u/larbear77

I make it all the way back to the coffee shop before I stop almost running. I take several alleys and side streets in case he followed me out of the hotel. The whole way there, my phone keeps vibrating over and over in my hand. When I finally make it, I order a pink drink, throw a twenty in the counter and rush to the bathroom.
 
I quickly close and lock the door then put the lid down on the toilet and sit staring at the wall. What happened? Why did that happen? Why did I want that? I was so sure going into that room that I didn’t want any of what just happened, what almost happened. Oh god, I had the tip of his cock between my lips. Fuck me!
 
I close my eyes and I see his cock. Long shaft, narrow at the base but getting wider as it goes up then the abnormally small hear. Damn think looks like a little missile. A pussy missile Jackie’s pussy missile. My phones still going off. If I look, and there’s a pic of that missile there, I’m going back to ride it. To feel it stretch me out.
 
Oh for, he had his fingers inside me. He finger fucked me and I liked it. Even more-so I just laid there and took it like a submissive little bitch. Why? Why? Why did I let this happen?
 
“I didn’t just let it happen, I wanted it to happen, I needed it to happen. Dear god, how am I ever going to be able to be a man again after this week? How can I go back to a normal life when my brain is so fixated on men and their cocks?
 
“Ma’am, you okay? Your drink is ready.” The voice of the sweet barista says through the door.
 
“I’m fine sweetheart. I’ll be right out.” I reply as I wipe tears from my face.
 
“Do you want me to slip your change under the door?” She asks.
 
I can’t help but laugh. I needed a good laugh actually. It distracts me from all of this
 
“That’s your tip hon.”
 
“Really? Wow, thank you so much.”
 
I flip the phone over. Twelve missed calls and twenty-six missed texts. I swipe up to a litany of “please come back” “I’m so sorry,” and of course “I think you overreacted.” Or at least variations of those phrases.
 
I take a deep cleansing breath. A very large part of me just wants to say “if I come back and we do this. That’s it, you never contact me again.” Instead three clicks and a swipe later and Max is out of my life forever. More importantly his missile pics are not in my phone.
 
Somehow that makes it better. Like relieving a weight from my shoulders. There’s no temptation because I can’t get to his room unless im with him and now I  can’t tell him I’m there. It doesn’t erase what I did, it doesn’t take away my shame. It doesn’t take the taste of his head from the tip of my tongue, but it’s a start.  A small start but a start.
 
I stand up and go to the sink. I clean up my make up and hair then adjust my dress, so I look less frazzled. I look at myself in the mirror. I’ve crossed the point of no return, I think. I don’t see Jack anywhere in this face. I don’t see anything masculine. I just see Jackie, broken and shameful. I put on my best fake smile and head out to pick up my drink.
 
I take out my phone, planning to order a car to take me home, but instead I see a cute store across the street and decide I deserve to buy myself something nice. M
 
“You okay ma’am?” The barista asks again as she walks over to me.
 
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just felt a little stupid for a minute there. For good reason I guess.” I say. She sits across from me.
 
“The bitty you were in here with yesterday?” She asks. I just look at her. “Yeah, been there.”
 
I chuckle.
 
“Well, I guess I have too, in a way.”
 
“Yeah I don’t know what it is about the blonde-haired blue-eyed muscle guys. We know what’s gonna happen, we know we don’t really want it to, yet we still do it. The worst part is the guilt, it’s when we blame ourselves for it.” He says.
 
“Yeah but I mean…”
 
“I know, we go there willingly, and in theory we can always say no. But come on, when they look like that…” she interrupts and we both chuckle.
 
“Oh my god yes, you get it!”
 
“Girl, you think you’re alone? Honestly? Had you not walked in yesterday, I’d probably be the one in a public bathroom crying my eyes out.” She says. “Anyway, you want a muffin? It’s on the house.”
 
“I’d love one thank you.” I smile. “And … thank you.”
 
“No sweat, we all gotta stick together right?” She says with a smile and goes to get me a muffin.
 
The rest of my day is not without adversity, mostly me beating myself up inside my own head, but as I distract myself, those moments become fewer in frequency and further apart. By the time I get home, with bags full of clothes I never thought in a million years I’d buy, I’m actually in a better mood. I guess the whole “retail therapy” thing is true.
 
I also made a quick stop at a local farmers market. I’ve always been known as a pretty good cook. My specialty is what I’ve always called my “Marry me Pasta.” It’s a pretty easy dish but takes some time to cook. But that’s okay, Samir won’t be home for a while and I can take the time to get ready.
 
I  start with a long hot shower, it’s made even more enjoyable because I feel like the weight and shake of this whole day are just washing off of me. I also take the time to trim and shave areas that need trimming and shaving.
 
When I get out of the shower I cover my body in a rose water oil that Katie gave me the first time I did an all over shower. The scent is very soft and feminine, amazing how different my view of those qualities are now. The more I lean into these feminine things, the more I focus on being a god wife, the more I feel my old self, my masculinity, slipping away.
 
Before getting in the shower, I laid out a cute, semi-sexy, lingerie set and a very cute dress. It very much inspired by his culture but doesn’t go as far as appropriation. I know he will love it.
 
I put on the lingerie and a small silk robe and go to my make up table. I have video tutorials, and anything else you can imagine, at my fingertips, hoping that this time I can finally get my make up and hair right. I don’t know if it’s guilt, or just that I feel like these are the things a wife would do for her husband and I promised to try. But, either way, all afternoon, all I’ve been wanting is for the time to come when Samir would be home and I could make his night as nice as possible. That time is just a few minutes away.
 
“What’s all this?” Samir asks when he sees me plating the food.
 
“I cooked us dinner.” I say.
 
He walks over and kisses my cheek.
 
“You’re cooking?”
 
“I’ve been known to do it from time to time.”
 
“I know that, I just meant where’s Anna?”
 
“Oh I sent the staff home early. I thought we could use some time alone.”
 
“Well, you just thought of everything didn’t you?” He asks.
 
He turns my face up towards his and presses his lips to mine. His lips feel so soft, so tender, so comforting. . I put down the spoon in my hand and turn my body towards him wrapping my arms around his neck and prolonging the kiss. He in turn puts his arms around my waist. I spread my lips slightly and wrap them around his bottom lip.
 
I imagine how this looks. Us, embracing one another, in the kitchen, in this cute dress and apron, on my toes to reach his mouth. My arms are around his neck and his around my waist. The A/C kicks on and I feel a cool breeze up my skirt and feel my long hair on my shoulders and back. I’ve never felt so feminine, so much like a wife. It’s starting to feel right.
 
“Go get changed, dinners almost ready.” I say as we break the kiss
 
“Yes ma’am.” He starts towards the bedroom. “Thank you.”
 
“For what?”
 
“Really putting in the effort.”
 
“I promised, didn’t I?”
 
“You did and I really appreciate it.”
 
It’s more than just keeping a promise though, I’ve enjoyed this. Buying and wearing a cute dress for my man. Coming home and taking care of myself to look nice for my man. Cooking dinner for my man.  Being held and kissed in the kitchen by my man. God help me I think I want this life.
 
 
As I stand at the counter grating up the fresh parm, Samir walks up behind me, puts his arms around my waist, and kisses my neck as he asks about my dress. I smile as I tilt my head to the side to give him access. Fuck I do want this life
 
“You like it? I bought it today at a store in town. I saw it and thought of you.” I say.
 
“I do,” he begins, pausing only to steal a bite of the cheese, “when I see you standing here in it, it brings back memories from my childhood, my parents dancing in the kitchen while we waited for dinner.”
 
“Well, that’s not the exact memory I expected but it’s the right idea.” I say leaning back to kiss his cheek. “Now go sit.”
 
“How was your thing today? The contract stuff.” He asks as he goes to the table.
 
I follow with the bowl of cheese and start setting up his plate for him. Jack would never do this stuff. I feel him slipping away and, for whatever reason, I’m not trying to stop it.
 
“Not great,” I begin, “it turns out the whole thing wasn’t what I thought it was.”
 
“What was it?”
 
“His version of the game.” I say as I sit across from him.
 
“What game?”
 
“THE game. The only one guys that age think about. It was a ploy to get me to go to his hotel,” I say very nonchalant, trying to see how he reacts.
 
He stops eating and looks at me.
 
“Were you aware that was his intentions?” He asks.
 
“I suspected they were but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.” I say and take a bite. “But once I realized that’s all it was, I left the information with him, left, deleted and blocked his number.”
 
“And nothing else happened? He made a move and you left?” He asks.
 
 I realize he’s stopped eating and I stop and look at him.
 
“He tried to kiss me and got handsy.” I say.
 
“And what did you do?”
 
“I told him to stop, that this was a business meeting. When he didn’t, I left.”
 
“That’s everything? He didn’t try anything else?” He asks.
 
“Wait, are you upset right now?” I ask.
 
“A little bit.”
 
“Why?”
 
“Jackie, you’re my wife and you’re telling me this man…”
 
“Wait,” I interrupt, “isn’t this a marriage only on paper for you?”
 
“That isn’t the point, you’re still my wife and for a man to make a move is disrespectful.” He states.
 
“Is that the only reason you’re upset? You feel disrespected?” I ask.
 
He pauses for a minute.
 
“No, it’s not the only reason,” he begins softly, “the idea of another man putting his hands and lips on you, it makes my blood boil and my stomach twist.”
 
I can’t help but smile.
 
“So it’s jealousy, possessiveness?” I ask.
 
“Yes.” He admits half only to himself but quite frustrated.
 
“I’ve never known you to be the jealous type.” I say, intrigued.
 
“I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous before.”
 
“So why are you now?”
 
“It could be that I’ve never been married before.” He says.
 
“Oh,” I reply feeling slightly disappointed.
 
“But it’s more likely due to the fact that I’m falling in love with you.” He says flatly.
 
My heart and stomach feel like they just switched places.
 
“Does that upset you?” He asks.
 
“It scares me.” I reply.
 
“It scares me too, probably for the same reason.”
 
“I still might open the box.” I say.
 
“Do you think you will?”
 
“I don’t know.”
 
“If you had to choose right now, would you want to?” He asks.
 
“No.” I say with a slight chuckle.
 
Honestly, right now, in this moment, the idea of changing back feels so alien to be absurd.
 
“So then what do you currently want?” He asks.
 
“To be your wife. To make you dinners. To have nights like this. To be wholly devoted to you.” I reply.
 
“Then I have no fear of allowing my love for you to develop and grow exponentially. And hope you can as well.” He says taking my hand.
 
“I don’t know if I can,” I begin, I see a sadness fall on him, “but I know I want to. And I know I’ll never cheat on you.”
 
“Promise?” He asks.
 
“I promise.” I say. He continues to eat with a smile. “Besides, if I can’t even have sex with you, my husband, the man I trust most in this world, how could I have it with anyone else?”
 
“I don’t think that will be the case for much longer.”
 
“What’s that?”
 
“You not being able to have sex with me. I think your feelings and desires will win out in the end.” He says. I just look at him unable to even know how to reply. “So what did you do all day if you weren’t in that meeting?” He asks, changing the subject.
 
“I went shopping.” I say with a smile. “Got some outfits that you’ll like and some that really fit my personality.”
 
“Well h gosh. My poor bank account.” He chuckles. “Good thing I signed the deal today.”
 
“What? Seriously? That’s amazing! We have to celebrate!” I exclaim.
 
I get up out of my seat and walk over to his side of the table to give him a hug. He gets up and hugs me back.
 
“We will, baby. Tomorrow, tonight I just want to finish dinner and sit on the sofa and watch old movies.
 
“That sounds great as well.”
 
I make my way back to my side to sit. He follows me over and pulls out my chair.
 
“Also, before I forget. I talked to my friend back home. The one who got you your ids and passport. He’s pretty sure he can get your name and gender changed on your bar license, so you practice again when we get home. If you know, you come home with me.”
 
“Thank you Habibi.” I say, his smile is so bright the sun seems dim in comparison. “On that note. If, and it is an if, but if I”
 
“Stay my wife and make my life better?” He interrupts. I blush and smile.
 
“If I remain like this and yes, stay your wife, I do want to turn one room into a dark room.”
 
“You started photography?” He asks shocked.
 
“Just after the divorce. I’m not great but I enjoy it.”
 
“You’ll have to show me some of your work.” He says.
 
I take it as an invitation and walk over with my phone to show him some photos, after a few moments I slide my plate over and wind up sitting on his leg, for the rest of dinner, showing him photos and talking about them.
 
After dinner we make our way to the couch with a few sweet pastries and herbal tea. Before he even turned on the tv I knew which movie he wanted to watch, it’s always been his favorite. I never remember the name but it’s old and romantic and I barely follow the plot.
 
Tonight is no exception, but I’m not lost because the movie isn’t interesting to me, it’s just not as interesting as my current reality. I have my head on his shoulder and we’re holding hands under the blanket.
 
I feel so safe, so cared for, so … feminine. I feel so happy. I lift my head off of his shoulder and look at him. For the first time, I don’t really see my best friend anymore. I see this amazing smart funny man who makes me feel like the whole world revolves around me.  At least for the moment, Jack is completely gone, his voice doesn’t echo in my head begging me to “be normal again” and I am at peace, I am content.
 
“What is it Habibti? He asks looking down at me.
 
“Nothing, I’m just looking at my husband.” I say with a smile.
 
He reaches a hand up to rub my cheek. I hold his wrist then kiss his palm. He looks in my eyes. He studies my face.
 
“Do you like being my wife?” He asks.
 
“I really do.” I admit.
 
He keeps looking for any sign of masculinity, and sign of his old friend.
 
“Did you fully let go of him?”
 
I nod.
 
“Tell me how you feel.”
 
“Happy.” I say again.
 
“No, not emotionally. Physically mentally, how do you feel?”
 
“I feel soft and small and fragile and dainty and pretty and oh so feminine.” I say.
 
“So, right now you’re all girl?” He asks and I nod. “Say it.”
 
I’m a girl,” I say.
 
He rewards me with a small kiss.
 
“Say it again.”
 
“I’m a girl.”
 
“Again”
 
“I .. am … a … girl.” I say dotting each word with a kiss.
 
“And that make you happy?”
 
“It makes me so happy.”
 
“Say it” he says.
 
I smirk and throw my leg over his and sit straddling him   
 
“I’m so very happy being your girl.” I say. I start to kiss him.
 
 His hands go to my back. Between kisses we have a little back and forth to clarify. But we never open our eyes, we barely break the kiss
 
“You like being my girl?”
 
“Yes, love it.”
 
“And you’re all mine?”
 
“Only yours.”
 
“No one else’s?”
 
“No one.”
 
“Forever?”
 
“Forever and ever.” I say.
 
With that, his big tongue invades my small mouth and I feel him getting hard under me. My eyes roll back into my head, the sheer ecstasy of this moment is nearly overwhelming. No voice in my head screaming to stop, no fear of regret after, no self-deprecating thoughts, no guilt. Just pure unadulterated pleasure.
 
His hands move to my ass and, with a firm grip on my cheeks, he stands up, lifting me as if I weigh nothing. I wrap my arms and legs around him, refusing to break this kiss, as he walks me to the bedroom, where he gently lowers me to my feet.
 
I quickly begin to unbutton his shirt and pull it off of him. At the same time he begins unzipping my dress and I let it fall to the floor then run my hands on his chest and abs.
 
“You’re so beautiful.” He says when my dress falls to the floor. “Did you buy this today?”
 
“I bought it for you.” I say and begin kissing his chest.
 
“I think it looks better on you,” he quips.
 
I giggle and gently slap his chest. He moves me back to the bed and sets me down gently on his side. I reach up and in unbutton his pants then pull the zipper down carefully. Then, with a firm tug on both, his pants and boxers fall to the floor.
 
I stare at his dick, inches from my face, as he steps out of and kicks the last of his clothing across the room. He bends down and over me to unhook my bra. When he does, the shaft of his dick lays across my face. I open my mouth slightly and close my lips on it, kissing it.
 
He stops for a moment. I reach up with my hand and take it just below the head and gently pull it down so my lips can reach another part of his shaft. Then turn my head to reach another.
 
He stands back up straight and I look up at him while I stroke it gently. The look he gives tells me he wants more, so I turn my attention back to his manhood and continue. As I move his dick out of the way, I lean forward and kiss the base of the shaft and his pubic bone and hips then back to his balls. He eases back and I move forward with him, sliding off of the bed and onto my knees.
 
I lean back against the bed and look back up at him again, my hands on his thighs, I expect him to ask me if I’m sure or if I’m okay, but he doesn’t.
 
“You can do it, you just have to let go.” He says.
 
“What if I can’t?” I ask.
 
“You can,” he begins, “it’s what you want, it’s what you crave. Let go, give in to your body’s needs.”
 
He puts one hand on the base of his dick and aims it at my mouth. The other hand goes to the back of my head and pulls it closer to him.
 
“It’s just one more kiss,” he whispers, “one long deep kiss.”
 
I wrap my lips around the tip like I just did to the rest of his cock, but instead of ending in a kiss and moving on, he gently but firmly pushes me forward. I feel the head of his dick slip between my lips and across my tongue. I freeze.
 
Holy fuck, I have a dick in my mouth. I have Samir’s dick in my mouth. I have my oldest friends dick in my mouth. Why isn’t Jack screaming to run away? Why am I not pulling it out?
 
“Ohhhh fuuuck. That’s such a good girl,” Samir groans. “Don’t stop there baby, you’ve crossed that line, you’re sucking a dick, now just let go of the fear and take it all.”
 
I can’t believe this is happening. Just twenty-four hours ago I swore I would never do this. I swore I would … who cares what I thought? Fuck, this just feels right. I feel like I’ve wasted this week not having his dick in my mouth. It tastes so good. It feels so good. He drips a little precum on my tongue and my eyes roll back again. No Jack, not limitations.
 
I open my mouth a bit wider and lean forward, I feel his head ease back closer to the back of my throat, filling my mouth more and more. God, I’ve wanted this for so long now and it’s so much better than I thought. When I reach the point where I don’t think I can take more, I close my lips around it, suck gently and pull back.
 
“Ohhh fuck yeas!” Samir groans. “Look at me baby!” He commands when I reach the tip.
 
I lean back a bit and look up at him keeping his dick in my mouth. I know what he wants, Jack would have wanted it too.
 
“You look so good like that. Do you like having my dick in your mouth?” I nod.
 
I take it back down into my throat keeping my eyes on his. He leans his head back and I start bobbing on it faster. The whole time his hand is on my head.
 
“Are you my girl?” I nod. “Tell me you’re my girl.
 
I pull back until his dick is out of my mouth. Immediately I want it back in. I need it back in my mouth.
 
“I’m your girl.” I say and take it back to the base.
 
“Tell me you like sucking my cock.” He commands.
 
“I love sucking your big cock baby.” I say breathless again, still wanting it in my mouth more.
 
“So you’ll suck it all the time now?” He asks.
 
“Yes.” I say and he allows me to continue.
 
“You ready?” He asks after only a few minutes. “I can’t hold it anymore.”
 
Before I can react, he grabs my head with both hands and pushes his cock all the way back. A millisecond later it swells and twitches and a hot stream of thick salty liquid shoots into my throat.
 
 He begins to pull back slightly so it gets on my tongue. Another twitch, another ribbon of salty bleach scented cum hits the back of my tongue and throat. My mouth is full and there’s still more coming. It’s starting to drip out, down my chin, and onto my tits. I have no choice. I have to do it. I close my eyes and swallow down the first two massive loads
 
Immediately there’s another, then another. I swallow those too and another two come out. God it’s so much. It’s all in my mouth and throat and stomach. It’s on my chin and chest. I’m swallowing as fast as I can but more keeps coming. Until it doesn’t. His groans turn to deep breaths. His spasms to soft throbs. What was once shooting into my throat drips gently on my tongue.
 
I take him out of my mouth, cum drips out with it. I come up higher on my knees and squeeze the last few drops onto my chest then fall back against the bed to catch my breath.
 
It’s almost instantly that reality sinks in. I just sucked his dick. I just let him cum in my mouth and I swallowed it. I know what cum tastes like. I know what his cum tastes like. I can’t undo this if I wanted to. Everything just changed. Forever.          

I always say, if you have a big decision to make, rub one out first. Once you clear your brain of all that junk, the clarity you feel is immeasurable. And after an orgasm like that, I immediately get a mind that’s clearer than it’s been in weeks. The guilt and shame come soon after. Honestly, having it back is a bit more comforting than usual. No, not comforting, not exactly. There really isn’t anything comfortable about this, except it means I’m not lost. Not entirely at least.
 
I don’t feel guilt or shame for touching myself the way I did, for penetrating myself. I don’t even feel guilty for wanting something more in there. It’s a natural, physical need of this body I have. I don’t even fully feel guilty for wanting that more to be a dick. Again, physically, it makes sense. They’re designed to fit perfectly and to elicit the most pleasure possible. I told you my mind is clear.
 
So, no, it’s not what I wanted that’s got me so screwed up this time, it’s about who I wanted it from and how I wanted them to do it. I could chalk it up to just being in the moment, but I really feel there’s more there. I can’t think about that though. I have to get ready and go to this stupid meeting in a pool.
 
I go to my closet to pick out a swimsuit. All of my clothes were purchased by Samir. He used a shopper, but he gave the input on what he wanted, so, of course, all the swimsuits are two pieces and extremely revealing. I don’t fully blame him. He was shopping for his honeymoon, he has no way of knowing I would wear them to meet another man whom I fantasized about fucking me ruthlessly. I also grab a long halter dress, to kind of offset the swimsuit.
 
I carry them back into the bathroom and, because I’m going to be in a pool and the sun here is brutal, I begin to apply sunscreen all over my body. Not knowing that Samir secretly mixed an oil in there that Katie gave him. An oil designed to interact with the chemicals that changed me into a woman, and my own hormones, to speed up the change. The same oil that has caused me to do so many things I wouldn’t have done yet otherwise. Up to this point, the only times I’ve accidentally dosed myself was at night, my night cream was also spiked, and I only put that on my face and neck. But, I’m rubbing the sunscreen over  my entire body, giving myself more of the chemicals than I’ve ever gotten.
 
I have the driver drop me off at the coffee shop where I met Max yesterday, just a few blocks from his hotel. Even though I have no intentions of allowing myself to succumb to Max’s advances, I still don’t want there to be any way for Samir to know exactly where I’m meeting him at. I take the short walk to the hotel and go to the front desk where I text max to let him know I’m here.
 
Moments later the elevator opens and a group of twenty somethings come out, in the middle of that pack is Max. When I see him my heart flutters. I forgot how attractive he is, or maybe I didn’t fully accept that I was so attracted to him yesterday. Either way, the man is gorgeous. I smile as he approaches.
 
“Wow,” he begins, “you look stunning.”
 
He approaches me and gives me a hug. For the sake of civility, I hug him back. Damn he even smells amazing.
 
“Should we go somewhere and talk through this contract?” I ask, “where are your friends. I ask.
 
“That was them, come on we’re going to the pool.” He says. He looks me over. “Did you bring a suit?”
 
I pull my dress to the side and flash the pink floral bikini top. He smiles and takes my hand leading me to the pool.
 
We all sit at the bar talking, drinking,  and having a good time for an hour or so. I have to admit, as I look at the guys and girls in this group, I feel a little disappointed. Like I missed out by not being a female when I was their age. I know what days like this are like for the guys, I was one, but I’m having so much fun in my forties with these guys, imagine how much more fun I would have had. 
 
How I would have had them wrapped around my finger like the one girl does. How I would have gotten together with my girlfriends and decided, before we each got here, who got which boy. How I would have known when I started getting ready whether I was really going to be willing to fuck them or not. And how I would have enjoyed being just slutty enough to really enjoy the girls' trip to paradise.
 
“So Max says you found a way to save us millions on this deal.” One of his friends says his Boston accent is very thick, probably why the one girl is all over him.
 
“I think it will be millions, in the long run. Basically, it will be a way for you to retain a lot of your rights and potentially increase your profit share. And all by changing one sentence.” I reply.
 
“Wow, you must be really smart.” He replies.
 
“Just good at what I do.” I say.
 
“Can’t wait to hear all about it.” His other friend says, handing me a shot. His eyes scanning my barely covered chest.
 
“If you guys want to step over to the tables we can go over it really quick.” I say then take the shot with him.
 
Max’s arm goes over my shoulder.
 
“All in due time babe, right now we’re celebrating.” Max says.
 
“Celebrating what?” I ask.
 
“You.” His friend with the thick accent says.
 
“And your amazing tits.” Max whispers in my ear. I slap his chest. “What? You can’t wear a suit like that and not want me to see them.”
 
“It’s just a swimsuit Max.” I say with a sly grin. Then lean up and whisper in his ear, “Or maybe I wanted everyone but you to look.”
 
“Well, they’re looking, we all are.” He whispers back.
 
Something about his tone and feeling his breath on my neck sends chills down my back. He moves his hand from my shoulder down to the small of my back and leaves it there. I should pull away, I should push his hand away, but I don’t. I’m loving this feeling, I’m loving being “one of the girls.”
 
We even all go to the bathroom together and talk about the drinks, and complimenting each others suits, and of course,  the boys. I feel like I’m in a dream, or a movie. I don’t feel like I missed out on that twenties vibe, I’m living it. When we come back out the guys are standing by the pool with their towels around their waists.
 
“Hey girls, if you want to wait for us in the bar, we need to go upstairs and talk with Jackie.” One of the guys says.
 
“Upstairs?” I ask Max after the guys lead the girls to the bar area.
 
“They wanted to be somewhere more private. To be careful.” He replies.
 
He puts his hand on my lower back again and leads me to the elevator. The ride up is fairly awkward and quiet compared to the morning we’ve had in the pool. When we get to the room it looks exactly like I expected. Open suitcases, pizza boxes stacked on a counter next to empty beer cans, and an ungodly amount of clothes on the floor.
 
“If you guys will excuse me, I don’t think doing business in a bikini is appropriate.” I say.
 
“Oh yeah, the bathroom is right there.”
 
I walk in the bathroom, which isn’t much cleaner then the rest of the room, and close and lock the door. I pull two knots loose, one behind my neck and one in my hip, and my bathing suit is off my body and on the counter. I open my bag and immediately realize I forgot to pack panties. Fuck, well this dress is flowy enough no one will notice.
 
I roll my suit up in a clean towel a few times to get most of the water out n it’s small enough that I can wrap it in a washcloth and fit it in my bag. I look up at myself in the mirror to fix my hair and make up but stop and step back.
 
For the first time since taking that damn pill, the person staring back at me doesn’t look like a stranger using my brain. I don’t see the woman trying to steal my life. I see … myself. For the first time my reflection looks like me. I think I’ve finally connected with my body. And all it took was fingering myself. I chuckle at the idea. I also see how the chlorine dried out my skin.
 
