tit sucking] [smothering] [tit worship] [big dick] [spit as lube] [titjob] [cum eating] [hair pulling] [sex in public] [the thrill of getting caught] [fucked against the card catalogue]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

It’s agonizingly close to closing time, but a stuffed-shirt librarian has been battling her ill-fitting bra all day. Surely nobody’s gonna come in and see anything if she just pops it off a few minutes before clocking out, right? WRONG, as that’s when you stroll in, looking to take advantage of all the fine services the public library has to offer. You’re not even creeping on her, but she’s so awkward and in her own head that her brain breaks and she flashes you. But maybe that was her subconscious talking, because this good girl wants to get fucked like the bad girls do, and you’re more than happy to oblige.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Speaker is eagerly FSub by the end, using subby language, “slut,” etc. Listener is referred to by terms like “baby” and “sir.”

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“God, it’s been alllll daaay! I can’t deal with this torture for one more second!

It’s only like fifteen minutes until I lock up. Maybe I could just…

NO. No, girl. That’s how they get you. Be strong.

Everybody wants to ogle the big titty librarian. They’re just WAITING for me to slip up and take my bra off. All the townies would probably pile in here expecting a wet t-shirt contest and $1 Jell-O shots.”

 

“Oh my GOD, we GET it, okay?! Stop staring at my tits! NO, I’m not wearing a bra! You wanna SEE so bad? Here! Take a good, long look!

HAPPY now?!

Oh no. Oh no. I just pulled my shirt up in the stacks in front of a strange man. I just exposed my bare boobs to some rando.

I want to cover up but… I can’t. Frozen. Synapses fried. Brain and body not communicating. Oh jeez. Oh jeez.”

 

“Ohhhhh my fucking god, yes! Bang me off this rickety old cabinet until I’ve got the alphabet tattooed on my ass! I wanna be fucked so hard, the whole thing tips over and gets all unorganized!

Hold me up so I can wrap my legs around your waist and take that dick! Put my tits at mouth level so you can bury your face in there and go fucking feral!

This is the best day of my life. I’m gonna give that third-rate bra company SUCH a good review. Their shitty craftsmanship put me on a path to get my tits fucked and my pussy plowed.”

—————————————

~~~~~~~~

FILLED here! by va_jessie

FILLED here! by Dirty_Angel22

Additional Tags: [MDom] [strangers to lovers] [tit sucking] [smothering] [tit worship] [big dick] [spit as lube] [titjob] [cum eating] [hair pulling] [sex in public] [the thrill of getting caught] [fucked against the card catalogue]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

It’s agonizingly close to closing time, but a stuffed-shirt librarian has been battling her ill-fitting bra all day. Surely nobody’s gonna come in and see anything if she just pops it off a few minutes before clocking out, right? WRONG, as that’s when you stroll in, looking to take advantage of all the fine services the public library has to offer. You’re not even creeping on her, but she’s so awkward and in her own head that her brain breaks and she flashes you. But maybe that was her subconscious talking, because this good girl wants to get fucked like the bad girls do, and you’re more than happy to oblige.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Speaker is eagerly FSub by the end, using subby language, “slut,” etc. Listener is referred to by terms like “baby” and “sir.”

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“God, it’s been alllll daaay! I can’t deal with this torture for one more second!

It’s only like fifteen minutes until I lock up. Maybe I could just…

NO. No, girl. That’s how they get you. Be strong.

Everybody wants to ogle the big titty librarian. They’re just WAITING for me to slip up and take my bra off. All the townies would probably pile in here expecting a wet t-shirt contest and $1 Jell-O shots.”

 

“Oh my GOD, we GET it, okay?! Stop staring at my tits! NO, I’m not wearing a bra! You wanna SEE so bad? Here! Take a good, long look!

HAPPY now?!

Oh no. Oh no. I just pulled my shirt up in the stacks in front of a strange man. I just exposed my bare boobs to some rando.

I want to cover up but… I can’t. Frozen. Synapses fried. Brain and body not communicating. Oh jeez. Oh jeez.”

 

“Ohhhhh my fucking god, yes! Bang me off this rickety old cabinet until I’ve got the alphabet tattooed on my ass! I wanna be fucked so hard, the whole thing tips over and gets all unorganized!

Hold me up so I can wrap my legs around your waist and take that dick! Put my tits at mouth level so you can bury your face in there and go fucking feral!

This is the best day of my life. I’m gonna give that third-rate bra company SUCH a good review. Their shitty craftsmanship put me on a path to get my tits fucked and my pussy plowed.”

—————————————

FILLED here! By seralynneVA

