I know I shouldn’t care..
That my ex found out I became a sex worker, but I do. I’m sure it’s my own projection of judgement toward myself.
My work instagram showed him as a person you may know, I panicked. Later today i was like crap I should have blocked him, so I jumped back online to his profile. It was zeroed out…so he blocked me. Right? I checked my personal and it’s not zeroed out. There is no reason for him to come up. It’s Kept on a totally different device. I honestly don’t even use it much but it’s listed on my tryst.
I know this is hypothetical, he is the biggest fucking gossip though. The kind of guy who all his exes are crazy and dated terrible people after him,how he clearly made a mistake with them. THEY were th problem. He told me so many of their personal stories…it made me keep my secrets honestly. His friends used to be civil and say hi to me even catch up and talk about our jobs etc but there was a festival in our local city last week and they all avoided me. I heard he’s getting married or was married ’m very happy for him and I hope it’s been positive…like he stopped drinking etc. He was single for along time so that’s good he finally found someone to stick. We broke up 4 years ago, I realized I didn’t want to be in another long term relationship..I was married most of my adult life. I’m in my mid 30s and he’s 50 now. So we aren’t young…different generational views though. We do not speak, but we see each other often…and mostly just head nod or say hi…we don’t do more than that. Just acknowledge each other. So I can’t ask him or put feelers out.
I feel so violated, I hate that he knows. I hate that I’m not 💯 certain, but it’s too coincidental. I mean I’m on tryst…that’s probably how he found it. I blur my face but when you know someone I bet it’s hard to really hide yourself. I also have friends now being in the business for two years .. who are out and proud about being sex workers. I cannot control it, it is what it is.. just have feelings still.
Part of me is at the point where I don’t care if people know, long as they don’t try to destroy me over it. I will never be out about it because I have a kid and I wouldn’t ever want it to be news at their school.
Just felt I could share here, as some of you may have been there.. sigh