I take out my moisturizer and rub it all over my body, again, giving myself a large dose of the chemical that’s feminizing me without my knowledge. I hear the guys talking and think of how great this day was, how hot Max looks in his tight trunks and shirtless torso. God, I wanted to  lick his thick necks few times.
 
Okay, relax girl, you’re here on business you wanna be licking some necks you got Samir at home. I bet his neck tastes so good. But he’s not as buff as max. Okay what the fuck? How am I so horny? I was fine. I wet a washcloth with water as cold as I can get it and press it to my pussy. Fuck that’s uncomfortable but it worked. I slip my dress on and step out into the room. 
 
“Where is everyone?” I ask when I see Max sitting alone on the bed.
 
“One of the girls texted and said security says they have to each have an escort, so they went down to be the escorts.” He says.
 
“Oh should we go meet up with them down there?”
 
“No no, that won’t be necessary. They said you can explain it to me and I’ll explain it to them.” He says and pats the bed beside himself.
 
“Max what is this?”
 
“It’s you and me talking about the contract.” He says patting the bed again.
 
I sigh and walk over. I take out my phone me and open the contract and start reading through some of the finer points that lead me to my conclusion. At firs t he seems to be paying attention but that doesn’t last long.
 
“So if you go then to paragraph seven.” I explain.
 
“Mmm hmmm.” He mutters then I feel his lips on my shoulder.
 
“Max…”
 
“I’m listening. Paragraph seven.”
 
“Yes, if you go to paragraph seven you’ll see where…” I begin but there’s another kiss on my shoulder, this one higher up.
 
“Why did you stop?” He asks.
 
His hand goes to my back. He adjusts his body weight to kiss higher on my shoulder. He’s slowly moving his lips closer to my neck.
 
“Because you’re not paying attention to me.” I say.
 
“Oh I definitely am.” He says.
 
His lips make it to my neck. Instinctively I tilt my head to give him more access. His other hand is on my thigh now.
 
“I mean paying attention to my words not my body.”
 
“You were talking about how the contract states that by selling our concept we would be giving up any future revenue share. Now you’re on paragraph seventeen where it talks about also signing over IP rights.” He says not slowing down on his seductive kisses. “I can do two things at once. Keep going.”
 
I take a deep breath and continues. Fuck this feels amazing.
 
“You see, because … they put that line in there,” I pant out.”
 
“Mmm hmmm.”
 
God I’m trying so hard to maintain control. To convince myself that I can, that I can keep this meeting semi professional. Even when he pulls on the knot behind my neck, untying my dress, and letting it fall to my waist, exposing my breast, one of which he immediately grips, I keep talking.
 
“Because that’s there … it means they know that you can … leverage those rights later … for more money.” I’m able to get out.
 
Once he lays me back on the bed, however, I know I’m all but powerless. I give up on the contract and set my phone down and slide up so my head is on a pillow. He begins to pull my dress the rest of the way off.
 
“Holy fuck you’re so hot.” He says and makes me smile.
 
He leans down and starts kissing his way back up my body. My fingers slide into his hair as he does.
 
“Just have them delete paragraph seventeen. It could be worth millions of dollars later.” I pant out. “I can give you language to use.”
 
He doesn’t respond and it doesn’t matter because he’s made it back to my breast. My nipple is in his mouth. His tongue is swirling on it. And I’m lost in my own lustful desires. I reach down and pull the drawstring on his trunks, untying them.
 
He pulls back off of me, takes them off, then returns to on top of me. The whole time I watch with a smile. I could easily stop all of this, I could get up, get dressed, and leave, but I don’t want to.
 
When he returns and starts kissing me again, I reach down and wrap my fingers around his dick. Is so much bigger and so much harder than Samir’s.
 
“You like that dick baby?” He asks.
 
“Yeah.” I say back.
 
“It’s all for you sexy.”
 
Fuck why did he have to say that. I immediately groan and arch my back then start slowly stroking it. I can’t believe I’m not freaking out right now. It’s not like I’m in the fog or anything else that’s happened to cause me to do things like this. Instead, it just feels natural, and god help me, hot as fuck.
 
He starts kissing my neck and I look down between our bodies. I hee his dick in my hand, dripping precum into my bush. It’s so close, literally just need to move it a couple of inches. Line it up with my opening. He will do the rest. Then it was him that did it, not me. I wouldn’t be wanting him to fuck me, I would just not be able to resist him. That’s not gay, that’s just being swept up by the hormones.
 
There’s only one problem, I do want him to fuck me. I’m dying to feel his dick inside me. I’m dying to watch his face above me as he thrusts his cock deep inside me. I’m eager to know what expressions he would make while filling me with cum. I turn my head to the side. What the fuck is wrong with me?
 
He turns my head and presses his lips to mine. His tongue fills my mouth in a fairly aggressive manner. Samir’s kisses are gentler, more affectionate. Max’s are much harder, more lustful. One isn’t better than the other. It’s just about the moment. And right now is a weird moment.
 
The more I want him, want this, want to be manhandled and fucked like a submissive little girl, the more I hate myself. The more I hate myself, the more I want this. I try to get lost in his kiss, try to ignore the rest so he will just do as he wishes and it will be ov….
 
“Fuck!!” I gasp out, wrapping my my arms around his neck and holding him tightly as his thick middle finger pushes into and stretches out my pussy.
 
“Oh yeah, you like that don’t you?” He says as he moves his finger in and out of me
 
This doesn’t feel like when I fingered myself. His finger is so much bigger and goes so much deeper. All I can do is lay there and moan. Which only encourages him to go faster and harder. He leans down and starts licking and sucking my nipple again. I can feel him trying to fit a second finger inside.
 
I open my legs wide and he’s able to fit his two middle fingers in my now dripping wet hole. One hand grips the sheets and the other strokes his cock ferociously as he begins finger fucking me as hard as he can.
 
“That’s it baby. Make me cum. Make me cum like no one ever has.” He groans out.
 
Jesus I can only take so much. I’ve never wanted anything like I want him to cum. Maybe I’ve wanted things more than that but it’s never been so obsessive. He takes his fingers out of me and sucks on them making a sound to let me know how good it is. That’s what pushes me over the top.
 
I push him over onto his back and climb on top of him. I start by kissing his neck, then work my way down across his pec and abs, I make my way down his hairy thigh then switch to the other and make my way back up and towards the middle. Eventually I’m there, my lips mere inches from his young hairy balls.  
 
Just a few more kisses then I open my mouth and get to find out if I can be who Samir wants me to be. I close my eyes then kiss his testicle, then the base of his cock. My mind starts replaying my dream with Katie’s boyfriend. I start comparing the two as I slowly make my way up his shaft. His groans encouraging me to go further.
 
 I finally reach the head and give it a different kiss. I wrap my lips around it a bit and let the tip of my tongue touch it. Just like I like. I pull my head back and lift it up with my hand. I open my eyes and look down at this perfect hard young cock. It looks so delicious and hard and ready for me.  I take a deep breath, open my mouth, and close my eyes. Here goes nothing.
 
Suddenly, in my head I see Katie in the dream. I see her distraught, I see how much she hated me. I see the man who was my husband, how hurt he was and how he couldn’t even look at me. It’s just a dream girl, move on. But it wasn’t just a dream. It happened. I did this once before and it ruined my life. It’s why I’m here now. I’m here now, I was given a second chance, and I’m about to blow it. I quickly sit up and push my hair back.
 
“I can’t I can’t. I’m sorry I can’t do this.” I say.
 
“What?” He asks shocked. “What happened?”
 
“Nothing happened. I just can’t do this. I’m married and I know where this ends up.” I say.
 
“Yeah with great sex.”
 
“No not with great sex,” I begin, “not that I’m saying it wouldn’t … I have no doubt that if we have sex it will be mind blowing. A life altering experience for me. But that’s not where it ends. That’s just what happens next. It ends with heartbreak and devastation.”
 
I get up and grab my dress.
 
“What are you talking about?”
 
“Im married max.”
 
“I know, that doesn’t bother me.”
 
“It should and the fact that it doesn’t scares me.” I say.
 
“So what? After all of that, suddenly you feel guilty and don’t want to fuck me anymore?”
 
“No, it’s the opposite. I really want to fuck you. I want you inside me so bad I can barely think straight. But if we do then my life is ruined.” I say.
 
“He doesn’t have to know.”
 
“Hell find out. Somehow he’ll find out. They always do. Even if he doesn’t I’ll know. His is the only dick I should ever have in me. I’m sorry if I lead you on.”
 
I get my dress on and tied and my tits put away. I use a tissue to wipe my lip gloss cleaner and grab my phone.
 
“I have to go now or I never will. I’m going to delete our thread and block your number. Don’t try and contact me ever. If you do I know I’ll be back here, under you, letting you violate me and ruin my life. So while I can think clearly, good bye.”
 
With that I turn and almost run out the door to the elevator, leaving him sitting on the bed horny, hard, and confused.  

It only took a few moments after Samir left for his meeting for my whole mental state to just completely collapse. I’m not freaking g out with the same levels of regret and shame as usual, but I am freaking out. So much so, that I’ve been standing in this shower for several minutes and have yet to turn on the water.
 
I’ve just been staring at the shampoo bubbles on the wall of the shower, the dirty towel hanging off of the hamper, the toothpaste on the counter, and the loofah, still dripping soap, hanging on the shower handle. The smell of his cologne is lingering in the air.
 
 He was right, this isn’t playing around, this isn’t a game. At the end of this there can be only two outcomes: Somehow, and I can’t imagine a way it’s possible, I will happily live the rest of my life like this. Or, I will break my best friends heart and likely never hear from him again. Well, actually, I guess there’s a third option where I live like this unhappily. The more likely answer.
 
Though, I wouldn’t put it past Samir to be faking all of this to get me in a compromising position to get the upper hand. He’s done it before. More than once. But, what would be more compromising than me naked covered in his cum? Maybe he’s not lying.
 
Great, now I’m thinking about last night. And I’m wet. I can’t go see Max, I know he’s got ulterior motives. He’s said as much. And if I’m turned on I won’t say no. Fuck, why did I have to look at my phone this morning? Why didn’t I surprise Samir and get in the shower with him like I wanted to?
 
Because I knew I would’ve ended up sucking his dick. I haven’t been able to stop wondering about it. My dream last night, with Katie’s boyfriend. It felt so real. Is that really what it feels like? I wanna know. Why do I wanna know? But I can’t. Not with Samir, how would I ever get past the fact that he’s always been like a brother to me? How could I ever face him again after that?
 
But I’ll never have to see Max again. I can just do it, satisfy my curiosity, and never see him again. No harm no foul. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, I guess Samir could find out and be heartbroken. But that would only happen if I tell him, and I’m not doing that. No, the worst that could happen is way worse. I could like it. I could want it again and there won’t be a man I’ll never see again to do it with.
 
I open the door and put my robe on. I need to go cancel my plans with Max. I’ll make up an excuse for why I stayed home. I go back to the room and grab my phone. I take a deep breath. I have to cancel. I open the message. I stare at the screen for a moment then scroll up to the pics he sent me last night.
 
Fuck his dick looks nice. I can’t help but wonder how much I can get in my mouth. Can’t help but be curious what he tastes like. Jesus, he’s so young and virile, I bet he nuts by the gallon and probably moans so loud. Plus he wants it so bad, he’ll be so happy to have me he might even eat me out. Do I wanna be eaten out? By him?
 
I drop the phone on the bed. I’m gonna take a shower, calm down, and then cancel. I’m just spiraling, I’ve been through this, I can figure it out. Usually, I get some kind of something to snap me back into reality. I don’t have that so cold shower it is.
 
The shower works, but barely. This is the worst I’ve been. Now I’m sitting on the bed, soaking wet and cold, unable to send one text “changed my mind, not coming” then I just block him. It’s so easy. Why can’t I do it? Why am I still wanting to go? Why do I wanna suck his dick so bad?
 
Then it hits me. I’ve been turned on every night for several nights. I’ve been pursued and I’ve been caressed. I’ve done everything almost, except get off. I’m horny, that’s all. One good nut and my mind will clear. I should just masturbate, normally I would. The problem is that since becoming a woman, except to wipe or wash, I’ve never touched my vagina.
 
It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, when I first changed I was excited at the idea. But I haven’t been able to. It doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have a bunch of soft folds that drip and ooze and leak down my leg or into my ass when I’m aroused. I should have a big hard cock that stands up firm and strong, begging to be stroked. Fuck even the thought of it makes me ooze a little. I m gonna have to do it. To save my sanity. I lay back and open my robe, running my fingers over my body gently.
 
I move my hand down and use my finger to caress the spot where my leg connects to my torso, my inner hip area, my crease. Close enough to feel the warmth of my pussy on my palm but not actually touching it. I feel the wetness increase, I become aware of all of the parts of my pussy. I can feel each individual one and every sensation they feel is slightly amplified. Not as much as when Samir was touching me here.
 
I spread my fingers and move my hand up and down a bit, rubbing both creases. The warm humid air very obvious on my palm now. I think I can do this, I want to do this, but I need “motivation”.
 
I take out my phone and open the browser navigating to my usual porn site. I type in those three perfect letters, the ones that always get me off:  POV. Immediately.  I see a page of thumbnails, each one a hot young girl with a cock hanging out of her mouth.
 
I put an ear bud in, don’t want the staff hearing this, and hit play on the first video. The first thing I hear is that delicious slurping sound of a good sloppy blow job. Then the video fades in and I see her bobbing on his dick. Fuck I miss that feeling of a warm young mouth on my cock. I feel the wetness roll down between my cheeks and over my asshole. I bend my knees, so my feet are flat on the bed and spread my legs a bit bit and moan softly at the intense dirty feeling as my finger goes down below my vagina, very close to my asshole, and rolls around in my juices. I then move back up putting my fingers on either side of my mound.
 
I lift my middle finger and bring my ring finger in closer and begin stroking the outside of my right lip. The sensation is a bit overwhelming in intensity. I press my lips together hard to keep from whimpering. I pull my hand back away from my pussy and run my fingers through my bush. It’s soaking wet.
 
I feel like the inside of my pussy is on fire. I spread my legs as wide as they’ll go to give myself relief. I move my hand back down, and without touching them directly I spread my lips apart. When I do, it’s like opening a flood gate. A near river of wetness goes down my ass and onto the mattress.
 
I swipe my thumb on the phone to go to the next video while I rub the inside of my lip. The back of my finger grazes one of my big wrinkly labia. The sheer touch sends a wave through my body. It feels so good. I feel so feminine. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be embracing these feelings. I need to stop. But I can’t.
 
Every touch, every sensation, every thought of a mouth on my no longer existent cock, it makes the urge stronger, it makes me crave more. Not more of the same. I can’t explain what I crave, what my pussy craves, but it’s getting worse.
 
I go back to the search bar and type “POV masturbating.” And my screen fills with thumbnails of girls with their hands between their legs. I click play and watch as I keep playing with and stroking my lips. I’ve always struggled finding a girls clitoris but I’m very aware of where mine is right now. It’s swollen and throbbing and aching to be touched. I press my thumb on it gently and my body shivers. I can’t. It’s too intense.
 
I swipe through the videos. Each one making me wetter than the one before it. Then I swipe and there’s a big veiny cock on my screen with its owner stroking it and calling me a princess. I instinctively grab and pull my labia and groan softly. I want to swipe, I should swipe, I need to swipe. But it’s so big and thick and he keeps calling me beautiful.
 
I finally swipe away from that video and back to the Home Screen. I go back to the POV and start watching a new video. It starts the same way, girl giving head then it goes to him eating her out and fingering her. Knowing how hypersensitive my own pussy is, I start to imagine how good that must feel. I shake it off and keep watching. I’m now stroking between my labia softly while making small circles above my clit with my thumb. The feeling is so wonderful.
 
Then the scene cuts. A close up of her pussy. His big brown dick comes into scene and I watch as the head slowly penetrates her and hear her reaction. I can’t help but think about how amazing that must have felt.
 
I pull the slider back and watch it again. Then I watch it again. Each time I feel my own pussy clench and throb. Now I know what that unknown craving was. I need to be stretched open. I need something inside my pussy right now. . But I can’t. I never could do that, that’s too much.
 
I pull the slider back and watch again. My middle finger moves from rubbing my labia to teasing my opening. My eyes are fixated on his cock now. I can’t look away. It’s so big and thick and veiny. God I bet she can feel those veins.
 
Im losing my grip on myself, im slipping further into the void of femininity. I slide it back one more time then watch it play through. I watch as he slides in and out of her. It cuts to her face and I get irritated. I scroll it forward until I see the penetration again, that’s the good stuff. That big dick opening her up, opening me up. God she’s as wet as I am.
 
I need  to be penetrated or I’m gonna die. But I can’t. It’s too submissive, too feminine. But it’s my own fingers, yes it’s cock I really want. Samirs cock, Max’s cock, this guys cock, any cock, but I’m not gonna do that. I can do this.  
 
Finally I give in and slip the tip of my middle finger in for a second, then add the one beside it. The sudden relief I feel almost feels as good as the stimulation I’ve been giving myself for the past few minutes. I go to the search bar. “When it goes in” is what I type and every video is straight close ups of penetration. Before I even hit play I go back to the search bar and add “her POV”
 
I watch from the girls point of view as men slip big veiny cocks inside them. Each one looking better than the one before. I’m so jealous of the girls getting to ride those men like that. I want that. With barely even a thought or knowledge of my actions I push my own fingers inside myself as far as they will go. This is what I needed. This is what I want.
 
I set my phone down. I need both hands now. With one hand I’m rubbing my clit while the other shoves my two middle fingers in and out of my wet gaping pussy.  My feet are in the air, toes pointing, my knees are by my shoulders, and my eyes are closed. In my minds eye I’m watching some nameless faceless man with rock hard abs shoving his cock deep inside me. While I fuck myself with my fingers. The room fills with the sound of my juices getting squished in my folds.
 
Then, suddenly, he’s not faceless, he’s Samir, and he’s dunking me so good. The sensations start to escalate, I’m getting very close. But I can’t not to him, not this. It’s not right. I need something else . Someone else.
 
I pick my phone up and look at Max’s pics again. I imagine him on top of me, his big fat dick inside me, turning my insides into mush like my brain is. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna fuck him today.
 
I want him to bend me over and take me from behind. I want to be his bitch, his little slut. I want him to fuck me hard and deep while he pulls my hair and calls me…
 
Fuck I’m cumming 

After Samir finishes cleaning up and taking the towel to the hamper, he returns and lays back down next to me. He pulls me close and I lay my head on his chest, and we just lay here talking until we fell asleep. I feel safe and secure and at peace, which is good because the fear shame, guilt, and regret over what I have just done don’t really set in tonight at all. I can’t remember the last time I just fell asleep so easily.
 
Now, if only my dreams were as peaceful as that moment. My brain is continuing to spend its nights forcing me to relive and reimagine my memories. Tonight is no exception; in fact it’s the worst of them all. I’m forced to relive one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, sleeping with my daughter's best friend. Only this time it’s so much worse.
 
I’m the dream it isn’t her best friend and roommate, Alyson, whom I had just met that week. No, this time it was her boyfriend, who she’s been with for years and plans to marry. The shame and guilt are overwhelming. I want to wake up but I’m forced to watch my life fall apart over one list filled decision. As if he knew I couldn’t handle anymore of this dream, Samir comes to my rescue.
 
I wake up laying on my left side with him behind me. He’s pulled himself up to me, has his arm wrapped around me, gently scratching my belly, and gently kissing my neck and shoulder. I can feel hard dick pressed between my ass and his abdomen.
 
“Jackie, baby, it’s time to wake up.” He says softly in that low growl gravely voice men have in the morning.
 
I let out a soft groan of my own and stretch out every muscle at once, a move that presses me back against him harder, then roll over onto my back to face him. His dick lays across my pelvis and his balls rest between my legs on my upper thigh. His kiss movers from my shoulder to my mouth, which I happily accept.
 
“Good morning,” I say in an almost whisper.
 
“How are you feeling?” He asks. “Any panic attacks or urges to run away?”
 
“Not big ones. Little mild panic attack building up. No urges to run anywhere.” I push his hair back behind his ear. “No urges to run yet. Hell, I don’t even want to get out of bed right now.”
 
“Mmmm, I like the sound of that.” He says and leans down to kiss me again.
 
His hand grips my breast and his mouth moves towards it. As it does, I feel the head of his dick slide down towards my vagina.
 
“Okay, panic attack getting bigger.” I blurt out.
 
He moves back up and pulls back a bit from my face.
 
“Tell me about it.” He says.
 
“About what?”
 
“About what happens in your brain that causes such a switch from last night to now. What makes you go from happy to panic.” He says.
 
“It’s not like a switch. I mean the thoughts are there. The fear is there. I think just in the moment I get caught up and forget myself.” I say.
 
“I don’t think that’s it.” He rebuts.
 
“Oh no? Then what do you think it is?” I ask.
 
“I think you’re just trying to hold on to the past too hard.” He says. I roll my eyes. “No no, hear me out.”
 
“Okay fine, but I reserve my right to argue.”
 
“Deal,” he begins, “you say it’s an in the moment thing, which you’ve stated is typically because you become aroused to a certain level, correct?”
 
I groan and cover my eyes.
 
“God…”
 
“I’m not judging. And I’m the only one here. No judgements, no bad talk. Just open and honest. That’s what we agreed last night that this talk would be.” He reminds.
 
“Okay, fine,” I begin and look back at him. I swallow then admit, “when you touch me certain ways and do certain things I get turned on. When I get turned on I get the fog in my brain and tend to just react without thinking.” I’m mortified to have said that to him.
 
“Are you aroused right now?” He asks without even acknowledging my statement, which helps.
 
“Not really, maybe a little, but I kinda have always woken up a little aroused.” I say.
 
“Obviously, so do I.” He says and chuckles. “But that’s a good point. You’re not aroused, you’re not in the moment, but you’re here.”
 
“Yeah.”
 
“And you’re not trying to run away or telling me how horrible this all is. You’re being very soft and feminine and affectionate. You’re not hiding those from me behind a wall of masculine memories.” He points out.
 
“Because you’re making me feel safe.” I admit.
 
“Okay then, so maybe, just maybe, you’re not just getting caught up in the moment anymore. Maybe you’re happy this way.” He says.
 
“Even if that were true, which I’m not saying it is, it’s temporary, when you leave it will fade and I’ll be my anxious panicky self again.”
 
“I have an idea.” He says.
 
He rolls over, reaches into his nightstand, and pulls out a small box. He takes out its contents, a small piece of paper, he folds it up and puts it back. Then he rolls back over and holds it out.
 
“Here, hold this.” He says.
 
I reach out my hand and he places the box on my palm. I curl my thumb and forefinger to steady it.
 
“Okay,” he begins, “if you were to say, this is the spot in my brain where the fear, anxiety, and shame live, where would that be?”
 
I point to a spot in the back left side of my head. He reaches over and turns my head to the side and searches through my hair then touches a spot.
 
“About here?” He asks.
 
“Yeah.” I reply.
 
He puts all of his fingers and thumb together in that exact spot.
 
“Tell me when it’s about the right size.” He says. And starts spreading his fingers and thumb.
 
“There.” I say.
 
“Oh he’s still a big boy huh? That’s okay.”
 
 He moves his hand around a bit then makes a popping sound with his lips. I giggle as he brings his hand back like he’s holding something.
 
“Box.” He says. I hold it up and he puts the pretend item inside then closes it tight. “There, now that part of your mind, that toxic thinking is not there. But it’s still here. It’s still in this box, and will be on my nightstand for safe keeping. If you ever want it back you just open the box and take it.”
 
“That’s cute.” I say sincerely.
 
“I mean it Habibti, it’s not there. It’s here. And I’ll give it back before we leave the island if you want. But in the meantime, that means you can just be my wife and nothing more and not have to worry that he’s going to yell at you.” Samir says.
 
“You keep saying that, but I don’t even know what that looks like or if it’s even anything I would want.” I say honestly.
 
He takes the box from my hand and lays it on his nightstand. I know it’s all symbolic but something about the symbolism works and I feel a weigh lift.
 
“It looks like affection and happiness.” He says.
 
“So sex.” I reply. He sighs.
 
“No, not just sex. Last night you told me you were the happiest, most content, you’ve been in a long time.”
 
“I said that? I must have been drunk.” I quip.
 
“Be serious.” He scolds.
 
“Okay, yes, I actually still feel happier and more content than I have at least since changing, if not longer.” I reply honestly.
 
“Is that because of anything sexual we did?”
 
“Not exactly?” I reply unable to fully say no.
 
“What were some things that we did that made you feel that way?” He asks.
 
“When you were looking at us in the mirror and telling me how beautiful I was and touching me so gently and sensually. Waking up to  being held and kissed by you, which I really needed, and laying in your arms just talking until we fell asleep.” I say.
 
“Okay, it would look just like all of that, and more.”
 
“What more?” I ask hoping he doesn’t say sex.
 
“Holding hands, dates, walks on the beach, hugs, kisses, long talks when I get home. And all the other things couples do.”
 
“Hey, we talked for hours yesterday!” I interject.
 
“Yeah about sports, and beers, and the good old days. I want long talks about our days, and our thoughts and feelings, and possibly about our future together. How you’ll want to redecorate the penthouse when we get home. Most importantly, we need honesty and openness. Always.”
 
God, all of that sounds amazing right now. And terrifying.
 
“Aren’t you worried that if we do all of that one or both of us will start to develop feelings for each other?” I ask nervously.
 
“Sweetheart, for me, that ship has sailed. I think it has for you as well.” He admits, punctuating his words with a kiss and a gentle hand over my flesh.
 
“You have feelings for me?” I ask. “I thought you were just trying to seduce me.”
 
“At first I was but I’m not anymore. I’m f we never do anything sexual again, I’m still so happy to be with you.” He says.
 
“Isn’t that scary, dangerous?”
 
“Only if you open that box and let him out.” He says softly.
 
“What if I can’t do it? What if I open the box?” I ask.
 
“Then we have our answer. I’ll cancel the honeymoon and get you another blue pill.”
 
“Really?”
 
“Yes. I promise.”
 
The way he’s looking at me it makes saying no feel almost impossible. I nod softly.
 
“Okay, I’ll try.” I say softly.
 
His eyes light up and his smile gets bigger than I’ve ever seen.
 
“You just made me so happy Habibti.” He says.
 
“Turns out I really like making you happy.” I say back.
 
“Is that why you did that last night? You wanted to make me happy?” He asks.
 
“Did what? Jerked you off?” I ask.
 
“Yes,” he chuckles.
 