~~~~~~~~

Additional Tags: [semi-ethical non-monogamy] [comparing herself to your new girlfriend] [mocking] [mean] [but she secretly likes it] [fucked while gaming] [cum on ass] [spanking] [tit slapping] [topping from the bottom]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

You rented the spare room in your house to a toxic gamer gremlin under one condition: you get to use her body at any time, any way you want. She huffed and rolled her eyes and made a big scene over what a perv you are… but she also signed the contract, so what does that tell you? To complicate things further, you’ve got a new girlfriend who’s cool with the situation, so you decide to use your roomie to blow off a little steam before your big date. She starts out as her usual mouthy self, but as she gets worked up, she goads you into the type of rough fuck she secretly craves.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. CNC for a free use scenario. Speaker enjoys the situation more than she lets on, as she reveals more and more by the end. A few uses of “slut, bitch, whore,” etc. Some sarcastic remarks about the listener’s sexual prowess.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“Don’t you have a giiiiirrrrlfriend now? Did you tell HER about your free-use slampiece? The little live-in rentslut? Can’t imagine she was too fond of THAT.

GROSS! You told her the TRUTH? And she’s INTO it?! That’s even WORSE somehow!

NO, I’m not slut-shaming her! Grow up.

I mean… she’s a slut, and she should be ashamed, but… they’re two separate issues.”

 

“I’m not ACTING bored. I AM bored. As if your dick is so fucking exciting or something. Does your little boo thing clap and squeal like she just saw a magic trick every time you whip it out?”

 

“C’mon… mmm, god… wr-wrap it up. Slide your cock in and out of my crack until you give me a hot, sticky tramp stamp. The sooner you’re out of my hair, the better.

Yeah? You gonna… oh, fuck… you gonna bust? Is this tight little body so deadly that I don’t even need to use a hole to get your cum?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Choke me and fuck me. Make bruises bloom on my throat like a fucking flower necklace.

Take out all your aggression on me so you can make love to her slow and sweet. I’m built for it. I can do this shit all day.

Yeah? You gonna introduce me? Don’t threaten ME with a good time. Does she have a mean streak like you? Will she make me call her Mommy?”

