Is Solo De-Collaring a thing?
For context, I (32F) was in a D/s dynamic with my Dom/Sir (33M). We’ve known each other since we were teenagers and always had a strong connection, but timing kept getting in the way. We reconnected a two years ago and explored kink together. I had more experience, he was more vanilla with sprinkles, but we naturally fell into our roles and built something really meaningful both inside and outside the dynamic. He even made two collars for me by hand.
Things ended last year because of a personal goal I had set for myself, but it wasn’t abrupt. We had many conversations leading up to it and even had a final goodbye weekend. We reconnected as friends in the fall and quickly fell back into our connection. We made plans to see each other again once my goal was complete and discussed easing back into things naturally, including whether or not to bring the collar. We decided it was better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. He ended up placing it on me that weekend, and it felt very intentional and emotionally significant for both of us.
Afterward, I found out he had been seeing someone else. I wasn’t upset that he was dating, I just wish I had known. I could feel something was off, but I was repeatedly reassured otherwise. Fast forward to now, and he’s officially made her his girlfriend. Two months ago today, we were together with him collaring me again, and now I feel completely abandoned and emotionally left behind.
We’ve talked since, but nothing has felt like a clear ending or true closure. He’s moving forward nurturing something new, and I’m struggling with how to emotionally reclaim myself after feeling so deeply connected and belonging to someone in that way.
So I guess my question is, has anyone experienced something similar? How do you start separating your identity and sense of belonging from a dynamic that meant so much to you? And how do you finally put the collar away?
TLTR: D/S dynamic that involved collaring ended abruptly because he moved on to someone else. I need to “de-collar”, claim myself again and not sure how Or where to start