u/k-MartShopper

I am not saying I am without faults, but I am at a loss. I (46M) have seen my (43F) wife just give up on being healthy, having sex, or even desiring it; this is a 4-year phase. Her phone and her newly discovered habit of chain smoking along with impressing her friends is the priority. I tried a year ago to be intimate and she turned me down. I can only take so much rejection. In short, I wouldn't have gotten married if I knew it would be intimacy- and sex-free.

For me it was "snowballing" from 'Clerks' (1994).

I frequently wake up mid-cycle and that is common with people, it used to be called 1st and 2nd sleep. Well, it has been a year since my wife and I had sex and 2 years before that. Basically maybe a few times we had sex in the past 5 years. She decided to make her addictions her priority (she took up smoking and phone addiction along with weight gain and get little sleep).

I don't know what to do. I know she treats others with enthusiasm so she cannot be too depressed. I offered marital counseling. I know I should have considered leaving the marriage sooner and I know she is violating her vow.

Has cheating crossed my mind? Yes. But who would I even do it with? Not only that, I don't want to use another woman or bring someone down because I am lonly and frustrated. I am not justified in cheating because she violated her vow.

Divorce is never that easy. I just hate being trapped because I don't know if/how this will improve and if I should take the plunge and find a partner who puts me physically and emotionally as a priority. Feel free to discuss.