If we boil it down, flirting is just a communication style based on emotions.

If you think about most communication that you do day to day, whether it's work or even with your friends, it's based on logic. In your work you might discuss a project or with your friends you're discussing something that happened in your lives. But it's all based on tangible things.

Now the problem becomes when guys use the same communication style that they use in day-to-day life and apply it to talking to women.

Let's say a girl's wearing all black and you go up and say:

"Wow, I really like your black dress. You're really beautiful."

A lot of guys would say that's flirting, but actually it's not really effective flirting because it's based on logic. She's wearing a black dress and you're literally just saying she looks beautiful.

How would you make the same example actually flirty? By turning it into something illogical and emotional, something like:

"I see you have this black outfit. You look like you're going to go and fire five interns today."

Obviously she's wont actually go and fire five interns today and you just made that up- and that's the whole point.

Now you might ask, okay, but why flirting actually work? Why does it turn women on?

First let's take a look at what you need to turn a girl on

There are 3 things a woman needs to be turned on

Number one, she needs to be present, because if she's not present and she's thinking about work stuff or her problems, she won't be in the headspace to turned on.

Number two, if you're gonna be the guy that turns her on, she needs to believe that you're a guy of high caliber.

(now, that doesn't mean rich or extremely good looking. It means you're a guy who displays high caliber behaviors)

And number three, there needs to be a healthy level of positive tension, which we're going to cover in just a second.

So now let's connect how flirting achieves these 3 outcomes

So with making the girl present..

A lot of us, both men and women, live day-to-day just constantly thinking about work and problems and random stuff going on in life.

So what actually brings us back into the present moment and back into our bodies instead of our heads? Usually emotional experiences.

For example, watching a really good movie. When you're watching a great movie, you completely forget your day-to-day problems for two hours and instead you focus on the plot, the story twists, and all the emotions it generates.

Even though the movie is fake, you don't care. It still made you feel something.

Flirting works in the same way. If you're a guy who knows how to flirt and create a nice environment and conversation, she'll forget about her day-to-day problems for a moment.

This has happened to me many times where I approach a girl on the street and before she's thinking about work, problems, rushing somewhere, and then I approach her, I'm present, I make her laugh, and 10 minutes later she's forgotten all about that stuff. Now we have this little bubble between me and her where there's this magical connection and magical conversation.

Number two, flirting displays that you're actually a high caliber man.

One of the biggest high caliber behaviors that a guy can have is really great social skills. And flirting is a difficult communication style because it requires thinking on your feet and saying bold stuff and if you can do that, you show that you're a guy with high-level social skills - hence you're a high caliber guy.

That's why being really good at flirting will turns women on a lot more than owning a red Ferrari.

And finally, flirting creates a healthy level of positive tension.

Think about all the popular romantic movies like Fifty Shades of Grey.

There's a guy and a girl, and the girl basically lets go of control of the situation and she doesn't know what's going to come next (i.e. unpredictability)

That's why many guys struggle to turn women on because they're the opposite - predictable and boring.

Flirting by nature is unpredictable because you're saying things that are out of the norm and not the "you're so beautiful" that has been regurgitated to them 100x times.

And if you can learn this skill of flirting, you'll be one of the few guys who can actually turn women on just by talking which is incredible.

There's a certain trait I see killing a lot of men's dating lives without them even realizing it. And interestingly, it's especially common among analytical and intelligent men.

That trait is intellectualizing everything.

You see a girl walking out of a store and instead of immediately going and talking to her, your brain starts running calculations:

"Okay, does she have a boyfriend?"

"She doesn't seem in the best mood..."

"Am I gonna bother her?"

You try to calculate the perfect answer but it doesn't help. And then eventually the moment passes, you don't go talk to her, and afterwards you're standing there thinking:

"Fuck man, I missed my chance."

And this isn't just about approaching women. This happens everywhere in life.

Take cold approach itself. Maybe you've watched some videos online. Maybe you've seen my content or other channels and thought:

"Okay, I could potentially see myself doing this."

Then immediately your brain says: "But let me do a bit more research first. Let me really find out if this can work for me."

The irony is you're never actually going to know whether it works for you until you go and try it.

There is no amount of videos, books, or Reddit posts that can give you certainty before action does.

A lot of analytical guys deal with fear by trying to collect more information. The logic is: "If I just learn a little bit more, then I'll finally feel certain enough to act."

But what actually happens is the opposite. You collect more information and become even more uncertain.

You start asking: "Okay, but what if this fails?" "What if I'm different?" "What if this doesn't work for me?"

And suddenly you end up stuck in analysis paralysis. You don't take action, and you stay exactly where you are.

Most men in this forum are looking for certainty and reassurance that they, too, can improve with women but no amount of posts will give you that certainty. You can only get it but going out there and taking massive amounts of action (of talking to women and getting better every day).

For you to start a romantic relationship with a girl, you will need to make a move at some point, and unfortunately most guys cannot do it without looking needy or desperate.

Now I’ve been flirting with women in real life for over 13 years, and during this time I’ve found three solid ways on how to show interest to women without pushing them away.