 “Not exactly. That was more so curiosity. I looked over and saw it hanging there. It was so nice and so hard it’s like it was begging to be touched. I just thought if I didn’t do it in that moment, I would never have the courage again.”
 
“Did you enjoy doing it?” He asks.
 
“Samir, I can’t…”
 
He puts his hand back to my cheek.
 
“We agreed, open and honest about everything.” He interrupts.
 
I sigh and look away
 
“Yes.” I nearly whisper.
 
He puts his finger on my chin and turns my face back towards him.
 
“I didn’t hear you.”
 
“Yes, I really liked it.” I say. My voice has never been so timid.
 
“What did you like about it?” He asks.
 
“Fuck, how did I know you were gonna ask that?”
 
“Because you know me too well.” He replies with a smirk. I roll my eyes.
 
I liked how you reacted to everything. How much you were enjoying everything I did. That’s how I figured out I like making you happy. And you came so hard, and there was so much. And, honestly, I liked you cumming on my chest. It felt so dirty but in a good way. Mostly, I liked how it felt in my hand. You’d be surprised by how much you miss that feeling.” I say a bit more confidently.
 
“So that’s the only reason you liked having it in your hand was nostalgia?”
 
“No,” I begin, “It was more than just nostalgia. I liked that it was yours. It made it easier, better.” I admit.
 
“See, was that so hard?” He asks.
 
“Yes!” I exclaim. “Excruciating.”
 
At that moment his alarm goes off.
 
“Well, saved by the bell. I have to go get ready for this meeting. I’m glad we had this time to talk this out.” He says.
 
“Me too, I think.” I chuckle.
 
When Samir gets in the bathroom, he turns on the shower. As it starts to heat up, he goes to the sink to brush his teeth. He notices the small vial of oil sitting there. The oil Katie gave him just after the wedding. The oil supplied by X-corp.
 
The oil is full of chemicals and other herbs designed to work with the chemistry of the pill I took and my own hormones to speed up my feminization. If not for having these chemicals being secretly absorbed through my skin, it would be weeks or more before I did any of the stuff I e done these past few days.
 
“She’s almost there,” he says to himself, “just another little boost.”
 
He picks up the vial and pours a little bit into my moisturizer. That means, despite Katie’s warning about not exceeding two doses in a twenty-four hour period, he has now added it to a third item that I will be applying to my skin before bedtime tonight.
 
As he shakes the bottle of moisturizer to mix the chemicals, and imagines his future with his perfect wife, I’m laying in the bed trying to wrap my mind around everything that’s happened. I can’t believe I’m agreeing to try and be a woman for him.
 
I can’t believe how easily he was able to convince me. I’m not sure if it’s him, the island vibes, or what, but I really feel the change inside myself since getting here. I do feel way more feminine and I don’t hate it as much. Let’s see what happens after he leaves.
 
I grab my phone to check the stock market and a few scores, feel a little normal for a moment. When I open it I see twenty-seven notifications from Max’s pizza. Jesus, Max, I totally forgot about him.
 
Also, what’s the point of hiding someone’s number under a business name if they’re going to blow your phone up?
 
I open the  text thread. Most of them are from last night. A few begging for a pic. Some asking where I went. Some apologies for being so blunt and one telling me how much he hates that I’m with another man. You mean my husband? Idiot.
 
It’s the message from this morning, a few minutes ago actually:
 
“Hey, so gonna have to meet at the pool today so probably wanna bring a suit.”
 
I quickly reply back, “Max, a pool is not a professional place to meet and a swimsuit is not considered professional attire.”
 
“I know, it’s not ideal. My partners met some people last night and are expecting them at the pool right after our meeting. I’m so sorry.” He replies almost right away.
 
“So this isn’t a scheme to get me in a swimsuit?”
 
“Of course not,” he replies.
 
“Because this is just a business meeting Max, nothing more.” I say.
 
 There’s no immediate reply. How does he go from replying so fast to nothing?
 
I get up and grab my robe and go get a couple of bagels and some coffee from the kitchen. By the time I return to the room, Samir is almost fully dressed. I hand him a coffee and bagel.
 
“Thank you Baby,” he says and I get butterflies, “what do you have planned for today?”
 
I walk over and check my phone. All he sent was a thumbs up. I try not to sigh.
 
“I’m meeting that group of guys I ran into yesterday to go over their contract.”
 
“Oh, right, I remember you mentioned that.” He says as he gets up. Before he leaves he stops. “Hey, listen, if you choose to never open the box and want your license again, I know someone back home who can help. Wouldn’t be totally legal but this situation exists in a world the laws haven’t caught up to yet.”
 
“Really? Thank you.” I say.
 
 My whole soul is smiling at how well he treats me. Of course, in the back of my mind I’m wondering if it’s all just a ploy to humiliate or fuck me to prove a point. I guess it all didn’t go in the box.
 
“Of course,” he begins, “okay, I gotta go.”
 
“Have a great day.” I say with a smile as I sit on the bed eating my bagel.
 
“No goodbye kiss?” He asks.
 
“You really want to play up this whole wife game huh?” I ask giggling.
 
“I do, but it’s not a game.”
 
I get up and walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck.
 
“Have a great day honey, hurry home.” I say and give him a soft kiss.
 
“I know it was sarcastic, but I’ll take it.” He says.
 
After he leaves, I grab my phone and send Max a text telling him what time I’ll be there and go jump in the shower.
 
“Sounds good, we’ll be ready.” Max replies and sets down his phone.
 
“Okay boys, we’re all set. We have roughly two hours until we meet with our new attorney.” He says as he tosses his phone down onto the bed.
 
“I don’t understand,” his friend Tyler says, “why do we need to go over the contract with an attorney? We signed it three days ago.”
 
“Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, my dear sweet naïve Tyler. The contract is just a reason to get her back over here.” Max says.
 
“I still don’t know why you’re putting this much work in for one chick.” Gavin adds.
 
“She’s married, that’s five points, and over forty, that’s another five.” Max replies.
 
“If you at least get your dick sucked. And we will be needing proof” Gavin says.
 
“Oh she’s pretty much a sure thing. Just needs a little nudge.” Max says.
 
“I never should have made up this game.” Garrett says.
 
“You’re just mad that you’re losing.” Max replies as he gets in the shower.  

When I get out of the shower I try putting on my old sweatpants or a pair of Samir’s basketball short or boxers but they’re all too stiff and uncomfortable. Whatever’s happening to my brain is happening to my body. Who am I kidding? I know what’s happening to me, I’m becoming an actual woman.
 
I sigh and put on a satin tank top a soft pair of panties and a pair of shorts that match the top. I look at myself in the mirror before I start my nightly routine. I look cute. I hate that I look cute. My breasts look nice in this top. Fuck I hate that I have breasts. And of course, the fabric rubbing on them is making my nipples hard. Last thing I need is to give Samir a reason to be all over me again tonight.
 
The only good thing to come out of all of this is this amazing night cream Samir bought me. I don’t seem to have a single wrinkle anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep, every time I close my eyes I’m back there on that beach, against that wall. Every time I close my eyes I see my hand ….
 
I decide to sit and read through the contract for Max. I finally see who the mogul is he’s dealing with. It’s David King himself. This contract is pretty much like his typical deals, fairly predatory, mostly one sided.  But Max definitely has some options. Distracting myself with mind numbingly boring legal work helps. A lot. At least until Max texts me.
 
“You okay?” He asks.
 
“Yeah why?” I reply.
 
“You never messaged and said you were home.”
 
“Oh sorry. I got busy.” I reply. Then add. “I looked through your contract. I have some notes. I can go through them with you and your partners when we meet tomorrow.”
 
“That’s awesome. Thank you so much.” He replies then I see the three dots and another message. “Listen about today”
 
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”
 
“I’m not worried about it. I can’t stop thinking about it.” He replies.
 
“You have to.” I reply
 
“I have to what?”
 
“Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about me.” I text.
 
“Even if I could I don’t want to.” He admits. A hot older woman? That’s the ultimate fantasy. The fact that I came so close and I think I still have a shot. That’s what’s up.”
 
“You don’t still have a shot. You didn’t have a shot. It was just the beer. That’s all.” I send back.
 
“You only had two beers in three hours. You weren’t drunk. At least not on alcohol.”
 
“What else would I have been drunk on?” I text back.
 
Within a few moments I fully regret asking that question. The three dots appear and disappear a few times before, like a a slap to the face, as get the shock of my life. The angle is wonky, it’s a bit out of focus, and he used the wide angle lens so it’s a bit distorted, but there, on my phone, filling the screen, is Max’s hard dick and shaved balls. His hand is around the base of his shaft and just behind it all, or well I guess above, is his smiling face.
 
I go to reply, a simple wtf, but before I can, three more come through. Four pics. Four shots of his big, hard, veiny cock. Four different angles. All of them so intense.
 
“See how hard you make me? And that’s just talking about it.” Max texts.
 
“Why did you send me those?” I reply.
 
I try not to but I keep opening them and looking at it. Especially the one taken from the tip looking down the shaft.
 
“You see how red it is? I’ve beat off four times since you left. I didn’t even meet with my boys.” He says ignoring my question.
 
“Max, please.” I beg
 
“What? Send more? Baby I’ll send whatever you want.” He texts back. “Wanna see me jerk off for you?”
 
“No!” I reply then follow up with. “I want you to stop thinking about me like this. It’s a business relationship. That’s all.”
 
“Can I see your tits?” He replies, again ignoring my texts.
 
“Good night Max.” I reply.
 
“Come on. One pic first. I sent you like four.” He says back.
 
“I didn’t ask for them. My husband will be home any minute. Don’t make me block your number.”
 
“Okay fine just when you fuck him think of me.” Max replies with a winking emoji.
 
“Goodnight Max.” I say again.
 
“Wait. Are you mad at me right now?”
 
“No. I’m not mad at you. It’s just a really bad situation we’re in. Get some rest we will talk tomorrow. In person. In public.” I reply and swipe out of the messaging app.
 
I lay here on the bed with my face buried in my hands. What have I done? What is this life even? My chest is pounding, my knees are tingling. I pick up my phone and open the photos again and swipe back and forth through them slowly.
 
Fuck it’s really nice. Way bigger than I ever was. God this angle; it’s like a blow job pov. I quickly swipe out of it and throw my phone down on the bed. I put my pillow over my face and scream. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m not gay. I don’t like men. I need to go home. This island is fucking with my brain.
 
“What are you talking about, Habibti?” Samir asks. “We haven’t had our honeymoon yet and you’re ready for us to go home? Besides, I still have to finish my business here.”
 
Samir came home a few minutes after the text exchange with Max. I didn’t have time to delete the photos. I’ve spent the past few hours knowing those images are there and freaking out. When he got home, he wanted to have dinner and do the husband/wife things so I didn’t have time to really talk to him until now, as we’re getting ready for bed. I caught him so off guard, he hasn’t even had time to put on pants. He’s in just his boxers.
 
“You don’t have to come with me then. Just get the pilots here and tell them to fly me back to New York.” I reply.
 
“That isn’t possible, the plane is undergoing a complete overhaul. It’s in pieces in a hangar.”
 
“Okay, then I’ll fly domestic. I just need you to buy me the ticket. I’ll pay you back when I get back home and get access to my bank account again.” I reply.
 
“Where is this all coming from Habibti, what happened?”
 
“Nothing happened. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.” I reply. I’m nearly in tears.
 
He steps up and puts his hands on my shoulders.
 
“Don’t want to do what?” He asks. “Talk to me, what’s going on?”
 
“This. Any of this. I don’t want to be on this island, I don’t want to be your wife, I don’t want to go on a honeymoon with you. I want my life back. I want to be in my own house, my own bed, my own body.” I blurt out.
 
Samir doesn’t get angry or upset. He sighs and gets a soft smile on his face.
 
“I see,” he begins, “this is about last night. We should have talked about it.”
 
“It’s not just about last night. It’s everything.” I say.
 
“So you’re not upset with me for what I pressured you into doing? For what I almost pressured you into doing?” He asks.
 
“That’s just it,” I begin as I pull away and take a few steps back, “you didn’t pressure me into it. I was a very willing, if not eager participant. And I would have been just as willing and eager to go further had I not come to my senses.”
 
“That’s a good thing, no?”
 
“No! It’s a bad thing. It’s a horrible thing.” I say. I begin pacing. “I shouldn’t want those things. It’s not right. I’m not right. My head is all messed up.”
 
“So, you don’t like that you felt that way or wanted those things?” He asks.
 
“Of course not.”
 
“And in the moment? Did it bother you that you wanted them?” He asks.
 
“A little, but not enough to stop me. That’s why I need to get away from here, away from you.” I say.
 
“And you think that will stop you from wanting those things?”
 
“There won’t be any temptation I know that.” I admit.
 
“Of course there will. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong or unnatural, it’s the opposite. He made women to want to be with their husbands.” He says.
 
“He who?” I ask. Samir points and looks up.
 
 “Come on dude.” I say annoyed.
 
“What?”
 
“First of all, I’ve known you for over thirty years and never once have you said or done anything to show you’re even remotely religious.”
 
“Not religious, traditional. And traditionally, historically, that is what the female body wants it’s what he made it for. Why deny it?”
 
“Because he didn’t make this body. A scientist did. In a lab. With a pill.” I snap back.
 
“And who made the scientist? Hmm?” He steps back to me and takes my shoulders again. “Your problem isn’t that what you want is wrong, it’s that you’re trying to deny your needs as a woman because of a wrong thinking.” He says softly.
 
“I’m not a woman Samir. I’m a man.” I say looking up in his eyes.
 
“Come.” He commands.
 
He turns me around and we walk through his closet to the bathroom and stand in front of a full length mirror. He’s standing behind me.
 
He starts to lift my top up but I grab it.
 
“What are you doing?” I ask.
 
“Please, Jackie, I need you to trust me.” He replies.
 
For whatever reason I do trust him and I let go of my shirt and stand there watching as he slowly and fully undressed me in front of the mirror. My whole naked body is on display for him to see. For me to see. I think this is the first time I’ve really seen it all at one time.
 
After he lays my panties on top of the neatly laid pile of clothes I was just wearing. He turns back to me and puts his arms on my sides.
 
“When you look at yourself, do you see a man?” He asks.
 
“No, of course not. But….”
 
“Shhh,” he says.
 
His hands move to my stomach and then up under my breasts, he lifts them and massages them gently. Fuck his hands feel so good on my body.
 
“Do these normally exist on a man?” He asks.
 
“No.” I reply.
 
He runs his right hand slowly down my torso, his left  moves up to the front of my breast, my hard nipple slips between his second and third fingers as he grips it gently but firmly. His right and slips between my legs millimeters from my bare pussy.
 
I gasp sharply at the new, amazing, intense sensation.
 
“And is this what a man would have between his legs?” He asks.
 
As soon as he asks he slowly slides his hand back up my body. I, almost immediately, long for him to put it back.
 
“No, but.” I manage to get out in a trembling voice.
 
“So, we have established that, physically, you are very much a woman.” He says.
 
He keeps a hand over my belly. He curls his fingers on both hands. The left now massaging my breast while the right gently scratches my belly.
 
“It’s not about physical. It’s not that my body is male. It’s my brain. My consciousness that’s male.”
 
“So you admit it’s all in your head?” He asks with a grin.
 
“You know what I mean?” I say.
 
“Let me ask this,” he begins, “does it feel wrong or unnatural for me to be touching you like this?”
 
“Kind of.”
 
“But not fully?”
 
“My brain. It doesn’t think clearly.” I admit.
 
“Because you’re trying to make it not. Does this feel wrong or good?” He asks and leans down and kisses my neck tenderly.
 
“Both.” I eek out. My voice trembling more.
 
“Look in the mirror, look at us together, does this look like something wrong or unnatural to you?” He asks.
 
His one hand stays on my breast while the other continues returns to exploring my body. Across my belly, over my thighs, between my legs, across my ass. He touches me everywhere, except my vagina. I’m losing myself again.
 
“No, but.”
 
“You have to let go. You have to give yourself over to your new reality. It’s not wrong for you to crave my touch, my body … my cock. It’s what you’re made to want. It’s what you’re supposed to do. Let go of the man you were, be the woman you are now.”
 
“I can’t.” I say.
 
“Why not?”
 
“I’ll hate myself too much when I go back to being a man.” I admit.
 
“If.”
 
“What?” I ask only somewhat hearing him.
 
I have my head back on his chest just enjoying how his hands caress me and his soft tone soothes my anxiety.
 
“If you go back to being a man. You may decide you don’t want to.” He says. He starts punctuating his sentences with soft kisses.
 
By this point I’m almost completely lost. My brain is pure mush. I can’t think or speak. I’m just leaning limply against him, enjoying his touches and kisses. His constant reassurances that my body is perfect and enjoyable and that this is what I was meant for. I’m not even touching him, my arms are swaying lumpy by my sides. He is in complete control of my body.
 
That is until I feel his dick touching my ass. It must have slipped through the flap of his boxers. I tighten up a bit, not sure what to say or do. But then, I don’t know why but, I reach back behind me and wrap my hand around it. His hands stop, his lips hold their place on my shoulder for a half of a second before he raises up.
 
I open my eyes and look at his reflection. He has a genuine smile on his face. Fuck it. I’m already gonna hate myself in the morning. I roll my wrist, letting my hand move up and down his thick hard shaft very slowly.
 
“That’s it baby.” He says. He kisses my cheek. “Give in, do what comes naturally.”
 
His hands start moving up and down my body again while I stand there stroking g his dick behind my back. After a while I turn and face him, still holding his dick. I look in his eyes   He’s looking at me in such a loving way.
 
He leans down and kisses me again. After the kiss I look down at his dick. It’s slightly bigger than mine was, but his is darker and has more veins and a slight upward curve. His head is a dark purple.
 
I lean my head on his chest and watch my tiny hand move up and down his shaft. I make sure the tip is right in front of and aimed at my pussy. After a second he gently takes my wrist and moves my hand off of his dick. I look up at him confused.
 
“I think we should go to bed now.” He says.
 
Oh thank god, he’s saving me from myself. He’s ending it before it goes too far. I reach over for my pajamas.
 
“Leave them.” He commands gently. I look back at him. He slips off his boxers. “I don’t think we’ll need clothes tonight, do you?”
 
“Samir…” I get out.
 
He steps closer and runs his fingers in my hair.
 
“My, darling Jackie, my dear sweet Habibti, have I even tried touch your vagina at all?” He asks. I shake my head. “Then trust that I won’t. I have no intention of having sex with you until the moment you’re ready.”
 
He takes my hand and we start walking.
 
“I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow.” I say.
 
“It’s not you that hates yourself, it’s him. Don’t let him out.” He replies without turning back.
 
“It’s not that easy. I’m not always in control.” I say.
 
What am I saying this isn’t me? I don’t want to be like this, do I? God, I feel like a passenger in my own body. Like someone else is at the helm.
 
“You’re in control now aren’t you?”
 
“Am I? I don’t feel in control. I feel totally out of control, but at peace.” We get to the bed and he stands in front of me, simply looking at me. “How do you do that?”
 
“Do what my darling?”
 
“Make me feel like this? Make me feel okay feeling like this?” I ask.
 
“All I do is show you who you are. What you want.”
 
“I want you to make me forget who I was.” I say softly, stunned by my own words.
 
“Good girl,” he begins, “lay down and I’ll do just that.”
 
I lay on the bed, I don’t even go fully to my side, I stay in the middle, or get under the covers. He lays down beside me and looks up and down my body. He reaches his hand out and puts it on my inner thigh then pulls my legs slightly apart. Then he moves his hand up all the way but stops right at the crease.
 
“I wanna kiss you here.” He says in that tone that drives me wild.
 
“Just there?
 
“For now.”
 
“Okay.” I say.
As he moves his face to my lower body I lay back and look at the ceiling. He goes slowly, and in a pattern that allows his warm breath to fall on my pussy before his lips press gently to the crease of my leg. I feel his beard rubbing against my labia.
 
 I gasp slightly. My hand instinctively goes to the back of his head. He swirls his tongue along my thigh before finishing the kiss and slowly moving to the other side. Again I feel his breath. I swear he lingers over it for a moment. I bite my lip to keep from whimpering. I want to push his head down so bad.
 
I turn my head to the side and see his dick. It’s still rock hard and leaking precum. He’s up on his knees so it’s dangling down between his legs, inches from my face. So close I can smell it and feel the heat coming off of it.
 
I take my hand from his head and reach over and grip his balls. He rolls his hips forward and groans. The vibrations reverberate across my lower torso.
 
I start to roll his testicles in my hand slowly. I reach over with the other hand and run my fingers along his shaft.
 
“You like cock baby?” He asks. His breath and the vibrations of his voice can be felt on my clit.
 
“I’ve never seen one from this angle.
 
My fingers get to the tip and I scoop the precum off and use it like lube when I go back down.
 
“You wanna see it from a different angle?”
 
I look down at him and smirk.
 
“And what angle is that?”
 
Immediately he pushes off of me and comes up on his knees beside me. I smile and roll over and come up on my elbow so it’s directly in front of my face. I reach out and wrap my hand around it and slowly stroke it like I was doing earlier.
 
“You like this angle?” He asks.
 
“Actually, yeah, I really do.” I say.
 
I let go for a second and lick the pad of my thumb then put my hand around the shaft again only this time I run my thumb under the tip, along the little hard tendon like part. He throws his head back and groans.
 
“Fuck you’re making me want to cum.” He says.
 
I start going a little faster, curling my wrist so my hand twists a bit.
 
“Did you cum last night while I was outside?”
 
My mind is gone. Jack isn’t even screaming in the background. I’m just a horny little slut. I know I’m gonna regret this but fuck, I don’t care.
 
“No.”
 
“Then I guess you’re overdue.”
 
I shift a bit to get a better angle for and traction but I guess he thinks I’m going for something else. He puts his hand on the back of my head and pulls my mouth closer to it. I stop him at the last second.
 
“I can’t. I’m sorry” I say.
 
“It’s okay Habibti.” He says with a tender smile.
 
I let go of his dick for a second. Without breaking eye contact, I lick my palm then reach over and begin jerking him off quickly. He throws his head back and groans loudly. His hand goes down to my breast and he starts playing with my nipple making me moan and writhe.
 
“Fuck I’m so close.” He pants out.
 
I lean up and spit on his tip then go faster and harder.
 
“Cum!” I command.
 
“Oh Jesus. Oh shit. Oh shit. I’m gonna do it. Can I cum on your tits?”
 
“God yes!” I groan.
 
I turn my hand the other way so I’m stroking him over handed while I aim his head towards my chest. I reach up with the other hand and grip his balls again. His hips are rocking fucking my hand in time with my strokes. Then with a loud pleasured groan, his body freezes and tenses up.
 
His cock swells and twitches in my hand then I watch as stream after stream of thick white cum squirts out the tip onto my chest and neck. I stroke him faster and faster.  One drop gets flung out onto my lower lip, so I close my mouth. After a few moments he finishes and moves down and kisses me more passionately than he ever has.
 
I wrap my arms around his neck. I’m trying not to let my cum covered hand touch him, but I feel it dripping down onto my shoulder and forehead. I’m covered in another man’s semen and I don’t know why but I don’t even care. I made him cum. I did this.
 
“Let me clean you off baby.” He whispers in my ear.
 
He then disappears towards the bathroom. After a few seconds of listening to the water running, he returns with a wet wash cloths. He proceeds to wipe my chest clean.
 
“Thank you.” I pant out.
 
“Are you okay?” He asks sincerely.
 
“I think so. Yeah. Probably won’t be tomorrow. But that’s not my problem tonight.” I say.
 
He grabs his phone from the nightstand and types something in then sets it down.
 
“I just cancelled my meeting in the morning. So we can discuss it together.”
 
I reach up and put my hand on his cheek. I stroke his beard gently.
 
“Why are you doing all of this?” I ask softly.
 
“Because you’re my wife. You deserve it.”
 
“That’s what I mean, why are you married to me? You’re such an amazing man. You deserve a woman who wants to be married to you. A woman who wants to have wild hot sex with you every night.” I say.
 
“Honestly? I truly believe I did. You just need to realize it. You will.”
 
“Sadly, I don’t think so.” I reply.
 
“You see? That’s the difference, you don’t think so, but I truly believe.” He says with a huge cheesy grin.

The dreams are driving me absolutely mad. This time it’s college, and it’s the worst of them all. In the dream I didn’t go to my university to one up Samir. I went there to be with him.
 
In the dream we aren’t friends who met in boarding school and competed at everything. We’re a couple who met at one of the mixers between his all boys school and my all girls school. We hit it off and stayed in contact, which eventually became a relationship. One serious enough that I followed him to school.
 
And even worse, the parties we went to, the times we hung out, they’re way different too. We weren’t there hanging out and picking up chicks. We were there as a couple, making out, and eventually going back to his dorm. Oh god this dream, he’s on top of me, inside me. In this dream he fucks me in every possible position. And I love it.
 
My eyes shoot open quickly. It’s well past dawn already. I must have slept a good nine hours, much more than my usual five. I roll over to see if Samir is asleep. I’m just going to rip it off like a band aid. I’m gonna wake him up and tell him I’m done with this marriage. He will understand. He better, it’s his fault.
 
Unfortunately, the only thing on his side of the bed is a rose with a note on it.
 
“Good morning, you looked so beautiful lying there I couldn’t even fathom waking you up. The staff will make whatever you want for breakfast. The keys to the Ferrari are on my nightstand. I’m sorry I’m missing a whole day with you. I hope last night didn’t freak you out too much, I thought it was amazing and I think you need to keep letting go of Jack, keep embracing your new feminine identity.
 
So, go into town, take my credit card, buy yourself a ton of nice, cute outfits for the actual honeymoon and I will be home as soon as I can. Just,  remember, the sun here is stronger than back home. Wear plenty of sunscreen. Have a great day. Know I am missing you. Your Habibi.”
 
Oh, I’m going to do exactly that. I’m going to go spend your money, but I’m not spending it on cute dresses or soft silky undies. I’m getting some coffee, maybe a cigar, then I’m going to drive that sexy car all over the island looking for a sports bar or strip club and I’m gonna enjoy myself the way I always have. And I’m doing it in a t shirt and basketball shorts. With boxers underneath. Fuck all this girly shit.
 
I get up and get in the shower. It’s almost like I can physically feel his dried up saliva washing off of me. Every second I feel cleaner and further from the nightmare that was last night. I still can’t believe the stuff he tried to do to me, or the things I let him do to me. Disgusting.
 
I guess it wasn’t all bad though. He was very sweet and kind and nurturing. And he did stop the second I asked him to. And he is a pretty good kisser. Who am I kidding, he’s a great kisser. And the stuff he would whisper in my ear was so fucking hot. And don’t get me started on his hands. Jesus his hands, the way he played my body like a skilled musician plays an instrument. I could go for a little of that right now.
 