—————————————

FILLED here! By seralynneVA

~~~~~~~~

Additional Tags: [semi-ethical non-monogamy] [comparing herself to your new girlfriend] [mocking] [mean] [but she secretly likes it] [fucked while gaming] [cum on ass] [spanking] [tit slapping] [topping from the bottom]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

You rented the spare room in your house to a toxic gamer gremlin under one condition: you get to use her body at any time, any way you want. She huffed and rolled her eyes and made a big scene over what a perv you are… but she also signed the contract, so what does that tell you? To complicate things further, you’ve got a new girlfriend who’s cool with the situation, so you decide to use your roomie to blow off a little steam before your big date. She starts out as her usual mouthy self, but as she gets worked up, she goads you into the type of rough fuck she secretly craves.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. CNC for a free use scenario. Speaker enjoys the situation more than she lets on, as she reveals more and more by the end. A few uses of “slut, bitch, whore,” etc. Some sarcastic remarks about the listener’s sexual prowess.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“Don’t you have a giiiiirrrrlfriend now? Did you tell HER about your free-use slampiece? The little live-in rentslut? Can’t imagine she was too fond of THAT.

GROSS! You told her the TRUTH? And she’s INTO it?! That’s even WORSE somehow!

NO, I’m not slut-shaming her! Grow up.

I mean… she’s a slut, and she should be ashamed, but… they’re two separate issues.”

 

“I’m not ACTING bored. I AM bored. As if your dick is so fucking exciting or something. Does your little boo thing clap and squeal like she just saw a magic trick every time you whip it out?”

 

“C’mon… mmm, god… wr-wrap it up. Slide your cock in and out of my crack until you give me a hot, sticky tramp stamp. The sooner you’re out of my hair, the better.

Yeah? You gonna… oh, fuck… you gonna bust? Is this tight little body so deadly that I don’t even need to use a hole to get your cum?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Choke me and fuck me. Make bruises bloom on my throat like a fucking flower necklace.

Take out all your aggression on me so you can make love to her slow and sweet. I’m built for it. I can do this shit all day.

Yeah? You gonna introduce me? Don’t threaten ME with a good time. Does she have a mean streak like you? Will she make me call her Mommy?”

—————————————

Filled here! By nyaughtymeowww

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

While running errands around town the other day, a strange cat trotted right up to you like he knew something you didn’t. He seemed a little too well-fed to be a stray, so you canvassed the area to see if you could find his owner. Lo and behold, you discovered his kitty mugshot on a missing pet poster. You texted the listed number so you could hook up with his owner and return him. But upon meeting this cute, grateful tomboy who’s clearly into you, it becomes apparent you’re gonna hook up with his owner for real.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“Yeah, his name’s Mikey. Like the Ninja Turtle. Because he’s a tortoiseshell, get it? Lots of orange in there.

Plus, I find it extremely fucking funny when pets have human names. I once met a dog named ‘Trevor.’ True story.”

 

“Soooo… I’ve got a feeling you can tell exactly where this is going, grinning like the Cheshire Cat and everything. Cocky prick.

Eh, fuck it, I’m not proud. You gonna let me ‘reward’ you properly, then, Boy Scout? Maybe straddle your lap and stick my tongue in your mouth?

Nah, I didn’t put that on the poster. Maybe I should have, huh? C’mere.”

 

“Fuuuck yes! I got it nice and sloppy with my mouth, now you’re buried in the back of my sopping wet cunt. Feel that kitty purring in your lap? Watch my ass wiggle while I grind.

Aww, is the big, brave do-gooder gonna bust? Is this tight little tomboy pussy too much for him?”

—————————————

Filled here! By nyaughtymeowww

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

While running errands around town the other day, a strange cat trotted right up to you like he knew something you didn’t. He seemed a little too well-fed to be a stray, so you canvassed the area to see if you could find his owner. Lo and behold, you discovered his kitty mugshot on a missing pet poster. You texted the listed number so you could hook up with his owner and return him. But upon meeting this cute, grateful tomboy who’s clearly into you, it becomes apparent you’re gonna hook up with his owner for real.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“Yeah, his name’s Mikey. Like the Ninja Turtle. Because he’s a tortoiseshell, get it? Lots of orange in there.

Plus, I find it extremely fucking funny when pets have human names. I once met a dog named ‘Trevor.’ True story.”

 

“Soooo… I’ve got a feeling you can tell exactly where this is going, grinning like the Cheshire Cat and everything. Cocky prick.

Eh, fuck it, I’m not proud. You gonna let me ‘reward’ you properly, then, Boy Scout? Maybe straddle your lap and stick my tongue in your mouth?

Nah, I didn’t put that on the poster. Maybe I should have, huh? C’mere.”

 

“Fuuuck yes! I got it nice and sloppy with my mouth, now you’re buried in the back of my sopping wet cunt. Feel that kitty purring in your lap? Watch my ass wiggle while I grind.

Aww, is the big, brave do-gooder gonna bust? Is this tight little tomboy pussy too much for him?”

—————————————

