Weird body dysmorphia
I’ve talked about this before but dude. Okay so for reference, im 18 female. I get off to porn like any other person I think, seeing dicks does turn me on, but it also makes me really upset. That’s why I try to avoid looking at real porn. Because I always end up wishing I had a dick myself. A real, functioning, dick. I wouldn’t say im transgender, I typically say im non binary. But dude.. if I could change my sex, I would in an instant. It’s not even like I want to pass as a guy, I just want a dick. Yes I’ve researched bottom surgery, but it just does not look like what I personally want at all, because what I want is biologically impossible. I want male reproductive organs that function as such. Perhaps part of it is misogyny, because ironically, I really don’t like men. I was raped and sexually abused by one. But I still want a dick. It just looks so much more fun and pleasurable. You can grind against things easier, you can stroke it, stick it in things, AND NONE OF IT FUCKING HURTS. Well at least I assume it doesn’t. Getting off as a female fucking sucks. You end up sore afterwards. I can’t climax on my own. I hardly can. It’s too difficult. I wish I could just have a dick, because I do get aroused a lot, but I don’t do anything about it because shits pointless. Especially since I don’t have anyone to think about while doing it (porn kinda worked before but I’ve cut that out because it genuinely started becoming an addiction. Who would’ve known a biological female could have a very similar porn addiction like a man) I don’t know. I’m so fed up. I wish I was a man so society could view me better. I could be more secure and safe, AND happy. And don’t get me started on that boner shit and blue balls and wet dreams etc. I don’t give a fucking shit. I’d trade having such horrible periods that I had to get on MEDICATION because everytime I got my period i genuinely wanted to fucking kill myself. I’d become completely unstable AND bleeding like crazy. And since the medical system doesn’t give a fuck about females, all I can do is take these meds. No cure. Can’t get this stupid organ taken out of me. I don’t have rights over my own body. So yes men, I would much rather deal with your biological struggles than what I have to deal with. It’s a nightmare. I’m not trying to downplay how men feel, im just really fucking fed up you know? I wish I could find a “cure” to this. But there’s no solution other than maybe being intimate with someone that has a dick, but last time I did that, I got beyond fucked up because consent didn’t matter to him and he made me do extremely fucked up things just because I made him horny. By just existing. I never did anything and he’d be horny in a second. So for now, that’s out of the equation. Uh fuck im done. I’m gonna go to bed. I need to learn how to appreciate my body, but society makes it so fucking hard to do so, and having a dick just seems so much better.