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u/love-mad

▲ 11 r/CuckoldPsychology

Friends with the bull - do cucks bear more emotional burden?

This came up in a discussion in a small local community of cucks, hotwives and bulls that I'm in. Sometimes, a couple will form a three way friendship with the bull, that exists beyond the cuck dynamic. In the context of that friendship, it's respectful, they hang out together as friends, regardless of what happens in the bedroom. I have this with both my wife's boyfriends.

But, I think it takes far more emotional work for the cuck to maintain and exist in this friendship, than it does for the wife or bull. Switching from being the submissive, especially if there's humiliation or degradation involved, to interacting as an equal with the two of them, and especially the bull, requires an enormous amount of emotional work to not slip back into the submissive role. In contrast, it's much easier for the wife and bull to separate and switch between the two, they don't have to do a lot of emotional work to view and treat the cuck as an equal.

Am I wrong? I'm particularly interested in hearing from any bulls that have this kind of dynamic, if they find it hard to maintain the separation and switch between the two contexts?

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u/love-mad — 2 days ago
▲ 26 r/CuckoldPsychology

How do I find a woman that will cuck me? This question comes up a lot, and every time, I end up typing a lot in response. Generally, my response is one of the highest upvoted answers, for example, here and here. So, I'm creating this post so instead of typing, I can just link to it.

The first thing you should do is turn this question around on yourself, and think about what cuckolding is, especially to someone who might not be familiar with this lifestyle. To a woman unfamiliar with this lifestyle, cuckolding is being horrible to someone. It's saying "I deserve things that you don't, and I'm going to take them and rub your face in it." If you were looking for a serious relationship, and you matched with someone on a dating app, and they proposed to you that you treat them like shit... would that be interesting to you? I'm guessing not. That's not something anyone interested in finding the love of their life is interested in, that's the opposite of finding someone to love, that's how to find someone to hate. When you tell someone early in the dating phase that you want them to cuck you, that's what you sound like to them. Is that an attractive proposition? No.

It's not that there aren't women out there that will cuck you, there are plenty. But if you approach it with them in a way where it sounds like you're asking them to be a horrible person, they will never pursue a relationship with you.

Here's a truth about cuckolding that you will never ever see in porn. Cuckolding is built on trust. Do I mean that the husband trusts the wife that she's not going to leave him? No. That's only half the trust. The wife must also trust the husband. She loves him. She doesn't want to hurt him. She wants to build him up and she wants him to be happy. So, if she's going to do things that, on the outside, are horrible, she needs to trust that it won't hurt him. She needs to trust that he will speak up if something does hurt him. She needs to trust that he won't turn her actions around back on her and tell her that she's a horrible person. Building that trust up takes time. This is why it almost never works out to start a relationship with cuckolding, and why leading with a cuckold proposition will never work.

And, even if a woman is already into cuckolding before you meet her - if she's looking for the love of her life, she's not going to want someone who is only interested in cuckolding. That's just sex. Having a life partner is soooooo much bigger than sex. She wants a rounded human being. No one wants someone that is just going to treat them as a kink dispenser. Bringing up your kink early on when dating sends a message that you are only interested in a kink dispenser, and no woman wants to be that.

Ok, so you understand that you're looking for a relationship, and that the relationship, not cuckolding, is the most important thing, so you need to first and foremost be focused on finding someone who you will love and who will love you. But still, you really do want to explore cuckolding, and you don't want to wait until you have a solid trusting relationship to discover that she's not interested. Here's the thing - every sexual dynamic is unique. The same person with different partners will have a completely different sexual dynamic with each of those partners. This is one of the beautiful things about human relationships, it brings such a diversity to humanity! Trying to box that in to one particular dynamic from the outset is not the way to find a fulfilling sexual dynamic with someone. You might want that, but that's not how relationships work in reality.

Early in my relationship with my wife, I wanted to do polyamory with her. She had been polyamorous before she met me, but she didn't want that anymore. Rather than focus on that, and focus on how to get her to be polyamorous with me, I started focusing on what we had in common. What were our mutual interests? What dynamics could we explore that we both enjoyed and wanted? We tried a few different things, almost did swinging but I pulled the plug on that because I realised it really wasn't what I wanted. And that's when we stumbled upon cuckolding. And I loved it. Exploring cuckolding with my wife has been such a joy for me. By being open to exploring together, rather than having a set goal for a particular dynamic, I managed to find a dynamic that has been incredibly fulfilling for me (and my wife).

This is the attitude anyone should take when they are interested in any sexual dynamic, including cuckolding. Don't chase the dynamic. Chase the mutual desires. Explore what works for the two of you, be open minded, experiment, try new and interesting things. You might end up at cuckolding, you might not, but whatever happens, if you both are committed to finding a dynamic that brings you both satisfaction, you'll end up with something beautiful.

So, my advice, if you're looking for a new relationship and want cuckolding to be part of that relationship, is don't look for someone who will cuck you. Look for someone who will explore the wide world of sexuality with you. Someone who is open to the idea of kink and/or ENM (they don't have to be actively participating in either, they just have to respond to them with curiosity). There are plenty of women out there who are interested in exploring their sexuality. You can tell them, once you've started exploring, that you're interested in cuckolding, and if they reciprocate interest, then explore that together. But whether they do explore that with you or not, doesn't really matter, because if you're both committed to finding a dynamic that works for both of you, you'll end up satisfied.

Finally, I do want to make clear, it is possible to find someone who will cuck you from the outset. There's even a dating service out there run by Venus Cuckoldress called Venus Connections for people looking for exactly this. I'm not saying it's impossible to find it. But dating is a numbers game, whether you're looking to be cucked or not. And, the numbers when you're looking to be cucked are stacked heavily against you. To increase those numbers, you need to be a little more open minded.

u/love-mad — 26 days ago