Filled here! By nyaughtymeowww

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

While running errands around town the other day, a strange cat trotted right up to you like he knew something you didn’t. He seemed a little too well-fed to be a stray, so you canvassed the area to see if you could find his owner. Lo and behold, you discovered his kitty mugshot on a missing pet poster. You texted the listed number so you could hook up with his owner and return him. But upon meeting this cute, grateful tomboy who’s clearly into you, it becomes apparent you’re gonna hook up with his owner for real.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“Yeah, his name’s Mikey. Like the Ninja Turtle. Because he’s a tortoiseshell, get it? Lots of orange in there.

Plus, I find it extremely fucking funny when pets have human names. I once met a dog named ‘Trevor.’ True story.”

 

“Soooo… I’ve got a feeling you can tell exactly where this is going, grinning like the Cheshire Cat and everything. Cocky prick.

Eh, fuck it, I’m not proud. You gonna let me ‘reward’ you properly, then, Boy Scout? Maybe straddle your lap and stick my tongue in your mouth?

Nah, I didn’t put that on the poster. Maybe I should have, huh? C’mere.”

 

“Fuuuck yes! I got it nice and sloppy with my mouth, now you’re buried in the back of my sopping wet cunt. Feel that kitty purring in your lap? Watch my ass wiggle while I grind.

Aww, is the big, brave do-gooder gonna bust? Is this tight little tomboy pussy too much for him?”

—————————————

Time for more Certified Fappers w/ Annie and Emo! Episode 3: Entirely Too Long Edition! More banter than you can handle, with u/anniegulie and our first ever guest, u/ArchangelsBabe!

#LISTEN HERE on Hot Audio!

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The length of this one maaaay have gotten away from us a little! 😅 So we’re including timestamps in case you want to hop around.

If you’ve got the time, we’d love for you to listen to the whole thing, but we’re not the boss of you!

Intro
0:00 – 8:16
You Had To Be There
8:17 – 18:13
Featured Script/Audio #1
18:14 – 32:55
Fap or Cap
32:56 – 43:52
Featured Script/Audio #2
43:53 – 55:45
Welcome Archie
55:46 – 57:46
Yeet Sixteen
57:47 – 1:34:59
Mini interview w/ Archie
1:35:00 – 1:45:59
Archie’s funny audios
1:46:00 – 2:04:30
Hard Naur
2:04:31 – 2:24:32
Smut plugs
2:24:33 – 2:33:25
Bye bye
2:33:26 – 2:35:26

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Highlights include:

-We shine a light on uniquely hilarious scripts and original content audios! Hope you like pop culture parodies and baked goods! 😎💀🍞🍰

-We pick Archie’s brain 🧠 on the intersection of humor and smut! Some quick questions, then a look at her funny and clever audios, past, present, and future!

-Fun games! Silly titles! Catchy jingles!

-“You Had To Be There” - Catching up on things from the last episode! Boring little stories from our dreary little lives! 🥱

-“Fap or Cap” - Is it the title of a real audio, or did Annie and I make it up? 💦🧢 We try to stump each other! Who will win?

-“Yeet Sixteen” - Voting on a March Madness-style bracket! Archie, Annie, and I crown the Best Sex Position! 👑🫦 It takes longer than you might think! 😁

-“Hard Naur” - A “Would You Rather” game where the three of us decide the lesser evil in the erotic audio space among a bevy of bad options! Holy crap, Lois! 🦪

-“Smut Plugs” - Collabs, collabs, collabs! Insatiable suburbanites, kinky everyday encounters, and the Academy Awards of Smut! ✉️🎬🍿

-Annie and I both have a cold! Germs are flyin’ around like crazy! We kick whiny sick men like me when they’re down! ☹️🤧🦠

-Baby hippo battle royal! Fiona vs. Moo Deng vs. Brötchen! 🦛🦛🦛

-Celebrity impressions! Get to the choppa! 🚁 Dracula needs more cowbell! 🧛‍♂️🐮🔔

-Our next layoff will be a bit longer than usual! See you in early September! 👋📆

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeet Sixteen tournament! Follow the link to my profile to see the bracket. Spoiler Alert: the second image shows who won!

Note that while recording I forgot there was supposed to be a 3rd Place consolation game, so we just voted on that offline. 😂 Dumbass World Cup rules! 😡

Yeet Sixteen bracket - Sex Positions

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Links to featured scripts/audios:

Please mind the tags on each individual script or audio to make sure it’s something you’re comfortable engaging with.

The SPERMINATOR - Humanity's Fate Rests With Her Pussy!
by u/GaryPoppinz

The Bone Throne - You’re Evil-Lyn and Skeletor pours the full power of his Havoc Staff down your magic little, obedient throat
by u/Mac_Bauer

The Dough Dumbification: Dumb as Bread
by u/ellasmet

Your THICC Klutzy Neighbor Needs To Borrow Some Sugar But You End Up Eating HER Cake Instead
by u/VacayOnTheCitadel2

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Archie’s Audios!

Your Dr. Distracts You by Having Her Goth Daughter Suck Your Cock
collab with u/luckycatsfoot
written by u/fischji

Hypnotizing Your Bitchy Roommate Into Brushing Her Teeth With Your Cum
written by u/EffietheFG

A Late-Night Visit from the Cum Burglar!
written by u/fluff-cunningham

And the ones I wrote!

Lemonade Stand Baddie Fucks a Sour Customer

Eager to Please GF Misinterprets Your Request For a Slurpee

Your Adventurous Girlfriend Wants You to Fuck Her…LITERALLY

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Collabs We Mentioned!

Suspiciously Sexy in the Suburbs
organized by u/Dirty_Angel22

24 Hours of Kink and Kissing
organized by u/KittyFantasticoUK and u/waterlilywrites