The first tip is to rely more on non-verbal intent.

When I was little, I used to play this computer game called Counter-Strike. It’s basically a game where you shoot people, and there was this guy that always used to camp with a sniper. That was his only move.

In the beginning it was effective, but eventually everyone learned how to neutralize it and then it stopped working.

And a lot of guys do the exact same thing in dating.

They learn one move - compliments - and then they just spam it again and again and again.

The problem is that verbal communication is only a tiny percentage of communication, and compliments are a tiny percentage even within that. So if compliments are your only way of communicating interest, you’re barely using any of the tools available to you.

The biggest thing guys neglect is non-verbal communication which I like to think about as the trinity of eye contact, voice, and hands and the goal is to have relaxed intent.

With your eyes, you look at her with a piercing but relaxed gaze.

With your voice, you speak slower and calmer, but when you say something, you make it land.

And with your hands, you’re expressive. You’re not frozen and stiff.

Communicating interest this way is much smoother and much more effective than just throwing compliments at women all day.

The second tip is teasing over compliments.

Imagine you’re cooking a curry dish and instead of adding a pinch of salt, you throw in the whole packet - it would taste disgusting.

But that’s exactly what many guys do with women.

Compliment after compliment after compliment: “You’re beautiful.” “You’re amazing.” “I love your dress.” “I’m having such a great time.”

That’s not attractive communication. That’s pressure.

Compliments should be used like spice in cooking. A little bit enhances the dish, but too much ruins it.

The base should be teasing. Why?

Because teasing communicates implied interest without creating pressure

I recently went on a date with a girl who had these shoes that looked like penguin shoes to me. I teased her about them the whole date in different ways.

And she kept laughing and laughing and there is a very simple explanation for that.

Who do you tease? Your friends. People you like.

So teasing already communicates interest naturally, but without overwhelming the girl.

That’s why I love teasing so much. You can create attraction while keeping the interaction playful and relaxed.

The third tip is to be talking to more than 1 girl

It’s very hard to communicate interest naturally if one girl is the only romantic option you’ve had in months and now you feel like this interaction absolutely has to work.

You would never put all your money into one stock, so why do guys do that emotionally with women?

Now, some guys say: “Well, I just want one girl and one relationship.”

That’s fine long-term. But in the early stages of dating, talking to multiple women is completely normal. It’s not unethical but completely healthy.

And the reality is that when you have options, you naturally become less needy, less pressured, and way smoother at communicating interest.

Of course, for you to have options, you need the skills to attract women in the first place.

And honestly, that’s one of the biggest reasons why learning to meet women in real life is so powerful. It allows you to create opportunities instead of depending on one girl and putting massive emotional pressure on every interaction.

If you really like a girl, there are certain things you shouldn’t tell her but unfortunately, most guys are saying these things and ruining their future potential romantic relationships.

I’ve been approaching women in real life for over 13 years, so I want to talk about the three most common things you shouldn’t tell her, and what to say instead.

Before we get into the specific lines, we should talk about the principle first which is that words usually reflect your internal state.

Let’s say you’re at work and you have a suggestion for your colleagues.

You can say: “Well, I know this might be stupid, but I think we should do this.”

Or you can just say: “Let’s do this.”

The difference between those two is not only the words but the mindset and internal state behind them.

In the first one, you are full of hesitation and uncertainty. In the second one, you have confidence.

Words by themselves are not always destructive but what is destructive is when you combine those words with the internal state you are saying them from.

So keep that in mind as we go through these examples.

The first thing you should avoid with women is using intensifiers with extreme adjectives.

For example:

“You are very pretty.”

“You are so gorgeous.”

When you use this type of language, it highlights an internal state of scarcity.

Let’s say you’ve lived your whole life in a small village and you’ve never been to a big city.

Then you come to Madrid and you see a big building for the first time.

You might react like: “Oh my God, wow. This is crazy. This building is so cool!”

That reaction highlights that you lack experience traveling and seeing big buildings.

So when you see a beautiful girl and react like:

“Oh my God, wow. You’re so pretty!”

It’s like that guy who has never been outside of his small town and sees a skyscraper for the first time which highlights that you haven’t interacted with a girl like that before.

And of course, that is not attractive to her because it suggests you haven’t been selected by beautiful women before which makes her doubt why she should select you.

Instead, you want to react as if this is your 20th or 30th time seeing the skyscraper.

Even if you like it, even if you think the building is cool, you’re more contained. You would be like: “Yeah, this building is pretty cool”

It's not about hiding your emotions - you can have enthusiasm, but it should be contained enthusiasm.

Same way when you talk to a beautiful girl, you can say:

“You look nice.”

“You look pretty cool.”

That reflects a much more confident internal state.

The second biggest mistake is using hedging language.

The best example is when you want to ask for a date and guys say:

“Well, if you’d like, we can go and have a date. Only if you’d like though”

What this highlights is lack of confidence as you’re not fully committing to your request. You think there’s a high likelihood of her saying no, so you are almost expecting rejection before she has even responded.

