u/llnmd

I started using dating apps to explore and meet people i talked to multiple guys but I always say no to hookups even though i want to lose my virginity the reason is that can’t trust random people online .

So i take my time to know the person before meeting them and there was that guy who i found very attractive and my type and i enjoyed conversation with him and he admitted to me that he was virgin i was so shocked because he’s really good looking and seemed confident over text.
I decided to give him a chance when i first met him in person he was really shy i thought it was cute and i kissed him at the end of the date we met like two times after that once at park then at his house we did only cuddle and kiss tho.

He asked if i wanted to do more i said no cuz i wasn’t prepared that time after that we started dirty texting he got me really horny and excited to see him he told me that he wants to eat me out and to pleasure me.

Before seeing him i shaved my whole body and I was 100% ready to do it when i went to his house he was like weird to me he seemed sad i couldn’t understand him but he still kissed me and i removed my clothes he did only remove his shirt.

We were still cuddling at the point he left the room not once but twice without saying a word I was like wtf then comes back normal I was still waiting for him to do the thing he told he would I touched myself then stopped before he enters the room and when he came back to the bed I told him to lick my finger he was like no that’s unhygienic and said let’s do something else .

I was so shocked and I felt lied to so i eventually cut him off after that.

Im a 19F virgin went on second date with a guy who’s inexperienced too. Before the date I was really excited to meet him because we texted a lot and I was curious about him.

We went to the park, I was in his arms we talked a bit and we were being touchy I did let him touch my boobs and he lifted my shirt but I didn’t feel anything not even nervous.

I did notice though that he was hard the whole time cuz he was putting his jacket on his lap and didn’t want to move it. So I sat on his lap and he got clearly nervous and kept asking if I was comfortable and I couldn’t have a conversation with him because he started spouting nonsense haha but he was also breathing heavily (the part i liked actually lol) I tried to kiss him but it was bad he kissed way better last time.

I corrected him and told him how to do it but he stopped trying after that and didn’t move his lips and kept his eyes open, that made me unhappy so I stopped trying to kiss him and we just cuddled.

I wasn’t much happy my last ex had me overthinking that I wasn’t asexual and this is a similar situation. So i decided to block him when go home and I was so happy when the date ended, but when I went to the bathroom my panties were soaking wet my finger did slide so easily inside (i never fingered myself before i usually just dj myself)

And it’s the same thing the morning after 😭 im wandering what is that reaction was I really turned on by him? And why i can’t feel pleasure when he touches me?

I grew up in a third world country where intimacy was associated with a lot of shame and fear.My religious parents never taught me anything about my body or intimacy. I discovered what was sex at like 13 from school but avoided thinking about it for years.

I moved like two years ago in another country and I was shocked by the difference and how open are people there. It was normal to kiss in the streets and be intimate before marriage while I was taught from my mother that it’s such a sin that will ruin my future and reputation and afterlife too. I was shocked too that people from my religion do it too i judged them at the time.

Anyway after seeing life I started to rethink about my beliefs and decided to make my own choices. After a lot of thinking, I left that toxic religion last year without telling my parents and my personality changed 100% i became more confident and outgoing and got rid of the shameful ideas I had.

At the same time I got furious about how i wasted my teen years and never got in a relationship even tho i had multiple guys confessing to me and wanting me but i was scared of my parents finding out. My first relationship was with a girl cuz i was still afraid at the time but wanted to explore in a safe way for me i actually liked her but she was virgin too and was scared more than me. She didn’t even want to makeout with me so we only did simple kisses and cuddles. I got tired cuz she was cold with me and i didn’t feel loved so I told her the truth and we broke up.

I gained some confidence from the relationship because i finally had my first kiss but i lost some too because whenever i tried to be intimate with my ex she freezes and it made me feel like i was forcing myself on her. I told my friend about that and she told me that I shouldn’t feel like that with the person im dating and advised me to try dating apps.

I downloaded one three weeks ago got tons of matches I was really happy but i didn’t plan to actually date a guy from the app I just wanted to try stuff only, i didn’t want to feel trapped like i did in my last relationship. I don’t like texting and many guys don’t make effort it did piss me but i managed to go on dates i didn’t like most of them.

There is one guy i did find cute and also he was different from the others he was caring and very kind i was really excited. I wanted to lose my virginity with him after that i discovered he was virgin too i wanted to try with someone experienced but still met him. On the date he was nervous so i made the first move i started kissing him in the park and i did like that but wasn’t turned on much.

I decided to keep the guy anyway and see how i feel around him. I bought a dildo because i didn’t want my first time to hurt , i was so excited to use but got my period the morning after so i waited. Yesterday, i tried it for the first time i had to wait for my family members to sleep and i don’t have my own room so i went to the bathroom. It’s really risky thing for me because i have crazy parents after that i couldn’t get in the mood but tried to inset it anyway. Only half of the tip went in and i wasn’t comfortable at all i stopped i had the control and that made me think: what if i was with a guy and didn’t feel comfortable or ready and told him to stop but he doesn’t listen or stops then ghost me.

I would feel miserable if that happens to me. I didn’t want to brag about my first time and make it special i said i won’t care with who it will be, but now I think it matters. It should be with someone who respects you and turns you on, someone who will stay with you after not leave when it’s over.

Maybe someone needs to hear this but don’t put pressure on yourself like I did and don’t compare yourself to other people’s lives or to porn.

I still want to explore and learn about myself, but now I’m doing it because I’m curious and I will wait for the right person!