The Smut Oscars! Coming Friday, July 31st!
organized by u/MsMoonstone_

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Past Episodes of Certified Fappers!

Get up to speed!

Episode 1

Episode 2

And check out my goofy IKEA script I was contractually obligated to write in Ep 2!

Dirty IKEA Daddy bends you over the GLOSTAD for some sweet-ish lovemaking

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rare M4F effort from me that I was contractually obligated to write via podcast. 😅

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

Out on a shopping excursion, you’ve convinced your daddy dom to stop off at the IKEA Store under the pretense that you’re “just browsing.” 😈 But your REAL plan is to behave like a spoiled brat and grind your sugar daddy’s gears until you get a cart full of free stuff, a rough fuck session, or both. He takes the bait like he always does and bends you over some uniquely-named furniture for a mix of punishment and praise that can only be described as “sweet-ish.”

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

This is a work of fiction. All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Script depicts consenting adults in a DD/LG relationship. Pet names for listener include babygirl, princess, sweetheart, etc.

———————————

Additional Tags: [The Ocarina of Time] [Majora’s Mask] [Nintendo] [parody] [breaking the fourth wall] [sassy] [sleepy] [slight FDom] [pierced] [pointy ears] [banter] [chickens] [pussy eating] [bent over the counter] [a little rough] [spanking]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

To celebrate the upcoming Ocarina of Time remake - Bombchu Bowling Alley girl, my beloved. You’re looking to get your mini-game on in Hyrule Castle Town, when you notice that the sleepy NPC proprietor is suspiciously sexy. “The Game Dev’s Barely Disguised Fetish” type shit. Once you get to know her, she drops the customer service voice and gives you a little sass in line with her alt-girl aesthetics. After a couple of frames of bowling to keep up appearances, she reveals she’s totally DTF, providing a pussy-eating tutorial before you bend her over the counter.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“What gave me away? The pixie cut? The purple hair? The whole bad bitch alt-girl aura?

Just because you’re an NPC doesn’t mean you can’t have main character energy, y’know? In all of Castle Town, I’m the only goth, or… emo, or… whatever the fuck I am.

Try not to fall in love, okay? Dudes have been catching feelings for me for… shit, DECADES. Pointy ears, big anime eyes, pretty pink fit… what’s not to like?”

 

“Your tongue’s navigating the Water Temple between my legs just fine, huh? You know EXACTLY what to do. French-kiss that quivering cunt, then suck my clit until my toes curl. You’re about to raise the water level when I flood your fucking mouth.”

 

“Fuck yeah, pull my hair! Snatch that purple bob at the roots and snap my head back! Force me to look at all the ugly neon shit on the wall while you pound this pussy until I can’t see straight!

Holy shit! Grabbing my leg and putting my foot up on the counter like that… you’re - so - fucking - deep! Stretch me out from this impossible angle until I lose my fucking mind! I’m gonna start climbing the walls like the bombchus!”

—————————————

Additional Tags: [The Ocarina of Time] [Majora’s Mask] [Nintendo] [parody] [breaking the fourth wall] [sassy] [sleepy] [slight FDom] [pierced] [pointy ears] [banter] [chickens] [pussy eating] [bent over the counter] [a little rough] [spanking]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

To celebrate the upcoming Ocarina of Time remake - Bombchu Bowling Alley girl, my beloved. You’re looking to get your mini-game on in Hyrule Castle Town, when you notice that the sleepy NPC proprietor is suspiciously sexy. “The Game Dev’s Barely Disguised Fetish” type shit. Once you get to know her, she drops the customer service voice and gives you a little sass in line with her alt-girl aesthetics. After a couple of frames of bowling to keep up appearances, she reveals she’s totally DTF, providing a pussy-eating tutorial before you bend her over the counter.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“What gave me away? The pixie cut? The purple hair? The whole bad bitch alt-girl aura?

Just because you’re an NPC doesn’t mean you can’t have main character energy, y’know? In all of Castle Town, I’m the only goth, or… emo, or… whatever the fuck I am.

Try not to fall in love, okay? Dudes have been catching feelings for me for… shit, DECADES. Pointy ears, big anime eyes, pretty pink fit… what’s not to like?”

 

“Your tongue’s navigating the Water Temple between my legs just fine, huh? You know EXACTLY what to do. French-kiss that quivering cunt, then suck my clit until my toes curl. You’re about to raise the water level when I flood your fucking mouth.”

 

“Fuck yeah, pull my hair! Snatch that purple bob at the roots and snap my head back! Force me to look at all the ugly neon shit on the wall while you pound this pussy until I can’t see straight!

Holy shit! Grabbing my leg and putting my foot up on the counter like that… you’re - so - fucking - deep! Stretch me out from this impossible angle until I lose my fucking mind! I’m gonna start climbing the walls like the bombchus!”

—————————————

Additional Tags: [The Ocarina of Time] [Majora’s Mask] [Nintendo] [parody] [breaking the fourth wall] [sassy] [sleepy] [slight FDom] [pierced] [pointy ears] [banter] [chickens] [pussy eating] [bent over the counter] [a little rough] [spanking]