What the fuck am I saying? No. It’s never happening again. I’m just … horny. I guess, technically, if I let him eat me out or finger me, it wouldn’t be gay, as long as I didn’t touch his penis. Stop it!  Stop thinking about that! Of course it would be gay to let a man go down on me, no matter what is currently down there. This isn’t me talking. It’s the hormones. I’m not thinking clearly.
 
I find myself caressing and massaging my own breast as I think about last night. Fuck the way he made them feel so good. The way his thumb teased my nipple. Fuck I’m horny. I need to get out of here, out of this villa, I just need to distract myself. Strip club it is. I desperately need someone to shake her titties in my face for a dollar.
 
I get out of the shower and dry off. When I get to my closet, I see a box, with a bow on it, sitting on my dressing table. I walk over and see a note:
 
“Have fun today.”
 
I open the box and smile as wide and bright as I ever have. Inside the box is exactly what I needed to make this day amazing and to forget all of this bullshit.
 
In the box is a blue ball cap, a pair of white tennis shoes, calf high socks with colorful stripes on the top, short tight khaki shorts, a red Hawaiian shirt, and a pair of aviator sunglasses. I grab the outfit and quickly start to get dressed.
 
I want to wear boxers but they’re so very uncomfortable, almost like my body is rejecting them. I do find in my drawer a pair of panties that are made to mimic the superhero underwear we all wore as boys.
 
Once fully dressed in the costume, I stand in front of the mirror admiring the look. I decided to be authentic and not button the top buttons. I’m a bit sad that I no longer have the flat hairy chest I used to. That would look perfect, though I must say I like how my boobs look in this. That’s when I see something in the shirt pocket. I pull I out and laugh. A fake mustache. That definitely completes the look.
 
Within minutes of completing the look, I’m in the Ferrari, peeling out of the gravel driveway humming the theme song at the top of my lungs. I’m finally able to push all of that other nonsense and bullshit out of my head. There’s no more am I he or she, am I Jack or Jackie. I’m neither. I’m just someone flying down the winding Hawaiian roads living pretending to be their boyhood hero. I almost feel like I’m twelve again.
 
The drive into town isn’t short, but it definitely isn’t long enough. It’s way too soon that I’m pulling in a space in front of the coffee shop. These old school convertibles look great but definitely weren’t designed with long hair in mind.
 
The mustache blew off a few miles back, the hat almost did, but I was able to catch it and sit on it. Also pretty sure the wind blowing my shirt open helped me flash my bra to several cars I passed. Proof of Hollywood magic I guess. Either way, my hair was crazy. I was able to tame it enough to put it back into the hat in a ponytail. I still look cute, which is all that matters.
 
“Thomas M.” The barista calls. “Iced mocha extra whip and a blueberry scone.”
 
I giggle and smile as I walk up to get my drink. One last time of being my childhood hero. Though I’m pretty sure this is the last thing he would have ordered.
 
“Funny, you don’t look like a Thomas to me.” The tall, muscular, very attractive man beside me at the creamer station says.
 
I laugh.
 
“I’m not. It’s a thing. It’s way too much to explain.”
 
“Oh no, I get it. I recognize the cosplay. Is there a convention or something?” He replies.
 
I laugh again.
 
“Oh god no, this isn’t cosplay it’s just… wait, you know who I’m dressed like?” I’m shocked, he seems way too young.
 
“Yeah, my dad got the DVD box set when I was a kid. We watched every episode. He said he was obsessed when he was that age.” The handsome man says.
 
“DVD box set as a kid? How old are you?” I ask.
 
“23.”
 
“Wow, I feel old now.” I say sarcastically and start to walk to a table to eat my scone.
 
He follows behind me, trying to fix his blunder. I can tell he’s flirting. I kind of like it.
 
“Hey, you know what they say, the best wines come from perfectly aged grapes.” He says.
 
I stop at my table and laugh again.
 
“Oh my God, did you just come up with that, or have you tried to use it before?” I ask.
 
“That depends, did it work?” He asks.
 
“Has it ever worked?” I ask. He doesn’t answer. “You gonna sit or no?”
 
He quickly takes a seat opposite me and I start picking off pieces of my scone.
 
“Max, large red eye apple croissant.” The barista calls out.
 
“Be right back.” He says and goes and grabs his coffee and pastry.
 
“Red eye, Jesus, do you hate your stomach?” I ask when he returns.
 
“Best morning after combo, trust me” he says. “At least I hope, it’s my first time trying it.”
 
“Well, your bad line kind of worked the first time so maybe.” I say.
 
“Kind of worked?”
 
“You’re sitting here, having a conversation aren’t you?” I ask.
 
“Good point. It’s a start.” He says.
 
“And a finish.” I reply.
 
“Really? Shutting everything down already? I might be the man of your dreams.” He says.
 
“First off, even if I was interested, you’re way too young for me.” I say.
 
“Come on, what’s the age difference? Five years?” He asks, continuing to flirt.
 
“Oh you’re quick with that huh?” I snicker. “I was within five years of your age when you were born.” I admit.
 
“Okay now, I knew you weren’t in your twenties but you’re saying you’re…”
 
“Careful. No numbers, we don’t need that. Let’s just say I’m old enough to be your…”
 
“Hot young aunt? Milf lover?” He interrupts.
 
I can’t help but laugh a bit. He’s very charming. If was a woman and a bit younger…
 
“Wow, you are so quick.” I say.
 
“Not where it matters.” He replies
 
“Careful Youngblood.” I say and hold up my hand to show my wedding ring.
 
“You’re married?” He asks shocked.
 
“Best advice I can give. Look at her finger before anything else. But yes, married. Newly married, like a few days ago, to be exact.” I say then sip my mocha.
 
“Married a few days ago? Where’s your husband?” Max asks.
 
“He has some meetings this week.”
 
“He’s working on your honeymoon? What the fuck?” He asks.
 
I chuckle and tear off a piece of his croissant.
 
“Help yourself.” He jokes.
 
“We’re not on our honeymoon. That starts next week. We’re just here to take care of business and stuff.”
 
“Still, honeymoon or not, if you were my newlywed wife, I wouldn’t hardly get out of bed, much less go to work.” He says confidently. I shake my head.
 
“Well, for starters, you assume my old ass would have that kind of stamina. Also, if you were at his success level and had his drive, I think you’d see it differently.” I say, playing with my empty cup.
 
“No, I wouldn’t. There’s money and success and fame, and there’s a super hot sexy bride. I can always get more of one.” He says and pops the last of his pastry in his mouth. “And you’re definitely not old.”
 
“Tell that to my body.” I say and instantly regret it.
 
“I’d love to tell your body a lot of things.” He replies with a smirk.
 
“Okay, I walked into that one. But let’s find a new topic, shall we?”
 
“Sure, where are you from?” He asks.
 
“Originally, nowhere important. My current residence is Long Island. Well, it was, after next week I’ll be in manhattan.” I say directly.
 
“Oh nice, am east coast girl. I’m from the east coast myself.” He replies with a grin. “Just a couple of hours outside of New York.”
 
“Boston proper, or a suburb?” I ask.
 
“Who said anything about Boston?”
 
“You did. Anytime someone says east coast and a few hours out of New York it’s somewhere in Massachusetts.” I reply with my own smug grin.
 
“Somerville.” He replies with a slightly defeated tone.
 
“I know it well, I used to bartend out there during law school.” I say.
 
Normally people talk about Cambridge in a bragging way, I’ve never seen it as a thing to brag about. For me it’s just a fact of my life, it took me a lot of work, despite my family name and money, to get in. And a lot more work to graduate.  
 
“Connections or grades?” He asks, returning my energy. “Cause that’s the only two ways you can get into that law school.”
 
I smirk.
 
“I didn’t want to use my connections, so grades.” I reply.
 
“But you could have?”
 
“Anyway, what brings YOU to the islands?” I ask, “it’s obvious why I’m here.”
 
“Actually, business. Sort of. My boys and I have this idea for a new type of social media. We’re here to meet with this really big and powerful mogul.”
 
My heart sinks. What are the odds this is the guy meeting with Samir?
 
“What’s his name?”I ask.
 
“Can’t say. NDA and all, but I guess I can say it’s not a he.” He replies.
 
“Oh okay.”
 
“Yeah, so our meeting isn’t until Friday so we figured you only get one chance to see Hawaii so let’s make it a trip, he begins, “we got a hotel just a few blocks from here. It’s really nice, hot tub, pool, private beach access. You should definitely come check it out. We even have a hot tub in our room.”
 
“Oh that was not subtle at all.” I say and laugh again.
 
“What? Oh shit. I didn’t even think about that. I mean yeah if you wanna…”
 
“I don’t.” I interrupt. “You know what I really want?”
 
“What’s that.”
 
“A place where I can sit and drink cheap beer and watch some sports. Maybe get wings later that will have me regretting my life choices all night.” I say.
 
He laughs then winks.
 
“I actually know a place. And I promise, this is a coincidence, but it’s in my hotel.” He says.
 
“Of course it is.”
 
“No, I promise. It’s really cool. Major dive bar. But the owner is a huge fan of the good guys so he always has the game on.”
 
“Okay, fine, I’ll trust you,” I begin as we stand up, “but I’m not going to your room.”
 
“Never say never. I haven’t even started turning on the charm yet.” He says.
 
I roll my eyes so hard he can probably see it from behind me.
 
“You’re incorrigible.” I say.
 
“Does that mean sexy? If so I’ll take it.”
 
We get to the door and I turn to face him. I push the bar to open the door with my ass.
 
“It does not.” I back out of the door and don’t hold it for him.
 
“But do you think I’m sexy?”
 
“Anyway!” I exclaim, feigning irritation and then laugh.
 
Truthfully, the way he flirts is kind of cute. Not that I’m enjoying that it’s  a guy flirting with me, but it feels nice to be wanted, especially looking like this.
 
The walk to the hotel isn’t very long, I’m loving the odd looks I get with this outfit.
 
“What’s this?” Max asks then pulls something out of my collar.
 
My mustache! I grab it quickly and put it on.
 
“What do you think?” I ask posing in a goofy pose.
 
“Still hot believe it or not.” He says and I blush
 
I’m not sure what it is but I’m starting to feel those feminine feelings again. I even notice my walk is a bit softer, with a slight sway to my hips. It doesn’t feel right but it also doesn’t feel wrong. It almost feels natural.
 
As soon as we walk in the bar I feel at home. The smell of stale beer and peanuts mixed with cheap wings and burgers. We grab a high top with a view of three different games.
 
We laugh and talk and cheer on multiple teams. I feel totally in my element and almost like myself again, except these nagging feelings. Like noticing how thick Max’s forearms are or admiring a player’s butt in his tight pants.
 
Like I said, the dichotomy doesn’t feel normal, but it isn’t as confusing as it has been. Even Max’s flirting isn’t as unnerving. Don’t get me wrong, he isn’t as over the top with it as he was, but he also isn’t hiding his desire for me. And a not super small part of me is here for it.
 
Eventually, Max says he needs to go soon to meet his friends and go over the plan for their meeting. He asks me to come out with them after, but I decline. I have very little doubt he would see that as a date. He does offer to walk me back to the coffee shop, where I parked the car.
 
We end up walking back along the beach. Max carries my shoes and socks so I can put my feet in the surf. I can’t help but be impressed by how, for being so young, he really knows how to treat a woman.
 
“So what do you have planned for tomorrow?” He asks as we make out way up the beach to the back of the strip mall.
 
“Why?” I ask, a bit concerned.
 
“Well, if I sent you the paperwork, the initial offer that the investor sent us, would you look it over? Then maybe we can meet up and you can give me some advice.” He says.
 
I sigh.
 
“I’m not licensed to practice in Massachusetts or Hawaii. Even if I was, my expertise is in real estate.” I say.
 
“That’s okay, I’m not asking you to represent us. Just to look over the contract. Tell me if there’s anything I should worry about.”
 
“Yeah, I guess I can do that. Here put my number in your phone. You can text it to me.” I say.
 
We walk up to the back of a building where they have one of those places to wash the sand off your feet. As I clean mine, he sends me the file.
 
“Did you get it?”
 
I pull my phone out of my pocket and a second later it buzzes and I see the notification. I take a second to create a contact for him and then slip my phone in my back pocket. I hold my hand out for my shoes and when I put my fingers in them, I make eye contact with him.
 
A second later, and in one smooth motion, he pushes me back against the wall, steps in close, and kisses me. Immediately the fog fills my brain. The line that separates the two sides of my brain, male and female, it gets lost in the haze. . God help me I kiss him back, hard. Before I know what’s happening, I drop my shoes on the ground and put my arms around his neck and my leg around his waist.
 
He quickly unbuttons and opens my shirt then, with a gentle tug, lift my bra freeing my breasts from their cage. His hand makes it way to one quickly and begins massaging it in a gentle circular motion. Fuck it feels so good. He breaks the kiss and pulls back just to look at me.
 
“God you’re so hot.” He pants out. “Your body is so amazing.”
 
“Yeah?” I say blushing. “You like my tits?” I ask.
 
“I love them. I love everything about you.” He replies.
 
I pull him back down for a kiss. My hands eagerly fumble at his shirt tail until I get it up enough to get my hands up it. I groan and buckle a bit when I feel his rock hard six pack and pecs.
 
The fog is gone, the line is gone, Jack is gone. All that is left in this entire world is me, Max, his lips, his hands, and his body. Everything else has vanished.
 
The way he’s touching me isn’t the same as Samir. Samir is so gentle and affectionate. Max is more aggressive, more selfish. It’s more need based whereas Samir seems to be more pleasure based. I don’t know which I prefer. I just know this is pretty fucking hot.
 
Suddenly, that same urge from last night returns. I want Max to fuck me. I want him to turn me around, bend me over that table in the corner, and slam his cock inside me with all his might. I want to feel his hands on my tits as he shoots a load inside me.
 
That’s when he undoes the button on my shorts and slips his hand inside. But as soon as I feel him about to touch my pussy, I grab his wrist.
 
“We have to stop.” I say pushing him back.
 
“We don’t. I promise we don’t.”  He replies and begins to move forward again. “We want this.”
 
“No, it was just the beer.” I lie
 
“You had two beers.”
 
“Max, I’m married.” I say hoping he gets the hint.
 
“Okay? I’m not asking to date you, I don’t think you want that either. But this dick..” he says and he grabs it.
 
My eye goes down and I realize, for the first time, that he’s totally erect inside his shorts. God why did I have to see that?
 
“Max, I can’t have sex with you.” I stress.
 
“But you want to.”
 
“Max!”
 
“You know I’m right.” He says. His confidence is something else.
 
He steps closer putting one hand above my head on the wall. He grabs my wrist with the other and slowly moves it to his cock.
 
“Tell me you don’t want this.”
 
Why is he doing this? Why did I kiss him? And why did I just grip his dick through his pants?
 
“Max….” I say softly.
 
My hand moves along his length, slowly, without my knowledge.
 
“You tell me you don’t want me and I’ll never try again.”
 
“It’s not about what either of us does or doesn’t want….”
 
“I know, it’s because you’re married.” He interrupts.
 
“Exactly.”
 
“Okay, fine,” he begins, running his finger up and down my chest between my tits, “but, if that’s really such a big problem, why are you still stroking my dick?”
 
I realize what I’m doing and quickly pull it away. I begin putting my breasts away and buttoning my shirt. I see his disappointment and sigh then wipe my lip gloss from his lips.
 
“Look, you’re wanting to start a business relationship. This isn’t the way to do that.” I say.
 
“I get that and I agree.” He says. But.”
 
“No buts end it there.”
 
“But,” he begins again, he touches my cheek, “I’m so desperate to prove you give the best head on this island, that I’d risk it all for a chance to find out.”
 
“That wasn’t gonna happen. I’m sorry. No.” I button my shorts and look at him. “I have to go home to my husband and you have to go meet your friends.”
 
He steps back and I pick up my shoes.
 
“I’m not promising I won’t try again tomorrow.” He says.
 
“I know.” I reply.
 
“Am I still gonna see you?” He ask as I walk away.
 
I stop but don’t turn back.
 
“Yes.” I say then head back to the car.
 
When I first get to the car I’m adjusting my hair and makeup. I can’t have it looking like I was making out with someone else. As I use my pinky to clean up my lip gloss I realize that was the hand I held it with. I immediately pull it away from my mouth. I can’t believe I did that. That’s when my phone buzzes.
 
“Let me know when you’re home safe.” Max texts.
 
I just send back a thumbs up. I basically gave that man, that stranger, a hand job. In public. I would have fucked him. I wanted to fuck him. As soon as I felt his dick I wanted to see it, to feel it. And part of me still does.
 
I race back to the villa and straight into the shower. I need to clean this day off of me. It was going so well too. Why did he have to kiss me and what is wrong with me?
 
“Why am I like this? I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why can’t I maintain control of my urges anymore? Why do I suddenly have these urges? What is happening to me? I’m losing myself, I’m losing Jack. I’m becoming … her.
 
I’m telling Samir when he gets back. I want to go home. Whatever is happening it started here. On this island. I want, no I need, to get away from here. I need my old life back. I need my body back.        

I can’t even think much less read my book. Why did I agree to do this? I figured this morning, when he asked if we could still make out from time to time, that it would be longer than twelve hours before he wanted to again.  My stomach is in knots, all I can do is listen to the water running in the bathroom and his off-key signing. When that water stops, I only have minutes until he comes in here wanting to kiss me. And I already said I would. God what if he likes it and wants it again?
 
What if he hates it? What if it’s awful? What if my breath stinks? What the fuck am I thinking? I would want those. I should want those. Why am I acting like the girl from my dream worried her crush won’t kiss her?
 
Suddenly the singing and water both stop. I hear the glass shower door slide open. I hear his wet feet on the tile. I hear the cabinet where he keeps the towels open. And close. Everything I hear brings his lips closer to mine. Everything is one less thing before he wants to make out. Why did I say yes?
 
The sink turns on and something runs under it. Then a low buzz. He’s brushing his teeth. Less than five minutes left. I’m crawling out of my skin. I’m nervous and scared at the same time. As if two people are about to make out with him, one that is longing for it and one that is dreading it.
 
The buzzing stops now he’s gargling. Any minute now he will spit and start getting dressed and be in here. Maybe he won’t be upset if I change my mind. Of course he would. He was so happy when I said yes. It’s fine. Just playing the part like we did last night.
 
I hear him spit and rinse the sink. I hear him open the hamper and his feet moving closer on the tile then nothing. He’s in the closet he’s got to just grab pants and he will be here. Take a breath Jack, just a few seconds. You can do this.
 
Finally, he emerges from the closet wearing only black pajama pants, loose fitting black pajama pants.  My stomach twists and turns, my heart races. I knew exactly what he was going to wear, he asked me to lay them out for him, though I did put out a shirt. What I wasn’t expecting was the very clear and pronounced imprint on the side of his leg, the outline of his manhood. It’s a pretty large outline. Quite impressive. Oh god, what am I saying?
 
I can’t believe I agreed to do this. Does it make me gay to do this with him? I mean I’m not attracted to him. Not really. Like I can admire his body and all the work he put into it. Work that definitely shows. Especially in those tight undies. He does have a pretty nice looking ass. Jack stop.
 
“Can you get the lights?” I ask.
 
“Of course, Habibti.” He replies.
 
I watch how his butt moves as he crosses the room. What am I doing? I lay back on my pillow and stare at the ceiling. Then the entire room goes dark. It’s a new moon and our bedroom window faces the ocean so it gets very dark. I can’t hardly see my hand in front of my face.
 
“Habibti,” he begins from somewhere in the darkness, “I can’t possibly make it back across the room in this darkness.”
 
“Oh sorry.” I say and after a few moments of fumbling around I turn my nightstand lamp on.
 
He gets in bed and crawls under the covers. I roll onto my side facing him. He slides across the bed until he is very close to me, also on his side facing me. He reaches up and touches my cheek gently.
 
“Did you have a good day today?” He asks as his fingers move back along my jaw to my neck and down my back
 
As if a switch was flipped durning his shower, his whole demeanor has changed. His voice has softened and has a slightly different tone, kinder, more affectionate. His touch is so soft and gentle, almost erotic. The way he looks at me, it isn’t the way a friend looks at the man he’s known since childhood.
 
“I did, you definitely know how to show off,” I chuckle.
 
“I liked showing off for you.” He says in that same tone, then leans up and gently presses his lips to mine. I wrap my lips around his bottom lip and we hold it for a second. My hand goes to his cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay doing this?”
 
“I’m sure.” I say softly.
 
 “You don’t sound too sure.” He replies.
 
He’s right. I’m not sure. I feel better about it now for some reason but I’m still not comfortable with it.
 
“It’s not that I’m not sure,” I begin, “I just don’t understand why you want it. Like when we talked earlier and agreed to do it again I wasn’t expecting you to want to so soon.”
 
“I mean we are on our honeymoon.”
 
“Oh yeah some honeymoon. You’re going to work tomorrow and leaving me to fend for myself.” I joke.
 
“Not because I want to. Trust me, I’d much rather go into town and go shopping with you.” He admits.
 
“Oh I’m not anywhere near as excited to go shopping as I am to drive the Ferrari.” I reply.
 
“Really? Why?”
 
“Dude, I’ve dreamt of driving that car down those streets since I was a little boy.” He chuckles. “You laugh but I’m gonna be belting out the theme song the whole way.”
 
He laughs. “You remember the theme song?”
 
“Buy duh duh duh,” I begin hand he laughs more. “Dun dun dun duh du duh duh duh.”
 
He joins in for the chorus and we sing at the top of our lungs asI roll onto my back
 
“Bu duh buh duh duh duh duh.”
 
We both laugh hysterically and when it dies, he puts his hand on my cheek and rolls me back to face him. I can see him looking deep in my eyes.
 
“My god your laugh is so intoxicating.”
 
“Don’t say that stuff. And don’t look at me like that.” I say softly.
 
“Like what?” He asks.
 
“Like I’m the person you’ve waited your whole life for and you’re falling in love with me.”
 
“I’m not,” he begins, “but I think I could.” He adds after a brief pause.
 
Before I can react to his words his lips are again pressed against mine. Again, it’s not aggressive or passive. This doesn’t feel like just kissing or making out. There’s more to his kiss, to his touch. He’s trying to tell me something, trying to make me feel something. He’s trying to heighten my enjoyment, and it’s working.
 
“How?” I’m able to say after that kiss.
 
My brain, I can barely concentrate. I’m getting turned on and my brain is getting a bit foggy. Though I don’t know it, it’s by design.
 
When Samir went to take the important business call, he also got a second call, from my daughter. She explained that he will start to se the effects of the chemicals they have been sneaking me. The first, and strongest, is a lack of self control during arousal. 
 
“How what, my wife?” He asks back.
 
“How could you fall in love with me? We’ve been friends forever. Since we were little boys. You stood up at my wedding.” I say.
 
His fingers come back to my cheek. He runs his thumb along my lip   He curls his fingers behind my head and pulls me back in for another kiss. I wasn’t aware that I was longing for his lips on mine, but as soon as I felt them I feel them I feel like it’s been hours since I have.
 
“I don’t see him in you, Jackie, I never have. All I see is a beautiful, sexy, sweet, funny woman with a body to die for, a smile that lights up a room, and lips I can’t stay away from.” He says punctuating his point with another deep sensual kiss.
 
“But I am still him. The only difference is this chemically altered appearance.”
 
“I don’t think that’s true. Not really.” He says.
 
This time I can’t take waiting, just laying here feeling his hands caress my body, so I lean up and kiss him. In that instant he knows it’s working.
 
“You see, that,” Samir begins, “that’s a perfect example. My friend Jack was so homophobic. He was so insecure in his sexuality, that, had I climbed into bed with him, or asked him to make out with me, he would have ripped my head off.” He moves in close, his lips so near mine. “But you, my beautiful wife, my Jackie, you kissed me voluntarily, eagerly even.”
 
He holds himself in place teasing me, waiting for me to need his lips bad enough to pull him closer. He doesn’t have to wait long.
 
I put my hand on the back of his neck and roll onto my back pulling him on top of me and kiss him deeply. As if giving me a reward for doing so, he finally lets me feel his thick tongue in my mouth. After a few moments he moves his lips across my face to my neck and ear. He nibbles both for a second.
 
“You’re not him anymore Jackie,” he whispers in my ear as his hand goes up my shirt caressing the bare flesh of my side underneath, “it’s more than just an appearance, you’re a woman now. Give up on your past and give in to your feminine side, you’ll be happier.”
 
I grab his face between my hands and move his head up above me so I can look in his eyes and tell him how wrong he is. But I can’t. Fuck those eyes, the way he looks at me. He believes everything he just said.
 
He’s so warm and gentle with me. The look on his face, yes there’s a bit of lust, but it’s also just care for my well being. A desire to please and pleasure me. Fuck I want him now.
 
I must not be hiding my lust well because his eyes soften more and a smile comes across his face.
 
“There it is, she understands.” He says.
 
“I don’t understand. I don’t understand what you see or why.”
 
“Look, Jackie, you may not be the one I’ve waited my whole life for, you may have gotten into this marriage for the wrong reasons..” he begins
 
“I didn’t want to marry you in the first place. Katie made it impossible to say no.” I interrupt.
 
“All of that is true, what’s also true is, had I taken an AI rendering and list of things to make my perfect woman, they couldn’t have done a better job. And I think I could also be your perfect man, if you’re willing to find out.” He replies.
 
“I’m not gay, Samir.”
 
“You’re not a man, Jackie.”
 
“It’s temporary.” I rebut.
 
He hasn’t kissed me in a minute, and I hate to admit I’m wanting it, but his fingers have still been running up and down my entire body, minus the obvious no-go areas.
 
“What if it isn’t?” He says bluntly. His words make me freeze. “You said yourself Katie destroyed the pill to turn you back.”
 
“I can have them make another one.”
 
“You also said it was a unique chemical composition, what if they don’t have the ability to remake it? What if this is who you are now, wouldn’t you be happier if you let go of him once and for all?”
 
He leans down and finally kisses my neck again. He puts his weight on me and I suddenly feel safe and secure.
 
“They’ll fix me. Ill be a man again.” I pant out.
 
I barely even believe it at this point. The fog in my head is lifting a bit. Im able to think but my thoughts don’t feel like mine.
 
“Not tonight they won’t.” He says then returns his mouth to my neck.
 
“What do you mean?”
 
 
His hands going up and down my body. My shirt is lifted to just below my breasts. His lips are all over my neck and ear lobe. My eyes are closed as I enjoy this pleasure. My fingers running through his hair. I feel his hot breath in my ear.
 