And what ends up happening is that when you show this lack of trust that she might say yes, she often doesn’t say yes.

I’ve seen this many times when I coach students. They go and talk to a girl, the conversation is maybe 50/50, and then when it’s time to ask for a date, instead of being confident with the ask, they botch it by hedging

“Only if this is something you’d like to do…”

When you say it like that, you are introducing the idea that she might not want to do this.

So a lot of times the girl goes:

“Yeah, I’m not sure.”

“Yeah, I have a boyfriend.”

Instead, you want to reflect a confident internal state.

So when you make an ask, ask with full conviction.

“Hey, let’s have a drink.”

So you fully commit to saying it.

And finally, the third thing you shouldn’t tell women you like is early reassurance seeking.

This happens when you’ve already had some sort of interaction with a girl, maybe a date, and by the end of the date you say:

“Well, I hope you enjoyed this.”

“I hope we get to see each other again.”

What this highlights is lack of confidence, but also lack of comfort with uncertainty.

We already know why lack of confidence is bad but why is discomfort with uncertainty bad?

Because it signals emotional instability - getting affected by not knowing how things are going to work out.

Not knowing whether a girl will text you back is a relatively small thing to get affected by.

So if you already get affected by that, how will you react when really big shit hits the fan? Like someone dies or loses their job...

A girl needs to know she can rely on a guy. And if you get affected by such small things, she cannot really rely on you because when big shit hits the fan, you’re most likely going to freak out a lot.

So you have to be okay with uncertainty and not knowing fully how things are going to work out and letting things pan out by themselves.

So at the end of the date, don’t say:

“When can I see you again?”

“I hope you liked me.”

Just say:

“This was cool - get home safe.”

That’s it.

Be chill about it.

You’re going to find out eventually anyways if she likes you and if she wants to have a second date, so don’t ruin your chances by being too overeager and seeking reassurance too early.

I’ve been talking to women in real life for more than 13 years and after all this time I’ve gotten a pretty good idea of what women actually find attractive.

(And no, it’s not money or your chiseled jawline)

The first one, and probably the most important one, is not giving a fuck.

I’ve been here in Madrid for about eight months, and I’ve been seeing this girl for around seven months. I recently asked her what she finds most attractive about me, and she said:

“It’s the fact that you don’t care what people think about you. You just do what you want to do.”

And I’ve heard this from women so many times. They love a guy who just does what he wants to do and doesn’t overly concern himself with opinions of others. Because what that signals is healthy self-esteem.

What’s funny with this particular girl is that she loves fashion, shopping and "combining colors based on her mood", while I personally think frequent shopping for clothes is a waste of time and I’ve told her this many times. I personally wear just a few shirts and jeans and I don’t care much about fashion.

And yet she still continues seeing me.

And this is the important point: women would rather you disagree with her and be yourself than agree with her and not really be yourself.

The problem with caring too much about what people think is that you show that their opinion matters more than your own. And that signals that you don’t think you’re enough.

And if you don’t think you’re enough, how will she think that you’re enough?

The second thing women love is non-neediness.

So many men go into interactions with women needing something.

They need that smile, number, date or the absence of rejection.

Now you can want all those things but the problem starts when you need them too much.

And to illustrate why this is unattractive, think about a person who constantly asks you for favors every time you talk to them.

“Can you do this? Can you help me with that?”

Eventually you start feeling like avoiding that person. And it’s the same principle with women.

You might not directly ask: “Can you make me feel good about myself?”

But indirectly, that’s what you’re doing when you desperately need a positive reaction from her. That’s why she feels this impulse to pull away.

And every time you’re too eager, too available, replying too fast, over-investing immediately, it displays neediness. And you absolutely want avoid that if you wanna be attractive to women.

The third thing women find attractive is not taking yourself and her so seriously.

One of my favorite movies is American Psycho with Christian Bale, where he plays this investment banker who is completely obsessed with his self-image and how he’s perceived by society.

One of the funniest scenes is when they compare business cards like it’s some kind of competition over who has the biggest d*ck even though they all basically look the same.

And a lot of men do their own version of this with women.

They have this idea of how a “high-value man” should sound, so they speak in this robotic, emotionless, hyper-controlled way trying to act alpha.

But socially adept women can see through that immediately. They can tell you’re performing.

And usually the only women you attract by acting like that are women who are also pretending to be something they’re not - usually wannabe Instagram influencer types, which are probably not even the girls you actually want.

So instead, you want to be playful and not take yourself so seriously.

Joke around, make fun of yourself, tease the girl a bit, and show a real authentic side of yourself.

Because if you can genuinely laugh about yourself, the girl and life in general - you will create a much more authentic connection

Now finally, how do you actually develop these three characteristics?

Honestly, the way I did this (and I think the best way) is cold approach. A massive amount of cold approach.

Because when you approach women in real life, you learn not to give a fuck since you’re doing something most people are too scared to do.

You learn non-neediness because you get more options and stop depending on one particular girl saying yes.

And finally, you get comfortable with rejection which teaches you not to take yourself so seriously.

I encourage you to give it a shot!