~~~~~~~~

#Summary

To celebrate the upcoming Ocarina of Time remake - Bombchu Bowling Alley girl, my beloved. You’re looking to get your mini-game on in Hyrule Castle Town, when you notice that the sleepy NPC proprietor is suspiciously sexy. “The Game Dev’s Barely Disguised Fetish” type shit. Once you get to know her, she drops the customer service voice and gives you a little sass in line with her alt-girl aesthetics. After a couple of frames of bowling to keep up appearances, she reveals she’s totally DTF, providing a pussy-eating tutorial before you bend her over the counter.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“What gave me away? The pixie cut? The purple hair? The whole bad bitch alt-girl aura?

Just because you’re an NPC doesn’t mean you can’t have main character energy, y’know? In all of Castle Town, I’m the only goth, or… emo, or… whatever the fuck I am.

Try not to fall in love, okay? Dudes have been catching feelings for me for… shit, DECADES. Pointy ears, big anime eyes, pretty pink fit… what’s not to like?”

 

“Your tongue’s navigating the Water Temple between my legs just fine, huh? You know EXACTLY what to do. French-kiss that quivering cunt, then suck my clit until my toes curl. You’re about to raise the water level when I flood your fucking mouth.”

 

“Fuck yeah, pull my hair! Snatch that purple bob at the roots and snap my head back! Force me to look at all the ugly neon shit on the wall while you pound this pussy until I can’t see straight!

Holy shit! Grabbing my leg and putting my foot up on the counter like that… you’re - so - fucking - deep! Stretch me out from this impossible angle until I lose my fucking mind! I’m gonna start climbing the walls like the bombchus!”

—————————————

Episode 2 of Certified Fappers w/ Annie and Emo! Can u/anniegulie and I avoid the sophomore slump? 🤔

#LISTEN HERE on Soundgasm!

#LISTEN HERE on Hot Audio!

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Highlights include:

-We feature 3 knee-slapping scripts and 3 laugh-inducing audios!

-An F4F fairy tale and a sleepy M4M succubus? Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

-The high cost of gas ⛽️ and a bush shaved before her time! 🥀 F’s in the chat!

-A super spicy parody 🌶️🐔🔥 and the perils of grinding against an airhorn! 📢

-Multiple segments with catchy titles and killer tunes!

-“You Had To Be There” - Annie and I ramble about some Grandpa Simpson shit you don’t care about! It was the style at the time!

-“Pick Me, Girl” - We fantasy draft slang terms for P and V! Comment and tell us who won!

-“Head Game Strong” - Laugh at how little we know about sex terms! A loving tribute to Trapt!

-“The Plot Thiccens” - Annie curates some wacky tags and I give ‘em a title! Vote on your favorite to be written for real!

-Learn the shady history of the Baltimore Ravens! 🐦‍⬛💜

-Hear how German children earn a seahorse sticker if they survive rigorous swimming challenges! 🌊🐴🏊🇩🇪

-Gently crunching a water bottle in your ear (ASMR)!

-GIRAFFES, GIRAFFES, GIRAFFES! 🦒 🦒🦒

-We’ll be back in late July! With a special guest, maybe? 😱

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pick Me, Girl! Drop us a comment and tell us whose team wins!

Emo’s Genitalia Team: >!Pussy, Cunt, Shaft, Kitty, Meat, Rod!<

Annie’s Genitalia Team: >!Cock, Dick, Slit, Hole, Bone, Twat!<

#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Plot Thiccens! Leave a comment to vote for your favorite script idea from these three choices!

1. Tags in spoiler text: >![F4M] [Supervillain] [Karaoke Bar] [Foot Job] [Anal] [Bruno Mars? I want Uranus]!<

Title in spoiler text: >!Hot mess villainess puts her foot up your ass for singing karaoke off-key!<

2. Tags in spoiler text: >![M4F] [DILF] [IKEA] [Standing Doggy] [PIV] [Yummy Meatballs]!<

Title in spoiler text: >!Dirty IKEA Daddy bends you over the GLOSTAD for some sweet-ish lovemaking!<

3. Tags in spoiler text: >![F4M] [Tsundere] [Farmer‘s Market] [Blowjob] [Rough sex] [Lemme sample your cum, little piggy]!<

Title in spoiler text: >!Fussin’ & Feudin’ at the Farmer’s Market: conceited country girl sucks you off behind her stall!<

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#Links to featured scripts/audios:

Please mind the tags on each individual script or audio to make sure it’s something you’re comfortable engaging with.

You Get Eaten By The Evil Witch of the Woods
by u/renelisabeth & FILLED by u/kreemsicklee

"I know you wanted a big titty succubus, but you got sleepy ol' me instead"
by u/PerchanceToDreamMore

You…. You Did…. What????
by u/Silent_Nocturne

"Gas Is Almost $5 A Gallon! So, I'm Not Driving Over Unless I Get Some Head, Damn It!"
by u/Edge_of_The_Blade

Welcome back to “Hot Ones”!
by u/MsMoonstone_

Sleepily Grinding Against You but there's an airhorn between us
by u/Ash_RiverVA

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#In case you missed it, catch up on Certified Fappers Episode 1 here!