“Be her for me tonight,” he groans in my ear, “let go of Jack for tonight and be the woman I know deep down you want to be.” Then he pushes his tongue into my ear and his hand grips my ass hard.
 
“I don’t know how, tell me how.” The words just pour out without me thinking.
 
He stops everything. Every kiss. Every touch. Every perfectly placed breath. He pulls back and touches my clothes.
 
“If you want to feel more feminine then start with this.”
 
“My pajamas?” I ask.
 
“Technically mine. But yes. They’re stiff and cotton and masculine. I believe that box my mom gave you had some more … appropriate pajamas for you.”
 
“But I’m sure they’re very revealing, very … slutty.” I argue.
 
“I know. Doesn’t the idea of your man ogling you and your body turn you on a bit?”
 
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.” I reply.
 
“There’s only one way to find out.” He says.
 
“I don’t even know where the box is.”
 
“It’s on your closet, but I took out some pajamas for you. They’re laying on the counter in the bathroom.
 
“You laid something out for me?” I ask. “When?”
 
“When I went and took my shower. Just hopeful optimism. Looks like it’s a good thing I did too.” He says.
 
This should be a red flag. This should tell me that this was planned and orchestrated. This should tell me so much, but my thoughts aren’t clear.
 
“Okay.” I say skeptically.
 
I go through the closet into the bathroom and see the pajamas in question laid out for me. I walk over slowly and pull off the top, which is just a very sheer babydoll top with spaghetti straps a deep plunging neck line and almost no back. Its so sheer in fact that aside from the cups where my breasts will go, it’s completely see thru.
 
And the bottoms? Well, I wouldn’t call them that, mostly because that’s not what they are. In reality it’s just a skimpy pair of panties. I remember seeing this yesterday and saying flat out I would never wear it.
 
Now here I am, in the bathroom of Samir’s villa in Hawaii, taking off my t shirt and shorts and slipping the skimpy pajamas on.
 
I’m not going to lie, I love wearing this kind of stuff. It’s so soft on my skin, so light, and so flowy. It almost feels like I’m not wearing anything. Well except for the string up my ass. I’ll never get used to thongs.
 
I stand in the mirror looking at myself for a moment. This leaves very little to the imagination. The top fits so loosely around the chest that I have no doubt the girls will pop out at some point. Wait, did I just call my tits the girls? What the fuck?
 
As for the panties, they’re so soft, like my pussy feels so amazing in them. Of course it’s also barely covered and we’ve already talked about the thong so my ass is almost completely exposed. Mind you, it is pretty see through but the babydoll nighty does come to below my ass. Barely.
 
He’s right about one thing, I do feel way more feminine in this outfit. Like so incredibly feminine, and small, and soft, and fragile. What he’s wrong about,  is that I don’t know if I necessarily like feeling this way.
 
“Baby? Everything okay?” He calls from the bed. “I’m starting to get lonely.”
 
“I’m coming.” I call back. “Just making sure it fits right.”
 
I adjust my tits a bit so they fill out the top and don’t fall out too easily then turn and make my way back through the closet.
 
As I come out I realize Samir isn’t in the bed. I look over towards the entrance to my closet and see him standing there. He is holding a singer red rose. He turns to me and smiles.
 
“I was expecting you over here.” He takes a step towards me and stops and looks me up and down. The smile on his face doesn’t fade, it changes into … something else.  “My god you’re absolutely breathtaking.” He says and continues his walk towards me with the rose.
 
“What’s this?” I ask. Honestly it’s such a sweet gesture anyway that I get butterflies.
 
“It’s me being your husband. I wanted to give it to you earlier but you, he didn’t seem willing to accept it.” Samir says.
 
“He’s not here right now.” I say softly.
 
It’s true, the minute I saw the rose, the minute his look went from innocent and sweet to one of pure desire, Jack was shut out, hidden behind the fog.
 
“I can see that.” He says.
 
He approaches me and hands me the rose then wraps an arm around my waist and bends down to kiss me. I go up on my tip toes to meet him part way, wrapping both arms around his neck. Half way through the sweet soft kiss he move one arm down, behind my knees, and quickly scoops me up. I yelp from shock then giggle.
 
“What are you doing?” I ask continuing to giggle.
 
“It’s our honeymoon isn’t it?” He replies.
 
He carries me over to my side of the bed and lays me down gently. He offers me a quick sweet kiss but I hold his head in place to extend it again. When he raises up from me, and takes the rose from me to keep it safe, I pat his side of the bed inviting him to join me.
 
He quickly makes his way around and slides in beside me. As he goes around I roll back onto my side facing him. I lift up resting my head on my hand with a bent elbow on the bed. I adjust my top for safety.
 
“How does it feel?” He asks.
 
“Very feminine.” I reply.
 
“Is that good or bad?”
 
“I don’t know yet.” I reply honestly.
 
He begins to lean in for another kiss and I move my hand from under my head to around his neck and lay back again. This time his hands feel different on me. More intense, more, well just more.
 
“We need to talk boundaries for tonight.” He says.
 
“No sex,” I quickly assert. He chuckles.
 
“Yes, I figured that. I meant where am I allowed to kiss you or touch you?”
 
“I don’t know, anywhere naturally exposed I guess.” I reply.
 
“So, here?” He asks and kisses my lips.
 
“Obviously.” I reply.
 
“Here?” He kisses my cheek.
 
“Yep.”
 
“Here?” He kisses my neck.
 
“Definitely.”
 
“Here?” He kisses my shoulder and gives me butterflies.
 
“Yes.”
 
“What about here?” He kisses my clavicle.
 
“Yes,” I almost moan out.
 
“What about here?” He asks in a more sultry tone, then his lips press against my chest, between my breasts. I gasp and pant. He smirks. “I’ll take that as a yes. What about here?”
 
His voice is now so soft and deep, barely above a soft growl. He licks his lips then turns his head to the right and presses them to the exposed part of my breast, closing them gently.  I arch my back and groan
 
“Another implied yes.” He says in that same tone.
 
His hand comes up to my shoulder and he starts to slowly pull the strap down. I grab his wrist. He freezes and looks up at me
 
“Don’t take anything off. Just what’s already exposed.” I say.
 
“Can I pull some down or up a bit to expose new areas, if I’m very mindful?” He asks.
He moves his hand down to the top of my breast. He curls his fingers to expose a little of the top of it and kisses the newly exposed flesh before letting it go.
 
I reach down and grab both sides of his head and pull him up to me.
 
“Just kiss me wherever you want. I’ll tell you if it makes me uncomfortable.”
 
“That’s a deal.” He replies and kisses my lips again.
 
God he’s such a good kisser. We make out like this for a few minutes, both of us grunting moaning and whimpering. I run my nails up and down his back and tangle my fingers in his hair. Eventually one hand makes it down and grips his ass. It’s very tight and muscular, like the rest of him.
 
His hands explore different parts of my body, my shoulders, back, stomach, thighs, cleavage area, hip, and yes my ass. And though there has been a couple of grazes in passing, he’s been very careful not to touch my tits or my pussy.
 
Then things change, he decides to escalate the game. He moves his lips along my jaw to my neck then my shoulder.  He then begins kissing along my clavicle. At this time he makes a single move where he spreads my legs and slips between them.
 
He begins kissing across the top of my breast then between them. All the while his fingers work to slowly roll the babydoll top up to expose my belly, which he begins to kiss down and across until he reaches the top of my panties.
 
At that point he sits up and pulls my leg up to his shoulder. He turns his head and, starting at my ankle, begins to slowly kiss up my calf. Next he crosses my knee. He gets to my thigh and lays down, keeping my leg across his shoulder and down his back. When he makes it so far up my thigh that I can feel the heat from his breath on my pussy, I grab the top of his head.
 
“That’s close enough.” I pant out.
 
“Can’t I just get a tiny little taste? It smells so good.” He begs.
 
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I say nervously.
 
“Don’t be sorry. You set the rules. Can I at least stay here?” He asks.  I nod.
 
He immediately goes back to kissing my thigh. Only this time when he opens his mouth to move to a different spot, he drags his tongue across my skin, driving me wild. My hand remains on his head, playing with his hair.
 
His hand, however, slips up  my thigh, across my hip, over my belly, inside the nightie, and firmly grips my entire left breast I gasp and arch my back at the new intense sensation. He responds with a slow deep massage.
 
At this point I’ve allowed, or urged,  him to pass through almost every barrier I’ve put up for myself. It’s not the fog either, at least not the same one. I’m aroused more than I’ve been in forever. Never have I felt like this.
 
Fuck, it would be so easy to cross the last one, so simple. I just turn his head with the hand in his hair while pulling these barely there panties to the side. He would understand. He would get the hint immediately. I wouldn’t have to ask. He would just start eating me out.
 
Once he did how long would it be before he came up to kiss me and put his dick inside me? Would it be so bad to let him fuck me? Would it be so wrong? It’s not like I’m a guy and he would be putting it up my ass. I have a pussy. That’s what it’s made for.
 
I bet his dick is ready too. And from how he kisses I’m sure he knows how to use it. God I want him to fuck me so bad. I want to feel his cock inside me. I want to hear him grunt and moan my name as he fills my pussy with his cum. Jesus, Jack, what are you thinking? I need to calm down. I need a break. I pull up on him.
 
“Come kiss me.” I beg. He kisses his way back to my lips. I push my tongue into his mouth and he returns the favor.
 
He kisses his way to my ear.
 
“I’m so fucking hard.” He whispers.
 
“What?”
 
“My dick. It’s so hard for you.”
 
Before I can react he thrusts his hips forward slightly pressing his dick into me.
 
“Holy fuck!” I cry out.
 
“I’m sorry. We can stop. I just. I really want to be inside you.” He pleads.
 
“I know. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
 
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I got carried away.” He pleads
 
“No, you didn’t. I was…. I just can’t cross that line. I would freak out.” I admit
 
“Did you want to?”
 
“I thought about it for a second.”
 
“Just for a second?”
 
“What can I say? I’m not a girl, not really.” I
 
He rolls off of me and I straighten my pajamas and sit up.
 
“You okay?” I nod towards his hardon.
 
“Unless you wanna help me out.” He jokes.
 
I laugh
 
“Tell you what, I kinda want a cigarette anyway so I’m gonna go do that and give you privacy to take care of….. issues.” I say.
 
I get up and get out on the patio as fast as I can. I sit in a chair by the pool and light up a cigarette. I can’t believe what just happened. I can’t believe what almost just happened. I let Samir fuck me, Samir!
 
Even worse, I wanted him to, badly. Like if he would have taken his dick out, I would’ve, oh god. That can’t happen again. None of this can happen again. I don’t care about the money or the business anymore. When I wake up tomorrow, I’m packing my shit and going home. I’m getting my body back.
 
I sit out here staring at the stars and listening to the ocean for nearly an hour. I can’t go back in there. I can’t lay beside him. Part of me still wants his dick. Eventually, though, I get too cold. I’m barely wearing anything after all.
 
I’m so relieved when I get to the sliding door and see all of the lights off. I open it slowly and hear the soft snoring of my husband. I slowly and gently make my way across the dark room, through the closet, and into the bathroom.
 
After a few minutes of cleaning myself off and making sure I don’t have hickeys, I am finally ready to try and sleep. I look at the t shirt and boxers lying on the top of the hamper. I want to put them on so bad. I want to go back to the time before I dry humped my friend, but I can’t. Instead, I grab a sleeping shirt and a less revealing pair of panties, I’m not sleeping with a string up my ass, from my suitcase and make my way back to bed. I need some sleep then, tomorrow, I tell him it’s over.    

It’s crazy how comfortable these hotel couches can be when you’re not hanging off of both ends. I lay here staring at the ceiling for a bit. Samir was right, I lead him on. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t realize the vibe had changed. When he kissed me in the car, the way he turned my head towards him, the look in his eye, I should have known things changed. I was still just so caught up in the moment that I didn’t notice. Or did I?
 
At first I allowed the kisses to appease the crowd. When I started kissing back it was to encourage them to keep cheering for us. It was about the attention I was getting. And the same goes for in the car when he kissed me, except it was different attention. In that moment, really for most of the night, I didn’t feel like myself, for the first time since taking that pill, I felt … feminine. And I liked it.
 
That’s why I didn’t pay attention to how the kiss was different, softer, more passionate. He even had me laid back on the seat a bit. That’s why when he first grabbed my tit I didn’t stop him, I let him play with it a bit. That’s why when he shifted his weight towards me, I spread my legs and let him between them. Because in that moment I felt like his bride.
 
But when I felt his hard dick press against my inner thigh, when I realized what he was wanting, when I realized that, in that moment, I think I wanted it too. That’s when I knew it was the hormones and snapped out of it. I can only imagine how upset I would have been if I was him. If at my wedding reception and after my bride gave every intention she was down to fuck then pulled away last second, I would have been furious too. I’ll have to really apologize in the morning.
 
My dreams since taking X-change have been crazy. They’re always real memories but altered. Like tonight. I’m dreaming about this girl I met on vacation when I was twelve. You know those summer flings but you swear you’re in love then once you go home you never call again. Yeah it’s one of those.
 
She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen at that point. In fact that’s the “line” I used: “I came here to watch the meteor shower over the ocean but how could I when the prettiest view is on the beach?”
 
Somehow it worked. The next night I took her to the carnival and kissed her on the Ferris wheel. That was it. She was my girlfriend, for the next five weeks. I just knew we were gonna get married. But by the second week of school I stopped talking to her completely.
 
That’s what I was dreaming about only I was the girl and some really cute boy fed me that lone and gave me butterflies. I struggled with body image wearing a bikini for the first time. I was the on the Ferris wheel nervously wondering if he would kiss me until he finally did. And I was the one who cried when he went home and never talked to me again.
 
“Jackie, darling, it’s time to get up.” I hear Samir say.
 
His voice starts in my dream but quickly I realize it’s coming from above me. I slowly open my eyes and see him looking down at me. He’s already practically fully dressed.
 
“What time is it?” I ask looking out the window and still seeing darkness.
 
“Around five thirty, we only have about forty-five minutes to get ready.”
 
I stretch out
 
“Why did you let me sleep so late?”
 
“What was I going to do? Wake you and let you watch and wait while I showered and got dressed?” He asks.
 
“Good point. Did you save me hot water?”
 
“I finished my showers almost forty-five minutes ago, even if I didn’t we’re in a hotel..” He says and steps back.
 
“Good point.”  I say.
 
“I’m going down for a coffee, do you want one?”
 
“God, I’d love one, two creams three sugars, and if they have any bagels or fruit or anything could you grab me something? I’m a bit hungry.” I say.
 
“Anything for my bride.” He says jokingly.
 
“Thanks hubby.” I joke back.
 
He starts to head to put on a shirt. I jump up and follow him.
 
“Listen, before we get too caught up in getting ready, about last night, I just wanted to say,” I begin.
 
“Yeah, I’m sorry for what I said. That was uncalled for.” He interrupts.
 
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I got caught up in the moment and lost my head. I didn’t even realize that I was leading you on. By the time I did you were already asleep.”
 
“Is that why you slept here instead of our bed?” He asks.
 
“I mean I was upset, not just at you for what you said but at myself for what I did, what we did. But, if I’m honest, the real reason is that I couldn’t trust we would t get even more carried away.” I admit.
 
“Would that have been so bad?”
 
“Us having sex? Yes. What the fuck?” I chuckle thinking he’s being sarcastic.
 
“I don’t know, I’ve been told I’m pretty good and judging by how you kiss.” He begins.
 
“Go get us coffee mister.” I say with a smirk.
 
“Yes ma’am,” he says back. He leans in and gives me a quick peck on the lips. I freeze in shock. “We already broke the seal on the kisses babe, you’re not taking it away now.”
 
“Okay fair, but nothing like out of control or anything.” I add.
 
“Unless we both want it in the moment?”
 
“Exactly.” I say. He starts to leave. “Wait, did you call me babe?”
 
“Be back soon with your coffee and bagel.” He says as he leaves the room.
 
I swear as long as I’ve known him that man has found ways to surprise me and make me laugh. As soon as he leaves, I strip down, grab a robe from the closet and jump in the shower. My mind is still fixated on that dream. It felt so real, like that’s how it actually happened.
 
When I close my eyes I see that boys face, it looks so similar to the girl I really kissed on the Ferris wheel. Then there’s the kiss, the way I felt beforehand, so feminine and submissive. In the real memory I was nervous to kiss her thinking she would reject me. But, in this dream, I was nervous he wouldn’t try to kiss me or I wouldn’t be able to kiss him back. For some reason the second seems more natural and real.
 
When I get out of the shower, and dry my body, I look at myself in the mirror. Wow Katie’s oil has done wonders, my skin is almost completely cleared up and so soft. I start putting a bit more on. I don’t notice that half of the bottle is missing because Samir mixed it with my sunscreen and night lotions.
As I’m applying it I decide to put it on my breasts also to make them softer. Before I know what’s happening I’m just watching myself in the mirror as I massage my tits, enjoying how it feels. I let my thumb graze my now hard nipple and lose my breath. Fuck their so much more sensitive than they were. I pinch one and whimper, at the same time my pussy suddenly feels warm and wet, I’m turning myself on.  
 
That’s when I hear the beep and click of the door lock and the sound of squeaky wheels and something banging into the door
 
“Habibti, I’m back.” Samir says. “I have, well, breakfast.”
 
“I’ll be right there.” I reply loud enough to be heard through the door.
 
I take a couple of soft deep breaths, then grab a small bit of tissue, wipe my pussy with it, then flush it. I then put on my robe and walk out of the bathroom into a hilarious scene.
 
Samir is in the middle of the room arranging various breads, pastries, juices, fruits, and cereals on a cart with a small coffee bar on the second shelf. I smile and giggle.
 
“Did you just grab one of everything?” I ask.
 
“Pretty much, I wasn’t sure what you wanted.” He replies.
 
“You’re sweet.” I say and kiss his cheek. “Also, sorry, I needed to wash my hair so you’ll have to deal with my wet head on the plane”
 
“You know there’s a hair dryer in the bathroom right?”
 
“I’m not good at using those on this much hair yet. It always comes out frizzy and unmanageable.”
 
“Well, lucky for you, I used to help dry my Yuma’s hair all the time as a boy, and she had way more, and thicker, hair than you.” He says.
 
“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that for me.” I reply.
 
“You didn’t ask, I offered.”
 
“Samir, you don’t have to. I’m used to walking around with wet hair in the mornings.” I reply.
 
He gently grabs me by the shoulders.
 
“Jackie, you are my wife now, even if on paper only,I would love to honor you in this way. Please, allow me to dote on you a bit.” He insists. I agree and he kisses my forehead. “Good. It’s settled. I will set up a spot while you grab your breakfast.”
 
I grab a bagel and make me a coffee exactly how I like it. He takes one of the chairs from the table and sets up a little station in the bathroom. It’s a very nice and sweet experience. He is so gentle and careful as he brushes and dries my hair while we talk and I sip my coffee and eat my bagel. I swear I learn more about him in that fifteen minutes than I have in our entire thirty plus year friendship.
 
I feel so comfortable with him that I start sharing more than I ever have. I tell him about my issues with my parents and about how hard it was to get a divorce and how I hate what I did to Katie. I even share about my dream last night.
 
“I wouldn’t think too much into that. Your body is full of hormones, and they are just messing with your head.” He says with a smile. “Speaking of your head. All done.”
 
“Wow, you’re really good at this,” I say as I look at myself in the mirror
 
“Thank you, you have very soft and beautiful hair.”
 
“Thank you so much hubby.” I say with a wink.
 
“You’re very welcome,  Habibti.”
 
“What does that mean.”  I ask.
 
“It’s just a term of affection used from husband to wife.” He explains. The closest term in English would be sweetheart or darling.” He explains
 
“Oh okay.”
 
“Is it okay that I call you that?”
 
“Yeah I can accept that.” I say.
 
“And if you ever decide to call me something similar, the male version is habibi.” He says.
 
“Duly noted.” I reply.
 
I get up and help him break down the make shift hair salon. I then grab the sun dress I have hanging in the closet, I’ve learned in two weeks that loose fitting dresses are ideal for long journeys, especially dresses like this, with the cups sewn in so I don’t have to wear a bra. I go to the bathroom to get dressed and do my face while Samir eats his breakfast.
 
“It’s open,” I reply to a tap at the bathroom door.
 
It opens and Samir gives me a look up and down. His eyes pause briefly at my breasts then continue.
 
“The driver is on his way up to grab our bags.” He says.
 
“Okay. I’m pretty much done anyway.” I reply.
 
“Just to prepare you,” he begins, “for the sake of appearances, I intend to hold your hand through the hotel and in the car.”
 
“Thank you for the heads up.” I reply.
 
By the time I finish with my lipstick and double check my hair, the driver is in the room gathering our bags.
 
“Don’t forget this.”  Samir says handing him the box of lingerie. I give him a look and he winks. “I think that’s everything.” He adds.
 
“What about the rest of this? All of our clothes we were wearing before the wedding? My dress? Your tux?” I ask.
 
“Someone will be by later today to gather your personal items Mrs Abdullah.” The driver says.
 
The first time being called that other than the announcement. My heart drops into my stomach. I’m a fucking misses.
 
“I have a standing reservation for this room Habibti, if you fear you left anything the hotel will know and will hold it for you.” Samir adds.
 
Samir wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to hold my hand the entire time until we were on the plane. In the hotel was all for the crowds.  Our fingers were interlaced, and he was always a half step ahead and walking with determination. I was his bride and he was making sure everyone saw. It’s as if he knew there would be photographers.
 
Once in the car it was less forced, only for the off chance the driver was curious. His hand was simply laying on top of mine and hue had two fingers tucked under my palm. Just one of many indicators that the man the world sees, the man I’ve known since I was a boy, isn’t the real man, isn’t the man I married.
 
I turn my hand over so it’s palm up and lace my  fingers in his while looking out the window. He instinctively turns out hands to the side and moves them to my lap.
 
This whole time I’ve been thinking and planning for a commercial flight, definitely first class, but still commercial. As the driver pulls off the highway one stop before the airport and down a small road with a sign that says FBO I know we are flying private.
 
“You rented a plane for this?” I ask him. It seems like overkill for a wedding that was little more than a formality.
 
“No, I own it. Well technically my company owns the company that charters them. Either way I get travel for nothing out of pocket.” He replies.
 
“So, no more commercial flying and baggage claims?” I ask.
 
“Not unless you want to, princess,” he says. He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles.
 
I lean up and whisper, “that was just for appearances, right?”
 
“Of course.” He says.
 
I love flying private, and I do when I can, obviously Samir is doing a lot better than me if he can do it whenever he wants. One of the things I love is the FBO. Imagine a regular airport terminal but all of it is the private, card holder, lounge.
 
For example, as soon as we get in our large luxury seats and get our stuff plugged in, the barista from the big Seattle based coffee shop comes up to get our order. That’s right no lines here.
 
“You know what? Are you guys still running the pumpkin spice latte?” I ask her then turn to Samir, “I don’t have to pretend I don’t like it now.” I say with a grin.  He laughs.
 
“Yes ma’am,” she replies, “nothing is seasonal here.”
 
“Make that two.” Samir says. “And put it under…” she holds up her hand.
 
“Please, Mr Abdullah, I know who you are and you must be the new Mrs Abdullah, your drinks are obviously on the house.”
 
“Thank you so much,” I say.
 
She walks back to make our drinks.
 
“You see Habibti, being my wife has its perks.” Samir whispers in my ear. I chuckle.
 
“Apparently, and apparently you have been much more successful than you e let on at the alumni dinners.”
 
“Perhaps.”
 
“So are you gonna tell me where we’re going yet?” I ask.
 
“Not until we’re in the air.” He says. I roll my eyes.
 
What the fuck? Why am I acting like this? I never act like this. I never let someone else make plans. I never just go with it. It’s almost like my brain is different somehow.
 
She comes back with our drinks. I do love this drink but never have the guts to order it unless I’m with Katie. She put a ton of whipped cream on it. Normally I would be embarrassed by that but honestly, I’m very excited.
 
By the time I finish my drink, the flight crew shows up to grab our bags, and I mean all bags, even my purse, and lead us to our newly inspected and gassed up jet. Again he takes my hand and walks a half step ahead of me, again, for the crowds that might be watching.
 
I freeze momentarily when I realize they’re walking us towards the 8000.
 
“That’s your plane?” I ask.
 
He turns and smirks.
 
“It’s yours now too wife.”
 
As we board the plane the crew chief hands me a cocktail and shows us to our seats. They offer me pillows and blankets and anything else one might want.
 
“Are you a billionaire?” I ask Samir when they walk away.
 
“Not yet, probably by the end of the year.” He replies bluntly.
 
Within fifteen minutes of boarding the plane, we’re racing down the runway. Another advantage of private flying. I’ve never been a good flyer so as we start speeding up I grip the armrest.
 
“It’s okay baby, the runway is just bumpy.” Samir says and takes my hand. “Watch. In three. Two. One.” As soon as he gets one out the plane is off the ground and the vibrations stop. “Now, when he gets to the end of the runway he’s going to pull up sharp and bank hard to the right.” He says and seconds later that’s exactly what happens.
 
“Oh fuck.” I say.
 
“Don’t worry, I pay very well and only get the best of the best.” He says. With his other hand he picks up my cocktail and hands it to me. “You know this jet tops out at just under Mach one? That means we will be in California faster than if we flew commercially?”
 
“We’re going to California?” I ask.
 
“LA, but only for brunch at the terrace. Then we are going to stay a few days at my villa in Hawaii. I have a business meeting I couldn’t change plus the plane is going to undergo routine maintenance. After that we fly to our final destination.” He replies.
 
“Where is that?” I ask, now completely distracted from the take off.
 
“It’s an all inclusive resort on a private island near Fiji. It has a name but no one knows it by that name. They just call it King island because it’s owned by David King.” He answers.
 
“I know that place. I’ve never been able to get a reservation. The waiting list is miles long.”
 
“David owes me a favor.” He replies.
 
“Oh well, forgive me for not being on a first name basis with the richest man in the world.” I say. Samir chuckles. “Wait, the terrace? We’re not dressed for the terrace.”
 
“We have outfits laid on the bed in the back.”
 
“There’s a bed in the back of this plane?” I ask.
 
“There’s an entire apartment Abibti.”
 
“Now you’re just showing off.”
 
“A little.” He replies smugly.
 
The ride from the airport to the villa once we land in Hawaii is over half an hour. Between not sleeping much last night, the long wedding day, all of the flying and the excitement of dining with celebrities, I’m exhausted. I fall asleep pretty quickly after we start moving.
 
“Jackie, Babygirl,” Samir says while gently scratching my cheek and forehead, “we’re here. Time to wake up.”
 
