Boyfriend Cutting and It Sucks
TLDR: bf is cutting and I hate it. It feels super isolating and is pushing us apart and I’m not sure what to do.
My boyfriend (26 M) and I (27 M) have been together for two years. In that time I’ve opened up to him about my kink and how I wanted him to grow and bulk up. We came to an agreement that he would bulk during the winters and cut for the summers and he put on around 20 lbs since we started dating. I was nervous going into last year’s cut but it never really materialized and he instead just kind of plateaued. This year, however, he seems to be taking the it very seriously.
I’m not sure exactly how much weight he’s lost so far but it seems to be around 10 lbs so far and he seems dedicated to continuing to lose weight. At first it wasn’t terrible, just a slight increase in his desire to work out and a decrease in the amount he ate, but it’s been increasingly affecting our relationship. I never realized how much of our relationship was based on food, but cooking and eating together is a huge part of it and he has pulled back almost entirely from that. Every meal is met with unfinished plates and leftovers and “we could’ve made this healthier” and it’s been slowly killing me. Each time he says no to seconds or doesn’t finish his food just puts a damper on the whole mood. What would’ve once been an indulgence that doubled as foreplay is now just another press on a pressure point as he says “no” and leaves me there to have the treat alone or just skip it entirely and it feels so lonely where it once would’ve brought us closer.
At this point I’m not really sure what to do. We talked about it last night after a friends party where he refused every single snack the entire night, and he told me that he hated how he looked when he gained weight and that he did that for me and I should be okay holding up my end of the bargain. I don’t think he’s necessarily wrong, he did gain weight and our agreement was that he would cut for the summers, but I a) didn’t expect him to actually cut this hard, b) didn’t expect it to be this hard, and c) didn’t think him pulling back on food would affect our relationship this much. Every time he says no to a snack or seconds or a sweet treat I can just feel a little part of me die inside, it’s just a rebuke of everything I am.
We moved in together about 6 months ago and have been talking about getting engaged in the next year or so and, up to this point, everything has been perfect. I’m not really sure where we go from here though. If he hates being bigger and I hate when he cuts then where does that leave us? Is it wrong of me to be upset that he’s cutting?
I know that it’s his body and I don’t actually have a say, but it’s hard when everything that used to bring us closer is now a “no” that makes us feel further apart. I love him so much but I don’t know how to reconcile these two sides right now.