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FILLED here! by u/anniegulie and u/ArchangelsBabe

Additional Tags: [best friends] [beach] [volleyball] [athlete] [tall] [sunglasses] [ponytail] [flirty] [teasing] [nerd] [geek] [thick] [shortstack] [banter] [bisexual] [threesome] [kissing] [making out] [tit sucking] [big dick] [fat ass] [dirty talk] [cock slaps] [spit on cock]

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#Summary

You’ve stopped to admire the scenery as a pair of bikini babes jiggle their way through a friendly game of beach volleyball. Kylie, a brash, athletic, exhibitionist, takes notice, making sure to show you all the best angles so you stay right where she wants you. Her geeky friend Dot is just struggling to keep up, but that little dusting of sand on her thick ass is making you feel some kinda way. After the game, bold Kylie proposes a sloppy suck sesh that’ll end with you putting her nerdy friend face down, ass up.

#Read it here!

Kylie: Bold, brash, flirty, exhibitionist, no filter. Likes to tease but is a loyal friend. Physically described as a tall, lean, leggy athlete. Sunglasses, ponytail, perky tits.

Dot: Nerdy, soft, shy, bookish, easily embarrassed but deeply horny once she gets warmed up. Physically described as short and curvy. Glasses and a thick ass.

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#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Speakers use terms like “bitch,” “slut,” etc, mostly in a playful way.

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Additional Tags: [best friends] [beach] [volleyball] [athlete] [tall] [sunglasses] [ponytail] [flirty] [teasing] [nerd] [geek] [thick] [shortstack] [banter] [bisexual] [threesome] [kissing] [making out] [tit sucking] [big dick] [fat ass] [dirty talk] [cock slaps] [spit on cock]

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#Summary

You’ve stopped to admire the scenery as a pair of bikini babes jiggle their way through a friendly game of beach volleyball. Kylie, a brash, athletic, exhibitionist, takes notice, making sure to show you all the best angles so you stay right where she wants you. Her geeky friend Dot is just struggling to keep up, but that little dusting of sand on her thick ass is making you feel some kinda way. After the game, bold Kylie proposes a sloppy suck sesh that’ll end with you putting her nerdy friend face down, ass up.

#Read it here!

Kylie: Bold, brash, flirty, exhibitionist, no filter. Likes to tease but is a loyal friend. Physically described as a tall, lean, leggy athlete. Sunglasses, ponytail, perky tits.

Dot: Nerdy, soft, shy, bookish, easily embarrassed but deeply horny once she gets warmed up. Physically described as short and curvy. Glasses and a thick ass.

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#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Speakers use terms like “bitch,” “slut,” etc, mostly in a playful way.

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Additional Tags: [best friends] [beach] [volleyball] [athlete] [tall] [sunglasses] [ponytail] [flirty] [teasing] [nerd] [geek] [thick] [shortstack] [banter] [bisexual] [threesome] [kissing] [making out] [tit sucking] [big dick] [fat ass] [dirty talk] [cock slaps] [spit on cock]

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#Summary

You’ve stopped to admire the scenery as a pair of bikini babes jiggle their way through a friendly game of beach volleyball. Kylie, a brash, athletic, exhibitionist, takes notice, making sure to show you all the best angles so you stay right where she wants you. Her geeky friend Dot is just struggling to keep up, but that little dusting of sand on her thick ass is making you feel some kinda way. After the game, bold Kylie proposes a sloppy suck sesh that’ll end with you putting her nerdy friend face down, ass up.

#Read it here!

Kylie: Bold, brash, flirty, exhibitionist, no filter. Likes to tease but is a loyal friend. Physically described as a tall, lean, leggy athlete. Sunglasses, ponytail, perky tits.

Dot: Nerdy, soft, shy, bookish, easily embarrassed but deeply horny once she gets warmed up. Physically described as short and curvy. Glasses and a thick ass.

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#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+. Speakers use terms like “bitch,” “slut,” etc, mostly in a playful way.

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FILLED here! by BubblesyPressure and Lurkydip

Reposting one from the vault here to be in line with current tagging rules.

Word Count: 2900

Disclaimer: Content Warning - Rape tag for reasons of sleep paralysis, although it’s not a major focus of the script. All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

Read it HERE!

Description: Shy, nervous Nyxie is the new succubus on the block who’s being put through her paces by Desdemona, her much more confident and experienced trainer. The new girl starts out slow, but once she gets rolling, she’s a force to be reckoned with. By the end of the night, both succubi get to have some fun with their human subject and each other, and Nyxie gets fully certified in a few nasty sex acts.