I slowly open my eyes and stretch and groan. I quickly adjust my dress when it feels like my boob is coming out.
 
“We’re here already?” I ask.
 
“It was only short because you slept.” He chuckles. “You were mumbling in your sleep, another weird dream?”
 
“Yeah.” I sit up. “Remember that girl I dated in law school?”
 
“How could I forget? she was awful and cheated on you constantly.” He replies.
 
“Once with you if I recall.”
 
“Twice.” He admits and I slap his chest.
 
“Anyway, I was dreaming about her, only.”
 
“She was a he?” Samir asks.
 
“Yes.”
 
“Was he hot?”
 
I roll my eyes. The truth is yes, he was very hot and very charming, just like the real girl. And just like her, I remembered him being great in bed and enjoying going down on me. Luckily I didn’t dream about any of that, I just knew it in my dream.
 
“Wait, why does this place look familiar?” I ask looking at the villa at the end of this long drive.
 
“Think back to our first couple of years at boarding school. We used to sneak into the common area every Sunday to watch the show about the private detective in Hawaii.”  He says.
 
“No way, this is that villa?” I say shocked.
 
“I told you I was gonna live here one day.”
 
“You bought it?”
 
“I even bought the red Ferrari.”
 
“Shut the fuck up. No you didn’t.” I exclaim.
 
“You can drive it if you want.” He says. I can’t stop smiling.
 
The staff has dinner ready by the time we get here, we’re both exhausted so we don’t really do much other than eat and walk around the grounds talking before we get ready for bed.
 
I take a quick shower but don’t wash my hair, so by the time he’s done with a phone call back to New York, I’m already in the same t shirt and boxers I wore last night and lying in bed reading a book.
 
“I appreciate you agreeing to sleep in the bed with me. It’s a big bed so we shouldn’t touch or anything.” He says. I don’t look up at first, I’m really into this book.
 
“It’s fine. We have a full-time staff here. It would look weird if newlyweds slept in separate rooms.” I look up at him and smile. He’s still fully dressed.
 
“Hurry up and shower though, if I start another chapter I’m not going to be able to stop.” I say.
 
“Is that the book you were telling me about at brunch?”
 
“Yeah, it’s really good. You still like spy stuff?” I reply
 
“I do.”
 
“I’ll let you read it after.”
 
“Thank you.” He says and starts toward the walk in closet, the bathroom is on the other side. “Jackie?”
 
“Yes Samir.”
 
“Do you think we could maybe make out a little tonight?” I stop and close my book around my index finger and look at him.
 
“Really? Why?” I ask. The words sound cold even though I don’t mean them that way.
 
“Because I like making out with you.  Besides, it might help me sleep. Take my mind off of things.”
 
“What things?”
 
“Work things. Look it’s fine if you don’t want to.”
 
“No,” I begin, “we can. But just making out. Nothing more.”
 
“I agree to those terms. Have you put your night cream on yet?” He asks.
 
“A few minutes ago, why?”
 
“Just double checking. Trying to take care of you.” He says.
 
I smile.
 
“I appreciate that.” I say smiling back.
 
I sigh and close my book when he leaves. What are you doing Jack? Last night was awful. You hated yourself for it. Why on earth did you say yes? I mean he has been very kind to me all day. He has made me feel special and cared for and safe. He’s done so much and spent so much.

But that’s not a reason to allow him to violate me like that. Good why do I feel so feminine with him? Of all the people that this should have been an easy situation, it should have been him. Instead I’m struggling too much. God what if we do this and I enjoy it?

But I know his stress. I heard the rumors. This merger could make or break his company, he could use the distraction. It’s what I would want. Okay, so it’s decided. I’m going to do this, but not because I want him or want to enjoy it. I won’t enjoy it. I’ll hate it. I’m sure of it.

“I’m sorry sweetheart I can’t go through with this. No, it’s over. I’m done.” I say when I see myself after hair and makeup are done.
 
“What are you talking about? You can’t back out now? Everyone is here. You’re going out in five minutes.” Katelyn replies.
 
“Exactly. I can’t go out there looking like this.” I reply and step down. “Someone unbutton me now. And Katie, get me that other pill.”
 
“Dad, stop, you look beautiful.”
 
“That’s the problem. I’m not supposed to look beautiful. Look at me. I have tits. I can’t have tits. I’m not a woman. I’m not. I’m sorry I tried.” I start reaching back for the buttons on the godforsaken dress.
 
“Dad stop. You have to do this. You made this deal to save the company and the dowry’s already been spent to get us out of foreclosure. We can’t pay it back.” She says.
 
“I’ll talk to him, work out a payment plan.”
 
“This is the payment plan dad. He wants a wife. I’m your only daughter. If you don’t go through with this, not only will we have wasted all of this money and time.” She states.
 
“Katie, I’m sorry. I’ll find a legal loophole to get you out of it, I’ll even sell off part of the company to pay him back. What I won’t do is live like this, as a woman, as a wife. Now where did you put the pill to change me back?”
 
“It’s in my bag in the bathroom. I’ll go get it.” She says reluctantly.
 
She sulks into the bathroom. I hear her shuffling around in her purse then silence. Just when I’m about to ask if she found it I hear something drop into water and the toilet flush.
 
“Katie?!!” I exclaim.
 
She walks  out holding the empty bubble packaging that should as be holding a big blue pill with a Y engraved in it.
 
“I’m sorry dad, I have my whole life ahead of me. I’m not throwing it away because you chickened out on your wedding day.”
 
My heart sinks. The horror unfolding before me is overwhelming. This isn’t the generic one size fits all version of the pills that plague college campuses. Hours upon hours of psychological, physical, and genetic testing was done to insure an exact and perfect chemical mixture. That pill was one of a kind.
 
“Katelyn, please tell me you didn’t just flush that pill, and my future down the drain.”
 
“You didn’t leave me a choice,” she begins, you have a tendency to take the easy way out of problems, the selfish way out. I’m not letting you do that this time.”
“Kately..” I begin but she holds up her hand.
 
“Look, when mom caught you cheating on her with my college roommate, you simply agreed to a divorce where she got half of your money, even though she had been cheating on you for years. And when Allyson got pregnant, you gave her enough shares in the company to have a seat on the board. Then when you gambled the future of the company, my future, on a risky start up you chose this as a way out.”
 
“Katelyn I’m still your..” I once again try to speak but this time she puts her hand on my mouth.
 
“This time I’m taking away the easy option. So now you two very difficult ones, because I’m not throwing the rest of my future away marrying a man old enough to be my father. You can either live your life as a single woman in her late forties and hope to find a man who will take care of you, because you will lose the rest of your wealth paying him back. Or, you can marry him, we can get the company back where it was, and in a few years we will be able to afford to not only pay him back but also get the best doctors in the world to re-create that pill.” She says looking in my eyes.
 
I’ve never seen her this determined, this in control. She moves her hand but before I can speak there’s a knock at the door.
 
“Hello bride,” our wedding planner begins as she enters the room, “oh my gosh you’re so beautiful. Who said older brides can’t be sexy?”
 
The words feel different in my head. They make my stomach twist, a smile starts to form. My gosh is this embarrassment.
 
“I’m gonna go sit by mom. I’ll see you out there?” Katelyn asks but turns to leave before I can answer.
 
“Look at her she’s glowing.”
 
“She’s beautiful.” Katelyn says. “Good luck da- mom”
 
She leaves the room and I turn back to the mirror and look at myself. Ive been a woman for two weeks, but this is the first time ive dressed like one. Typically I’ve been wearing sweats and t shirts, barely even wearing a bra. Now I’m wearing a corset that pulls my waist in, which makes my hips look even wider. It also pushes my already large 38 c  breasts up, which on this tight v-neck dress makes them spill out the top and gives me a very pronounced cleavage, making them look more like d cups. Thank god for toile so there’s something holding them in.
 
 My square jaw and sharp features are softer and more angular now. My broad shoulders have narrowed and rounded. I still have good muscle tone after decades of daily workouts, but their shape is longer and thinner. My hips are wide but my waist narrow, again a feature that is even more pronounced by the clothes I’m wearing.
 
My hair, which was always buzzed on the sides and finger length on top, now falls from beneath the veil almost onto my shoulders. It took a team over an hour to get my hair into this shape and even longer to get my makeup to look like m not even wearing any. This is miserable. I can’t possibly live forever like this. I watch in the mirror as Katelyn walks out of the room taking a moment to look back one last time. She’s right, if I marry him, my suffering will be shorter.
 
“So the groom wanted one last photo before the ceremony. I’m sure you e seen the trend. Your backs to opposite sides of a wall and you’re holding hands.” The planner says.
 
This is it. My last chance to talk him out of the wedding.
 
“Yes, I know the pose.” I say.
 
She leads me out into another room and positions me behind a thin accordion wall. My back to it, the long dress laid out in a way the photographer chooses. I’m standing for a few moments before I hear the other door open and heavy footfalls. A group of men talk as they approach from behind me.
 
“Oh my gosh, hello groom, you look so handsome.” The planner says. I feel the weight and heat of his body, suddenly so much bigger than mine, as he is pressed against the wall. As he is being positioned, a few of his groomsmen come around and look me up and down then give him a thumbs up. I roll my eyes. Glad I meet their standards.
 
“You know, until I saw your daughter walk down the hall I didn’t think you would go through with this.” He says.
 
“Listen, Samir, can we talk about…” I begin.
 
“I am a little disappointed. She is so young and such a tight body. I am sure she would have given me lots of babies, but my people assure me I will not be disappointed.” Samir interrupts.
 
“Samir, listen to me. I I we can’t go through with this.” I say.
 
“Oh so I get the daughter after all?” He asks a little too much excitement in his voice.
 
“No, I’m saying we call the entire wedding off.” I reply.
 
“Oh, you have my seventy million?”
 
“I don’t have it in full but I can … seventy million? The dowry was barely half of that.” I reply.
 
“True, but I also incurred a lot of expense for this wedding.”
 
“I paid for the wedding, Samir.” I say angrily.
 
“But you insisted we have a destination wedding.”
 
“Destination wedding? We’re maybe two miles from your penthouse. We’re barely out of the city.” I say, my voice giving way to my frustration.
 
“Destination for my family. You have no guests at this wedding except your daughter and ex wife. Even your bridesmaids are my sisters. I had to fly everyone in. Do you understand how expensive private jets for three hundred people are?” He rebuts
 
“Who told you to fly them private?”
 
“You would rather I suffer the humiliation of appearing cheap?” He pauses. “Come to think of it. If we call this off I will have to suffer great humiliation again. That’s worth a bit as well. Let’s call it even at eighty-five.”
 
“Eighty-five million? I can’t come up with that.” I say.
 
“Then I suggest you get used to the idea of being my bride.”
 
“You really want to marry me knowing that aside from the effects of a chemical I’m a man?”
 
“You took the pill?”
 
“Yes.”
 
“Do you still have a penis?”
 
God how humiliating.
 
“No.” I reply.
 
“And if we were to test your genes your chromosomes would be XX?” He asks.
 
“Yes.”
 
“Then what do I care who you were before?”
 
“Samir..”
 
“Jack, listen, is this my first choice? No. But I need a wife to get the rest of my trust and you needed a way out of debt. It was the best we could do. It’s a marriage on paper only.  We just need to learn to how live with it.” He says.
 
He holds his hand out around the door for me to hold for the pictures. I take it in mine. He’s right. Katie is right. I know it. I just don’t know how I can do this.
 
“A marriage in name only.” I repeat.
 
The ceremony is beautiful. It’s weird to be standing up here so vulnerable and so exposed in such a feminine form. The way people look at me as I come down the aisle, it makes my stomach turn a bit. The men look at me like I am a buffet waiting to be devoured, and the women look like I was pure evil, a demon just trying to seduce their husbands.
 
Samir, on the other hand, when I walked out and he saw  me, his eyes lit up, he had such a big sweet smile, and I swear I saw a tear. I keep my eyes on him the whole way. His cousin, who is giving me away, says something that I don’t understand. Honestly, I can’t think of much I would understand, this is more nerve wracking than my first wedding.  
 
I guess he can sense or see my angst as I make my way to the altar because, as soon as I get there, he steps down and takes my hands in his and guides me up the few steps. I noticed it somewhat in the hallway earlier, but here it’s even more obvious how much larger his hands are than mine now.
 
He’s so much larger than me now, I used to dwarf him and now I feel almost engulfed by him when he goes to lift my veil.
 
“It’s okay old friend, just a few more minutes and the hard part is over.” He says where only I can hear.
 
“Thank you, I reply, “I needed that.”
 
“You’re stunning by the way. Much better than I expected.” He smirks.
 
“I hate you.” I say with a smile
 
Despite my frustration with him in this situation, Samir is one of my oldest and best friends. We met as boys at boarding school. Yes we both come from money. After boarding school we went to the same Ivy League school, got the same entry level job at a major finance firm, and both took over our respective fathers' empires around the same time. All the while competitive in everything we did.
 
That competitiveness gave us a deeper understanding of each other and helped us develop a powerful friendship. Despite everything, I’ve always known I could trust him. That’s why when he made this suggestion it just made sense. He gets a wife and half a billion dollars more, I get the money to save my company and no longer responsible for child support for a kid that likely isn’t mine, and we both get to hang out with our best friend.
 
 Sounded perfect, in the abstract. But in reality it’s terrifying. I’m half the size and much weaker than I’ve ever been. My body doesn’t feel the same or work the same. People treat me differently. And other men look at me … well the way I would look at me. And even worse I find myself thinking thoughts I don’t like.
 
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride.” The officiant says.
 
Wait. I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t realize it was over it happens so fast. Samir puts a hand around my waist and bends me back then pulls me up slightly and presses his lips to mine. Oh god he’s kissing me. Oh my god. Wait Asim no. His tongue goes so deep n my mouth. Holy fuck it’s huge and, and, my hand goes up to his cheek and I swirl my tongue around his.
 
Then as quickly and suddenly as it started it ends. He lifts me back upright and moves to beside me.
 
“I now present to you mister and misses Samir Abdullah.” The officiant says.
 
He takes my hand in his and holds it over our heads. The room fills with music and cheering and we make our way down the aisle. All the while all I can think is what the fuck just happened. Why did I kiss him back? Why did it almost feel natural? The coordinator ushers us back to the room where I got ready. The hair and makeup people have cleared everything out. There’s a small tray with two glasses of champagne by the bed, hanging on either side of the dresser are two garment bags, one pink and one blue, his and hers. Sitting prominently on the center of the dresser is a pink box with a purple bow.
 
The coordinator enters first, she picks up the glasses of champagne and hands each of us one then congratulates us. She stands waiting for us to take our first drinks as man and wife. Once we do she claps and says when the photographer is ready she will come grab us. Then she leaves.
 
“What the fuck was that?” I ask as soon as the door closes.
 
“What was what?” Samir asks.
 
“The kiss.” I stare.
 
“It’s part of the ceremony.” He rebuts.
 
“Okay, but did you have to shove your tongue down my throat? Jesus, all the tears we’ve known each other I never saw that coming.” I say frustrated.
 
“Honestly? When I look you I don’t see my friend, I just see this hot woman. I guess maybe I got caught up in the moment and forgot who you were.” He says.
 
“Well, don’t do that again, that was so fucked up.” I say. He gives me a confused look.
 
“It wasn’t too fucked up for you to kiss me back now was it?”
 
“I didn’t kiss you back. It was just … reflex, muscle memory.” I reply.
 
“Didn’t feel like muscle memory. Felt pretty real. Pretty hot. Made me think maybe there is some real bonuses to this marriage if you always kiss that good.”
 
I look at him stunned. How dare he assume that was anything more than a show for the crowd.
 
“I’m never kissing you again. You can just get that thought right out of your head.” I assert.
 
“Have you never been to an Arabian wedding reception? We’re gonna kiss at least twenty more times tonight. Every time someone clinks a glass and my people love watching love.”
 
“Not like that. Not with tongue.”
 
“If you say so. You seemed to enjoy it and you’re really good at it.” He says taking a sip of his champagne.
 
“Stop saying that.”
 
“It’s the truth.” He says. I drink half my glass of champagne.
 
“Samir, I’m not gay. I’m not making out with my best friend.”
 
“Jackie,” he begins, it’s the first time he’s used my new female version of my name, “you’re not a man anymore. You need to get that in your very pretty head.”
 
Before I can respond there’s a knock at the door,  it opens, and the officiant comes in with a manilla envelope and pen in his hand.
 
“Hi guys. Congratulations, such a beautiful couple Sorry to interrupt your private time,  just need to do the final legal side of things taken care of.” He says.
 
He pulls out our marriage license and all three of us sign it. It’s crazy to see my new name. For almost fifty years it was Jackson Harris, now it says Jacquelyn. At least I got to keep my last name, well for a few more weeks.
“Okay,” he begins, “that takes care of that. Once I get this sent off to the government you will officially and legally be man and wife. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your special day. Your love story is so inspiring.” He says he hugs us both then leaves.
 
“What love story?” I ask. “What did you even tell anyone?”
 
“Kind of the truth. That we met in school but both went on with our lives until we met back up a few months ago and decided we were in love and decided to get married.” He explains.
 
“I’m not in love with you and never will be.”
 
“What was I going to say? We’re marrying for money and status?”
 
“Good point.” I rebut. My eyes see the gift box.
 
“What’s that?” I ask.
 
“I don’t know but it looks like a gift. Is there a card?” He replies.
 
I walk over and look at the the card. I decide to read it out loud.
 
It says, “to Jackie, welcome to the family. Marriage can be hard, this will make those times easier. Love Yuma. Who is Yuma?”
 
“It means mama,” he explains, “it’s a gift for you from my mother. Open it.”
 
It softens my heart and I smile a bit. I don’t have family really, just Katelyn, so the fact that someone thinks of me as their child, even if they think of me as a daughter, is very sweet.
 
I untie the bow and take the top of the box off and immediately my head sinks and my eyes widen. It is more than a few pieces of skimpy lacey lingerie. On top is a beautiful and likely very old necklace.
 
“What’s in it?” He asks. I hold up the necklace. He immediately recognizes it and walks over. “You have to wear that at the reception.”
 
“Why, what is it?” I ask.
 
He gets beside me and sees the rest.
 
“You should wear some of that too.” He says with a smirk.
 
“You’re enjoying this too much.”
 
“I would definitely enjoy seeing you in that.” He replies.
 
“Even if I did wear any of this, which I wouldn’t because,” I hold up one item, “this doesn’t cover very much. It isn’t practical, you would never see me in it.”
 
“It’s not supposed to cover anything or be practical. It’s supposed to turn me on, and it definitely would.” He replies. I slap his chest and smirk.
 
“Anyway, what’s with the necklace?” I ask.
 
He takes it from my hands, unclasps it, and begins to put it around my neck.
 
“It’s very old. My mother got it on her wedding day from her mother who got it from hers on her wedding day and so on and so on. The real age is unknown, it’s basically a fertility idol. It’s supposed to insure the bride has many children.” He sees the look on my face. “She wants grandkids, and I’m her only son.”
 
“Well, she’s shit out of luck with us. I’m too old and pretty sure they said I can’t get pregnant. Plus there’s the whole never going to sleep with you thing.” I reply.
 
He puts the necklace on me and steps back. I turn to admire it in the mirror. He steps in behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
 
“You are a beautiful bride old friend. And as for kids, we can always adopt.” He says. I look at his reflection.
 
“Samir, you do know that once I’ve fulfilled my end of this marriage contract and you e gotten your trust, this is all over. We will get the marriage nullified quickly and quietly and I will get my life, my body, back.” I say bluntly.
 
“We’ll allow me to enjoy these moments then.” He says.
 
He bends down and kisses my neck. Before I can react the coordinator comes in.
 
“None of that right now you two, we need that makeup to stay perfect just a few minutes longer, it’s picture time.” She says.
 
A wedding, if you’ve never been married, is basically organized chaos. My first wedding, as the groom, was bad enough, but this time, as the bride, I’m being pulled in a million directions all at once. By the time we get back to the room there’s barely fifteen minutes to change before we’re supposed to make our big entrance at the reception.
 
“We need to talk about earlier.” I say but no sooner do I get the words out than Katie comes in the room.
 
“Congratulations you two.” She says cheerfully.
 
She first hugs Asim then comes to me and gives me a hug.
 
“I’m so proud of you.” She says in my ear. “I owe you my life.” She breaks the hug. “Okay, we’re on a tight schedule. Let’s get you changed.” She says.
 
She grabs the pink garment bag and starts towards the bathroom.
 
“Don’t forget the box.” Samir says with a wink.
 
She doesn’t hesitate she grabs it also and leads the way. It takes a bit of work to undo the veil and train of the dress before we can even get into the bathroom to begin working on the thousands of buttons and hooks on the dress.
 
Finally, it falls to the floor and I step out of it. As she begins to unto the god awful corset I check myself out in the mirror.
 
“It’s crazy isn’t it? I don’t look anything like myself.” I say.
 
“You’re beautiful dad.” She says then pauses. “It’s really weird to call you that now.”
 
“You can’t call me mom, I wouldn’t dream of doing that to your mother.” I reply.
 
“No, I wouldn’t either. I guess I can call you Jackie?”
 
“For now I can allow it. But when I change back.”
 
She pauses and stands to look at me in the mirror.
 
“Look, I know what I said, and that’s still the plan but what if it never happens? What if you’re like this forever?” She says. “Have you thought about that?”
 
“I try not to.” I sigh. “I can’t be someone’s wife Katie.”
 
“You sure? That kiss seemed pretty intense.”
 
“It was just reflex.”
 
She finally get the corset off and I let out a sigh of relief. I lift my breasts and look at the red dry skin underneath.
 
“Here try this, it will help.” She says and hands me a bottle of oil
 
“What is it?”
 
“An herbal lotion. Trust me. It will help.”
 
She unzips the bag and pulls out the dress. My eyes widen.
 
“That’s the tightest, shortest, most revealing dress I’ve ever seen.” I say in frustration.
 
“Definitely not gonna be able to wear a bra under this. Maybe not panties either, unless you have a pair I don’t know about.” She says.
 
“Look in the box.” I reply as I rub the lotion under my breasts. It tingles a bit and smells familiar, but I can’t place it.
 
“Woah,” she exclaims softly when she looks inside.
 
“Wedding present from my new mother-in-law.”
 
“This is … wow.” She says holding up some of the items. “If you don’t want these, I’ve got a weekend with Malcolm coming up.”
 
“Katelyn!” I say sharply and she giggles.
 
“Here, these won’t show. She hands me a thin skimpy thong. “And here put these on too.”
 
“What is that?”
 
“Basically pasties, won’t hold the girls, the dress will do that, but you won’t be poking any eyes out either.
 
She helps me get the dress on and helps me adjust my tits and everything. Of course, once everything is on, I have to pee. She helps me get undressed again then excuses herself and says she’ll come in when I’m done.
 
“Everything okay in there?” Samir asks.
 
“Yeah, nature called.” She steps closer setting the box and dress on the bed by the veil and train. “It really was a beautiful ceremony.”
 
“It could have been you up there ya know.” He says.
 
“We tried that once, remember? It wasn’t pretty.”
 
“I remember it differently.”
 
“I’m sure you do. Here.” She holds out the bottle of lotion. “Make sure she uses a little of this every day. Not sure how you’ll pull it off but you’ll thank me later.”
 
“What is this?” He asks.
 
“It’s from the X-change people. It’s a lot of herbs and other things. It’s basically an estrogen booster. I’m not sure what your intentions are with this marriage, but knowing you like I do, I can’t imagine you being okay to sleep next to someone every night and not get the… benefits. This will help with that. The words they used is that it will accelerate the feminization of her min.” She explains.
 
“Why would you do this?”
 
“Mostly because you deserve a traditional marriage.”
 
“You know this will make it less likely you will ever get your father back.” He warns.
 
“After what he did to my mom and to my best friend, I don’t want him back. I’m okay with her like this.” She admits. “Just be careful not to give too much at a time. Twice a day tops.”
 
“What happens if she exceeds that?”
 
“She will lose control.”
 
“In what way?”
 
“The words they used were sex crazed.” She says and Asim smiles a cunning smile.
 
“Katie!” I call from the bathroom.
 
She winks at Samir and and he nods then she comes in and helps me get dressed.
 
The reception is great. I do love being the center of attention. Asim’s estimate was a bit low. We must end up kissing at nearly a hundred times before the night ends. The first few are tame, pecks on the cheek only. The crowd does not hide their disappointment at this low show of affection.
 
“Relax, just go with it. It’s just a show, it doesn’t mean anything.” He whispers in my ear at one point.
 
“Okay, I’ll try on the next one. But don’t go crazy.” I reply.
 
The next time they tap their glasses I turn my face to him and pucker up. He leans in and presses his lips to mine and holds it for a beat. The room fills with cheers
 
I start to feed off it the energy of the crowd, or it could be the champagne, but over time we hold the kisses a beat or two longer. At one point I open my mouth slightly and put his bottom lip between my lips and hold it there.
 
As the night goes on the rising energy of the crowd, and the rising amount of alcohol we both drink, feeds our energy and eventually, near the end of desert Samir gets a bit bold. When the glasses clink and I turn for the kiss he holds my chin and guides me in. Which he began doing about five kisses earlier. Only this time when I open my mouth to take his lip, he pushes his tongue into it.
 
I play my part and allow it, without returning the favor but at the same tim, under the table, I pinch a small bit of skin on his thigh to show my displeasure. But it doesn’t dissuade him from doing it more. Again he reassures me it means nothing and is for the crowd only. That’s why, by the time we hit the dance floor I kiss him back.
 
Not to feel his kiss or to show affection it’s simply love of attention. The crowd chants kiss over and over and when the chant is strong and loud enough, we kiss, fairly passionately. Immediately the crowd cheers and the sounds of their zaghrouta echoes off of every wall. I break the kiss and hold my arms up in triumph.
 
I hate to admit it but I’m had way more fun at this wedding than I did my first. Don’t get me wrong, I love Katie’s mom, but had she not gotten pregnant, we wouldn’t have gotten married so young, if at all.
 
That’s what I was thinking about in the limo on the way to the hotel. We had to leave the venue but flight doesn’t leave for a few hours. So, Samir got us a hotel room for the night so we can sleep and get ready. Anyway, I’m looking out the window thinking about how much better this night was, and feeling guilty for it, when I felt his finger on my chin.
 
He gently turned my face towards his and leaned forward and kissed me. I was still on the high from the night, still saying it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just for fun. And I was okay with that justification. It was fun. He is a good kisser. And it’s our wedding night after all, might as well keep playing the part.
 
That is, of course, until I felt his hand push inside the deep cut neckline of my dress and grip my tit. At the same time he shifted his body weight against me and exhaled deeply. I could feel his erection on my leg. I pulled back from him quickly.
 
