Since I was 4, obsessed with death
Im an 17yr old girl, my entire life, since I gained consciousness, I have had an INTENSE fear of death.
I like to believe it’s because of my autism and adhd, but everyday, I have a nihilistic mindset, which can cause me to give up on passions I have fairly easily.
I am fairly optimistic, I laugh a lot, I’m happy to live, although I am an atheist, I believe there is absolutely nothing after death and I have thought that way my entire life.
My dad tells me he isn’t afraid of death because it’s natural and apart of life, I understand that, I would say I’m smart, I have taken an iq test as a child and got a high mark, and I blame that on my fear of death, every single day of my life I think about the legacy ill leave behind, I get upset that I probably won’t be famous because I want people to remember me, I feel like the way the world works is stupid and this isn’t how humans should live.
I’ve been researching and becoming fascinated by old
European culture, paganism, etc, I’ve been happy and content with that, but I guess I just need someone to kind of give me a new perspective, to help me to stop fearing what “legacy” ill leave behind, I can barley even live because all I think about is people dying, dead people, how everyone will die, EVERYTHING about death, it isn’t necessary scary anymore, but it haunts me and I need help.