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FILLED here! By anniegulie

FILLED here! By VenusDeVelours

Additional Tags: [work] [crush] [emotional] [teasing] [handjob] [stroking] [good boy]

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#Summary

It’s the last day of your long-time office crush’s two-week notice, and you’ve been dragging your heels on that final bittersweet goodbye. It feels like the attraction was mutual and a lot of things were left unsaid, but for whatever reason, no one ever made the first move. That all changes today, as the now-or-never aspect of her departure escalates your flirty friendship to the next level at long last. You may not work together anymore, but she ensures that you’ll still be seeing plenty of her on a regular basis.

#Read it here!

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#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

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#Excerpts

“I was starting to think I wouldn’t see you before I left. Kinda felt like you were avoiding me today.

We had a going away party in the break room, but I know you’re not big on, uh… gatherings. Or sentimental stuff.

Yeah. There was cake. Rita was in charge of that, so it was, y’know… playfully toxic. It said ‘You’re Dead To Us’ in pink icing.”

&nbsp;

“So… we can continue with the ‘will they or won’t they’ sexual tension and end this season finale on a cliffhanger, orrrr…

We could take advantage of this big, empty office… and see if we can change how you feel about goodbyes.”

&nbsp;

“Yeah, be careful what you wish for. Now get under this skirt and tug my panties down. Put ‘em in your pocket. A little going away present.

Ooh, maybe my underwear can be the very first personal item on your naked-ass desk? Hang ‘em off the corner of your monitor so you’ll never forget me?

I’m gonna give you something else to remember me by, don’t worry. I love the way your cock twitches when I squeeze it. You’re so fucking excited.”

FILLED here! By anniegulie

FILLED here! By VenusDeVelours

Additional Tags: [work] [crush] [emotional] [teasing] [handjob] [stroking] [good boy]

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#Summary

It’s the last day of your long-time office crush’s two-week notice, and you’ve been dragging your heels on that final bittersweet goodbye. It feels like the attraction was mutual and a lot of things were left unsaid, but for whatever reason, no one ever made the first move. That all changes today, as the now-or-never aspect of her departure escalates your flirty friendship to the next level at long last. You may not work together anymore, but she ensures that you’ll still be seeing plenty of her on a regular basis.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“I was starting to think I wouldn’t see you before I left. Kinda felt like you were avoiding me today.

We had a going away party in the break room, but I know you’re not big on, uh… gatherings. Or sentimental stuff.

Yeah. There was cake. Rita was in charge of that, so it was, y’know… playfully toxic. It said ‘You’re Dead To Us’ in pink icing.”

&nbsp;

“So… we can continue with the ‘will they or won’t they’ sexual tension and end this season finale on a cliffhanger, orrrr…

We could take advantage of this big, empty office… and see if we can change how you feel about goodbyes.”

&nbsp;

“Yeah, be careful what you wish for. Now get under this skirt and tug my panties down. Put ‘em in your pocket. A little going away present.

Ooh, maybe my underwear can be the very first personal item on your naked-ass desk? Hang ‘em off the corner of your monitor so you’ll never forget me?

I’m gonna give you something else to remember me by, don’t worry. I love the way your cock twitches when I squeeze it. You’re so fucking excited.”

FILLED here! By VenusDeVelours

Additional Tags: [work] [crush] [emotional] [teasing] [handjob] [stroking] [good boy]

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#Summary

It’s the last day of your long-time office crush’s two-week notice, and you’ve been dragging your heels on that final bittersweet goodbye. It feels like the attraction was mutual and a lot of things were left unsaid, but for whatever reason, no one ever made the first move. That all changes today, as the now-or-never aspect of her departure escalates your flirty friendship to the next level at long last. You may not work together anymore, but she ensures that you’ll still be seeing plenty of her on a regular basis.

#Read it here!

~~~~~~~~

#Content Warning

All characters depicted are adults aged 18+.

~~~~~~~~

#Excerpts

“I was starting to think I wouldn’t see you before I left. Kinda felt like you were avoiding me today.

We had a going away party in the break room, but I know you’re not big on, uh… gatherings. Or sentimental stuff.

Yeah. There was cake. Rita was in charge of that, so it was, y’know… playfully toxic. It said ‘You’re Dead To Us’ in pink icing.”

&nbsp;

“So… we can continue with the ‘will they or won’t they’ sexual tension and end this season finale on a cliffhanger, orrrr…

We could take advantage of this big, empty office… and see if we can change how you feel about goodbyes.”

&nbsp;

“Yeah, be careful what you wish for. Now get under this skirt and tug my panties down. Put ‘em in your pocket. A little going away present.

Ooh, maybe my underwear can be the very first personal item on your naked-ass desk? Hang ‘em off the corner of your monitor so you’ll never forget me?

I’m gonna give you something else to remember me by, don’t worry. I love the way your cock twitches when I squeeze it. You’re so fucking excited.”