“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked.
 
“Keeping the party going.” He said.
 
I pushed him back.
 
“That party was never gonna start.” I say as I pull his hand back. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”
 
“You mean by continuing to make out with me?” He asked as he sat back and adjusted his pants. “Fucking cock tease.”
 
Needless to say the rest of the ride to the hotel was pretty rough. He did give me a t shirt and a pair of boxers to sleep in so I didn’t have to open the suitcase his assistant packed for me. But only spoke enough to tell me that’s what it was for.
 
Now I’m currently standing in the bathroom, in just the boxers, brushing my teeth. My brain is dealing with so many crazy contradictory feelings. I’m disgusted with myself for what I allowed to happen. Drunk or not it crossed a line I will never cross again.
 
But even still I can’t believe what he tried to do in the limo. How dare he think I would be willing to do anything like that with any man, especially him?
 
In his defense though, he’s not wrong, I was being a cock tease. I didn’t mean to. I thought we were both on the same page that it didn’t mean anything. I should have asked.
 
I see there’s still some red and chafing beneath my tits. Did Katie leave me that lotion?  I guess she gave it to Asim, it’s in his toiletry bag. I rub some on then put my shirt on and step out.
 
Samir is already asleep. The covers are on but not above his belly button. I haven’t seen him without a shirt in a while, he’s definitely toned up a bit. He looks good. What the fuck am I saying?
 
I look at the bed, way too small, no way I’m sleeping next to another man. Luckily this is a suite with a sofa in the other room. I grab the extra pillow and blanket and go lay on it. I just need some sleep. We can work out what happened tonight once we’ve both rested and sobered up.

“Welcome back Adam. How was your sabbatical?” James asks from behind his security desk.

I swipe my ID card and begin to sign on the little electronic pad. It’s required to physically sign in each shift, to re-confirm my commitment to the program.

“Good morning James, the sabbatical was amazing. Very restful.” I reply.

The lights on the small glass partitions turn green and I step through.

“I’m glad to hear that. We missed you here.” He says with a smile.

“I wish I could say the same my friend.” I say with a smirk.

I walk back to the bank of elevators; four on each side of the small hallway. None have buttons, floor indicators, or even the little up and down arrows. Each elevator, instead, has a small screen. You first initial, last name, and four digit id number appear on the elevator that is taking you to your floor. Though there is a large group waiting for their respective rides up, one elevator has a single name on it, my name. It’s typical considering the sensitivity of my work.

It’s a simple concept, but quite profound. Every day there are people put in harms way for the safety and security of the people of this country. What if they were able to do these same dangerous tasks with little to no risk to themselves? Well, the company I work for, X-tech, figured that out.

They make clones, ideal bodies capable of performing these dangerous tasks and missions, but without consciousness. That’s where I come in. My consciousness is transferred to one of these clones and if something happens I’m awakened back here in the facility, no harm, no foul, and no memory of what happened. It’s a way to be a hero without needing to be heroic.

All the elevator cars arrive at exactly the same time and everyone enters the one with their name and heads to their floor. My ride is short: four floors, straight down. The doors open to another security check. The place looks very clinical and smells almost like the beach.

“Good morning, checking in?” Allison says from her seat behind the desk.

“Yes, for three days this time.” I reply.

That’s the best part of this job. The work-life balance. In a few minutes I will lie down in my little pod and awaken three days later , fully rested and quite hungry. Then four days later I’ll be back to check in for four days. Then repeat back to three days after three days off. This has afforded me the time to not only work on my pastoral studies but also to build a pretty substantial social media presence where I spread conservative values in a world that desperately needs them.

“Please scan in.” She says.

I slip my card into the slot then place my thumb on the reader. With a soft buzz the door on the other side of the room opens.

“Welcome back Mr. Johnson, I hope you enjoyed your time away.” Allison says.

“I did. Three months this time. I wasn’t sure I would be able to fill the time but still it didn’t seem long enough.” I say with a smile then walk in the room.

I’m greeted by the young man who always escorts me to the locker room where I strip down then walk into the next room for my examination.

“Hello, Mr Johnson, welcome back. How are you feeling today?” The doctor asks. I’ve never been told the doctors names.

“I’m feeling great doc. Got a whole head full of memories finally.”

“And how does that feel?”

“It makes me wish I could have more, if you know what I mean.” I say as he examines me.

“I will send word to your commanding officer that you would like some memory retention from this diversion. However, due to the sensitive nature of your work, it’s their call entirely.” He replies very clinically.

“I understand.” I reply.

Within five minutes I’m naked in a tank full of warm salt water as the medical staff plugs in my lines for hydration and nutrition. The door closes leaving me in pitch black while floating. They say it helps with the transfer and keeping the body temperature right. In a few moments I’ll be waking up on an exam table three days later.

I do wake up on an exam table but not three days later, the entire transfer took only a few minutes. The top half of the exam table begins to rise slowly while the lights, just as slowly, raise to a level the doctor needs to be able to see.

“Welcome back Evie.” He says.

The headaches from the transfer never last long but they’re so intense.

“Shhh. Not so loud doc.” I say. I keep my hand over my eyes.

“The headache, it’s bad?” He asks. I nod. “The pain reliever should kick in soon to help. In the mean time let’s get you checked out.”

He walks over and removes the paper blanket that was covering my naked body.

“Well, looks like they got the physical stuff correct. How are you feeling?” He asks.

“A little stiff as usual but nothing to really report.”

“Are you hungry or thirsty?”

“No. Not really. Mouths a little dry.” I reply.

“That’s from the breathing tube. It will pass too. I’m sorry Evie, I do have to look in your eyes and the light will be bright.”

“Okay, go ahead.” I say.

I slowly open my eyes. The light causes me to blink a few times but the headache is much more dull already.

“How was the sabbatical?” He asks as he continues the exam

He had a good time. Saw some great places.” I say.

“You know you’re the one that did those things right? Those are your memories.” He explains.

“I know technically that’s true, but over the years I’m not so much like him anymore. Honestly, I would’ve rather had the sabbatical as me than as him.” I say.

“That wouldn’t be possible. There’s no way to medically sustain his body without a consciousness for that long.
“

“I know. It just sucks is all.”

“Okay, well, you seem to be in great condition. If you’ll step into the next room you will find some clothes and your case worker will be with you momentarily.” He says.

I go in and slip one the bra panties t shirt and leggings laid on the small folding table then sit in the chair waiting for my case worker.

“Hi Evie,” she says as she walks in from the outer door.

“Lucy,” I begin, “so good to see you again.” I say.

I get up and give her a big hug.

“Please don’t ask me how the sabbatical was.” I say and chuckle.

She chuckles also.

“Guess everyone’s asking that huh.”

“Literally every person I’ve talked to. In both bodies.” I reply.

We walk and sit at the table.

“Well, you’re the first person to be here for five years so it’s a big deal. Besides, we really missed you here.” She says.

“I wish I could say I missed you too but…”

“You didn’t have any memory of us during that time.” She says, finishing my thought.

“Exactly.”

“On that note, as you know, your counterpart has requested to retain some memories from this time. Of course that’s totally up to you as they’re your memories.”

“I don’t know. We put the partition in place for a reason.” I say.

“Perhaps he’s matured more and can handle the knowledge.” She says. I chuckle.

“Did you hear last weeks podcast?” I ask. She shakes her head. “It was in response to pride week. It was all about the gay and trans agenda for assimilating straight white men.”

“I see.” She says.

“I think if I allowed my memories we would simply have a repeat of what happened before.” I say.

“Fair enough, like I said, it’s your choice.” She takes a yellow folder from her bag and slides it across the table. “You have a new client this week, his name is David King.”

I reach out for the folder a bit eagerly.

“The David King? The billionaire?” I ask.

“One and the same.”

“And does he know that I’m…”

“A Diverted individual? No.” She replies. I nod.

I open the folder and see a photo of a striking older man along with a dossier on him.

“Okay, tell me about the assignment.”

I’m always woken up a short distance from the client, no matter where they are in the world. In this case it was a short one hour flight on the X-Tech jet. It gave me plenty of time to get into character: barista at a small town coffee shop, just holding it down until her photographs sell. I get there and behind the counter a few minutes before David arrives.

I take his order, he tells me how pretty I am, we flirt a bit, talk a bit, and, coincidentally, it’s my break time so I sit and have a latte with him. One thing leads to another and he invites me to come to his hotel after my shift to look at his photography. He shows me a few photos and we compare cameras then he snaps a few of me. He then tells me how I should be a model and I shyly tell him he’s crazy.

He convinces me to pose for a few more photos and then a few more. Before too long im topless on his bed while his tongue invades my mouth and his finger teases my now wet vagina. His tongue is large, filling my entire mouth almost, and tastes like cigars and coffee. His kiss is forceful yet tender, similar to how I kiss my wife as Adam. I wonder if it makes her feel like this; soft, feminine, submissive.

“I wanna feel your mouth on my cock.” He says breathily.

“Then lay on your back.” I respond as I stroke his salt and pepper beard.

He’s not old, maybe four or five years older than me as Adam but almost twenty years older than this girl I am in his bed. As he rolls onto his back I slide my khaki uniform pants off and toss them into the pile with my faded purple sweater and gray bra. I slide off my white cotton panties and add them to the pile then roll over and start to undo David’s pants.

It’s weird to live this dual life. When I’m Adam I have no memory of my time as Evie, so though it’s been months since I’ve been with a man I didn’t feel the longing in all that time. However, as I pull David’s thick veiny rock hard cock out of his pants and slip it into my eagerly waiting mouth, I am painfully aware of how long it has been since I’ve tasted one. I am definitely fucking this man today, I’m going to let him nut deep inside me, and I’m going to love every minute of it.

I edge him a few times with my mouth and hand, and when he can’t take much more teasing he pushes me onto my back beside him, puts my feet practically behind my head, and slowly slides his dick deep inside me with a soft moan.

“Jesus I love your pussy. It feels so perfect, like it was made for my cock.” He says.

It basically was

“I love your big fucking dick daddy.” I whimper back.

“Yeah I like that. Call me daddy.”

“Yes daddy. Fuck me daddy.” I reply.

And he does just that. He fucks me so deep and so hard I can’t help but scream with pleasure. My pussy is so wet by this point you came hear the swishing sound of his dick penetrating me bounce off of the walls. At one point I swear I hear the bed frame crack, but that only encourages him more.

After he cums inside me, and rolls off to the side, we lay there talking and cuddling for a bit. But it’s not long until he’s ready for another round, which he shows me by eating me out until I’m screaming out an intense orgasm.

We fuck about six or seven more times until he’s so spent he passes out completely. Somewhere around 3 am I slip out of his bed, get dressed, go through his briefcase a bit, swap out the memory card in his camera, and head down to the limo waiting to take me back to the airport. The whole way there I can still taste his cum in my mouth and feel it being absorbed in my womb.

The next place I’m flown to is the capital, where a powerful senator is awaiting me to help him relieve some stress between tense debates and votes. I’ve been in this office so many times and it always amazes me how he will trust me alone here with all of these top secret documents simply because I make him nut a few times back to back.

Next I’m taken by helicopter to the coast and onto an aircraft carrier in the middle of the night. Almost the entire crew is on shore leave so it’s pretty easy to usher me up to the cabin/office of the admiral that I’m here to be tossed around by for a few hours. He’s a bit more cautious with today secret materials but he does leave me alone for a few minutes while he heads down to take his little blue pill.

As I fly back to the X-tech facility to debrief and be transferred back into Adam’s body I can’t help but think of these three different men who I had inside me this weekend. How masculine and strong and important they were. How they could each harm or kill me with very little effort yet were vulnerable to me. In fact, at one point, I had each of them handcuffed to their bed and watch them writhe under me while I kept fucking them long after they came and their cocks got so super sensitive. Fuck I love my job.

“How do you feel?” Lucy asks as she enters the room.

I’m stripped down now, no cute outfits, no hair extensions and fake eyelashes, no makeup. Just me in a paper exam gown.

“Like I’m not ready to go back yet.” I reply.

“I know sweetie, but it’s only for a few days.”

“That’s a long time to be asleep.” I reply.

“Maybe you don’t have to be, he wants to remember.”

“He doesn’t though, I promise you if he knew what he did this weekend it would destroy him.” I reply. “Oh speaking of.”

I reach over and hand her the large manilla envelopes containing the memory card from David’s camera, three vials containing the men’s semen samples I collected, and the videos of our encounters.

“Thank you Evie. Perfect as usual.” She says. “Whenever you’re ready we can take you down to the tank and…”

“Wait,” I interrupt, “what if, before I go, I make a video. Tell Adam the truth of what we do here. See if he, if I can handle that, maybe that’s my first step
To getting to live outside of this time.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” She replies with a smile.

You can’t grow up in this town and not be obsessed with Football, in particularly the Golden Knights. There’s not much else to do around here. There’s a few pubs, a billiards hall, and the stadium. Of course we’re all very aware of our club’s limitations, we’re not going to be hosting any premiere league games any time soon, but we have some great players and see some great matches.

I remember growing up I wanted to play for the Knights more than anything, the problem is, I’m not a good footballer. However, a couple of years ago, I got the opportunity to be the team’s Kit Man and jumped at the opportunity. I get to watch every game from the tunnel and even sometimes get to go out into the pitch during and/or between trainings. And, of course, I get to travel with the team. That’s where I am right now, on my knees, on the edge of the pitch of the most important stadium in the world.

This is where many a championship has been played. In the world of football, it’s a holy sight. Some of the greatest to ever play the game have tread this grass, and I get to run my fingers through it. No matter the downsides to this job, this makes it all worthwhile.

“It never gets old kid.” A gruff voice says from in front of me.

The voice is that of Ian Grant, one of, in to the, greatest players to ever wear the number nine. He’s won fifteen titles, broken at least three world records, has a gold medal, and an MVP award from the cup, and he’s a Golden Knight. He started his career with us over twenty years ago and is ending it with us tomorrow, granted most of those titles happened in the fifteen years in between where he was in the Premiere League.

Another perk to the job. I grew up with Ian’s poster on my wall, he was my idol, my hero, and now I get to work with him every day, however, this is the first time he’s addressed me directly when it isn’t related to my job. I’m beside myself with excitement.

“Played here for almost a decade,” he begins, “and I never get used to how it feels to stand where they stood.” He kneels down and whispers, “truth is I have a few blades of this grass in a pouch with my kit.” He winks.

I pinch a blade between my finger and thumb and pluck it out with a smile.

“That a boy.” He says.

He starts to walk away as I stand up.

“Mr. Grant,” I begin after working up the courage to speak, “thank you.”

“Please call me Ian. And what exactly are you thanking me for?”

“Coming home for your last couple of seasons. For getting us here.”

I motion to the stadium but we both know it’s more than that. The Knights haven’t had a chance at a championship since he left, and now that he’s back we’re in the final match to win it once again

“I love this team. I wouldn’t be the player I am if it wasn’t for starting here. And please call me Ian.” He says with a smile.

“Still, I just felt, as a life long fan of both the team and you, it’s an honor to be here with you.”

“It’s Andrew right?”

“Yes sir.”

“The honor is mine Andrew.” He says with a smile. “You’re the one getting me my present tonight right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then I’m the one who needs to thank you. Can you give me any details?”

“I’m not allowed, I’m sorry. I can say it will be a lot like the last time.”

This makes him smile a big smile

“I hope so.” He says. He begins to walk away but stops. “I’ll be ready around nine.”

“Yes sir.” I say.

Footballers are very superstitious animals, I guess all professional athletes are in a way, but I feel that footballers take it to a whole other level. This “present” I’m giving to Ian Grant is a great example.

It started the first time he won a title. The coach of the Knights at that time firmly believed that athletes should abstain from any kind of sexual contact for weeks leading up to a big game. He felt it took away their concentration and sapped their energy. In Ian’s case, a man who had grown accustomed to having sex whenever he wanted with any woman he wanted. So, when a woman approached him at the hotel bar the night before the championship game, he took the opportunity to release all of his pent up sexual aggression. The coach was furious, until Ian played his best game yet and won the title.

The next year, however, the coach was mindful of who was allowed in the hotel and where the players were allowed to go and who they were allowed to be with. So Ian did not have a release for that game and they lost. Badly. Same with the next season. The coach decided to test a theory. He found a girl who looked a lot like the one from the hotel that night and convinced her, not that it was difficult to do, to give him the night of his life. And once again he played the best he had in years.

And so, from that moment on, the night before an important game, the coaching staff would go out and find a very specific girl for him. This wasn’t always an easy task. Think about it, not only would they need a girl willing to be his sex toy for the night, a task much more difficult on away games, but she would also need to have a very specific look. Petite build, short, red hair, light eyes, c cup beasts, and fair skin with light freckling. A look I see in the mirror every day, aside from the breasts and the fact that I’m a guy. Neither of those will be a problem soon. I look down at the empty bottle.

We’ve all heard the stories from drunk guys in the pub, or read them on internet message boards. A group of guys get together, one takes a pill, or a drink, or an injection, then becomes a super hot girl,with an unquenchable sex drive, who immediately gives the lads a night they’ll never forget. I always thought it an urban legend. One of those fake stories that someone always knew someone who knew someone who it happened to. It is real though. Not only is it real, it’s how every club Ian has played for has found a girl for him, and why I got hired at their kit man. They needed someone who already had certain physical traits but was also so devoted to the club that he would do something this crazy.

It takes a few minutes before the change begins, at first it’s small. Some tingling on my skin as it tightens around reshaping muscles. I feel my nipples change shape followed by the stretching of my chest as it fills with breast tissue. It feels heavier almost immediately, but at the same time, the rest of my body feels lighter as my bone density decreases.

I thought the feeling of my hair growing so rapidly was going to be the strangest feeling, until it happens. My scrotum splits and begins to shrink as my testacles grow and move up through my body, becoming ovaries.

I wouldn’t say the feeling is painful, nor is it necessarily pleasurable, however, it is quite intense. I fall back onto the bed and groan. Instinctively I open my legs to help the twins on their path to their temporary home. With a loud pop my hips settle into their new position which allows me to spread my legs wider than I ever have. It also causes me to cry out, which is how I learn my vocal cords have tightened.

At the same time my penis shrinks and retracts into the new folds of tissue above the gaping cavity where my testacles used to be. Then, as quickly as it all began, it ends. I’m laying, here on the bed of this gorgeous suite, next to the barely there lingerie and overcoat that will be my costume for the evening. I lay panting for a moment as my body relaxes and settles into its new, temporary, normal.

I can’t say that at any point in my entire life, aside from when I was aroused, was I consciously aware of my penis hanging between my legs. I am very aware of its absence. It’s quite amazing really. I think as I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. One little shot of a sweet and tart thick pink liquid, not much more than a shot of whiskey really, and this is the outcome. My eyes go to between my legs, where once a moderately sized penis hung, where now is a proper vagina. I part the labia a bit and instinctively inhale sharply. Suddenly I am aware of the emptiness between them. I feel a dampness begin to form.

I take a few deep breaths then put on the lingerie. It was easier when I didn’t have breasts to put the bra on. The panties slip on quite easily. I don’t take the time to look at myself. I’m very aware that it is quite close to the time Ian requested I be there. Also, there is a limit to this potion. The voices of the coach and the doctor ringing in my head.

“Once the change is complete you have a maximum of twelve hours before you change back. If you need more time there is a second vial in your room but you’ll need to take it as quickly as possible.”

No time to dilly dally. I slip my room key into my coat pocket and make my way down the hall. With each step my heart races more and more. By the time I reach the door I’m damn near in a full panic attack.

“I can’t do that sir, I’m sorry, I’m not gay.” I told the clubs owner when he approached me with this plan.

“Andy, can I call you Andy,” he began but didn’t wait for an answer, “it’s not gay. Nothing gay about it. I looked into the laws and according to the crown, you will be legally and physically a girl. You just have to bring the emotions.”

“Look, Andrew, you have to think of the club, of the fans. Think about the little boys like you were the first time Ian Grant brought us a title. You don’t want to let them down do you?” The coach added.

I don’t want to let them down. So I knock. Maybe he won’t be in the mood. Maybe the stories of broken beds are exaggerations. I hear the door lock slide and the door creaks open. I can’t do this. I can’t. Oh my…..

I see him there. He’s wearing nothing but a smoking jacket that isn’t closed. I’ve seen his body many times in the locker room but never noticed how nice it was. Never noticed how big he was. Maybe I can do this.

“Well hello there, what’s your name?” He asks.

“Sandy.” I reply.

“Well, sandy, you’re quite attractive.”

“Thank you, so are you.”

“Do you know who I am?” He asks.

I nod.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

I nod again.

“Are you going to tell anyone about tonight?”

“I shake my head.”

“Do you want to come in?” He finally asks, stepping to the side.

I walk in past him towards the middle of his sweet. I hear the door close and latch behind me. No turning back now.

“Can I take your overcoat?” He asks in a gentlemanly tone.

“I’m afraid I’m not wearing much underneath.” I reply as I turn to face him. It’s crazy how easily I’m able to flirt with him. But not really. I’ve idolized this man my whole life. I’m certain on some small level that I’m not fully aware of I always wanted this. Always wanted him to look at me like this. And god how he’s looking at me, through me, through my skin and into my soul. It makes me want this more.

“I would say you’re likely wearing more than me.” He says with a chuckle.

“Good point.” I reply with a smile.

I untie the jacket and slide it off of my shoulders, revealing the very skimpy lingerie underneath. My pink nipples, at least their color and areola size, visible through the fabric. There is also very little doubt to be had that my fanny is in fact quite hairless.

“Oh Andrew, you’ve outdone yourself.” He groans half to himself.

“I’m sorry?” I ask nervously.

“Nothing,” he begins, just complimenting the man who gave me such a beautiful gift.”

As he speaks he grabs the coat from my hand and tosses it onto the dresser. He then wraps an arm around the small of my back, pulls me in tightly, leans down and presses his lips to mine.

I don’t think I heard anything after Andrew. I’m amazed. Ian Grant remembers my name. Like really remembers my name. And I’m in his room. He’s kissing me. Ian Grant has his tongue in my mouth. His big meaty tongue. And it feels amazing.

He just unhooked my bra with one hand and threw it across the room. Holy shit Ian Grant, while his tongue still wrestles with mine, has his large hand on my breast. God it feels so amazing to have my tit squeezed like this. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe Ian Grant is kissing me and fondling me. I can’t believe his dick is hard from it. And I can’t believe I have it in my hand. I don’t know if I grabbed his cock myself or if he put my hand on it, but it doesn’t matter because I am certain I’m stroking it and listening to his pleasures groans as I do.

Within moments of first taking hold of his manhood, and all but abandoning my own, I find myself on my knees with his huge cock pointing directly at my face. I’m so close I can see and smell the little pre-cum dribble oozing out of his foreskin. I pull the foreskin back and expose his purple monster fully. I lock my lips to give myself a moment. Yes there is a bit of fear and trepidation but no longer is there doubt in what I want and am capable of trying.

I have worshipped this man in every other possible way since I was a small lad. Now im able to worship him in a way I never have been able to before, a way I can only worship him as a woman, a way I will never be able to do again.

I lean forward and lay my tongue on his shaft and slowly slide it up to the tip. I now know what cock tastes like. I now know what Ian Grant’s cock tastes like, and I love it. If I play my cards right I will soon know what his cum tastes like.

I part my lips and slip him into my mouth slowly. His hand immediately rests on the top of my head to guide and coax me down further and further. When I feel the head of his cock on the back of my throat I gag a bit but truly love this feeling. Ian Grant’s cock is deep in my mouth. He holds my head gently and rolls his hips pushing me down more until he actually enters my throat

“That’s a good girl.” He groans softly as my lips reach the base of his long shaft.

My body quivers and nearly folds and I groan around his cock softly. I stand by my testimony that I am a heterosexual man, when I’m a man, but I can say with no uncertainty that no one, man nor woman, has ever had me so aroused in my life.

I begin sucking his dick as if my life depended on it. I’ve had more than a handful of blowjobs in my life, so I have an idea of what feels good and what doesn’t. Of course, Ian is making sure to vocalize what he likes and doesn’t. Every time I look up at him he warns me that it makes him want to “bust his nut down my throat.” So, of course I use it sparingly, but I do use it. Until he finally follows through with the threat.

As he holds the sides is my head and his cock throbs and spasms in my mouth, filling it with his dna, I don’t break eye contact once. Not until he finishes, I swallow the last of it, and clean his cock.

That’s when he pulls me to my feet, spins me around, pushes me down onto his bed, and yanks my panties off as quickly as he can, making me giggle. I look over on the nightstand and see a small box laying next to a blister pack full of blue pills, sans one.

“Oh yeah, I’m making sure we have a long night full of fun baby,” he pants into my ear as he leans down pressing his dick against my vagina.

I can’t help but be scared and turned on at the same time

“Wait,” I plead, “I want you looking at me the first time you enter me.” The first time anyone enters me really.

He relents and stands up. I roll o to my back and scoot myself up to the head of the bed, laying my head down on his pillows. God they smell like him. He climbs onto the bed on his knees and crawls to me.

“I don’t have protection,” he says.

“You don’t need it.” I reply.

“You aren’t worried about pregnancy?”

“Not at all.” How could I be. I’ll be a man again in a few hours. “Besides I want to feel you nut in me at least once.”

“I think that can be arranged.” He says with a grin.

“But not every time. I want you to cum on me also.” I say.

He doesn’t reply. He just parts my knees gently. I comply and open my legs, exposing my dripping wet cunt. But he doesn’t put his dick in it right away like I expected. No, instead I experience something I never knew I wanted to experience u til now. The full intense, overwhelming, pleasure of being eaten out.

My head goes back and my back arches deeply. My hand instinctively find the top of his hair and grips his hair tightly. I’m unable to form words at all, only groans and moans and some contorted sound close to verbal communication. But what I can do is guide his eager tongue to the spots I like most.

“You like it here?” He pants and I groan. “Like this?” He asks and I cry out in pleasure. “Fuck you taste so fucking good baby.

He finds the exact spot. I can’t let him move. This is the one that feels best. But I know it can feel better. I’m still not able to make words so I slap my thigh and he turns his eyes. I wiggle my middle finger. He smiles.

“I got you baby,” he says without removing his mouth of tongue from my new pussy.

Seconds later I feel his thick finger slip deeply in my hole. A hole that has felt so insanely empty this hole time. A cavity that has just wanted to be filled. And now that it is, it wants more.

I let him lick and finger me for a few minutes, until my craving is out of control. I reach down with both hands and pull his face from my pussy.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, almost concerned.

“I want your cock!” I cry out in a pant. He smiles.

“How badly?”

“Please fuck me!!!” I beg and he obliges.

He climbs up my body kissing it slowly as he does until he’s at my mouth. I purse my lips. He pulls back and looks at me confused.

“There’s still cum in my mouth.”

“Girl I’ve tasted my cum before.” He says then plunges his tongue into my mouth while he lines up his cock.

What happens next goes so slowly, in reality it likely only takes two to three seconds but for me time has all but stopped.

He didn’t pull his foreskin back before pushing his cock inside me. That surprises me, I always did I mean do that, but knowing how good it feels this way, I never will again.

Because the head is still covered his cock is blunt as it presses past my tight opening, forcing it to stretch immediately. I arch my back and gasp but he grabs my hair and forces me to keep eye contact with him. The pressure of him entering me starts at my pussy but slowly, achingly slowly, spreads into my vagina as he slips easily inside. He slips up above my cervix and into my abdominal cavity along the back side of my clitoris until I feel him stretching my entire insides out.

I’ve never felt anything like this. I feel so fragile and submissive while simultaneously feeling invincible. Here is this man, twice my size, five times as strong, holding me down and shoving his very long very thick cock deep inside my super sensitive vagina, so deep my organs are pushed aside. And I’m begging for more. And he’s happy and eager to give me what I want

Face up, face down, me on top, him on top, him on the side, basically any position you imagine and he fucks me in it. Except anal, I could, and at this point probably would, give him that as a man, this is about worshipping his cock as a girl.

At one point the headboard cracks as he slams his cock in me from behind so hard I have to put my hand on the headboard to keep from being driven into it. I think back to the story of the broken headboard and how it scared me to think of getting fucked that had, now here I am doing it and I want it even harder.

He fucks me so hard sometimes that when he’s done and nutting either in me or on me somewhere, I can barely move. Yet, every time he pulls his dick out of me, all I want is for him to put it back in. I never want this night to end. I don’t want to go back to being Andrew the kit man, I want to stay sandy the fuck toy. And not just Ian’s fuck toy. I’m already going down a list of guys on the team I want to do this with. Or I could drink the other bottle next weekend, go down to the pub, and let all the lads there run me through. That would be amazing.

I sit here against the cracked headboard, my body, now drenched in sweat and semen, trembles and shutters as I lift a cigarette to my lips and look at Ian sleeping. I know it can’t take anymore, I can’t take anymore, Ian can’t take anymore, but I want more. Even after ten straight hours I want more. When his second blue pill wore off an hour ago he resorted to finger blasting me over and over until his body was drained of all energy.

I know now it’s time for the final and worst part of the tradition. After that first night, with the girl I’m emulating, he woke up to a half smoked slim menthol in a glass on his nightstand and no girl, her coat and underwear in the pile he threw them. I grab my room key from the coat pocket and look over at him.

This man, this big strong, larger than life man, lays there looking almost helpless, like a little boy. So fragile and vulnerable. Drained of life by me. It makes me smile. I walk over and lean down and kiss his cheek.

“Thank you for the best night of my life, I’ll never forget it.” I whisper.

It’s part of the script but it’s also very true. With that I turn and leave. Walking down the hall to my room wearing nothing but his cum, I don’t feel exposed or degraded, I feel empowered, I feel honored. I did this for the team, for Ian, and for myself. I’m wearing this like a badge of honor. And secretly hoping just one guy sees me and wants to add his own.

The change back was is just as intense as the change into a girl, but it happens in the shower which helps. A lot. As my vagina shrinks down and eventually becomes a cock and balls again, all of the cum that was inside of me gets expelled out onto the shower floor. There was so much in there. So much more than I thought. The smell fills the shower stall and all I want is to be back in his bed again. But I know I never will be, which is hard to deal with in the moment.

Over the next few days, as my hormones return to normal, that feeling gets easier to deal with, and the urge to fuck every guy I know lessens, but neither has fully gone away yet. The knights won the championship by three goals, three of the five Ian scored that day. I couldn’t help but swell a bit with pride as he had the best match of his long iconic career. The media and analysts said it was just a much easier team than he was used to playing but I know it was my sorry Sandy’s pussy that gave him that strength.

We made it home yesterday and they held the parade today, but I’m back at my station in the locker room, cleaning the uniforms and getting the lockers set for the gala this weekend.

“There you are.” Ian says from behind me.

He walks into the locker room wearing a full suit and tie holding a small wooden box. My heart races when I see him. Immediately my brain fills with the memories of that night.

“Hello Mr. Grant, congratulations on the win.” I say timidly.

“Andrew, my boy, I told you, call me Ian.” He says. “And I think some of that congratulations belongs to you.”

“To me sir?”

“Yes to you sir. With out you I wouldn’t have gotten my present.” He says. He paces the floor reminiscing, with a big smile. “God Andrew, that girl … anyway, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have had my mind so clear and my body so tuned up that I could have had the best game of my career.”

“It was nothing. I just did what I was asked. What the team needed.” I reply hiding my blushing.

Truth is yes I did it for the team but I kept going for myself. God how I want to be with him again. I’ve never had a lover like that.

“You did more than that. You got us to a new league after that win.” He says.

“What? Really?”

“They’re announcing it at the gala this weekend. But I wanted to tell you first.” He holds out the wooden box. “And to give you this.”

“What’s this?”

“Just a little thank you and …” he stops when I open it and he sees my eyes widen. It makes him smile. “You see, I’m announcing my retirement this weekend and naming my successor as captain.”

“Is this?” I begin to ask.

“It is. And it’s all for you, no matter what you say to my next request.” He steps closer. “I’m naming Charles along as the new team captain and well, after the gala, to congratulate him I’d love to have him enjoy an evening with sandy just like I did.”

I barely hear what he’s saying. My eyes are fixed on the four shots of thick pink liquid.

“You know?”

“Who Sandy is? Yeah I figured it out when I saw the little mole on the back of your neck.” He says touching my neck with a chuckle.

“And you’re not mad?”

“Mad, hell, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. God that mouth, that’s literally how I was able to pull myself out of the game and just play, I was thinking about that mouth.”

“It was that good?”

“Yeah. That’s why there are four bottles in there.”

I look at him a bit confused. He takes one out.

“This is for the night of the gala with Charlie. The other three are for the rest of the weekend with me.” He pauses. “If you want.”

“If I want? It’s all I’ve been able to think about. I don’t know if I can wait until the weekend.” I admit. “I’ve never felt so alive as when you were inside me.” I whisper.

“Good then it’s settled. We both have a full calendar this weekend. I can’t wait to be in that mouth again.” He says and turns to walk away then stops. “Unless…”

“Unless?”

“Unless you want to go to my car right now. No chemicals, no changing, just you and me.

I swallow hard at the idea. I’m not gay. At all. But I’m not turning this down.

“Yes.” I say. I drop the towels in my hand and rush to his side.

As Alexis makes her way down the aisle Tyler’s grip around my waist tightens, pulling me closer to him. I can feel his breathing get sharp and shallow. God, the pain he must be in. I reach back and pull his other arm over my shoulder, but he pulls back and wraps it around my waist.

“It’s too much.” He whispers.

“I understand.” I whisper back.

As Alexis gets closer to us I reach up and back behind Tyler’s head and pull it down to my neck. I lean my head back against his.

“Better.” He whispers.

“Don’t cry. Don’t give her that satisfaction.” I say back. He responds by wrapping both arms tighter around me. I put my left hand on his arms. As Alexis passes I smile at her and hold my hand up to show her the ring. She growls a bit in frustration and Tyler laughs into my neck.

“You smell good by the way.” He says.

“Thank you.”

The ceremony is beautiful, a bit long and totally a flex for Alexis, but beautiful. The reception follows quickly after. From the moment Greg and Alexis join the party she keeps an eye on where Tyler and I are, we’re being all cuddly and lovey dovey to keep up appearances, and makes sure to keep her distance. Likely she knows what both of us will have to say to her if we get the chance.

Unfortunately, this breaks Tyler even more. What a fucking bitch. I go to the bar to get us a couple of drinks when Greg walks up.

“I guess congratulations are in order.” He says looking at the ring on my finger.

“Thanks, I should be saying that to you though.”

“True, but everyone is saying it to me so…”

“Well, a few people have said it to us as well.” I say back matching his energy.

“I guess I’m just shocked. I mean, given the fact that you two were broken up twenty-four hours ago and we had planned what we had planned last night.” He says.

“Was that a real plan or were you playing me like your wife played my fiance?”

“I deserve that.” He says and orders a beer when mine get dropped off. “It was a real plan. At least on my part. I was just as stunned as everyone when she stepped out.” He admits. Was it a real plan for you?”

“It was. Right up to the moment he gave me this ring.” I say and turn and look over at Tyler. “This was why we came here. We needed to test ourselves. He needed to know if he was over her fully and I needed to know I could have just one man for the rest of my life. Last night we both agreed that this is what we wanted.”

“And you’re happy?”

“Very.”

“Both of you?” He asks looking at Tyler’s distraught face.

“He is. He’s doing exactly what you would be doing had she not been there.” I say smugly.

“Not exactly what I would be doing. You’re still wearing that dress.” He says with a wink and walks away with one of my beers.

I wait for the other beer to come and head back to Tyler and hand it to him.

“Why are we here?” I ask him.

“What do you mean?”

“You came here to see if she would follow through, she did. Nothing more for us to do here other than watch them celebrate, which I have zero desire to do. Let’s get out of here.” I say.

“I just want to congratulate her first.”

“She’s not gonna let you. She doesn’t want to talk to you today. You have all week to congratulate her.”

“Don’t remind me. Why did I agree to stay another week?”

“You’re whipped.” I say and laugh

“Fuck you asshole.”

Seriously though, let’s finish these beers and head to the island. There’s still hours of sunlight left. If we play our cards right, by the time the luau starts we’ll have somewhere warm and wet for you to stick your dick.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do. Chug. You need it.”

We drink our beers quickly, grab two shots each, then another beer for the journey, and head back to the bungalow to change and head to the island.

When I get out of the bathroom Tyler is just sitting on the bed, in his swim trunks, looking at his phone. His face looks so sad and hurt.

“She blocked me,” he begins, “on everything.”

“Good. She beat you to it.”

“Don’t say that.” He says his eyes almost full of tears. I walk over and kneel on the floor beside th bed. I put my hand on his knee.

“Look at me. You’re much better off. She was just gonna play with your heart and keep you on her leash forever.”

“No. She loves me. I know she does.”

“In her way yes. But the love you want, the love you deserve, she isn’t capable of that. She’s proven that time and again.”

“God I’m an idiot. I wasted my entire adult life chasing after her and she didn’t even care.” He says.

“She may have. She probably still does. Likely this is just what she needs to move on. Which is what you need to do.” I say looking in his eyes. “Lets go help that along.”

“You go. I’m staying here. There’s no way I can get a girl like this. Wouldn’t even know what to do if I did. Maybe tomorrow.” He sulks

“Nope. You need it today. If ever there was someone in need of a blowjob it’s you.” I say. I stand up and reach out for his hand. He sighs.

“I’m serious. I’m really not in the mood to go try and hit on anyone.”

“I told you. I’ll do all the work. You just gotta be ready when she says yes.”I grab his hand and try to lift him but he pulls away.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do. And yes I need it. And I was ready to go but then this just. I don’t know. It fucked me up. I really don’t think I could.” He says then mumbles. “I wonder if she blocked my back up account too.”

“Nope.” I say yanking the phone from his hand. “You’re definitely not doing that. If you don’t want to go to the island that’s fine. Well hang out here or something but you’re not gonna try and message her.” I say as I walk over and set the phone on the dresser.

“You’re right.” He says and lays back on the bed. “Fuck I hate feeling like this.”

I turn and see him lying there. He’s so sad and so hurt. I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact that I hate seeing him like this but I get an idea. A terrible idea. Or a great one. No it’s terrible. I can’t. But it’s not like I haven’t. But it’s Tyler. But he needs it. Honestly, I kind of do too. I can’t. I shouldn’t. Fuck it.

I take off my top, grab a scrunchie from the dresser, walk back over by the bed, climb on him straddling him and hold my hands out.

“What the?” He says startled

“Give me your hands.” I say but don’t give him a chance to say no. I put his hands on my breasts and hold them there.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Helping you feel better.” I say. I lean forward and start rolling my hips to grind on his cock. He starts breathing heavier.

“Erin.”

“Shhh. Don’t give me a reason to change my mind.” I say grinding harder. I reach down and pull the draw string on his shorts untying them.

“What exactly do you have planned?” He asks. He starts massaging my tits. I feel him getting hard under me.

“Whatever it takes.” I say. I start to put my hair in a ponytail.

“We can’t. You can’t.”

“Yes I can. I want to. You’re my best friend and need what I can offer. Please.” I beg

“This is such a bad idea.” He says. I reach between my legs and squeeze his hard cock through his shorts. He lets out a deep groan.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like you’re totally against it.” I say.

“What about after? What about when you’re Eric?” He asks. I move his dick to between my lips and rock my hips forward and back.

“I’m trying not to think that far ahead.” I pant out. “Do you want me to stop?”

“I don’t know.” He replies.

“You don’t know?”

“No. I don’t. I mean I do know. I don’t want you to stop but I also don’t want things to be weird.” He admits. I begin to slide down his body and pull his shorts down at the same time

“Let me worry about that.” I say. I get to the floor kneeling in front of him. I remove his trunks completely and toss them to the side. “Would it help if you laid back, with your eyes closed, pretending it was someone else? Or if you want to watch porn I can grab your phone. I promise, I won’t be offended.” I say.

“I just want you to be sure you want to do this.”

“I’m okay with it.” I say. I settle down onto my legs then put my hands on his knees and gently pull them apart before I lean up a bit.

And just like that there they are, less than a foot from my face, Tyler’s cock and balls. Fuck he’s so hard. But unlike Michael it doesn’t stand straight up, it’s against his chest. It’s so wide at the base but thinner at the head. I can’t help but realize how perfect it is, how good it would feel inside me. Fuck, why does he have to have a perfect cock? Why couldn’t it be Michael or Phillip? I’d gladly ride one of them again just to feel how this would feel. I run my hands up and down his hairy thighs, each time getting closer. Fuck it even smells good. I feel the heat of his balls on my hands.

“It’s okay, if you can’t…”

I don’t let him finish. I can’t let him talk me out of this. I take it in my hand and in one motion lift it up, lean forward, and take it to the base. He lets out a deep groan.

I hold there for a second letting it sink in that his cock is in my throat. I’m sucking Tyler’s dick. I have to. I can’t turn back now. God it’s so nice. It fits perfect. I’m not even gagging. I roll my tongue a bit making him groan again. His hand grips the top of my head.

I slide my body up closer to him, I’m between his legs, before I raise up sucking ever so slightly. Just as I reach the tip I increase the suction and go back down. My goal isn’t to enjoy this, though I kind of am, or even just to make him cum. I want to scramble his brain and make him forget her.

“Oh fuck Erin. Just like that.” He groans. I look up at him. He’s not laid back, he’s not got his eyes closed. He’s watching. He’s got both hands on my head and he’s watching me suck his dick. I quickly close my eyes. “No. No. Look at me. I want you to look at me.” He says. I open my eyes. “You look so good with my dick in your mouth.”

Oh fuck, why did he say that? That just makes me want to suck it harder. It makes me want to show off my skills for him, and I do. He can only take it for a few minutes before he sits up, lifts me up like a paper doll, and lay me on the bed. In a quick fluid motion he unties my bikini bottom and flings it across the room.

Before I know what’s happening, my legs are pressed against my chest, his hands are grabbing my ass, and his tongue is exploring my dripping wet pussy. Every inch, every fold, every inch is locked and enjoyed by him. My body can barely take this level of pleasure, I’m writhing on the bed moaning like a banshee.

My hand flail about reaching for something, anything, I can grip and pull for traction. I end up pulling the sheets out from their neatly tucked position as I scream with pleasure. My hips rock in time with each pleasure filled swipe of his tongue. Fuck, I’ve never felt anything like this. It’s so intense, so amazing. I don’t think I can take much more.

As if he can sense my near loss of control, as quickly as he started, Tyler stops eating me out and begins kissing his way up my body, stopping briefly to suck my nipples sending waves of pleasure throughout my body. Though his tongue is no longer between my legs, his fingers have begun their own exploration of my pussy, especially my hard swollen clit. I can’t stop moaning and groaning.

He finally silences me with a long, wet, sultry, and passionate kiss. I can taste myself on his tongue as I’m sure he can taste himself on mine.

He breaks the kiss and sits up while he slowly rolls his hips forward pushing his cock deeper and deeper inside me causing me to groan and gasp at the same time. The sound I make is so visceral and guttural, totally beyond my control.

“Look at me, look in my eyes.” He groans as his cock moves in and out of me in an amazingly pleasurable speed and rhythm. Fuck, why does his cock have to be so perfect? Why does he have to be so good with it? Jesus, how could Alexis give this up? He’s not even done and I’m already wanting more.

“More. I want more.” I urge and he complies, bringing up the speed and force of each thrust. “Deeper. Go deeper. I want your cock in my chest.” I cry out.

“You likely cock?”

“God yes. It’s so… oh fuck. Fuck me please never stop fucking me.” I beg which makes him smile and begin thrusting as hard and deep and fast as he can.

“Fuck. I can’t take it.” He says after a moment, suddenly pulling out and jerking himself off over me.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t want to cum inside you.”

“I can’t get pregnant.” I urge and he stops.

“You want me to cum inside you?” He asks in the most seductive way possible

“More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.” He smirks, grabs my hips, and yanks my body up off the bed and onto his cock. He begins fucking me faster and harder, my tits rolling and jiggling. His thumb rests on and makes circles around my clit. That’s when I feel it. A build up of electricity that starts inside my pussy then moves to my clit then suddenly explodes throughout my entire body causing it to start convulsing. My eyes roll into my head, and I let out a deep gutural groan as my glut and pussy twitch and throb on his cock causing it to explode and fill my insides with the biggest load of cum I’ve ever felt.

He releases his grip on my hips and I fall to the bed. He collapses on his back beside me panting and twitching.

“Holy fuck.” He finally pants out. I laugh, still trying to catch my breath.

“How long have you wanted to do that?” I ask turning my head to look at him. He’s drenched in sweat and has a face of pure ecstasy. He chuckles

“The first time I saw you like this I imagined what it would be like.” He admits. I roll over onto my side.

“So because of stupid hang ups from both of us we’ve been here doing our own things when we could’ve been doing that over and over all week?” I say and he laughs.

“Pretty much.”

“Well, you owe me a weeks worth of that. I can’t believe I wasted it on those lame ass guys when this, this perfect cock, was here the whole time.” I say.

“Shut up it’s not that great.”

“You made me cum.”

“So?”

“They didn’t.” I say and climb on him. “I want it again.”

“Jesus, I created a monster.” He says and rolls me back on to the bed and starts kissing my neck. I growl.

I lose count of how many times we fuck. All afternoon and well into the night. Every position you can imagine and they all feel better than the last. We keep fucking until we’re too exhausted to go on. And then we do what we haven’t done this whole trip, we sleep. It’s deep and sound and lasts for well over eight hours.

As the sun peeks in and wakes me, I am once again in his arms, but this time it’s different. This time his hands are holding my bare body. This time his cock is pressed against me and I know I enjoy it. I look and see I have at least an hour before the alarm goes off and I’m not wasting a second of it. I roll over and ride his perfect cock again.

Were the first of the group to arrive at breakfast, barely able to keep our hands off each other. After a few minutes longer of waiting than expected I see Abigail and Jake coming across towards the table. They’re dressed comfortably and dragging their luggage. They sit down with smiles.

“You two disappeared early last night. Judging by your face I can assume why.” Abigail says to me with a wink. I just blush.

“You two heading back?” Tyler asks

“Yeah. This place is an arm and a leg. Can’t afford another day.” Jake says.

“So you’re not staying the week with everyone?” I ask. Abigail gets a confused look.

“Who else is staying? I’m pretty sure most everyone checked out already. We just got a later flight. We wanted to sleep in. Weddings am I right?” She says with a wink.

“Everyone? Even Alexis and Greg?” Tyler ask.

“They left after the reception. We all did a big send off.” Jake replies. “Oh but you weren’t there for that.”

“But they had the bridal suite…” Tyler says confused. I’m not confused. I know what happened. She fucked him over one last time.

“Yeah, it was part of the package, but a place to get ready.” Abigail says then has th same realization. “She didn’t…” I nod and she slaps Jake.

“Ow. What was that for?”

“Your bitch if a sister-in-law. She tricked them into booking another week.” Abigail tells her husband.

“Look, I didn’t marry her. I hate her more than you. Don’t go blaming me for her shit otherwise it’s gonna be a long hard marriage.” He replies.

“Guys, I’m so sorry. Maybe you can get a refund or…” I hold up my hand.

“It’s okay. I expect nothing less from her jealous ass. She just got pissed that this is mine and not hers.” I say and show my ring.

“Shut up!” Abigail exclaims and yanks my hand over to look then runs around the table and gives me a huge hug. “I’m so happy for you.” She breaks th hug and embraces Tyler. “Both of you. I was rooting for you the entire time.”

“Thank you so much.” I say

“Come on babe. Let’s grab some food from the buffet. We only got a few minutes.” Jake says and they head inside. Immediately I turn to Tyler and put my hand on his thigh.

“Are you okay?” I ask him.

“Not really.”

“I’m sorry. God she just…”

“She’s a fucking bitch.” He interrupts. “I can’t believe I let her do this again. And again it fucks you over. I’ll see if I can refund the rest of this week. We can go home.”

“Or.” I say. He looks at me. “We could stay and play engaged couple for a week.” He looks more confused. “Look, we have this bungalow that we’ve only used to sleep in. We’re at this beautiful resort that we have barely done anything. You absolutely need to date someone that it’s meaningless so you can get over her. How is this not the perfect scenario?”

“What? You want to stay here and keep pretending we’re a couple?” He asks.

“No. I want to stay here and be a couple, at least act like a real couple, for a week. A vacation from reality. Then we go home and go on with our lives.” I say.

“I don’t know. Is that a good idea? I don’t want to cross a line we can’t uncross.”

“Pretty sure we already did that. Several times. And I’m pretty sure even if we leave tomorrow we’re gonna do it several more.”

“Definitely.” He interjects with a smile.

“It’ll be fun and exactly what we both need. I can just be a girl for a week, no holding back, you can have a rebound girlfriend. And at the end of the week it’s over.”

I was right that it was fun. Very fun. We did everything the resort had to offer. And the sex? God, the sex was just better and better each time. We actually met a couple there, one who lives in our town. We hinted at swapping while there but never did. We made plans to go to shows and things back home. That’s why I haven’t changed back yet. At least that’s what we’ve told ourselves.

We’ve been home for three weeks now, Which means we’ve been living as a couple for about a month. It’s honestly the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been through in. He’s very kind and affectionate, he is caring and thoughtful, he’s attentive and selfless.

I’m standing naked in front of the mirror in our Tyler’s bathroom. Well, I’ve been calling it our bathroom. I haven’t slept in my bed since we got home, but tomorrow that changes, tomorrow is my appointment to take the reversal pill. I’m taking off my make up, Tyler took me on one last date, when he walks in the room and stops in the doorway. I look at his reflection and smile.

“You ready for tomorrow?” I ask. “Ready to get your best friend back?” He walks up and wraps his arms around me hugging me. He kisses my neck.

“You’ve never left.” He says. I smile and scratch his head.

“You’re sweet. But you know what I mean.”

“I do. But what if you don’t yet? Change back I mean.” He suggests. I turn to face him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Tyler we can’t keep putting it off. It’s not gonna make it any easier.”

“I’m not saying put it off. I’m saying don’t do it. Stay like this.” I smile.

“It has been pretty amazing, but that’s what vacations are, short, amazing breaks from life. But we have to get back to reality eventually.”

“Who’s to say we can’t make this reality, make the old life the vacation?” He asks and kisses me softly.

“And what, just keep going on pretending we’re a couple in love, like Eric just was a charade?” I ask softly.

“I stopped pretending weeks ago.” He says, putting his hand on my cheek.

“What do you mean?” My eyes are locked to his.

“Im in love with you Erin. Deeply, passionately, and madly in love with you.” I’m not sure what I expected him to say but I don’t think it was that. Or maybe it was because I’m not exactly shocked by it. More of disbelief.

“You can’t be in love with me Tyler. I’m not real. This isn’t real.”

“You’re very real. This may not be the body you were born into, but everything else, everything I’m in love with, that’s real.” He leans in for a kiss but I stop him.

“So if I were Eric right now, you’d still be in love with me?”

“I don’t know. Probably but also I’m not gay.”

“Exactly,” I exclaim, “you’re not in love with me.”

“Yes I am. Madly. And I think you feel the same way.” He says running his thumb along my jaw line.

“Of course I do. But I’m raging with hormones from this pill, I have been for months, and you’re rebounding from the longest and worst break up in history. We’re not in love. We’re confused.” I rationalize.

“I’m not confused at all.”

“Well I am. Extremely so.” I say. His proposal. It makes so much sense, but at the same time makes no sense. I know we would be happy, we are happy. But how long will it last? At what point will he say he was wrong?

“I don’t know what you want me to do, because I can’t imagine not waking up next to you every morning.” He says. I smile at him while holding back tears of joy and sadness.

“I want you to make love to me one last time. I want you to make me feel as soft, and feminine, and beautiful, and loved as you can. Then tomorrow, I want you to take me to the clinic and let me change back then we just go from there. You date other girls, I date other girls. We let the hormones subside, let your desire to be loved so badly subside, and if we still feel this way, we go from there.”

And that’s exactly what we did. For a few months. But I really truly was in love with him and he was with me. We both tried to pretend things were normal but one night the feelings took over and we had sex. I never thought I’d say I enjoyed anal sex but I really needed him inside me again and, as Eric, it was the only way. It was good but vaginal is much better, and though he was willing to do it, Tyler does not enjoy sucking dick as much as I do.

We immediately called the clinic to set up getting me a new pill, with a few alterations, which meant we had to live as a gay couple for a few months. It actually was a good thing, helped us ease the idea of me changing permanently to our parents.

That was almost forty years ago to this day. I lost Tyler a few years back to cancer, but we had an amazing life. We had three kids, the most important alteration to my pill, and seven grandkids, so far. And I may have a great grandkid on the way. X-change was eventually made illegal in most countries, the scandal in Hollywood lasted for years. So many celebrities and pop stars were x-changers. My oldest, Abby, she is the only one of our kids who learned of me and Tyler’s true love story. I told her after he passed. I look in my hand at the little blue pill she brought back for me from Asia. Could I even be Eric again after all these years? Would I want to? Sure I became Erin for Tyler and he’s gone but …. I just don’t know.